EA

Electronic Assholes is a half-ass video game company aimed at Zerg rushing motherfucking games to retards Founded in 1982 by Trip "On Acid" Hopkins, ass raping the shit out of games through history, most notably Shaq-Fu, Catwoman, and Def Jam: Vendetta. EA is like Scientology for games. EA IS THE CANCER KILLING VIDEO GAMES.

Electronic Arts' current logo

Everybody hates EA

Sales Strategy

Currently, Electronic Arts has become one of the fattest in the industry, primarily by ass-raping and eating companies such as BioWare, Westwood, Bullfrog and Pandemic Studios, and then shit staining them with the EA brand.

Wow! we can draw shapes! This was the result of one of their failed games

However, Electronic Arts has made a name for itself in the "re-releasing the same game every fucking year and still getting people to buy it" market as well, so that when there are no fucktards left, Larry Probst John Riccitiello the Fucktard CEO can still wipe his ass with 100 dollar bills. Popular cashcows include:

• Call of Duty: Battlefield
• Madden '##
• Tiger Woods' Pro Golf ##
• NBA Live '##
• FIFA '##
• NHL '08
• Jamaican Bobsled Team '##
• Nascar '##
• Arena Football'##
• Rushed unfinished glitchy mess '##
• Cricket '##
• Basement Dweller '08 out of 10,000
• MVP Baseball '08
• MVP NCAA Baseball '08
• Same Game as last year, except with slightly different roster '##
• NCAA Football '08
• NCAA March Madness '08
• The Sims series with at least 100 new expansion packs every month.
• Canceled sequel to a game people actually did want released - LOL CANCELED!
• Furry Hunters '08
• Power Level 9,000
• Command & Conqueer
• The adventures of a Chinky chick who jumps around on rooftops
• Big name "Flavor of the month" movie/TV license

You get the idea.

Employment

Electronic Arts is notorious for providing their employees with the most comfortable sweatshop jobs in India. For designing glitching and fucking up a minimum of 9,000 games a year, the average employee is a lazy beaner which is awarded with a nearly infinite amount of Neopoints, daily fried chicken, and nightly sex with an attractive customer service representative.

NCAA Football Bullshit

Back in NCAA Football '06 for Xbox EA actually had fucking tight features, but when the game got released for the 360 they took all of the features out and reverted to FUCKING NCAA 01', now they are slowly adding the features back and people buy the game. Pretty smart fucking plan! The perfect NCAA Football game (will never happen):

• Steroids
• Drunk college girls
• Bribing nigger recruits
• Beer pong
• WHITE POWER PARADES (nobody FUCKING LISTENS)

See Also

• EA Download Manager
• Bobby Kotick
• Capcom
• Video games

Not To Be Confused With

• Emilie Autumn

Links

• Electronic Arts' official website
• A handy flowchart detailing the ins and outs of becoming a valued employee of Electronic Arts.

Media

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