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| {{notice| <i><s>[[You]] may be looking for '''[[AIDS]]'''.</s> Nope, this is the right article. Definitely.</i><br/>}}
| | Bacteria: Bacteria! We begin with only one! |
| {{spoiler|the continent with the greatest natural wealth only produces aids, witches, insane dictators, and a global plague of niggers}}
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| <br>
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| {{offended}}
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| <br>
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| [[File:Aceofspaidsvsafrica.JPG|thumb|right|350px|Technically, it is also a space of spades]]
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| [[File:Ungrateful niggers.jpg|350px|right]]
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| Ever driven through the [[Ghetto]]? Now imagine a ghetto the size of an entire fucking continent and you'll begin to understand the [[IRL]] edition of ''[[Planet of the Apes]]''. '''Africa''' (also known as "Blackistan", "Africoon", "Assfrica", "Niggerland", "Lolfrica", "Africunt", "Aidsfrica", "Gayfrica", "Rapefrica" or "Hell") is a wretched hive of scum and villainy further south than [[Europe]] and much [[Detroit|darker]], almost completely uninhabitable where (with the exception of Egypt) Civilization has never progressed beyond primitive Stone-Age tribal shit-throwing. Africa is [[fact|made mostly of dirt, AIDS, diseases]], [[Niggers|Apes]], Rapes, Apes that rape, Rape of apes, [[Watermelonz|Poisonous oversized grapes]], [[Ebola virus|Biohazard]] warning tape, and Homicidal dudes who escape.
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| It is generally accepted that the only white people found in Africa are intelligent, kind Europeans who give kittens and [[Сибирской_говор|free textbooks]] to black families on a regular basis. The lunatic Africans kill them in return for their kindness. [http://www.africancrisis.co.za/Article.php?ID=47276& Proof.]
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| ==History==
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| {{main|Afrocentrism}}
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| The entire continent has never progressed at all due to the fact that it is uninhabited by actual Humans, only by niggers whose evolution never progressed beyond that of the monkey. Despite the fact that you can strike precious minerals such as diamond and Uranium anywhere you dig, the [[niggers|indigenous animals]] are to [[retard]]ed to be able to comprehend [[White|Human]] technology and government systems, instead eating each other and/or raping chimpanzees (this is where HIV originated from). There has never been a day in African history where somebody isn't starving or war isn't going on, or [[at least 100|anything less than 100]] children have been pwned. The only way to keep up with this high death rate is by making babies as fast as possible, raping even more people and therefore spreading [[AIDS]]. Despite the whole world pouring money into it, they still can't figure how to stop raping and eating each other. And they are so stupid that instead of moving, they'd rather walk three miles every day for water.
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| ===[[Stone Age|African Civilization]]===
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| {{main|WE WUZ KANGZ}}
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| [[Image:Darwin on Africa.jpg|thumb|220px|Darwin tells like it is]]
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| African Civilization is an oxymoron made up by liberal autists that have nothing better to do but wallow in nigger's shit and AIDS. African civilization is a myth made up by the American government to make niggers think that their 'friends' in Africa (That actually hate American niggers, because they are the descendants of the slave class in Africa) are smart (they are not). If you 'learn' about African civilization in history class, call your teacher out on his bullshit and say "African civilization is an oxymoron" and proceed to [[An Hero]] the entire class and yourself.
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| ===Economy===
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| {{main|Welfare}}
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| There are two wonderful jobs you can get in Africa. One is [[whore|spreading AIDS]], and the second is [[army|becoming a child soldier]]. People serving in both occupations are on average about two years old. Morons like [[U2|Bono]] made [[Amerikkka]] give a lot of money to Africa, but it's just as shit as it's ever been. The odd celebrity will also deposit a few thousand bucks to the continent to get rid of that extra money lying around while keeping up their image to appear as though they genuinely care. Billions has been put towards the ongoing poverty over the years, yet it's still a shithole, even when basic education for farming has been introduced.
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| ===Healthcare===
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| {{main|Death}}
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| [[Image:Cowanusfeed.jpg|thumb|220px|right|[http://www.toxicjunction.com/get.asp?i=V4188& A traditional African cure.]]]
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| Feeling unwell? You have AIDS. But never mind, just pop along to your local witch doctor, because niggers are too dumb to build a decent medical center. They've got enough bizarre and wonderfully useless concoctions that'll most likely put you out of your misery rather than heal you of it. Tastes funny? Stop bitching! Because you know what they say, if it tastes bad it's good for you!
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| Frequent appointments to the Voodoo Hut may also involve having your daughter's [[clitoris]] cut off with a blunt rock. Remember girls, only men in Africa are privileged to the joy of sexual pleasure!
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| ===Negromancy===
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| <!------------------------------------ALL VIDEOS IN THIS SECTION HAVE BEEN ARCHIVED: SEE TALK PAGE TO DOWNLOAD AND MIRROR------------------------------->
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| {{main|Witchcraft}}
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| Africa is a place where black magic genuinely happens. It is hard for western observers to perceive the subtle ways in which magic works, but the savage is more in tune with nature's mysteries and this explains why IRL examples of witchcraft, conjuring, lycanthropy, and similar ju-ju events tend to look completely fucking stupid when filmed.
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| Here are some examples. Warning, do not watch if you are of a nervous disposition.
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <center>
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| {{frame|{{fv|Negromancy|background-color:#9c7248;text-align:center;|font-weight: bold;
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| <!---------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "AFRICAN WITCHDOCTOR'S CAR DRIVING ITSELF!"-------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>gkjwjw3dr34</youtube><br/>{{center|The self-driving car - another nigger invention stolen by whitey}}
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| <!---------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "TREE WHERE WITCHES HOLD MEETINGS IN AGBOR DELTA STATE REFUSES TO GO DOWN"----------------->
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| |<youtube>Pka1XMEZiiY</youtube><br/>{{center|This tree is bewitched}}
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| <!---------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "WITCHCRAFT IS REAL. HUMAN HALF DOG SPOTTED IN LIMPOPO SOUTH AFRICA"------------------------->
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| |<youtube>ibtvnNQAzOM</youtube><br/>{{center|Compelling evidence of lycanthropy}}
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| <!---------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "UNLOCK MY PUNANI!"------------------------------------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>4Nblw50VHWk</youtube><br/>{{center|A magician's curse has closed this woman's punani}}
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| <!---------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "WITCHCRAFT: FLYING WOMAN CRASH AND BURST THROUGH THE ROOF"------------------------------>
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| |<youtube>d0ZUhiUcr3M</youtube><br/>{{center|This witch crashed while flying above a hut}}
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| }}|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| <br>
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| ==[[Shit that will never happen|African Culture]]==
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| <!-------------------------------------------------ALL VIDEOS IN THIS SECTION HAVE BEEN ARCHIVED: SEE TALK PAGE TO DOWNLOAD AND MIRROR------------------>
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| <br>
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| <center>
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| {{frame|{{fv|Nigeos|background-color:#9c7248;text-align:center;|font-weight: bold;
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "THIS IS AFRICA"-------------------------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>kKiOhks73LI</youtube><br />{{center|This is Africa}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "SONG OF AFRICA"-------------------------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>SBfgtY_rM08</youtube><br />{{center|The National Anthem of Africa}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "WHO KILLED CAPTAIN ALEX ORIGINAL TRAILER"------------------------------>
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| |<youtube>BymeLkZ7GqM</youtube><br />{{center|Movies in Africa}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "EAT DA POO POO"-------------------------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>euXQbZDwV0w</youtube><br />{{center|Laws on Homosexuality}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "OPEN DEFECATION AT LA BEACH"------------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>Lqg8I4w0ItM</youtube><br />{{center|Like [[india|indians]],africans cant poo in the loo}}
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| }}|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| <br>
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| ===Tourism===
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| {{main|Justine Sacco}}
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| <center>
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| {{frame|<gallery perrow=6>
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| File:Snake kebab (nigeria).png|No drumsticks, but plenty of breasts
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| File:Catepillar surprise.jpg|Some kind of bugs
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| File:African food (some kind of fish in vomit) from ghana.jpg|Haut cuisine de l'Afrique
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| File:African food - mopane worms.jpg|Another dainty morsel
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| File:African food - isi ewu (spicy goat's head, Nigerian).jpg|[[DO NOT WANT|Waste not, want not]]
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| File:African calamari (actually cow stomach).jpg|So tempting
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| </gallery>|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| <br>
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| There are thousands of reasons why the holidaymaker should go to Africa. Millions. We're not going to list them all because it would take too long. But you can look forward to:
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| * [[War|Unspoiled]] [[Disease|natural]] [[Poverty|beauty.]]
