Celebrity

A-list celebrity

B-list celebrity

Z-list celebrity

Internet celebrity

A famous person who has received public recognition for something on the internets, in the Old Media or locally. Actors, sports heroes, serial killers, politicians, and cock sucking debutants are all examples of IRL celebrities.

If a celebrity attempts to fap or urinate onto your face, you are obliged to enjoy it and to not struggle. This is the law of Hollywood and by extension the law of worldwide fame recognition. Proof of the act can and will be used against you both but hey, at least someone knows your name!

Degrees of IRL Celebrity

• A-list celebrity

Famous people who interest everyone. They are invited to all the cool parties, can command any salary they like for as little work as humanly imaginable, and are allowed to entice small boys to their lairs of pedophilia without legal consequence. Examples: Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Hilary Duff, Johnny Depp and Tom "Placenta-for-breakfast" Cruise.

• B-list celebrity

People who are marginally well-known and mildly interesting. They must park cars at the cool parties and hire publicity agents to force the happenings of their pathetic, attention-hungry lives into our group consciousness. Examples: Teri Hatcher, Rosie O'Donnell, Michael J. Fox, Nicolas Cage, Tom Cruise, Gerard Way, Jay-Z and most Hollywood jews.

• Z-list celebrity

This level includes former child stars, people from reality shows, deposed dictators, and run-of-the-mill porn actors whose best hope is to crash parties before getting kicked out onto the cardboard. Examples: Dustin Diamond, Carrot Top, Kevin Federline, Kendra Wilkinson and the whole cast of SyFy Channel's Mega Piranha.

Internet celebrity

On the opposite end of celebrity lurk people who are well-known only on the internets such as famous site owners, token Youtubers, major-league sick fucks and certain ruinating trolls. Internet celebrities range from feared and respected final bosses of the interwebz to laughingstocks who have likely have an article somewhere around here. Internet fame is just as fickle and bittersweet as IRL fame, albiet with none of the benefits. Begging for donations and having one's luxurious e-peen stroked by countless thousands of nameless trogolodytes is the most these people can hope for. Naturally, all of the above are only invited to parties when a piñata is needed.

Real life and the internet are anathema to one another: being famous IRL gets your every public action dissected into memes by the gossip-hungry hordes of internet users, and being famous on the internet exiles a human being from the IRL due to a combination of poor hygene, lack of social skills, sweatpants and the onset of Chronic Troll Syndrome.

Sometimes one's internet celebrity factor, by will or by misfortune, can cross over into the realm of IRL, inevitably resulting in varying degrees of humiliation ranging from prison time for possession of lulzfuel to being mauled by a rape-bent wildebeest stampede of clown-worshipping mongos.

Celebrity Worship Drama

Instant drama is generated at any celebrity worship forum by suggesting the famous person is sexually deviant. All fans secretly dream of producing idyllic offspring with their chosen idol, so a celebrity's forbidden passion bringing them down to the level of common internet user is deeply upsetting for the aforementioned. All celebrites are drug-crazed perverts, so this drama happens frequently enough on its own and is sometimes backed up with photos, used condoms, and violated pets.

Worship of any internet celebrity is best handled by simply pointing out the obvious to the afflicted, followed by "lololololol."

Modern Myths

• Paris Hilton is an exhibitionist porn star. Status: True.
• Michael Jackson is raping aryan children in Mormon heaven. Status: Definitely.
• Angelina Jolie is biologically related to Brad Pitt. Status: True.
• The Olsen Twins plan to legalize wincest having already popularized it on celluloid. Status: True! Google search it.
• Amy Winehouse is the Wicked Witch of the West. She gave the Wizard a rimjob in exchange for a time-machine hightail out of Oz and into the 21st century. Status: True, but it wasn't just a rimjob.
• Gerard Way took each of his fellow band members, including his own brother, in the ass. Twice. Status: Confirmed by Way himself.

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