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Broken/Music/Featured Article: Difference between revisions

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{{Featuredupdate|Featured Article}}
{{Featuredupdate|Featured Article}}
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{{:Portal:Music/Featured Article/title|R. Kelly}}
{{:Portal:Music/Featured Article/title|Goth}}
[[Image:Rkelly court.jpg|right|230px]]
[[Image:World Goth Day keep calm.jpg|right|240px]]
{{center|<big>'''[[R. Kelly]]'''</big>}}
{{center|<big>'''[[Goth]]'''</big>}}


'''R. Kelly''' ([[Powerword]]: Robert Sylvester Kelly) is a now disgraced American artist once praised by his [[nigger|'people']] and [[you|vaguely gay]] music critics as [[WE WUZ KINGZ AN SHEIT|"the king]] of R&B" ("Rapists & Blacks") before the inevitable collapse of his underground [[Africa|Africunny]] empire and subsequent capture.  
'''Goths (Gawths, Goffs, Gawff)''' are a [[College|self-aggrandizing]] bunch of attention whores, whose special talent is enjoying attention while pretending to disdain it. They especially revel in posturing to incite insult, so that they can say something deep and angsty. The elitist kick they get from this is visible under their pasty pale skin. If under some circumstance the color of something other than skin is in question, assume it's black.


Back in the 1990s, this man's 'music' and [[Menopause|uniquely high-pitched singing voice]] was the soundtrack to many a lonely nights' masturbating in the bedroom with lights off. Every time one of his generic songs came on, teenage girls tended to turn into nymphomaniacs, and then proceeded to get raped by anyone within spitting distance. This turned out to be his very intention as it was later revealed he was using his music to sonically groom young girls into becoming his personal piss napkins.  
[[Some argue|Evolutionary social scientists postulate]] that the Goth represents an early nocturnal bifurcation from the [[Heavy Metal|Greb or Greebo]] lineage, due to its similar preponderance of [[BDSM|black clothing, leather, and spikes.]] However, this pussying-out from the well-established and resilient parent lifeform left Goths unfitted to the niche of moping around miserably in black, which has now been filled by the [[Emo]] subspecies. [[Some argue|It seems inevitable, therefore,]] that Goths will become extinct within decades unless new breeding colonies are established.  


{{center|<big>'''[[R. Kelly|(( FOUND "GUILTY", FINALLY, AS OF 2021 ))]]'''</big>}}
{{center|<big>'''[[Goth|(( MAY 22 IS "WORLD GOTH DAY" ))]]'''</big>}}

Revision as of 07:24, 17 May 2022

<Portal:Music
When updating Featured Article, update the archive.


Featured Article - Goth
Goth

Goths (Gawths, Goffs, Gawff) are a self-aggrandizing bunch of attention whores, whose special talent is enjoying attention while pretending to disdain it. They especially revel in posturing to incite insult, so that they can say something deep and angsty. The elitist kick they get from this is visible under their pasty pale skin. If under some circumstance the color of something other than skin is in question, assume it's black.

Evolutionary social scientists postulate that the Goth represents an early nocturnal bifurcation from the Greb or Greebo lineage, due to its similar preponderance of black clothing, leather, and spikes. However, this pussying-out from the well-established and resilient parent lifeform left Goths unfitted to the niche of moping around miserably in black, which has now been filled by the Emo subspecies. It seems inevitable, therefore, that Goths will become extinct within decades unless new breeding colonies are established.

(( MAY 22 IS "WORLD GOTH DAY" ))