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| * [[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR|Incredible wildlife.]]
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| * [[Disgusting|Exotic]] [[Vomit|cuisine.]]
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| * [[Rape|Friendly]] [[Cannibalism|natives.]]
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| Whatever your reason for visiting Africa, we can guarantee you that you will [[Literally|find it difficult to leave.]]
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <center>
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| {{frame|<gallery perrow=4 class="middle"; heights="200px" widths="200px">
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| File:Road safety (darker = worse) - africa is a hellhole.jpg|Best to hire a tank
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| File:Security risk (redder = worse) - africa is a hellhole.jpg|Got legal and kidnap insurance?
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| File:Health risk (redder = worse) - africa is a hellhole.jpg|Don't forget those vaccinations
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| File:Africa is a hellhole - cities ranked by quality of life.png|So much to choose from
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| </gallery>|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| <br>
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| ==National Pastimes==
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| <!--------------------------------------------------ALL VIDEOS IN THIS SECTION HAVE BEEN ARCHIVED: SEE TALK PAGE TO DOWNLOAD AND MIRROR----------------->
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| [[File:Race_relations.jpg|thumb|right|220|Some blacks participate in the human race]]
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| [[File:OhsnapyougottheAIDS.jpg|thumb|150px|right|Oh snap!]]
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| [[File:Niggerattacker.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Bitches gonna get raped!]]
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| Africa is a simple land of simple pleasures. These pleasures consist of eating [[shit]] you find on the ground, AIDS, [[rape]], and rape with AIDS.
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| In Africa, they will eat ANYTHING. See that monkey? It's food. Oh look, a pile of cow shit! Food! If it tries to run away, the Africans will hurl spears and rocks at it until it stops moving. Some African tribes evolved the habit of kicking things to death instead. Thus, African [[soccer]] was born.
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| Whatever can not be eaten will be fucked. AIDS supposedly came from some bored African fucking a green monkey. Why anyone would fuck a creature that has obviously gone rotten is beyond the understanding of most civilized countries, but this is Africa - deal with it! And what is fucking when one party isn't into it? RAEP!
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| [[truth|Africans use rape for everything]] - [http://gayrights.change.org/petitions/view/demand_south_africa_address_its_corrective_rape_epidemic Seriously!] Rape is used to cure [[gay|faggots]], get [[wimmin]] back into the kitchen, show how manly you are, pass the time, proper disposal for rancid monkey carcasses, and more! In fact, tribal medicine even says that raep cures AIDS. However, [[bitches don't know|retards in Africa don't know]] that it won't work, ensuring much [[AIDS|lulz]] to be spread around the continent.
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| Little do many know, but there is indeed a vaccine created for the AIDS virus. Too bad nobody in Africa can afford it. There are too many faggots in the Western world loaded with money to even care, dat's why they got the AIDS. Major butthurt and SLAVE pwnage.
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <center>
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| {{frame|{{fv|Nigeos|background-color:#9c7248;text-align:center;|font-weight: bold;
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "NIGERIAN DOUGIE"------------------------------------------>
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| |<youtube>XEIFW40Y6Mk</youtube><br />{{center|Wild niglets perform their war-dance}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "MEET THE FORGOTTEN TRIBE THAT HAS NOT YET DISCOVERED FIRE"---------------------->
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| |<youtube>hR90t55CvbE</youtube><br />{{center|A tribe that hasn't discovered fucking fire yet}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "CRAZY AFRICAN HEAD SHAKE TRIBAL DANCE"-------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>AdmKS1MPp_w</youtube><br />{{center|African rave}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "THE ISOLATED AFRICAN TRIBE HAMER SHOCKED WHEN THEY SAW THE WHITE MAN"--------------->
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| |<youtube>exVUMClsiKY</youtube><br />{{center|Africans who have never met white people before}}
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| <!-----------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "WITCHDOCTOR SICK DANCE"------------------------------------------------->
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| |<youtube>y9C0DYjFZLw</youtube><br />{{center|Moar African rave}}
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| }}|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| <br>
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| ==Politics==
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| [[File:Africa is a hellhole - world corruption index (transparency international, 2018).png|thumb|right|75px|Corruption]]
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| If there's one aspect of modernity that the stinking cess-pit of Africa has embraced, it's corrupt military dictatorships. Present-day Africa is mainly notable for the number of [[Hitlers|Nigglers]] that it has produced, some of whom are so spectacularly mad and vicious that they make [[Saddam Hussein]] look like a jolly decent chap and a bit of a shrinking violet. None of Africa's tyrants has ever been overthrown by the USA, but that might be because America knows from [[Slavery|first-hand experience]] that freeing niggers just isn't worth the trouble in the long run. Here is a slideshow of some of the dark continent's [[Notable|top-rated]] tyrants.
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <center>
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| {{frame|<gallery 300px mode="slideshow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;">
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| File:General_mobutu_sese_seko.png|'''General Mobutu Sese Seko of the Democratic Republic of Congo.'''<br>Full name: ''Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga'' ("The all-powerful warrior who, because of his<br>endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake.")<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1965 (deposed 1997)<br>•'''Notable for:''' Banning state media from mentioning anyone else by name and for embezzling<br>up to $15bn from the treasury (more than Congo's entire national debt)
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| File:Jean-bedel_bokassa,_central_african_republic.jpg|'''Emperor Jean-Bedel Bokassa I of the Central African Republican Empire.'''<br>'''Full title:''' ''“Emperor of Central Africa by the will of the Central African people,<br>united within the national political party, the MESAN."''<br><br>'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1966 (deposed 1979)<br>•'''Notable for:''' insanity, embezzlement, murder and cannibalism
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| Image:Idi-Amin-Dada.jpg|'''General Idi Amin Dada of Uganda.'''<br>'''Full title:''' ''"His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC,<br>Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire<br>in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular."'' (Also, rightful King of Scotland.)<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1971 (deposed 1978)<br>•'''Notable for:''' insanity, cannibalism, murdering around half a million Ugandans,<br>and banning state media from carrying reports about a speaking tortoise that<br> was rumored to be prophesying his downfall
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| File:Uganda president yoweri museveni.jpg|'''President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1986, still in power as of 2017<br>•'''Notable for:''' outlawing opposition parties until fiddling elections in 1996, 2001 (when he threatened to murder<br>the leader of the opposition), 2006 (when he had the opposition leader arrested on a treason charge, later<br>thrown out by the Supreme Court), and 2011 (similar shit again). The best bit? At each election, Museveni violated<br>the constitution by using his position as commander in chief to order that the entire army had to vote for him. Along the<br>way, there have been the usual massacres and assassinations. Being [[Redundant|a Bible-bashing nig-nog,]] he is utterly<br>obsessed with the [[Homosexual agenda|gays,]] and believes that Eurofaggots are visiting Uganda to sign up [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|new recruits.]]<br>Was quite keen on two national newspapers, which promoted his anti-poofery propaganda, until they published<br>the fact that he was planning to assassinate members of his own government, stay<br>in office for life, and appoint his own son as his successor. So Museveni closed both newspapers and tried<br>to make [[Fake News|"false reporting"]] a criminal offense (the Supreme Court threw it out).
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| File:General sani abacha, nigeria.png|'''General Sani Abacha of Nigeria.'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1993 (deposed 1998), having<br>previously taken part in three military coups on behalf of other generals.<br>•'''Notable for:''' embezzling an estimated $5bn from public funds and being<br>the fourth most corrupt head of state in modern history.
