Jason Steele: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 02:10, 11 August 2013

Jason Steele is the founder and sole contributor to the website FilmCow. “Wait,” you stupidly tell this article. “I don’t even know who that asshole is.”

File:Jason Steele.jpg

This is Jason. He's prescribing you a heaping dose of the Filmcow Master Collection, and various opiates.

Yeah, that asshole. Jason Steele is the writer and animator of the Charlie the Unicorn series, a shit collection of Flash movies 16 year-old girls get wet over. Though Jason Steele has made several lulzy films since then, Charlie is all he will ever be known for. An unfortunate side-effect of this internet fame is that he continues to make Charlie shorts even though each one is worse than the last.

Newgrounds

Originally, instead of uploading movies to youtube, Jason was forced to format his movies into a FLV format, inject them into Flash and upload them to Newgrounds. His movies consisted of massive, ongoing tributes to Newgrounds itself known as "Battle for the Portal", prototypes to his latter and more popular shorts and fought Knox for supremacy over King Of The Portal.

Jason has also been known for uploading content underneath multiple alt accounts, so if it appears as though there's content missing on his SecretAgentBob account, that's why. His alts are accounted for as the following:

The reason as to why he uses alts to begin with has no real explanation other than that he uses them for a self induced circle jerk, seriously, all of his accounts favorite each other's material and openly feeds praise to one another. Seriously...

Beyond that, there's not much more that could be said about Jason's presence on Newgrounds as he really did the smart thing and did relatively nothing to provoke negative attention.

Relationship with Knox

Jason and fellow indie filmmaker Robert "Knox" Benfer

File:Robert Benfer.jpg

Robert.

have an ongoing homosexual relationship that started when the two met on Newgrounds, back when Knox made somewhat funny claymation movies, before he started making retarded Tim and Eric shit. Jason Steele voiced the antagonist, King Womp, in Knox’s first full-length movie, “Klay World: Off the Table!” Knox then voiced Aurek in Jason’s short film “The Cloak". Jason had several parts lined up in films Knox talked about making (and got quite far into making, in the cases of “Joe Cam” and his Chinese Democracy tribute “Villain”) but eventually gave up on. ~~Knox has since been featured in none of Jason’s other films, possibly because of this~~ scratch that, Knox is one of the main characters in the ultra fail film "Nick: The Movie", see below for more details.

Knoxkast

In 2006, Jason and Robert started a podcast together, “Knoxkast Radio“. The first episode consisted of them trying to read Hamlet and failing miserably before eventually getting bored and abandoning it. This act would set the pace for Robert’s career, but simultaneously introduce Robert’s fans to the then-unknown Jason. These fans immediately recognized Robert’s comedic superiority and switched over to being FilmCow fans. This is why in every episode fan mail is read, half of them

File:Matt Books.jpg

This is Matt. Yes, you are going to be raped.

end with or consist entirely of “Jason is awesome, Knox sucks!”

After the first episode, subsequent ones boiled down to Jason saying something, Knox repeating it as a question, and Jason asking why the show is so terrible. Sometimes Jason had an idea which wouldn’t pan out, like movie reviews. Almost every episode Jason gave an in-depth review of some indie movie nobody gives a shit about, followed by Knox saying the name of an awful movie he saw that week and “I liked it.”

Knox’s bland delivery of no jokes drove Jason to pursue guests for the show. The long list includes:

Matt Books: The most prolific of the guests, Matt was featured in roughly a third of the episodes. Everyone (especially Matt) thinks he’s hilarious, but he couldn’t be farther from it. Sammie Penrod: Knox’s even more retarded friend. Does nothing but yell “HEY-OOHHHH!” In later episodes, Knox reveals sad truths about Sammie’s depressing situation, which strongly testifies about his likelihood to commit suicide. Patrick Snyder, aka Evil Knox: Hillbilly friend of Matt and Jason. Jason used Patrick to troll KKR listeners by pretending Patrick was Robert through an entire episode.

Gian Lanzefame:

File:Gian Lanzefame.jpg

Gian "I'm not from Mexico, I'm from Venezuela!" Lanzefame.

Annoying Mexican with no interest in the show. Was trolled to ultimate lulz by Matt and Patrick in Episode 20 until he ragequit. Some argue that until Episode 55, this was the only lulzy thing Matt ever did. Those people would be wrong, as Matt was only playing a part in a skit written by Jason, and technically was being as funny as anyone else could have been.

Meagan: Knox’s stupid girlfriend. Only interesting in the skit episodes.

Knoxkast Ends

In December 2009, Knox and Jason successfully trolled their fans by releasing Episode 75, the final episode of Knoxkast Radio over a year after they said they would, which was coincidentally the worst episode they’d ever done: A half-assed conclusion to their battle against the Twisty Treat empire. They didn’t even bother to edit it before maliciously shitting it into the mouths of 13 year-old boys everywhere. Fan edits were made and astronomical amounts of butthurt were reached and surpassed.

Chaos Pony

Chaos Pony is the podcast promised by Jason and Knox during the last handful of episodes of Knoxkast. To summarize, it's Knoxkast, only far more boring, has a much more lame name and is also equipped with scheduled segments. Basically, think of "Chaos Pony episode 1" as "Knoxkast episode 76". Additionally, they effectively chucked out Matt Brooks for Jason's fat cousin, Christopher Alex.

Scheduled Segments

Needless to say, removing the random nature out of Knoxkast and applying structure effectively kills any kind of potential for actual lulz in the show, making it the most bland thing they've ever done, if that's not too difficult to believe. Additionally, they effectively chucked out Matt Brooks for Jason's fat cousin, Christopher Alex.

