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| A theory that lets [[nerds|people of low social value]] feel better about themselves by outlining silly [[shit]] about relationships that they need [[Theoretical_physics|diagrams]] to understand. Given the premise that [[at least 100]]% of these theorists are also virgins, they conclude that all women are whores and that's why they are fat and alone.
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| It was devised by Dallas Lynn, shortly after he hit the 300lb mark and first written out on a [[McDonald's]] napkin while he finished off his third Double Quarter Pounder with cheese.
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| ==The THEORY==
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| Ladder theory consists of several related points, called ''Lemmas'' because it sounds less revealing than [[bullshit]]:
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| *Lemma 1: Every time they meet a person, they rate their [[fuck]]ability on a ''"ladder"'' system. The more doable a person is, the higher they are on the ladder.
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| *Lemma 2: Women rate men entirely on the man's [[money|social value]], while men base their ratings on [[boobs]].
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| *Lemma 3: Women have two ladders, while men only have one. This is because women are evil, greedy harpies who like to hoard all the ladders for themselves.
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| *Lemma 4: All women are whores.
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| *Lemma 5: All women are whores.
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| *Lemma 6: All women are whores.
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| *Lemma 7: OH GOD I'M SO ALONE :(
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| The theory goes on to state how [[women]] will often claim to value a [[Funny|sense of humor]], [[Crybaby|sensitivity]], and things of that nature, when searching for a prospective partner. Of course, it's [[common knowledge]] that this is a filthy [[lie]], as everyone knows that women only like popular, [[Alpha Male|loud assholes]] and/or wifebeaters who have lots of money and large [[penis]]es. These credits to humanity are placed on the woman's "good ladder", while the sensitive [[nice guy]] who offers his eternal devotion is placed on the "friends ladder" and never gets [[pussy]], [[evar]].
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| [[Lusers]] who take the ladder theory as [[serious business]] therefore think that the purpose of life is to ascend to an alpha male and have [[sex]] with higher and higher caliber women, climbing to the top of the so-called "good ladder". This makes it [[aids|hurt moar]] when they [[dying alone|die alone]].
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| Note that if the slut is willing to look past size for wealth they are golddiggers, but if they prefer size to wealth they are whores.
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| ===Pie charts make everything scientific===
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| [[Image:Ladder.jpg|frame|center|This pie chart illustrates the differences between how men and women rate potential partners.]]
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| ==How To Troll Ladder Theory==
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| Ladder Theorists are easy to [[troll]] because where they were obsessed with worshipping women on a pedastal, now that they've [[batshit insane|seen the light]], they've replaced their "she can do no wrong" mindset with a "she can never do right" mentality. Ladder Theorists [[fap]] all day to their theories and science of dating, and [http://iwforums.com/index.php challenging their worldview] is much like arguing with an [[atheist]]: The [[IRL]] truth of his luserdom doesn't hurt him because it's the fault of the [[women|whores]] that no-one likes him.
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| The easiest way to create [[lulz]]/[[drama]] at the forum is to first off, be a woman, plain and simple.
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| #Create a troll account with a girly name, like sweetpeach23 or verloren or sunny6969loli. Don't use an avatar at first.
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| #Challenge the theory. You can be mean or even be polite, if you've challenged it or asked a question at all, you're guaranteed 10 replies on why you're an idiot.
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| #Post in Off Topic, anything at all. If you start a thread there, they hate you, because intellectual whores has been a yes-man [[circle jerk]] for the past five years, even among its few female members who are [[masturbate|worshipped]] as [[unwarranted_self_importance|wise women]], and Off Topic, unlike any other forum in the world, is supposed to be an elitist whiner playground that you're not allowed in.
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| #Inevitably you'll be questioned as to whether you are a girl or not. Just say yes.
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| #Then you'll be harassed to post pics. [[attention whore|Wait a day or three.]]
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| #Then you'll be threatened with the banhammer if you don't post pics because for all their talk and science of pick up artistry to counter the almighty Ladder Theory, they're still not quite sure what [[boobs|tits]] look like. Seriously, the longer you go mentioning that you're female without posting pics, the harder their blue balls will throb.
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| #Post pics of some random ass [[slut]] from mySpace
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| #Receive IMs from several sleazy desperate users including half the mods
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| #[[????]]
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| #[[PROFIT!]]
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| Other useful trolling tips:
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| *They keep their own in-house trolls, including a very unfunny one named Jose Bonero, a [[spam]] bot that poses as a 43 year old [[pedophile]], you can mimic its bot posts by simply quoting any post, "fixing" the post to something raunchy involving [[buttsecks]] or ass lube, and punctuating it with the :shock: BBS smiley. None of the in-house trolls are funny, so if you're funny, you'll be banned for competing with them, which is somewhat lulzy.
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| *If you don't take a topic seriously in the non-Off Topic forum sections, you will be railed on for 10+ posts, often 4 or 5 pages' worth. Particularly since you have a [[vagina]], you must be the scum of the earth. Ladder Theory is [[Serious Business]].
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| *They believe you more if you write on your tits, "DIE [[fag|FAGS]] AT IWFORUMS" in grape jelly before you take the marginally SFW pic of yourself to post. There are plenty of pics like that floating around on teh internets<sup title="I do not fucking believe you, assburglar" class="noprint">[[[citation needed|''citation fucking needed'']]]</sup>, but making your own is just as fun and guarantees more PMs the first week, not to mention the mods keep an archive of all the tits ever posted on the forum to wank to, so if you pluck one from an existing source, they'll know you're [[bullshit|bullshitting]] because [[pathetic|they have the evidence]]. If you don't have tits, you should definitely write the same message with a Sharpie on your rock hard [[cock]] and post it, weeks after [[it's a trap|claiming to be a chick.]]
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| *Plan to be bored with them after a week or two when you realize they're easy to piss off, but not royally, and that they take themselves entirely too seriously and are [[anti-lulz]].
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| ==See Also==
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| *[[Slut]]
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| *[[Nice Guys]]
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| *[[Friend Zone]]
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| ==External links==
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| * The [http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html Ladder Theory] homepage.
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| {{sex}}
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| [[Category: Language]][[Category:Sex]]
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