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| File:Gambia president, Al Hadji Yahya Jammeh.jpg|'''President Al Hadji Yahya Jammeh of [[Hambeast|Gambia.]]'''<br>'''Full title:''' His Excellency Sheikh Professor Alhaji Dr. Yahya Abdul-Aziz Awal Jemus Junkung Jammeh Naasiru Deen Babili Mansa,<br>Commander in Chief of The Armed Forces and Chief Custodian of the Sacred Constitution of the Gambia<br>(also an honorary Colonel in [[Kentucky|the Commonwealth of Kentucky)]]<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1994 (deposed 2017 after trying to fiddle a democratic election that he had just lost)<br>•'''Notable for:''' Massacring student protesters, commanding a special forces regiment of undercover witchdoctors,<br>making journalists disappear without trace, curing AIDS with [[KFC|a secret blend of herbs and spices,]] making faggotry a capital offense
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| File:Isaias Afwerki president of eritrea.jpg|'''President Isaias Afwerki of Eritrea'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1991 (still in power as of 2017)<br>•'''Notable for:''' outlawing all political opposition parties, abolishing independent media,<br>handing the court system over to tribal elders and witch-doctors who govern<br>entire towns with no accountability, embarking on a ruinous on/off war with<br>neighboring Ethiopia that has lasted 25 years and bankrupted both nations despite<br>the only thing at stake being some bits of fucking useless desert. During a national famine, Afwerki turned down<br>offers of food aid, saying it would make Eritreans become "lazy." He then decided<br>that confiscating 90% of their crops would make farmers work harder. For some reason, Eritrea's<br>population has declined a little and no economic miracle has occurred.
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| File:Zimbabwe president robert mugabe.jpg|'''President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' failed several times as a [[Communist|marxist]] [[Terrorist|terrorist,]] before being<br>''democratically elected'' president in 1980. This was a purely symbolic role with no actual powers, so<br>in 1987 he had himself declared the head of state, head of government, and<br>commander-in-chief of the armed forces, in which positions he continued until<br>he was overthrown in another military coup on November 14, 2017.<br>•'''Notable for:''' Destroying the Zimbabwean economy by stealing farmland from white farmers (who<br>were capable of actually managing it) and giving it to homeless niggers instead (who weren't). <br>Suddenly, there were food shortages, 80% unemployment, inflation hit 100,000%, and life expectancy<br>slumped to 36 for men and 34 for women. Mugabe is currently 184 years old and<br>seems certain to achieve his cherished ambition of outliving everyone else in Zimbabwe.
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| File:Emmerson Mnangagwa interim president of zimbabwe.jpg|300px|'''Interim president Emmerson Mnangagwa of Zimbabwe'''<br>'''AKA:''' "The Crocodile"<br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' November 14, 2017<br>Survived Mugabe's earlier attempt to assassinate him with magical explosive diahorrea (see below)<br>and went into exile, is now back with a vengeance and promising "change".<br>Which probably means more of the same.
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| File:Francisco macas nguema, president of equatorial guinea (1968-1979).jpg|'''President Macias Nguema of Equatorial Guinea'''<br>'''Full title:''' TL;DR because he kept adding stuff, such as "Unique Miracle" and "Grand Master of <br>Education, Science, and Culture" before finally changing the national motto<br>to ''"There is no other God than Macías Nguema"'' which pretty much covered everything<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' ''Democratically elected in 1966'' but abolished the constitution and<br>all opposition political parties in 1971 and declared himself supreme ruler (deposed 1979 by his own nephew)<br>•'''Notable for:''' insanity, murder, banning boat-fishing in case any of his subjects tried to escape (he turned the <br>only road out of Guinea into a minefield, for the same reason), keeping the entire treasury balance in<br>suitcases under his bed, and carrying out the lulziest assassination of all time (forcing 150 opponents<br>into a football stadium, and having them shot on Christmas Eve by snipers dressed<br>as Santa Claus while playing "Those Were the Days" by Mary Hopkin over the PA system)
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| File:Equatorial guinea president teodoro obiang nguema mbasogo.jpg|'''President Obiang Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1979, by deposing and murdering [[:File:Francisco macas nguema, president of equatorial guinea (1968-1979).jpg|his uncle.]] (still in power as of 2017)<br>•'''Notable for:''' being a case of "meet the new boss, same as the old boss." President Mbasogo is officially “the<br>country’s god” with “all power over men and things.” In case anyone missed that subtlety, it has<br>been clarified that the president “can decide to kill without anyone calling him to account and without<br>going to hell.” What with his uncle and now him, Equatorial Guinea itself already resembles Hell, with<br>government-sanctioned kidnapping, torture administered by the security service, casual murders conducted<br>quite openly, and (of course) cannibalism. The discovery of oil in Equatorial Guinea has done nothing to alleviate<br>poverty, unless you are Mbasogo himself who has amassed between $600 million and $1 billion, thank you very much.
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| File:Chad_president_(1982-90)_hissène_habré.jpg|'''President Hissène Habré of Chad'''<br>'''Also Known As:''' ''"Africa's Pinochet"'' (explanation below)<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1982, deposed 1990 (see next slide)<br>•'''Notable for:''' the usual. Armed and financed by the USA during the [[Ronald Reagan|Reagan administration]] [https://www.democracynow.org/2016/5/31/from_us_ally_to_convicted_war] due to<br>his opposition to [[Muammar_Gaddafi|Libya.]] Hence the above-mentioned nickname. His luck ran out when<br>the Gipper toddled off into retirement, and he was overthrown just two years later. Convicted in 2016 of<br>numerous war crimes and crimes against humanity (i.e., rape, sexual slavery, torturing 200,000 people<br>and ordering the murders of 40,000 more). Now serving life imprisonment with no parole.
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| File:President_idriss_déby_of_chad_on_his_fucking_gold_throne.jpg|'''President Idriss Déby of Chad'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' Deposed [[:File:Chad_president_(1982-90)_hissène_habré.jpg|that guy]] in 1990 (still in power as of 2017)<br>•'''Notable for:''' being in power when Chad's oil reserves were discovered and tapped in the<br>mid-90s, leading to a flood of state income that has [[O RLY|simply disappeared]] somewhere along the line.<br>In 2005-6, Chad was voted the most corrupt nation on the entire planet. As of 2017 Chad is<br>officially listed as a [[Fail|"Failed State,"]] and is the [[Poor|seventh-poorest]] country on Earth, with<br>80% of the population living at subsistence level or below.