Topic of the Week

Jason announces a random topic, summarizes it and despite being the week's topic, the cast never actually start discussing it beyond that point, making "Topic of the Week" the most pointless segment only second to...

Chris Counts to 1000

Basically put, Chris requested a segment of his own and being the lame asses that they were, Knox and Jason pinned him with the privilege of counting to 1000, to which Chris eventually utilizes this crappy segment to annoy his colleagues by pretending that he's actually going to count to fucking one thousand and then dropping the ball midway, because apparently listening to someone monotone up to 79 wasn't annoying enough already.

The Delightful and the Repugnant

The Delightful and the Repugnant is a segment in which Jason, Chris and Robert start talking about shit they like and shit they don't like, as if that wasn't what Knoxkast was all about anyways, now we have to have a segment specific to that one activity.

World News

Basically put, the cast looks up random MSN articles and start talking about it like talking about a guy getting nude and eating his own shit were the most fascinating thing ever.

Order of the Pony Update

Easily the most entertaining aspect of the show as it requires the most effort, but then again that's not saying much. Basically put, the Order of the Pony Update is a plotline for the show in which it turns out that Knox, Jason and Chris are now members of a "strange and destructive" cult called the "Order of the Pony". According to the plot, Jason started randomly receiving scrolls through a knothole in a tree while roaming around his backyard the other day and has been a member ever since. His job is to make announcements on the podcast for other members to hear. It is officially and actively the only skit available in the shows entirety.

Feature Length Films/Unfinished projects

Spatula Madness

Spatula Madness was originally a 15 minute long short film made for those crappy little film festivals that nobody goes to because they cater to the likes of Michael Snows' "Wavelength". After the fact, Jason decided to take the short film and make it into a feature film.

Unfortunately, the film took almost an entire decade to develop; it was rife with errors; the film had no discernible direction leading Jason to completely flesh out entire scenes in the movie only to end up chucking them out for newer ideas whenever they came to him on a whim; both the deleted and kept scenes were chalk full of random and unneeded bullshit going on in the background; bullshit of which he spent way too much time on as opposed to the actual film and the film was ultimately unfinished and abandoned like an unwanted crack baby.

Spatula Madness is the film career equivalency to Knox's "Villain", the difference being as where Knox was allegedly mugged for his money by the IRS and couldn't finish the film for that reason, Jason wasn't relying on funding at all; meaning that the film went on uncompleted on reasons of laziness rather than simple inability, making the film's fallout all the more unforgivable.

The original 15 minute short:

The FilmCow Master Collection

The Filmcow Master Collection is a compilation of all of Jason's short films available for free online. It went on sale for ten dollars as opposed to Knox's twenty dollar Klay World Series Volume 1 DVD for twenty dollars. Although, the ten dollar offer is still a massive jab to the wallet when you consider the idea that all the shorts available on DVD are also available for free online. Furthermore, if they really fucking wanted to, ~~they could format their own DVD with the free online shorts~~ use the USB ports on their 360's to format a VHS copy of the "Master Collection".

Jason was apparently operating on the same Trent Reznor logic that if you offer a product both for free and for sale that people might, just might, purchase it over taking the free copy.

Unlike Knox, however, Jason released his shorts after the height of his popularity with Charlie the Unicorn where as Knox released his DVDs at the height of his popularity.

The original ad for the DVD:

Nick: The Feature Film

After episode 22 of Chaos Pony, Jason completely vanished from public view for months at a time ceasing any new development for Chaos Pony episodes. The reason as to why is because of a new feature length film in progress.

At face value, this sounds like a good thing to fans, as if Jason had finally pulled his head out of his ass and decided to actually finish Spatula Madness thus the reason for his absence. What we got instead, was Nick: The Feature Film

The trailer for the "feature film":

Jason in all of his cockiness, freely admits that he had shot the film in only ONE DAY and that it had NO SCRIPT and it was made just as aimlessly as Spatula Madness, only it took one day to create so it actually got fucking done.

In the world of film making, this is the equivalency of taking a shit into a DVD case and trying to sell it on the streets to random strangers like some vacuum salesman; quality, what's that? Jason could answer you, but instead, he'd rather you buy his new product for only $5.99! What's it good for? Flushing money down the toilet, that's what!

Under typical circumstances, the film would bomb and the people who would supposedly make the film would never actually fucking make it for that exact reason. But this is the guy who created Charlie the fucking Unicorn, so you know that his fans will fucking buy anything.

This is also the only time in years where Knox was featured in a Jason Steele film.

Speaking of which, this piece of unwanted crap is the film making equivalency of Knox's "Fracktoplots"; a schlock puppet movie made by Knox as a substitute after the failure of a film with a much better premise known as Joe Cam. Noticing a pattern yet? Everything Knox does or fails at doing, Jason apes with acute accuracy.

The Present

Jason continues to make short films, and as usual they’re hit-or-miss. Sometimes they’re “Dad Cop 2“; sometimes they’re fucking “President Taft’s Secret Pony Brigade“. He still makes Charlie the Unicorn movies, and they still suck.

A MINECRAFT SERVER :O??!!!!11111

Last Thursday, Jason and his progressive sex slave Scuffy started hosting an awesome Minecraft server.

Recorded with the same microwave they use to cook gerbils in.

The sheer level of effort that went into the production of this video is equal to the level of effort that went into the server itself.