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| {{spoilers|text= IT'S [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2018020/Amy-Winehouse-dead--Found-dead-London-flat.html?ito=feeds-newsxml CURRENTLY DECOMPOSING AT A FASTER THAN USUAL RATE]}}
| | CATTANKZ MAKES AN EDIT™ |
| [[Image:amywinehouseIRL.jpg|thumb|center|300px|Amy, as she <strike>is now</strike> <strike>was before dying</strike> <s>is now</s> always has been.]]
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| [[Image:Amy-winehouse-topless-2-20.jpg|thumb|center|500px|<center>And nothing of value was lost.</center>]]
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| <br>
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| [[Image:Amywinehouseteeth.jpg|thumb|BLIMEY GUVNUH!!1!]]
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| [[Image:Amy Winehousescawy.jpg|thumb|[[Forever Alone|;_;]]]]
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| [[Image:Birthcontrol.jpg|thumb|OH GOD HOW DID THIS GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER]]
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| '''Amy "Wino" Crackhouse'''{{jew}} (née Amilée Chateau in Frenchese) <strike>is</strike> was (lol) a drug-addled, [[alcoholic]] [[Jewish]] [[attention whore]] [[wigger]] from England known less for her [[whore|sultry]] jazz singing and moar for being a self-destructive [[drama queen]] of [[Pete Doherty]] proportions. When people saw her, they yelled "Who let this ugly piece of shit in here?". As tactfully pointed out by Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle, Amy looked like a RSPCA promo poster for neglected horses. [[The Man|They]] tried to make her go to [[rehab]], but she said "no, no, no" and instead went to the bank with a load of [[cash]] up her [[butt]] from exploiting her own [[fail|vulnerabilities]]. Musically, she was influenced entirely by [[Nigra|black]] [[music]], first 'borrowing' [[Old School|classic]] smoky jazz-club stylings for her first album and then stealing the Motown classics [[tracing|note-for-note]] on her second, and ripping of the Shangri Las "bad girl" persona.
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| ==Musical Career==
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| [[Image:Amy Winehousecig.jpg|thumb|portrait of a lady.]]
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| To date, Winehouse has released two CDs of her [[retard]]ed warbling. The first, entitled "Frank" was released in 2003 and legend has it that if you play both albums backwards they sound very fucking similar. Someone had to call the [[911|wahhhhmbulance]] because her managers wanted her to go to a [[prison|rehabilitation facility]] for being a [[drunk|drunken]] [[whore]]. Her reply? Not "no, no, no" this time, but she did write a repetitious song about it that [[forced meme|everyone went batshit over]]. This single is proof, once again, that Jews are in charge of the record industry, and that they can make ''anything'' a hit.
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| ==Family Life==
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| [[Image:Winehouse domestic violence.jpg|thumb|It's pretty clear who won this round]]
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| [[Image:AmyTears1WENN 468x373.jpg|thumb|right|[[BAWWWWW]] ]]
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| [[Image:Amy Winehouse Running.jpg|thumb|A healthy, active, '''24'''-year old.]]
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| Luckily for this [[pro-ana]] trainwreck, she has a highly supportive network of family members. Stand-up citizens include:
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| ===The Husband===
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| Honest and caring husband, Blake Fielder-Civil is currently enjoying the company of [[Bubba]], in Prison, due to a [[fail]]ed attempt to intimidate witnesses, [[pervert]]ing the course of justice, and being a [[Domestic_violence|tough guy]]. After enjoying the [[rape|attention]] of his fellow inmates for a few months [[some_argue|many believe]] that any attraction Blake had for Amy will immediately [[Divide_by_zero|vanish]], only to be replaced by a powerful and primal urge for [[buttsecks|anal violation]].
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| Apparently Blake's love of the [[Money|folding]] is strong indeed, desperate to stay on the wino gravytrain he's asking for [[Over_nine_thousand|$6,000,000]] in a divorce settlement. But then she died so [[NO]]. Though he might have had a case for spousal abuse:
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| <br>
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| {{quote|I'll beat up Blake when I'm drunk. I don't think I have ever bruised him, but I do have my way. If he says one thing I don't like then I'll chin him.|Amy Winehouse, [http://uk.news.yahoo.com/wenn/20070612/ten-winehouse-i-attack-blake-c60bd6d.html on her husband]}}
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| ===Her Father===
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| Her father Mitch appears to crave the [[Hookers_and_blow|bright lights and endless attention]] of the [[Internet Celebrity|celebrity]] life too! Aware that life might be tough for Amy he sought to have her [[Insane#Batshit_Crazy|committed]] to a [[hugbox|safe environment]]. When faced with the charge that he may be at least partially responsible for her 'problems' he simply replies "[[No_u|No U]]" Sadly Mitch is neither a [[Leet|talented]] [[music]]ian and is notable only because of the [[lolcow]] which he spawned. Even after his daughters death, he still continues to milk it. I bet Amy is rolling in her grave. (Moar like rolling a joint amirite?)