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| File:Charles taylor president of liberia (1997-2003).jpg|'''President Charles Taylor of Liberia'''<br>'''Campaign slogan:''' ''"He killed my ma, he killed my pa, but I'll vote for him"'' (Trufax! [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2003/aug/04/westafrica.qanda])<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1996, went legit by getting elected the next year (deposed 2003)<br>•'''Notable for:''' in the words of the judge at Taylor's 2012 trial: "aiding and abetting<br>as well as planning some of the most heinous and brutal crimes recorded in human history"; <br>also the first head of state to be convicted of war crimes since [[Who?|Karl Donitz]] at [[100 years ago|Nuremberg.]] Guilty on<br>11 counts of war crimes (and crimes against humanity), including terrorism, sexual slavery, child conscription,<br>pillage, rape, and murder. (No cannibalism, though.) Currently serving [[Over 9000|50]] years in [[England|England.]]<br>•'''Fun fact:''' conspired with televangelist [[Pat Robertson]] to set up a mining operation and<br>sell black market diamonds under cover of "humanitarian relief missions"
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| File:King mswati III of swaziland.jpg|'''Mswati III of Swaziland'''<br>'''Full title:''' His [[Obesity|Majesty]] King Mswati III, Ingwenyama of Swaziland and Grand Master of<br>[[Srsly|the Royal Order of the Great She-Elephant]]<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' Sort of. Succeeded his father as absolute monarch (and<br>commander in chief of the army) in 1986... at the age of 14<br>•'''Notable for:''' being in control of everything, as in having the power to fill any government position (including<br>that of Prime Minister) by clicking his fingers; having the power to dissolve parliament, cancel elections, and<br>veto laws; currently having 15 wives (one of whom he kidnapped and forcibly married while she was still in school);<br>holding annual beauty competitions of 10,000 contestants in order to choose his next wife;<br>arbitrarily kidnapping, jailing, torturing and murdering people who annoy him; trying to<br>force parliament to pass a law compelling the branding and sterilization of women with [[HIV]]; eating up<br>$60m every year in "running costs" for his ever-expanding family (while the average citizen earns $1.25 a day); and<br>absent-mindedly pissing away 10% of Swaziland's entire GDP by building an international airport in<br>the middle of fucking nowhere that has never been used because he lost interest halfway through
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| File:President_juvénal_"rapeface"_habyarimana_of_rwanda.jpg|'''President [[Elvis Presley|Juvénal Habyarimana]] of Rwanda'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1973, stood for unopposed re-election in 1978 (and got<br>98.99% of the vote), 1983 (got 99.97%), and 1988 (got 99.98%).<br>•'''Notable for:''' being [[Duh|a totalitarian dictator]] who rounded up crowds who were<br>then forced by soldiers to worship him by singing and dancing during his rallies.<br> Not nearly extreme enough, so he was assassinated in 1994 and<br>replaced with a puppet president who was more enthusiastic about genocide (see next slide)
| |
| File:Theodore sindikubwabo, president of rwanda (april-july 1994).png|'''[[Resident Evil|Acting President]] Théodore Sindikubwabo of Rwanda'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' was ''installed as acting president by a military junta,'' on<br>April 9, 1994, three days after the assassination of [[:File:President_juvénal_"rapeface"_habyarimana_of_rwanda.jpg|his predecessor]] (overthrown himself on July 19, 1994)<br>•'''Notable for:''' presiding over the most efficient genocide in history, with an<br>estimated 1,000,000 niggers killed in just under 100 days
| |
| File:Sudan_president_omar_al_bashir.jpg|'''President Omar al-Bashir of Sudan'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1980 (still in power, having fiddled three subsequent elections)<br>•'''Notable for:''' overseeing a civil war that killed around 500,000 Sudanese and displaced<br>around 2.5m more (out of a total population of 6.2m).<br><br>Currently subject to a global arrest warrant issued by the International<br>Criminal Court in 2009, after indictment on five counts of crimes against humanity<br>(murder, extermination, forcible transfer, torture and rape) and two counts<br>of war crimes (pillaging and intentionally directing attacks against civilians)
| |
| File:Togo_president_(1967-2005)_gnassingbé_eyadéma.jpg|'''[[Zombie|President]] Gnassingbé Eyadéma of Togo'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' 1967 (died in office, 2005)<br>•'''Notable for:''' starring as an indestructible superhero in his own state-published comic and<br>making it compulsory reading in schools, having a troupe of 1,000 negresses who sang and<br>danced in his praise at public appearances, and attempting to go legit by standing for<br>election in 1993. He ran unopposed and got 96% of the vote. In 1998 he was re-elected (on a low turnout due<br>to voters fearing for their lives after hundreds of opposition party activists were mysteriously murdered).
| |
| File:Malawi president hastings kamuzu banda.jpg|'''President Hastings Banda of Mawali'''<br>'''Full title:''' ''"His Excellency the Life President of the Republic of Malaŵi, Ngwazi Dr. Hastings Kamuzu Banda."''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' ''Became Prime Minister'' (not elected) when Malawi gained independence in 1964.<br>He then rewrote the constitution and got himself elected "President for Life" in a single-candidate vote.<br>•'''Notable for:''' As Banda himself put it: "Everything I say is literally the law." TV was illegal, books were edited by hand<br>before sale, telephone calls were rationed and monitored (and terminated if politics was mentioned), official<br>portraits were hung in every room (and there was a law against hanging anything at<br>a greater height than the portrait), mail was opened and edited on an industrial scale, all adults were<br>required to become members of Banda's political party (in a one-party state), nudity and kissing were<br>edited out of movies before theatrical release, men were subject to enforced haircuts to ensure<br>social decorum, you get the idea. Had four of his cabinet ministers murdered by hammering<br>tent-pegs into their skulls and then declared they had been killed in an auto-collision.
| |
| File:South_africa_president_jacob_zuma.jpg|'''President Jacob Zuma of [[South Africa]]'''<br><br>•'''Seized power in a military coup:''' Almost. Was a member of the banned ANC Party until<br>[[Apartheid]] was overthrown, then climbed to power during the Mandela years. Forced to retire on February 14, 2018<br>•'''Notable for: '''being charged with corruption for taking R500,000 in bribes from an arms dealer<br>(he resigned, was charged, got cronies to interfere with the prosecution, charges were overturned,<br>reinstated, and finally dropped again); being charged with [[YGGR|rape]] in 2005 (acquitted); believing that teenage mothers should<br>have their babies abducted and be forced into education (Zuma has six wives, an estimated 20 legitimate children, seven<br>illegitimate ones, and receives an annual total exceeding R1m for "family support" as head of state); said in 2005 he<br>would only serve one four-year term in office but was still in power nearly a decade later wanted one of<br>his wives to succeed him (so that he could manipulate her and avoid corruption charges).<br>Zuma's profiteering and sleaze cost the nation an estimated $85bn during his period in office.
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| </gallery>|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| <br>
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| {{clear}}
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| ===Censorship===
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| <br>
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| <center>
| |
| {{frame|<center><gallery perrow=4>
| |
| File:Scouting for the reaper by jacob m appel.jpg|Book of short stories, banned in Eritrea since 2014 (Read it here: [https://archive.org/stream/ScoutingForTheReaper/Scouting%20for%20the%20Reaper_djvu.txt])
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| File:Eritrea famine - smuggled photo (2017).png|Reporting of Eritrean famine, banned 2017 (Read about it here: [https://www.newstatesman.com/world/africa/2017/04/famine-eritrean-government-doesnt-want-you-know-about])
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| File:'my father's daughter' (memoir) by hannah pool.jpg|Banned in Eritrea (Free audiobook: [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5lenqp])
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| File:'i didn't do it for you' by michela wrong.jpg|Banned in Eritrea (Free text files here: [https://filesgat795.firebaseapp.com/aa055/i-didnt-do-it-for-you-how-the-world-betrayed-a-small-african-nation-by-michela-wrong-0060780932.pdf] - PDF link)
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| </gallery>
| |
| <gallery perrow=5>
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| File:'the spear' by brett murray (portrait of jacob zuma).jpg|Painting, banned in South Africa, 2016
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| File:DEL_isis_shit.jpg|Banned for obscenity in Egypt, 2015
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| File:'sex retreat' collage by john kamicha.jpg|Banned in Kenya, 2017
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| panel 27 of 'china loves africa' by Michael Soi (2016).jpg|Banned in Kenya, 2016
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| File:Untitled - Canon Rumanzi (2013).jpg|Banned in Uganda, 2013
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| </gallery></center>|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
| |
| </center>
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| <br>
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| [[File:African internet access map 2015.png|thumb|right|200px|The Dark Internet Continent]]
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| Surprisingly, the internet is not censored anywhere in Africa. Not-so-surprisingly, this is because [[Fact|only 12% of Africans have any internet access.]] That minority consists of people who live within a day's travel of the [[Retro|new-fangled]] [[1990s|"internet cafés"]] and can afford to spend a whole week's income just to waste 30 minutes waiting for a single .gif animation to download. (Did we mention that only 1% of Africans has access to broadband?)
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| | |
| At present, internet usage is so rare that in (e.g.) Burkino Faso, a regulatory body called [[Arbcom|"the Superior Council of Communication"]] can effectively [[Recent changes patrol|monitor the entire online population]] to ensure compliance with local law.
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| | |
| In May 2012 the Council issued a [[WTF|formal warning]] to a site after a user insulted [[Big Brother|the nation's President]] during a [[Flame War|forum debate,]] forcing the site's owners to publish an apology and undertake to prevent any further misconduct.
