Dildo

A Dildo is one of Man's Worst Enemies. A jumbo-sized replica of a man's cock (because your dick is too small, faggot), usually named in a comical manner. Some are casts from real men. Though, even then, they've probably been enlarged. (You faggot, a cast of anything can't be enlarged once it's created. Learn2science.) They are also sometimes a replica of an animal's cock, and then given hilariously pretentious names like "Thunder" and "Spirit".

Dildos are sometimes a good substitute for real cock, because dildos can last for more than two minutes in bed, and won't stop fucking you until YOU cum (they're probably larger than your boyfriend anyway). They won't leave you cold, alone, and unsatisfied. Unless you want to deepthroat that baby, in which case, you need to pay a visit to your local glory hole (if you're a faggot and you want the AIDS, that is), because latex and or rubber doesn't taste too good.

The First Dildo

Early Man made his bid to sentience by discovering he could kill animals and eat their sweet brain meats - unfortunately, animals ran away a lot. As a result the men had to hunt them over great distances and women, with their valuable wombs, were left behind - guarded by their children. Since children invariably have a penis too small for adequate penetration these women, with their biologically programmed lust for cock, inevitably invented a way of pretending that they had a strong, providing man with a prominent forehead. Thus was born the world's first dildo, and the women's famous propensity of living in a fantasy world.

Its name, roughly translated, meant "empathy of blood". It was communal in use until another woman discovered a similar rock that wasn't hackly - this one was named "son of mothering tribe" and had a vastly smaller fatality rate.

Pejorative

"Dildo" is also in pejorative use - like any good word - and is identical in use as words which refer to real penises but for the additional implication that one is not even real. Pinocchio was commonly called a dildo.

Sex Toys and Society

In some unfair twist of fate, It is perceived of as more acceptable for females to seek fake penises for their own personal pleasure whilst males are shunned from seeking the benefits of fake vaginas. This Is due to the eroneous belief that women can get dick whenever they want, and don't want to hassle with what the dick is attached to to get it. Whilst men who seek fake vagina are incapable of procuring one. In reality anyone who uses a sex toy or masturbates will be a permavirgin.

Jews and dildos

It is a little known fact that Jews don't use dildos - they use cucumbers because it's cheaper and when they're done they can get a nickel for it from some homeless shelter. Jews experimented with hot dogs but later found out the kosher hot dogs would cost at least 100 more cents than they thought and that in most cases, they would break often falling inside, never to be seen again (and depending on if you did it anally or not, that shit can be hard to get out).

New-found-land

Canadian dildo use is so entrenched that they named a town after them. Although, during its early colonial days, there was a dispute as to where the dildo should go and, subsequently, the smaller township of South Dildo was erected close by.

Dildo videos

Why the dildo industry lobbies for gun control

Brace your anus for the Dildotron

Dildo fight!

Literally a town called "Dildo" in Candyland... I mean Canada

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See Also

• Aneros
• Mecha-Dildo
• DILDOlover, a jewtube user who claims he loves dildos!
• HTS-Noob, who used a Highlighter as a dildo in his ass, with hilarious results
• Wikiphilia Scroll down to §Uses. You can't get better instructions than that.
• Giant dildo of death
• Goatse: what happens to fags if they liek it too much.
• Zeta toy, a company that makes dildos of animal cocks. Inform the furries and save a puppy from rape.
• Bad Dragon, a site that sells silicone otherkin cocks

External links

• ElypseArt.com Ultra-Realistic Canine Dildos With Inflatable Knot, Medical Grade Silicone
• Obama head o state dildo.
• Divine Interventions Classic site that sells dildos shaped like religious figures; I am disappoint at the lack of Muhammad.
• The dildo cart will fuck you in the ass or cunt while it drives along
• Sex Toys, Vibrators, Anal Sex Toys, and Dildos at Adam & Eve
• Fleshlight

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