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| <br>
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| {{quote|I want her sectioned. The situation is getting out of control. I want her off the [[Prostitute|street]]. I don't think being somewhere (in [[rehab]]) for six weeks is going to cure her problems. I think it needs far more [[Last_measure|radical measures]].|Mitch Winehouse, on his daughter|http://breakingnews.iol.ie/entertainment/story.asp?j=19419426&p=y94y948x}}
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| ==The Crazy Bitch and Her Issues==
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| [[Image:Stash3.jpg|thumb|A visual recreation of Ms. Winehouse's weekly intake, prepared by Interpol]]
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| Here is a sample of things Ms. Winehouse has been accused of:
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| *Being a Jew
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| *[[Drugs|Drug Abuse]]
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| *[[Eating disorder]]s (she has admitted to anorexia and bulimia, and several undiscovered disorders.)
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| *[[cutting|Self-injury]]
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| *[[Bipolar disorder]] which she has admitted she refuses to control with medication, preferring to be an [[alcoholic]] [[emo]] [[fucktard]].
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| *[[Drugs]]
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| *Being [[English]]
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| *Having retarded [[tattoo]]s
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| *Being a Jew
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| *Spousal abuse (hitting her husband lololol)
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| *Smoking [[crack]] [http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article710911.ece PROOF!]
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| *Burning out the eyes of paparazzi unlucky enough to snap photographs of her during the ungodly hours of the morning. [http://www.nme.com/news/tabloid-hell/32900 dumbwhore]
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| *[[Alcohol]]<br>
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| '''...'''
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| <br>
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| *Oh, and [[Drugs]]
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| *Oh, and she's dead.
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| ==Winehouse OTI==
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| [[Image:AmyPapersWENN 468x632.jpg|thumb|LONG WAYS TO GO YET, GOLLUM CAN SHOWS YOU THE WAY]]
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| ===[[Perez Hilton]]===
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| Famed internets [[faggot]] Perez Hilton has become completely and uncontrollably obsessed with this dumb [[alcoholic]] whore for no apparent reason. Despite the existence of [[Lindsay Lohan|much more famous crazy bitches]] he posts shit about Amy Winehouse constantly, giving her much more publicity than she deserves. [[ALL CAPS|WE ALREADY KNOW SHE'S A DUMB WHORE, WE DON'T HAVE TO BE TOLD EVERY 5 MINUTES]].
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| ===Amy Winehouse Goes Straight===
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| Recently it was revealed that Amy Winehouse had quit drugs and alcohol, and was no longer in trouble with the law. In fact, [[Wikipedia:Amy Winehouse|according to Wikipedia]], Mrs. Winehouse has [[BLP|never had any substance abuse problems nor has she ever committed a crime]]. It was all apparently just a typical tabloid smear campaign and [[Lie|none of those things ever really happened]].
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| ===She's an [[adult baby]]!===
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| [[Image:Amywinehouseadultbaby.jpg|thumb|The paparazzi get in position for the [[money shot]], only to be [[cock block]]ed by a device used to control incontinence, normal everyday wear for toddlers, and, apparently, drug addled twenty-something women.]]
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| According to a completely accurate [[valleywag|celebrity blog]] recently, Amy Winehouse had taken to wearing "nappies", an [[England|English]] term for diapers:
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| {{squote|Prepare to [[irony|fall in love]] with Amy Winehouse all over again, as a [[German]] newspaper is reporting today that she has now begun to wear a diaper whenever she leaves the house. It’s a [[hot]] image, yes? Just the idea of Amy Winehouse, [[drunk]] and [[high ]]and slurring her already [[english|indecipherable]] accent. "Oh bugger, I've gone an' soiled my knickers I have."|OH SHI-}}
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| <s>Oh god, I can’t be the only one who is [[fapfapfap|totally turned on right now]].</s>
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| No, you aren't, [[diaperfur|you sick bastard]].