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| The whole continent of Africa currently has fewer phone lines than [[New York City]] but [[Unrealistic expectations|this may change in the future.]] If it does, expect the phenomenon of [[Eternal September|"Eternal September"]] to be replaced by "Eternal [[Kwanzaa|Kwanzaa,"]] in which a large amount of online activity will consist of niggers trying to put [[Voodoo|curses]] on their enemies by sending them [[Dinosaurs|the "I Love You" virus.]] [[Some argue|It is furthermore estimated]] that by the year 3000 the entire GDP of Nigeria will be derived from [[419 Nigerian Email Scams|419 scams.]] But more optimistic forecasts estimate that most of Africa will have died of AIDS before this can happen.
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| | |
| ==African TV==
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| <!-----------------ALL VIDEOS IN THIS SECTION HAVE BEEN ARCHIVED: SEE TALK PAGE TO DOWNLOAD AND MIRROR------------------------------>
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| Incredibly, [[Electric Jew|television]] has been accepted by the people of Africa, without TV salesmen being hacked to death by villagers. Since the entire continent is essentially medieval but with electricity, [[Some argue|it is believed]] that Africans regard TV as a form of crystal ball, which reveals faraway wonders when it is gazed upon. And it does indeed produce wonders, if you are from a civilized country you will scarcely believe your eyes at the content produced for African audiences.
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| <br>
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| <br>
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| <center>
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| {{frame|{{fv|africatv|background-color:#9c7248;text-align:center;|font-weight: bold;
| |
| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "BEE-WITCHED (AFRICA)"------------->
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| |<youtube>YsIlobAgqds</youtube>
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| ;A hard-hitting Kenyan TV News investigation that makes several [[WTF|unexpected]] [[Non sequiturs|detours]]
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "NIGERIA NEWSFLASH (AFRICA)"------->
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| |<youtube>w7G4opKWc9Q</youtube>
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| ;November 17, 1993 - "We interrupt your scheduled viewing for an important announcement..."<br>(You can tell he means [[Serious business|business]] when he promises to eliminate [[419|419)]]
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "MERMAID EXORCISM (AFRICA)"-------->
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| |<youtube>C1WnK8z9pzk</youtube>
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| ;Troublesome mermaids are dealt with firmly in Nigeria. Full-length original {{ytlink|IKCSwwens88|here}}
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "UGANDA NEWSFLASH (AFRICA)"-------->
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| |<youtube>iL8RAWfXG34</youtube>
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| ;January 29, 1986 - "We interrupt your scheduled viewing for an important announcement..."
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: ""FIDELIS TV SERIES (AFRICA)"------>
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| |<youtube>p4JChi9uQRg</youtube>
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| ;Zimbabwe's most popular soap - a gritty depiction of real life (i.e., [[Nigger stole my bike|bike theft,]] mud huts, and witches)
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "ZIMBABWE NEWSFLASH (AFRICA)"------>
| |
| |<youtube>yWZS2s5xrGM</youtube>
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| ;November 14, 2017 - "We interrupt your scheduled viewing for an important announcement..."
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED: "CHARLIE TV SERIES (AFRICA)"------->
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| |<youtube>Zsh_LxEg77w</youtube>
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| ;A well-edited episode of Ghana's favorite drama series climaxes in a gruelling fight<br>(May or not be in English, can't really tell for sure)
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| |<youtube>8vMEYoUqMsA</youtube>
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| <!------------------------------VIDEO ENTITLED:"FUNNY AFRICAN WATER COMMERCIAL"---->
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| ;A typical TV advertising campaign, based on everyday African life
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| }}|border=#6f4f1d|background=#9c7248}}
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| </center>
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| | |
| ==Europe and Africa==
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| [[File:African bird sanctuary.jpg|right|190px]]
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| [[image:Africa&Europe.gif|right|thumb|180px|Europe's relationship with Africa is something like this.]]
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| Just as the first European settlers came to America, conquered the Moors and the [[Injuns|Indians (feather, not dot)]], and then enslaved Africans and robbed them of all their resources, white Americans of today will continue to keep black people as pets in cages, ghettos, and BET where, as far as the country clubs are concerned, they belong.
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| These retarded apes still haven't done anything to improve this country, well, with few exceptions, but those people were exceptions because their ancestors were raped by white people. All those negro preachers in the NAACP (Niggers Appreciating A Chunky Pussy) might as well take a rope and hang their own damn selves. These theories are dominant, because no black person could receive [[Сибирской_говор|enough of an education]] to disprove those racist beliefs except for [[Black Jesus|Martin Luther King Jr]].
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| | |
| ====Foreign AIDS====
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| Lately, a lot of [[liberals|whining liberals]] have been protesting to introduce foreign strains of the [[AIDS]] virus into the African population. Little do they know that the AIDS is an American secret weapon to destroy the dark skins and the homosexuals, mostly for Africa and their overpopulated shit holes.
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| Often, people will hold benefit concerts and other gay shit in the name of foreign AIDS. However, the bleeding hearts don't know this usually goes to the Jew bankers in New York instead of the fucktards in Africa. Jew bankers with foreign [[AIDS]] - HA! Serves them right.
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| | |
| ===300 Africans===
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| Contrary to the faggot Spartans, the African 300 leader had much more trouble inspiring his troops. Simply think of him saying "Africans! Tonight, we dine in...oh wait, we don't have any food." Therefore, their end would have not been caused by a retard that looked strangely similar to [[Your mom|that ugly bitch]], but by the mere lack of cheeseburgers in their [[McDonald's]] and by [[Aids|failing at purification]] through [[Baby Fuck|the fucking of one-year-olds]].
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| | |
| ==Gallery==
| |
| <br>
| |
| {{cg|BzzzzzBzzzzzzBzzzz....|africagallery|center|<gallery>
| |
| File:Typical african street entertainment.jpg
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| File:Wtf 1976 jew music album cover - "Benjamin Muller Sings Chassidic Sound of Africa".jpg
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| File:Baby "raped to death" - zululand observer (june 25, 2018).png
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| File:Shito - produce of ghana, africa.jpg
| |
| </gallery>|<gallery perrow=4>
| |
| <!--Image:MeanwhileAfrica.jpg|Meanwhile, in [[Africa]].-->
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| File:Unknown epidemic kills 70 kids (nigeria).jpg|Yet another pandemic averted (by an over-efficient virus)
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| File:Mutant goat - limpopo, africa (2016).png|Goat-fucking is commonplace
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| File:Africa - true relative size map.jpg|Never in human history has so little been achieved by so many with so much
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| Image:Starved girl.jpg|Obesity is a growing problem for every [[Сибирской говор|child in Africa]].
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| File:Lolafrica1.jpg|What multiculturalist white apologists won't tell you.
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| Image:Rockafrica.jpg|What Africa looks like on [[Google]] Maps at the highest zoom level.
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| Image:Enslave_black_people.jpg|PonguigPeopinn presents a novel solution to the problem in Africa, only to be shouted down by indoctrinated fools.
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| Image:Starving child.jpg|National Flag of Africa, featuring a [[typical]] resident covered in bugs.
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| Image:Cameroon_internets.png|Most literate people in the African country of Cameroon actually read and write [[Chinese]], rather than the officially-claimed [[French]] or [[English]].
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| File:Skeptical Starving Ethiopian.jpg|[[Your mom]] used to try and get you to eat your dinner because there were [[children|kids]] starving in Africa. How this was supposed to work, nobody knows.
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| <!--File:Nabas.jpg|thumb|right|An African supermarket.-->
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| Image:African union flag.png|Africa's future flag. Take that, America!
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| Image:immahuntin.png|John Cena
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| Image:Dallaschimp.gif|a wild niglet
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| File:Forgot this memes name.jpg
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| Image:AlanMooreLionKing.jpg|The Lion King. Stay on the road. Keep clear of the moors. Beware the Moon, lads.
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| Image:Niggerslolol.jpg|Even Jewgle doesn't know...
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| Image:The academic community frown on your decision africa guns.jpg|There are several fine [[College|universities]] in Africa.
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| Image:Foreign_AIDS.jpg|AIDS is the most popular subject of comedy in Africa.
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| Image:Thinspirationbethiope.jpg|Ever compassionate, /[[b]]/ helps a starving Ethiopian child.
