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Revision as of 22:28, 9 September 2023

AZN ZERG RUSHES ARE COMMON IN THE REPUBLIC OF BANTOWN'S EASTERN SHORE
Bantown University Class of 2006

Bantown was a small, industrious city-state infamous for its Internet mayhem and love of BBQ. The hard-working proles of Bantown lived in constant fear of the psychotic solipsists who comprise the ruling elite of the trollocratic oligarchy. Bantown dedicated all government-controlled labor and capital on its unparalleled government initiative for advancement of the science of internet demagoguery, leading to the highest GDT (gross domestic troll) per capita of any trolling state.

Bantown is a tactic, not an organization.

Bantown was a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the Earth. Its favorite diet is LiveJournal, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No Bantownsman has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale.

Residing on a private IRC network, Bantown was a frequent haven of lulz and a constant target of frivolous legal threats. Many Bantownians and are frequently found talking on teleconferences. Hilarious pranks ensue when the Bantownians conf.

The preferred IRC client of Bantownians was irssi for gay.pl's superior flooding ability. The bantown memebot also ran using irssi.

On Bantown, kicking and banning someone was a sign of trust and friendship.

Sometime in 2007, Bantown disappeared, transcending this reality and joining the lost city of Atlantis.

In 2008, a total poser named ozzzo resurrected #bantown on EFNet, despite it being deemed an "illegal channel name" by many EFNet servers. He expected to create lulz by performing stunts such as seizing control of various EFNet channels and then taunting the former owners; but he only managed to make an ass of himself and get his home and work IPs banned from EFNet— as well as the IP of his gullible former roommates in Texas who still left his computer plugged in six months after he moved out.

BBQ

a typical BBQ

The tradition most beloved by all Bantownians was the ancient art of BBQ. BBQ involves modifying the photo of one who Bantown has identified as having Asperger's Syndrome or other similarly stupid ailments and making a poorly done Photoshop. The most common BBQ technique is done using elements from the original chickenfucker image, namely chickens and cocks. Other pornograhic or offensive images are often added for flavor and variety. Typically the victim will respond by being an Internet tough guy, threatening to sue for defamation, or both. This invariably resulted in much lulz. Internet detectives and the resident attorney at lol are called in immediately to handle the situation and calm the BBQee.

Many notable internet and hacker scene personalities have been the victim of a BBQ. On Bantown, being BBQ'd is most definitely not a sign of respect and friendship. Should you find yourself the victim of a BBQ'ing you probably should be quitting IRC forever.

See Bleep's new autobbq program for easy bbqing.

Internet Personalities who have been BBQd

The darkn3ss saga

I HATE MY DADDY.

On Undernet Bantown, identifies a fuckwit named darkn3ss. darkn3ss believes that the white race is the most superior of all the races, but he eventually settled for a fat Mexican girlfriend. Bantown finds pictures of darkn3ss' Nazi tats. Within hours, everyone on IRC has seen them. An advisory has been released to full disclosure. Much to darkn3ss' ire, pictures of his daughter have been photoshopped up featuring her in a Nazi armband and text shouting "SIEG HEIL!". darkn3ss gets BBQ'd. darkn3ss proceeds to begin crying and imply that he is quitting IRC forever. Following this he breaks out the Internet tough guy act and threatens everyone.

Then struct stabs his fellow Bantownians in the back by giving Hepkitten's cell number to darkn3ss. darkn3ss posts incomplete docs on a couple Bantown regulars to his website. Later Bantown retaliates by pulling ALL of darkn3ss' docs, including full name, address, phone numbers, social security number, drivers license, signature, court docs, child support records (or should we say LACK of child support records; lol deadbeat dad!), satellite photos of his home, and extensive information on his daughter. It was PowerWord: IRL Name multiplied by roughly a thousand. Faced with the threat of Bantown crushing his entire life, darkn3ss retreats (removing the website contents) and the result is this glorious IRC log. In it darkn3ss not only puts forth quotes like "BANTOWN OWNS ME" and "BANTOWN > DARKN3SS", but he allows a Bantownian to join his channel #perldev and kickban struct the traitor. Upon getting kickbanned from perldev and further owned by Bantown, it was not long before struct came on IRC crying and implying he was to be quitting IRC forever or committing suicide.

Struct is a fucking retard

People threatening to call their Internet lawyers is frequently seen in internet drama, but rarely do you see someone else threatening to get other people to call their internet lawyers: 

(3:43:29 AM) struct: otherwise i will contact all involved parties and compel them to press felony charges.
(3:43:43 AM) struct: defamation
(3:44:10 AM) oclet: and how did they defamate your character?
(3:44:15 AM) struct: not mine.
(3:44:18 AM) oclet: whose
(3:44:38 AM) struct: rloxley, bronc buster, emmanuel goldstein, setient, vixen, heather, etc.
(3:44:50 AM) oclet: HAHAHAHA

b4b0 gets owned

Bantown moved to EFNet for a short period and took over #b4b0 twice, among other channels. #b4b0 is the home of the loser scenewhores who used to attach themselves to the b4b0 e-zine and tip, who ran the b4b0 zine. The b4b0 takeover was entirely tl;dr but pretty fucking funny in concept. It produced an entirely too long;didn't listen mp3 of chrak the crackhead ranting like the homeless insane for eight minutes on a Bantown conf, because Bantown took over his favorite IRC channel.

LJ account takeovers

Typical Bantown citizen

In January 2006, Bantownians claimed to have used javascript vulnerabilities in LiveJournal to hijack over 900,000 of the 1,900,000 active LiveJournal accounts. In contrast, LiveJournal admitted to problems with "a couple hundred accounts."

