Balloon Fetish

Bitches get paid porn-star fees for this shit.

As you know from experience, the internet is nothing more than a giant exhibition of depraved, bizarre fetishes. The Balloon Fetish is one of the mind-bendingly ridiculous turn-ons that has wormed its way into the tubes. Balloon-love forums are bursting at the seams with fittingly-named "looners", or "loonies", who wage heated debates over whether or not it's ethical to pop ballons and discuss which balloon color is the sexiest. The community seems to have an equal amount of men and women, proving that, while men are the superior sex, insanity transcends gender.

Balloon Porn

With exception to foot fetish smut, balloon fetish porn may be the easiest to create. Most pictures and videos consist of a naked slut licking, petting, or masturbating with a balloon or two. Given the fact that it doesn't involve anything particularly disgusting and that the purchasers are more focused upon the sexy balloons than the whore's misshapen body, starring in balloon fetish porn may be the easiest way to make money ever. Like many fetishes on the internet it is also a fabulous way of raping your childhood, as it turns something innocent and childish into a cum-filled sex toy.

Strangely, balloon fuckers tend to look round and shiny themselves.

Poppers vs Non-poppers

"...I'm just a guy who likes to have fun."

“	There is much conflict and debate between the two types of looners with non-poppers arguing that the balloon is an entity unto itself and should be spared and the poppers maintaining that the balloon is a representation of the sexual build-up and release. In fact, the debate between the poppers and non-poppers has been known to get so heated that it makes the conflict in the Middle East look like a minor squabble over who ate the last Twinkie.	„
—Cited after the terrible Poppers 'BANG!' attack on September 2001.

The main cause of drama in the balloon fetish community is the debate on popping versus non-popping. Poppers (the fucking murderers!) derive sexual arousal from popping balloons, while non-poppers prefer to take it slow and make sweet lovin' to their balloon-spouses for as long as possible. Most non-poppers tend to hate poppers, whom they see as ruthless killers. In fact, non-popping loons have been known to bawww on balloon fetish forums about NORPs who pop balloons for fun. Poppers think that the non-poppers are overreacting, which may be the only thing any of them has ever gotten right in their entire lives. Some non-poppers have a phobia of bursting balloons, which makes them almost as pathetic as their balloon-romancing comrades. Why the fuck would somebody rub their precious cock upon something they're afraid of? It is a mystery.

Quotes

This will make some people jizz in their pants ... And it is enough to drive others to tears.

Poppers

	“	Definitely Pink Balloons get the worst abuse from me. Even though I don't like pink and some of you may have heard my phrase, " All Pink Balloons Must Die" .. well that does not mean that they don't "do something" for me. Getting rough with them is sort of a turn on!	„
	—Pink balloons are the cheap whores of the balloon world.

	“	I would love to spend hours jumping naked into a swimming pool filled to the top with nice big 16" crystal color whip cream filled balloons. I would also love to have several hundred tightly filled intex see through blue whales, and spend all day riding them down a stream with lots of sharp rocks.	„
	—Every popper's ultimate fantasy.

	“	I find popping balloons to be amazingly fun. How one balloon can just keep taking abuse and the next one that looks identical, pops with the slightest touch. Fun stuff.	„
	—This loon is turned on by the unexpected.

	“	I actually love the feeling of my legs/biceps/butt squeezing the balloon, putting all my energy in it and finally conquering it! It's a feeling.....	„
	—We'll let this one speak for itself.

	“	Yes, my Grandma caught me "riding the matress" nude while blowing up a red airship balloon. The news spread to my parents at the speed of light. I got a big lecture (a lot of BS) about the evils of masturbating and told not to do it. I was around 14-15 when this happened.	„
	—In his case that was probably a good thing.

	“	Holding the neck to prevent vibration is logical. Pressing down lightly can help it deflate faster too. :)	„
	—He's either talking about the balloon or his cock. Or both.

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Non-Poppers

	“	As for accidental bursts, I've had a few. The one that haunts me the most was when I was all reclined back on a 60" balloon that was very underinflated. It went 'splody, and I just sorta layed there on my bed for a moment wondering what just happened... It didn't feel good having such a comfy, squishy cushion of air suddenly disappear from beneath me. The scaps were also in an extremely weird shape, suggesting that much of the balloon wasn't stretched out, thus the burst was probably caused by a defect. Still, I followed up that ride with a yellow 48" Everts that was just as squishy and awesome to try and take my mind off of it.	„
	—This loon bravely overcame the sudden death of his partner.

	“	I always thought I loved them too much to let them go.	„
	—But alas, they shrivelled and died anyway ;_;

	“	I was in Halifax on saturday and had just left Mcdonalds with the mrs when two lads kept trying to pop a red balloon. one succeeded in stomping on it and popping it and if my whole paramedic career wasn't at stake I would probably have re arranged his face cos it really hacked me off	„
	—Those balloon-poppers are sick fucks!

	“	If someone pops a balloon in public, my immediate reaction is to get angry — What's your problem? Don't you know not everybody wants to hear that noise, especially out of the blue? What about people with sensitive hearing? Or old people with heart conditions? and of course, most importantly... What about me? Don't you know what that noise does to me? How dare you! I'm going to punch you in the face, etc. etc.	„
	—The sound of a popping balloon is the sound of a broken heart.

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'Emotional Connections'

Ultimately balloon fetishes can be pinned down to the fact loonies have so little contact with other living beings that they can only find love with the eternally-unsued condom, and anything which looks like it. Those with this fetish are much like serial killers in that their love-objects only last for a couple of days before dying. However, it should be noted that serial killers have a much better taste in their partners, as their partners are usually living, breathing people. Some balloon-fuckers experience profound sadness upon the loss of their latex partners, so they attempt to extend the lives of their balloons for as long as possible. With proper care, some even manage to last for an entire week! These tender-hearted balloon romancers have to be careful when making sweet love to their balloons, however, as a single careless thrust can cause one to pop.

Gallery

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  Balloonstiality?
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  Typical Mylar balloon fanboy

See Also

• Balloon Boy
• BalloonPopPop
• Billoon45
• MylarBalloonFan
• Wet and Messy Fetishism
• Clown Porn
• Inflation Art
• Latex
• Condoms
• Rubberfur Yes, the furries thought of it first.

External Links

• Balloonbuddies.com Going strong since 1976 as a pen-pal club and since 1994 on the Internet !
• Britfag Loonies
• Moar Britfag Loonies
• Obligitory Wikipedia article on yet another retarded fetish They also cite Cracked.com as a reliable source.
• Balloons fetish Offering free balloon fetish video for its 6th year

Balloon Fetish is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.