National Public Radio

NPR (National Public Radio) is a government welfare program used to keep liberal art, sociology, Art, African American studies, gender studies and humanities college grads off the street corners begging for money and give them the illusion that they are real journalists by having them beg for money over nationally subsidized air waves where the American public can easily tune them out.

NPR logo

CONGRATS ART GRADS, NOW YOU HAVE GOVERNMENT ALTERNATIVE TO THE PRIVATE SECTOR

They are a "non-profit" that makes a profit of $18.9 million out of their total $258 million endowment and pedals government propaganda and liberal fag shilling; proving that tricking and scamming for sympathy while convincing pseudo intellectuals they are making the a difference for a better world is the most effective way to make cash with out the pressure of actually producing anything. NPR also gainfully employees convicted pedophiles such as PAULA POUNDSTONE!

NPR is boring as fuck so naturally people think that only smart people listen to it because why the fuck else would something this shitty exist in every city in America? This however is not entirely true. Smart people who listen to NPR usually only listen to it in the car on their way to work to catch up on news, then go back to being productive and having their own thoughts and opinions. As a result of smart people having a 30 minute habit, the misconception that NPR opinion pieces are also well informed and smart has lead to the rise of Pseudo-intellectual regurgitating whatever they hear on NPR in hopes people will believe the lie they created for themselves.

NPR SNOREgramming

NPR has little to no entertainment or production value in anything they do. They occasionally license the rights to popular podcasts that would exist whether or not NPR did, which is a win win because NPR gets to trick people into thinking they are worthy of your money cause without NPR the freakenomics or car talk podcast wouldn't exist, and the podcasters get to be smug faggots and pretend that their IQ is 20 points higher than it really is. As a result everything NPR produces is boring as fuck, with the exception of Car Talk. A list of shows your tax payers are paying for include:

• The PLEASE GIVE US MONEY HOUR: Tuning in to NPR, you will notice the sound of begging for your sweet hard earned money coming through the speakers. This is because NPR wants you to think they make no money and are always on the verge of non existence. In reality, they have a $258 million endowment and could easily cut costs by firing the dead weight on the staff. NPR will also remind you all content on NPR is ad free and supported by the listeners. This message will come after 5 minutes of telling us the Bill and Melinda gates foundation, BP,Bank of America, JP Morgan, Ronald McDonald house, the Dave Thomas foundation, Union Pacific Railroad, Chipotle, etc. paid for the program too. NOPE, DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ADS TO ME!

• Government Propeganda Hour: basically all the news shows on NPR are EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME! Morning Edition, On Point, Here and Now, Fresh Air, etc. are all sonic recolors of All Things Considered. This is where NPR reads the official white house press release of a news story, then asks permission from their Liberal media emailing group list what is okay to talk about and how they can talk about it (which makes sense because you wouldn't wanna piss off your #1 cash cow). NPR proudly claims that Morning Edition and All Things Considered are the 2 highest rated radioshows in the country, which is a fact and impressive until you remember that they are government mandated national syndication and available in every city and never have to worry about getting shit canned in specific cities or regions for having no listeners, proving if you fling enough shit at a wall something will stick.

• Planet Money: Some where between news and culture, this show lies. The only informative part if where they give the slightly more indepth recap updates of shit that already happened (which you probably already heard durring Government Propeganda Hour). The stories they run are usually fluff pieces, obvious financial advice that you should already know like buy low sell high, pay dem credit cards off before interest, or save your money, or trying to downplay financial catastrophes so the public doesn't panic and pull all their money out of somewhere.

• The PLEASE GIVE US MONEY HOUR 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: NPR is a lot like a crazy homeless person, they beg for money all the time, they lie non stop and they want you to believe the government is out to get them. Despite tax breaks and zero taxable income, sell shit tons of ads for the beginning of EVERY FUCKING SHOW, and asking for money literally an hour ago, they just wanna let you know that if you do not part with those shekkles ASAP all "non-biased" news as we know it will end and fox news will rule the world. "So be a good goy, give us your money and listen to our opinions... you wouldn't wanna be a backwards racist would you?"

• • CULTURAL LIBERAL FAGGOT CIRCLE JERK HOUR: Every great nation has culture and cultured people living in it. This is why NPR has decided if you are not a liberal tranny loving, faggot guzzling, Gun hating, Black Lives Matter supporting, refugee accepting person; you are uncultured, racist, sexist, and must LOVE fox news because how could anyone possibly have a point of view not as enlightened as theirs. I mean come on, it's The Current Year!!!! Such faggotry includes:

does this look like the face of a sexual predator that would use silly antics and bright colors to gain the trust of children?

That look of defeat when told she was no longer allowed on the set of Seaseme Street.