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| Image:Foreignaids.png
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| Image:Africanmeal.jpg|Poor African men save money on food by eating their own genitals.
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| Image:Baboon_solution.jpg
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| Image:Niger chicken.png
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| File:Nigger mouth.jpg
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| <!--File:Africankidneedswater.JPG|Poor [[Niggers]]-->
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| Image:Littleaubrey01.jpg|Ripping off whitey is a beloved African tradition.
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| File:Miss payment or we take blankket12.JPG
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| <!--Image:Nigghana.jpg-->
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| File:Romevsafrica.JPG|Africa has never EVER progressed.
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| <!--File:Native Donkey Kong.jpg|An African's life in side-scrolling form.-->
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| <!--File:African shacks.jpg|Traditional African architecture truly shows the rich culture of Africa.-->
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| Image:Niceass.jpg|Hi there,Welcome to Ass [[in the ass| in the box]]. May I take your order sir?
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| File:Rolling Stone 100 Top Homos.jpg |The free press.
| |
| </gallery>}}
| |
| <br>
| |
| | |
| == See also ==
| |
| [[File:Togo president general eyadéma gnassingbé (1972).png|right|350px]]
| |
| * [[$100 Laptop]]
| |
| * [[419]]
| |
| * [[AIDS]]
| |
| * [[Afrocentrism]] - let's face it, if you were from Africa, you'd prefer this fantasy too
| |
| * [[Apartheid]]
| |
| * [[Black chicks]]
| |
| * [[Black History Month]]
| |
| * [[Botswana]]
| |
| * [[The child in Africa|Child in Africa, the]]
| |
| * [[Detroit]] - A fully-representative African colony
| |
| * [[Ebola]]
| |
| * [[HowToBasic]], an insane Australian YouTuber with great contempt for Africa's starving people
| |
| * [[Dogo Nahawa Massacre]]
| |
| * [[Jenkem]]
| |
| * [[Kenya]]
| |
| * [[Joseph Kony|Kony, Joseph]]
| |
| * [[Kwanzaa]]
| |
| * [[Poor]]
| |
| * [[Rape]]
| |
| * [[Martin Ssempa|Ssempa, Martin]]
| |
| * [[Slavery]]
| |
| * [[Tanzania|Tarzan]]
| |
| * [[Voodoo]]
| |
| * [[War]]
| |
| * [[World Cup 2010]]
| |
| | |
| ==External links==
| |
| * [https://malawi24.com/2016/12/29/bizarre-malawian-woman-gives-birth-two-stones/ '''Witchcraft suspected after Malawian hospital confirms woman gave birth to twin stones'''] (Archived: {{archive|s1srj|1}} {{wayback|https://malawi24.com/2016/12/29/bizarre-malawian-woman-gives-birth-two-stones/|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.liberianobserver.com/news/country-devil-swallows-immigration-officer/ '''Liberian immigration officer "swallowed by Devil"'''] (Archived: {{archive|TsfJc|1}} {{wayback|https://www.liberianobserver.com/news/country-devil-swallows-immigration-officer/|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.zambianobserver.com/mongu-man-gets-pregnant-after-sleeping-with-someones-wife/ '''Zambian man "9 months pregnant" within 48 hours of fucking someone else's wife''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|Ds2Ws|1}} {{webcite|76kpOU8R4|2}})
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| * [http://www.b-metro.co.zw/mermaids-crocodiles-unleash-terror-on-gokwe-villagers/ '''Infestation of mermaids poses "serious problem" for Zimbabwean dam project'''] (Archived: {{archive|4JrtN|1}} {{wayback|http://www.b-metro.co.zw/mermaids-crocodiles-unleash-terror-on-gokwe-villagers/|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.graphic.com.gh/news/odd-news/man-accused-of-raping-goat-says-he-asked-the-animal-for-permission.html '''Nog gets arrested while raping goat, pleads not guilty because he had "asked for the goat's permission"'''] (Archived: {{archive|GF41y|1}} {{wayback|https://www.graphic.com.gh/news/odd-news/man-accused-of-raping-goat-says-he-asked-the-animal-for-permission.html|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.zambianobserver.com/motorists-panic-over-ghost-human-in-kabwe-lusaka-road/ '''Travelling prophet lifts accident-strewn Zambian highway curse, warns ghostly culprit "God will not tolerate the nonsense"''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|M4tef|1}} {{wayback|https://www.zambianobserver.com/motorists-panic-over-ghost-human-in-kabwe-lusaka-road/|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.thezimbabwemail.com/bizarre/goblins-seize-maternity-ward/ '''Zimbabwe nurses in anal trauma after maternity hospital is seized by sex-mad goblins'''] (Archived: {{archive|6yTrP|1}} {{wayback|https://www.thezimbabwemail.com/bizarre/goblins-seize-maternity-ward/|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.thecitizen.co.tz/News/10-children-brutally-killed-in-suspected-ritual-murders/1840340-4954892-lrarx/index.html '''Witchcraft "suspected" in Tanzania as ten niglets are found dead with their tongues and genitals cut out'''] (Archived: {{archive|OGJBm|1}} {{webcite|75og7ZHCY|2}})
| |
| ** [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-47447103 '''Tanzanian child murders: 65 witchdoctors arrested'''] (Archived: {{archive|EpH4i|1}} {{wayback|https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-47447103|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://ww.egyptindependent.com/egypt-court-imprisons-woman-for-sexually-harassing-a-monkey/ '''Egyptian woman jailed for sexual molestation of monkey'''] (Archived: {{webcite|7511yaOFU|1}} {{wayback|https://ww.egyptindependent.com/egypt-court-imprisons-woman-for-sexually-harassing-a-monkey/|title=2}} {{waybackvid|side_958|THE VIDEO!}})
| |
| * [https://afro.who.int/news/malaria-control-campaign-launched-democratic-republic-congo-save-lives-and-aid-ebola-response '''Simultaneous Malaria epidemic hampers efforts to tackle the Congo's 10th Ebola epidemic in the last 40 years'''] (Archived: {{archive|MUnWM|1}} {{wayback|https://afro.who.int/news/malaria-control-campaign-launched-democratic-republic-congo-save-lives-and-aid-ebola-response|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/NewsArchive/Man-confesses-to-using-675-people-for-sacrifice-reveals-secrets-of-fake-pastors-669559 '''Ghanaian devil-worshiper confesses to 675 sacrificial child-murders'''] (Archived: {{archive|NJRqm|1}} {{wayback|https://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/NewsArchive/Man-confesses-to-using-675-people-for-sacrifice-reveals-secrets-of-fake-pastors-669559|title=2}})
| |
| * [http://www.nigerianmonitor.com/kenyan-man-rapes-neighbours-hens-to-death-nigerian-monitor/ '''Kenyan man beaten by villagers after fatally raping two chickens''' (PHOTO!)] (Archived: {{archive|JRFX1|1}} {{wayback|http://www.nigerianmonitor.com/kenyan-man-rapes-neighbours-hens-to-death-nigerian-monitor/|title=2}})
| |
| * [http://punchng.com/herbalist-dies-as-client-tests-bullet-repelling-charms-on-him/ '''Nigerian ju-ju man shot dead while demonstrating his magical bullet-proof power'''] (Archived: {{archive|A5Efq|1}} {{wayback|http://punchng.com/herbalist-dies-as-client-tests-bullet-repelling-charms-on-him/|title=2}})
| |
| * [http://www.chronicle.co.zw/updated-croc-appears-from-nowhere-terrorises-residents/ '''Zimbabwe hospital besieged by out-of-control wizard who transformed into were-crocodile'''] (Archived: {{archive|zh0Np|1}} {{wayback|http://www.chronicle.co.zw/updated-croc-appears-from-nowhere-terrorises-residents/|title=2}})
| |
| * [https://www.iol.co.za/pretoria-news/plague-outbreak-in-madagascar-worsens-11738757 '''Annual six-month-long epidemic of the bubonic plague currently rated "the severest in living memory"'''] (Archived: {{archive|SC4Ls|1}} {{wayback|https://www.iol.co.za/pretoria-news/plague-outbreak-in-madagascar-worsens-11738757|title=2}})
| |
| ** [https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-10-plague-madagascar-dead.html '''Annual six-month-long epidemic of the bubonic plague and annual festival of dancing with corpses "could be related"'''] (Archived: {{archive|tE6IG|1}} {{wayback|https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-10-plague-madagascar-dead.html|title=2}})
| |