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| == Videos ==
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| <center><big>'''Brought to you by a shitty [[Brazil]]ian TV Show'''</big><br>
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| <youtube>QnRo_m-Z2o0</youtube></center>
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| <center><big>'''Brought to you by [[French]] TV Show : the French official Amy Winehouse look-alike'''</big><br>
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| <youtube>ZGhnPY08gmI</youtube></center>
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| <center>{{fv|winehousevids|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<center><youtube>jqR0XgKPjNk</youtube></center>{{quote| [[Protip]]: If a [[nigger]] calls you 'crackhouse', you know something is wrong.}}|<center>'''A fitting final performance.'''</center><br/><center><youtube>y15N-vMnsIw</youtube></center>{{quote|I was panicking. I didn't know know [[Nothing|how to help her]]Before realizing this is the best thing to ever happen to him.}}}}</center>
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| ==[[Lol|Dead]]==
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| [[File:ChallengeAccepted.png|right|thumb|200px|Amy's last words.]]
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| Well, that [[duh|was quick]]. On July 23rd, 2011, police removed a bag of drugs and needles from Miss Winehouse's home. They quickly passed it on to the coroner to perform the autopsy on it. This followed a month of drug-induced fail, including a [[Shit|performance]] in which she stumbled onto the staged, mumbled out a string of garbled and unintelligible lyrics, and where she "appeared [[Terri Schiavo|removed from reality]]" throughout the entire performance. Her attendants, who were under instruction to remove all alcohol from her room, clearly failed. The performance was so bad and flew onto [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c2t-51X1gM JewTube] so quickly that she had no choice but to [[Good|cancel her tour]]. These things happen when you don't want to go to [[rehab]]. This pathetic lifestyle will be a good lesson to all the little kiddies: If you are so weak willed that you fly off the rails every time you're even near being drunk or high, you will end up dead in a puddle of your own piss and vomit like this sad cunt. To honor her memory, the [[Left 4 Dead]] developers have made an infected in her honor. It's about as fucked up as her life style was. Amy became an heroine; her parents have been refused possession of her ashes in the future since they will be regarded as a [[Jenkem|class-A drug]].
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| Apparently, her body was so fucked up that not even the [[CSI|medical examiner]] could tell what the fuck killed her following the autopsy. The toxicology reports themselves were so bad that the scientists performing the tests had to wear full Hazmat suits, due to the fact that blood taken from Amy's body was so addled with drugs that the fumes alone made the coroner [[High|trip balls]]. Long story short, the amount of drugs in her system would have been enough to make all of [[420chan]] start having raves in the middle of the fucking street.
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| Her last known words typed on the net were "oinka oikna oinka why you awake" pure poetic genius hours before death.
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| ''"Amy Winehouse was set to start work on her new album this weekend...
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| Sadly though she only managed a few lines."''
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| ==Gallery==
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| <gallery>
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| Image:WinehouseLA.jpg|Elvira?! Is that you?!
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| Image:Winehouse.jpg|I just [[crack|lost my baby fat]]
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| Image:Amy winehouse-smokes crack.jpg|Caught on film smoking crack in front of a wedding photo
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| Image:Amy-winehouse-drunk-smoking.jpg|Amy, [[redundent|drunk off her ass]].
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| Image:Amy winehouse drunk again.jpg|Pissed again, but in this one she's a little more coherent...because she's also on meth.
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| Image:Winehouse drunk5.jpeg|There's tons of these on the internet
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| Image:Winehouse drunk4.jpg|here's another
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| Image:Winehouse drunk6.jpg|and another
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| Image:Winehouse-sammich.jpg|The only time Amy Winehouse has ever been seen to eat anything, ever.
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| Image:AmyWinehouseCrackBaby.jpg|Amy was a crackbaby.
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| </gallery>
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| ==See Also==
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| A brief list of other train-wreck celebrities for your [[lulz|enjoyment]]:
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| *[[Pete Doherty]]
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| *[[Britney Spears]]
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| *[[Heath Ledger]]
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| *[[Madonna]]
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| *[[Anna Nicole Smith]]
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| *[[Chavs]]
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| ==External Links==
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| *[http://www.amywinehouse.co.uk/ Official Site]
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| *[http://www.myspace.com/amywinehouse The Myspace]
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| *[http://www.whenwillamywinehousedie.com/ When will Amy Winehouse die? Win an iPod touch!]
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| *[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/575420/ Help Amy Winehouse! Now in easy to play game-form!]
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| <br>
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| {{whores}}
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| {{dying alone}}
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| {{Music}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article July 23 & July 24, [[2011]]|[[Riley34470]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Anders Behring Breivik]]}}
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| [[Category:Music]]
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| [[Category:People|Winehouse, Amy]]
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