• • Ask Me Another- A "quiz" show in the same way Wheel of Fortune is a spelling education program. The questions on this show are either so retardedly easy even a retard could guess it, or make no fucking sense are just too smart of questions for anyone on planet earth to understand. The show serves first and foremost as a welfare program for Johnathan Colton, who is a shitty musician that gets way too much credit because he wrote funny songs for Valve over a decade ago. It also employees comedy writes who aren't funny and know someone in the cool kids club who will get them a welfare check to write psuedo comedic jokes for Pseudo-intellectual.
  • Wait, Wait don't tell me- Daily show reject Mo Rocca, convicted pedophile Paula POUNDstone, a "grumpy republican" whose name no one can remember, and some people no one cares about have a celebrity guest on this "quiz" show which is a quiz show in the same way trannies were born the wrong gender, or fox news is a new channel, or pedophilia is just a sexual orientation (right Paula?). Basically same shit as Ask Me Another except its an unfunny "quiz" about the news of the week!
  • Car Talk- This show is the only thing half way decent on NPR. The show is pretty much the same as when your gay uncle and his lover get drunk, tell you shit tons of corny jokes, then give you useful advice on how to fix your car. The Tapper lovers Brothers are lame as fuck, but they are self aware of it and shit on themselves more than anyone else. Car Talk is the only show you will learn anything from on NPR, which means they had to lie to NPR to get it on the air and sell it as a comedy show. They were able to keep NPR from tacking on any of their unfunny shit writer friends to the project by claiming every joke is about cars so womyns studies and other college rejects need not apply.
  • Third Party Podcasts pretending to be NPR shows- Your local NPR director will choose a handful of shitty lib-fag podcasts and play them in sydication. The best example being This American Life, a show soooo good Showtime picked it up for exactly one season, realized they made a huge mistake, and shit canned it ASAP. The reason this happens is NPR can give their buddies shit podcast a licensing kickback, and the shitty podcast can brag that they are on NPR so they must be REAL SMART PEOPLE PROGRAMMING and if you don't like their failed shitty podcast it's cause you are too stupid to get it.
  • Shitty Music Hour- You know all those songs on the radio or on a streaming service that people request because it strikes and emotional chord with them that causes them to have a reflective moment to remember what it is like to be human and be excited to be alive? These are all the songs that aren't that. The music depends on your NPR director in your local area, but is usually shitty jazz, classical not good enough to be remembered, operas not good enough to sell tickets, shitty obscure weird shit like church organ music, and what ever you NPR director feels like shitting out. They don't have to worry about anyone liking the music because they don't have to have listeners. This is how NPR trolls their radio listeners.

• The PLEASE GIVE US MONEY HOUR 3: EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE! Oh, did you stick around after an hour of listening to crap music that NO BODY WANTS TO LISTEN TO in hopes that listening to NPR means you are smart and cultured? Well, clearly you must be the smartest person on Earth who is also well cultured because all NPR listeners are enlightened geniuses. I mean it's not like any idiot who live in the US can tune in to NPR whenever. Well have we got a deal for you listener. Today (and only today because NPR won't exist tomorrow if you don't empty out your bank account and give it to us), you can buy an NPR shirt for $100! What a steal! Think of how smart your friends will think you are for wearing this item that shows you paid $100 for a shirt! It goes perfect with regurgitating whatever you hear on our shows! For an extra $100, well throw in a tote bag that has the NPR logo on it as well. Don't you want your friends to think you are DOUBLE SMART? ORDER NOW!

Target audience

NPR's core audience consists of 3 core demographics:

• Boring Old Fucks this consists or productive members of society who are just trying to get a quick 30 minute rundown of the news and don't wanna put up with the shitty sound quality of AM radio or haven't found a decent news stations yet cause they just moved to a new town and NPR is the only news station they know. NPR banks on these fucks and tries to guilt them into giving money by telling them if they don't NPR will never come back.

• Advertisers NPR says they don't have advertisers, but will run 5 minutes of companies that paid for your public programming before every show. Since the majority of the advertisers are liberal "non-profit" funds (that just happen to have the companies name on it, and are tax deductible "donations") they get to not only get advertising, but tell the news what to say/do and write off an advertising expense on their taxes. However, you don't write the check to something that is gonna hurt you

90% of NPR listeners

• Pseudo-intellectual NPR's LARGEST GROUP! NPR's brand is they are so boring that only smart people listen to them. As a result people who are desperate to be thought of as smart listen to NPR religiously in order to learn what opinions to regurgitate in front of others to seem like they know anything that is going on in the world. They often listen to the shit no one listens to on NPR because they have no taste in culture and are desperate for intelligence to rub off on them no matter how insignificant. These include but are not limited to: College undergrads who will probably drop out, Humanities college grads who circle jerk to the culture sections, College dropouts who think this will compensate for being too stupid to pass college, and Slacktivists.