| * [http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/eastern-cape-man-gets-year-in-jail-for-having-sex-with-donkey-20170928 '''Witchdoctor tells man that fucking a donkey will make him grow strong (he does it, of course)'''] (Archived: {{archive|NOxKZ|1}} {{wayback|http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/eastern-cape-man-gets-year-in-jail-for-having-sex-with-donkey-20170928|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.lusakatimes.com/2018/11/13/sex-with-an-pregnant-goat-lands-22-year-in-jail-for-5-years-with-hard-labour/ '''Zambian man gets 5 years hard labor for sex with pregnant goat, in court-ordered clampdown on area's "rampant" bestiality'''] (Archived: {{archive|qxu1a|1}} {{wayback|https://www.lusakatimes.com/2018/11/13/sex-with-an-pregnant-goat-lands-22-year-in-jail-for-5-years-with-hard-labour/|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-41072524 '''Nigger walks into police station and says he's bored with eating human flesh, five cannibal accomplices are arrested, and then it turns out the whole village (300 nigs) have been digging up graves and eating the corpses for years'''] (Archived: {{archive|q0RSe|1}} {{wayback|http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-41072524|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-40185359 '''Mozambique witch-doctors acquire severed human heads for magic spells by telling other niggers that bald men have gold hidden inside their skulls'''] (Archived: {{archive|7B3jC|1}} {{wayback|http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-40185359|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/oct/19/malawi-mobs-kill-two-more-people-accused-of-being-vampires '''Mob burns epileptic man to death in Malawi during nationwide hysteria about vampires'''] (Archived: {{archive|IiZMp|1}} {{wayback|https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/oct/19/malawi-mobs-kill-two-more-people-accused-of-being-vampires|title=2}})
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| ** [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-malawi-violence/malawi-vigilante-arrests-rise-to-200-in-vampire-scare-idUSKBN1CT2CX '''The UN and USA declare Malawi a "no-go area" as ongoing vampire-vanquishing violence kills nine and leads to 200 arrests'''] (Archived: {{archive|kiKgK|1}} {{wayback|https://www.reuters.com/article/us-malawi-violence/malawi-vigilante-arrests-rise-to-200-in-vampire-scare-idUSKBN1CT2CX|title=2}})
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| *** [https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/africa/2017-12-05-panic-and-vengeful-mobs-as-vampire-scare-rattles-malawi/ '''Malawi Prime Minister addresses nation, denounces the continuing vampire hysteria as a foreign conspiracy to destabilize the country'''] (Archived: {{archive|kTimk|1}} {{wayback|https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/africa/2017-12-05-panic-and-vengeful-mobs-as-vampire-scare-rattles-malawi/|title=2}})
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| * [http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3168-a-daring-gokwe-mermaid-snatches-two-boys-and-shows-them-off-before-killing-them.html '''Gokwe police chief confirms prime suspect in murder investigation is "a daring mermaid"''' (PHOTO!)] (Archived: {{archive|bj4Rj|1}} {{wayback|http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3168-a-daring-gokwe-mermaid-snatches-two-boys-and-shows-them-off-before-killing-them.html|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.nigerianmonitor.com/pastor-fails-to-resurrect-after-telling-people-to-bury-him-alive/ '''Nigerian preacher "not resurrected" after commanding followers to bury him alive'''] (Archived: {{archive|gs8UM|1}} {{wayback|http://www.nigerianmonitor.com/pastor-fails-to-resurrect-after-telling-people-to-bury-him-alive/|title=2}})
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| * [https://english.alarabiya.net/en/variety/2017/10/30/Egyptian-lawyer-says-raping-women-who-wear-ripped-jeans-is-national-duty-.html '''Egyptian men have "a national duty" to rape women who wear ripped jeans'''] (Archived: {{archive|kotPd|1}} {{wayback|https://english.alarabiya.net/en/variety/2017/10/30/Egyptian-lawyer-says-raping-women-who-wear-ripped-jeans-is-national-duty-.html|title=2}})
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| * [https://edaily.co.ke/entertainment/witchdoctors-bizarre-bicycle-pump-treatment-leaves-man-dead-128357/crazy-world '''Witchdoctor arrested for murder after inflating a nigger's dick with a bicycle pump "to boost virility"'''] (Archived: {{archive|xC6HH|1}} {{wayback|https://edaily.co.ke/entertainment/witchdoctors-bizarre-bicycle-pump-treatment-leaves-man-dead-128357/crazy-world|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2012/09/11/strange-woman-gives-birth-to-pony/ '''Uproar in Nigerian church congregation as woman gives birth to pony during prayers'''] (Archived: {{archive|rXmlM|1}} {{wayback|https://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2012/09/11/strange-woman-gives-birth-to-pony/|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.sowetanlive.co.za/news/2014-01-10-pretoria-pastor-convinces-congregation-to-eat-grass/ '''Preacher convinces pack of nigger "disciples" into eating the grass in his garden''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|62x5V|1}} {{wayback|https://www.sowetanlive.co.za/news/2014-01-10-pretoria-pastor-convinces-congregation-to-eat-grass/|title=2}})
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| **[http://www.pulse.ng/gist/in-god-s-name-pastor-gives-disinfectant-to-member-for-miracles-in-south-africa-id5875867.html '''... and then convinces them to drink neat disinfectant as a cure''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|htGTy|1}} {{wayback|http://www.pulse.ng/gist/in-god-s-name-pastor-gives-disinfectant-to-member-for-miracles-in-south-africa-id5875867.html|title=2}})
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| *** [https://fortheloveofhistruth.com/2014/09/25/grass-eating-pastor-now-has-congregation-drinking-petrol/#more-8085 '''... and gets them to drink gasoline, telling them it has been transformed into pineapple juice''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|dSJwo|1}} {{wayback|https://fortheloveofhistruth.com/2014/09/25/grass-eating-pastor-now-has-congregation-drinking-petrol/#more-8085|title=2}})
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| * [https://buzzsouthafrica.com/dog-raped-to-death/ '''Dog tied to tree and "raped to death" in Western Cape Province'''] (Archived: {{archive|jJo8Z|1}} {{wayback|https://buzzsouthafrica.com/dog-raped-to-death/|title=2}})
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| * [https://buzzkenya.com/fear-ugandan-cannibals-enter-kenya/ '''Terror as Ugandan cannibal tribe invades Kenya'''] (Archived: {{archive|74bO1|1}} {{wayback|https://buzzkenya.com/fear-ugandan-cannibals-enter-kenya/|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.newzimbabwe.com/news-328-Basket%20flight%20woman%20a%20witch/news.aspx '''Murder suspect travelled to scene in flying basket, expert tells trial judge'''] (Archive: {{archive|V9Tkb|1}} {{wayback|http://www.newzimbabwe.com/news-328-Basket%20flight%20woman%20a%20witch/news.aspx|title=2}})
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| * [https://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthread.php/587052-Zuma-reveals-he-used-to-practice-witchcraft-against-white-people '''South African president Jacob Zuma is a witch!'''] (Archived: {{archive|7zBT|1}} {{wayback|https://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthread.php/587052-Zuma-reveals-he-used-to-practice-witchcraft-against-white-people|title=2}})
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| ** [http://www.heraldlive.co.za/politics/2017/09/08/maybe-witchcraft-made-us-lose-poll-western-cape-says-zuma/ '''President Zuma blames witchcraft, ghosts, for local poll defeat'''] (Archived: {{archive|oTMQn|1}} {{wayback|http://www.heraldlive.co.za/politics/2017/09/08/maybe-witchcraft-made-us-lose-poll-western-cape-says-zuma/|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.thestandard.co.zw/2017/08/27/mugabe-wades-vp-poisoning-saga/ '''Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe accused of witchcraft after deputy "suffers severe diarrhoea"'''] (Archived: {{archive|jMQzA|1}} {{wayback|https://www.thestandard.co.zw/2017/08/27/mugabe-wades-vp-poisoning-saga/|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.informationng.com/2017/09/see-happened-lady-hasnt-seen-period-6-years-photos.html '''Negress who "hasn't had a period for six years" is located by sorcery, blessed, and releases "fountain of blood"''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|nT3bL|1}} {{wayback|http://www.informationng.com/2017/09/see-happened-lady-hasnt-seen-period-6-years-photos.html|title=2}})