Fortified by strong cups of coffee, Bantown members created hundreds of dummy member accounts to steal delicious (chocolate-chip) cookies from 16-year-old girls. The energy from these highly nutritious cookies enabled Bantown to crack passwords and break into numerous journals of poor, malnourished LJers.

In order for the account takeovers to end, Bantown demanded that Denise Richards pose nude on the front page LiveJournal news. Disappointingly, nothing came of this.

All the Internet aggression resulted in #1 mayor of Bantown Hepkitten and her entourage being given a tour of the Six Apart offices. All's well that ends well!

Freenode takeover

In late June 2006, enterprising Bantown hacker Jmax obtained the oper block and nickserv password of Freenode director Rob Levin. The ensuing chaos ruined the entire Freenode network as thousands of users were killed, servers were delinked and countless NickServ passwords were stolen.

jesuitx produced a song detailing the ruining of Freenode.

Lulzcon 2006

weev and Revmischa at Lulzcon 2006 tripping on LSD.

From September 29 to October 1st, a large part of Bantown descended upon beautiful San Diego for Lulzcon and Toorcon. Revmischa and Weev gave a speech that caused a bunch of trouble and made lots of news because some people don't understand that dongs are fucking hilarious.

This was the site of the first great betrayal of Bantown as revmischa learned about an LJ bug developed into an exploit by Bantown hackers and had LJ abuse pull it from private entries in Crayolacrime's journal instead of bargaining. Shortly after he went up on stage and gave a talk about how disclosers of security vulnerabilities need to be shot in the face.

The Heptown Schism

OH NOES!

The Heptown Schism, also known as the last and greatest betrayal of Bantown came after a turnkey ruin package for Craigslist was prepared. Hepkitten, apparently owing a favor to someone at Craigslist, reminded weev that she knew his name and address and phone number and would give it over to Craigslist in the event the code was run. 

3:01:42 PM hkundersc0re: working at cl
3:01:43 PM hkundersc0re: enh
3:01:47 PM hkundersc0re: all this person has to do
3:01:48 PM hkundersc0re: is remind me
3:01:50 PM hkundersc0re: that i owe him
3:01:51 PM hkundersc0re: a lot
3:01:55 PM hkundersc0re: and then i have to
3:01:58 PM hkundersc0re: you know what a favor is
3:02:00 PM hkundersc0re: its a FAVOR
3:02:02 PM weevlar: HAVE TO WHAT?!
3:02:04 PM hkundersc0re: regardless of what it is
3:02:07 PM weevlar: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO HEP?

With this, a ruin exemption was created and Bantown ceased to be a great nexus of ruin on the snugglenet. A similar thing lead to the downfall of the GNAA, when timecop stated that areems could not be ruined by penisbird. This was all put into the context of troll history by tehdely quite effectively. Weev part the channel never to idle or scroll in Bantown again. In his absence, both sneak and hep made mad powergrabs— the former removing superadmin access to IRC services by all opers, and the latter banning longtime Bantown lolzists.

Abandoned by everyone on the Internet with intelligence and pissed about her sudden lack of Internet popularity, hepkitten was shortly afterward attempting to rally a DoS campaign against ED. 

15:00 <@hep> hmm
15:00 <@hep> should we take down ed?
15:00 < Bob> overrun by aspies
15:00 <@hep> it would be lolz :)
15:00 < dr> hep yes
15:00 < Bob> yes hep
15:00 < dr> take it down
15:00 <@hep> confirm burn ed to the ground?
15:01 < Bob> it's a fucking degenerate breeding ground for 4chan
15:01 <@hep> plz advz
15:01 < dr> hep: why didn't u say hi
15:01 < mdl> back it up and burn it down
15:01 <@hep> when?

This was the last and final betrayal of the city-state's lol blackhat spirit. The city now lay in ruins, and the remaining barbaric immigrants speak only of system administration at bottom-tier search companies or their current employment at information security companies.

Dylan as he would have liked to have been remembered.

The death of Crayolacrime

oclet, weev and crayolacrime went on a final bender to celebrate their love of the hilarious dongs that Bantown once stood for. oclet got beaten up by niggers around the corner of Pittsburgh's pub and had a mild concussion, a broken jaw, and two broken ribs to show for it. weev got kicked out of Pittsburgh's for vomiting all over some dude. After seven days straight of drinking bottles of liquor and cough medicine, weev and oclet finally departed dylan's apartment, where dylan was last seen guzzling NyQuil on his cough and stating "the acetaminophen will help our livers fail faster." weev's last words to dylan— "if oclet and I don't leave now someone is going to die"— were ironic in hindsight. Two days later, crayolacrime was lifted off to heaven by his guardian angel, St. Andrewpants. This marks the final journey of the last and greatest loldonger to ever hit the inbox.

Common catchphrases/scrolling techniques

<euthyphro> ya'll have some obnoxious script technology that is 15 years ahead of the rest of the known world.

  • A euphemism for being kickbanned is "Welcomed to Bantown."
  • "The Picture has been Printed", floods of ASCII swastikas, and any references to anti-Semitism are mocking the darkn3ss saga.
  • Go back to your hugbox.
The banbot at work

Contact information

If you have questions or comments for Bantown, please call Joseph Evers tollfree at 888-565-9428.

See also

Links


Bantown is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

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Featured article April 25, 2005
Preceded by
Pro-Ana 		Bantown Succeeded by
Mediacrat
Featured article January 21, 2006
Preceded by
Blackwingdragon 		Bantown Succeeded by
Pop parenting
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