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| * [https://guardian.ng/news/fears-in-benin-over-beheading-strange-deaths/ '''Fear stalks Benin City as warring cults continue ritual beheading spree'''] (Archived: {{archive|r5P9p|1}} {{wayback|https://guardian.ng/news/fears-in-benin-over-beheading-strange-deaths/|title=2}})
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| ** [https://www.naija.ng/65130.html '''And it's not the first time, either'''] (Archived: {{archive|xi9cS|1}} {{wayback|https://www.naija.ng/65130.html|title=2}})
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| *** [https://www.naija.ng/62568.html '''Still, it's not quite as bad as the time before that'''] (Archived: {{archive|XGpyz|1}} {{wayback|https://www.naija.ng/62568.html|title=2}})
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| * [https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/06/060630-soccer-magic.html '''Cows "buried alive" in stadiums to ensure soccer team success'''] (Archived: {{archive|IYdVg|1}} {{wayback|https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/06/060630-soccer-magic.html|title=2}})
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| * [https://buzzkenya.com/mombasa-man-meets-woman-horse-legs/ '''Mombassa man's mystery death linked to sinister horse-legged woman sighting'''] (Archived: {{archive|ajK68|1}} {{wayback|https://buzzkenya.com/mombasa-man-meets-woman-horse-legs/|title=2}})
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| * [http://news2.onlinenigeria.com/odd/657003-drama-as-16-year-old-boy-%E2%80%98loses-manhood%E2%80%99-after-shaking-hands-with-stranger.html '''Soldiers prevent lynching of man suspected of using magic to steal boy's penis while shaking hands'''] (Archived: {{archive|FV1rU|1}} {{wayback|http://news2.onlinenigeria.com/odd/657003-drama-as-16-year-old-boy-%E2%80%98loses-manhood%E2%80%99-after-shaking-hands-with-stranger.html|title=2}})
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| * [https://gossip.naija.ng/1112211-woman-allegedly-delivers-catfish-16-months-pregnancy-video.html#1112211 '''South African negress gives birth to catfish following 16-month pregnancy''' (PHOTOS!)] (Archived: {{archive|3W4Ir|1}} {{wayback|https://gossip.naija.ng/1112211-woman-allegedly-delivers-catfish-16-months-pregnancy-video.html#1112211|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.newsghana.com.gh/farmer-kills-woman-over-mushroom/ '''Murder "motivated by mushroom"'''] (Archived: {{archive|ajGzE|1}} {{wayback|https://www.newsghana.com.gh/farmer-kills-woman-over-mushroom/|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.liberianobserver.com/news/2-month-old-baby-turns-into-full-grown-man/ '''Eight-week-old baby grows into man in 30 seconds, issues garlic-related threat, escapes into jungle'''] (Archived: {{archive|WdXA8|1}} {{wayback|https://www.liberianobserver.com/news/2-month-old-baby-turns-into-full-grown-man/|title=2}})
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| * [https://southafricatoday.net/south-africa-news/a-township-mob-burns-talking-monkey-as-witch/ '''"Talking monkey" burned to death by mob'''] (Archived: {{archive|szlw7|1}} {{wayback|https://southafricatoday.net/south-africa-news/a-township-mob-burns-talking-monkey-as-witch/|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.liberianobserver.com/news/women-the-witchcraft-cat/ '''Cat eaten after being crucified for witchcraft in Liberia'''] (Archived: {{archive|S6j6U|1}} {{wayback|https://www.liberianobserver.com/news/women-the-witchcraft-cat/|title=2}})
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| * [https://buzzkenya.com/man-hired-sex-children-malawian-hyena/ '''Malawi villagers pay magical pedo to fuck 104 of their 12-year-old daughters for three days each'''] (Archived: {{archive|S1INk|1}} {{wayback|https://buzzkenya.com/man-hired-sex-children-malawian-hyena/|title=2}})
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| * [http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3136-goblins-at-chegato-primary-school-now-molesting-male-teachers.html '''Teachers' testicles "molested by goblins"'''] (Archived: {{archive|q12dQ|1}} {{wayback|http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3136-goblins-at-chegato-primary-school-now-molesting-male-teachers.html|title=2}})
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| * [https://www.iol.co.za/capetimes/news/pupil-dies-during-mass-hysteria-outbreak-7793519 '''School evacuated after pupil dies of hysteria'''] (Archived: {{archive|TKXDX|1}} {{wayback|https://www.iol.co.za/capetimes/news/pupil-dies-during-mass-hysteria-outbreak-7793519|title=2}})
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| ** [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3588562/ '''Satanism, popular jokes, evil spirits, UFOs "cause of most hysteria outbreaks" in African schools'''] (Archived: {{archive|7dnu4|1}} {{wayback|https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3588562/|title=2}})
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| *[https://web.archive.org/web/20060519084631/http://www.yaleph.com/archive/vol1no1/reg_focus.html '''No end in sight for Sudan's deadly nodding epidemic'''] (Archived: {{archive|MRwkl|1}} {{wayback|http://www.yaleph.com/archive/vol1no1/reg_focus.html|title=2}})
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| * [http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3196-chitungwiza-man-belwildered-as-he-continues-to-mensurate-every-month.html '''Zimbabwean man "starts menstruating after juju curse for marital infidelity"'''] (Archived: {{archive|FjdVr|1}} {{wayback|http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3196-chitungwiza-man-belwildered-as-he-continues-to-mensurate-every-month.html|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.africanews.com/2017/08/01/tanzania-witch-killings-claimed-479-lives-from-january-june-2017-report// '''Average of 80 suspected witches murdered per month in Tanzania'''] (Archived: {{archive|963hB|1}} {{wayback|http://www.africanews.com/2017/08/01/tanzania-witch-killings-claimed-479-lives-from-january-june-2017-report//|title=2}})
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| * [https://buzzsouthafrica.com/sa-addicts-smoke-human-ashes-nyaope/ '''South Africa's nigger junkies now smoking "joints" that contain stolen cremation ashes'''] (Archived: {{archive|sVLAK|1}} {{wayback|https://buzzsouthafrica.com/sa-addicts-smoke-human-ashes-nyaope/|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/may/17/witches-cant-fly-brooms-above-150-meters-swaziland/ '''Swaziland outlaws witches from flying on broomsticks at altitudes higher than 150 meters'''] (Archived: {{archive|pt0QK|1}} {{wayback|http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/may/17/witches-cant-fly-brooms-above-150-meters-swaziland/|title=2}})
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| * [http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3195-chaos-reigns-as-a-kuwadzana-woman-allegedly-gives-birth-to-a-chicken-head.html '''"Goblin danger" warning after Kuwadzana woman gives birth to chicken head'''] (Archived: {{archive|dqkdY|1}} {{wayback|http://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3195-chaos-reigns-as-a-kuwadzana-woman-allegedly-gives-birth-to-a-chicken-head.html|title=2}})
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| * [http://www.africanopinion.com/witches-wizards-control-nigerias-white-house/ '''Wizards control Nigerian president's villa, turn women into "merchants of dildo"'''] (Archived: {{archive|TzDZQ|1}} {{wayback|http://www.africanopinion.com/witches-wizards-control-nigerias-white-house/|title=2}})
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| [[File:Mumba donate school whip.jpg|center]]
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| <br>
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| {{Afro}}
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| {{Commonwealth}}
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| [[Category:Locations]][[Category:Racial Tolerance]][[Category:Truth]][[Category:Lulz History]]
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