Glee

Glee is another retarded half-assed show shat out by FOX that will, just like the rest of FOX's failed abortions, be canceled in the next two years. The show was an attempt by FOX to mirror High School Musical and just like High School Musical, it is excruciatingly painful to watch. Unlike High School Musical, it actually points out the realities about high school and wasn't developed by a pseudo-Christfag children's company. Glee focuses at a singing club named "the Glee club", Kurt (the club's lead singer), some jock and his girlfriend, and a morbidly obese fat singing Nigra. Just like the rest of Fox's crappy shows, Glee will eventually get canceled and Glee fantards -who proudly call themselves Gleeks- will bawwww in agony. Nobody actually likes Glee especially since their target audiences are too busy getting stoned and playing video games, leaving the only people who watch it to be no-lives who instead of doing homework, whore out in front of the TV. Said Gleeks will obnoxiously rave about the show until it becomes conformity to watch it.

The show

The show takes place in the a make believe High School in Lima, Ohio. The plot of every episode mostly involves Kurt's faggotry, Mercedes dancing her fat ass off, Tina starting IRL flame wars with Teams Edward and Jacob, or about Finn's girlfriend crisis. They occasionally rip off songs by singing an original song's lyrics (like Bad Romance) and rendering them to ever shittier versions than the original songs by using their annoying voices. The only original content that the producers of Glee came up with the show was the part in the story where Quinn got pregnant. Of course being apart of a network aiming to produce family friendly entertainment; Glee also feels the need to mock atheists.

Typical scene from an episode

Youtube Supporters

Usually made up of faggots and losers who think they might have a chance to get on television. They usually use copy write music for these "auditions" in a pathetic attempt to find meaning in their lives.

Characters

Evidence.

• Rachel Berry - The main star of the show and an attention whore kikess who craves Finn's cock. She once tried to seduce Will Schuester until one of his former stalkers pointed out she was too dogfaced to stand a chance.
• Kurt Hummel - Cute homo known for being a flashy cross-dresser. He is often being bullied by the football team. He does everything from dressing up like a Lady GaGa, joining the cheerleader squad, and making the football team dance to Single Ladies . His wet dream is to be Finn's gay lover and always creams his pants whenever he sees Finn walking by. But fate squashes this, when he finds out that Finn would rather be his best friend than lover and even goes as far as to have Finn's mom marry Kurt's dad so that they can be step-siblings. Currently dating a guy from a rival glee club, who's school he transferred to after he nearly outed a self-hating homosexual football player.

You would hit that, wouldn't you?

• Finn Hudson - Dimwitted quarterback of the Handegg team who's bitch is currently was Quinn. He later hooks up with Rachael after his ex-prostitot cheats on him. Has a weird relationship with Kurt, wanting to protect him and even arranging their divorced parents into marrying so that they can be siblings.
• Mercedes Jones - The fat singing black person of the Glee club, she develops a crush on Kurt and is unaware that he is actually gay. A stereotypical sassy black chick who gets away with the stupidest comments (such as saying women have every right to lie about who knocked them up) because she's sassy and black.
• Quinn Fabray - The wet dream of every straight Gleetard, she is the prego captain of the cheerleading squad who decides to cheat on Finn and gets knocked up and asshammered by one of the handegg players and becomes pregnant. She decides to wait to give birth to her inbred child instead of rather aborting it.
• Santana - A latina cheerleader who takes Finn's virginity. However, we all know her heart wasn't in it because she's actually gay for Brittany.
• Tina Cohen-Chang - The show's azn whore (only without any sex appeal) who dresses up in gothic lolita outfits and ultimately has a Twilight fetish and has wet dreams to Edward Cullen. She joins Team Edward and starts an IRL flame war in her school against Team Jacob. Her screen time is mainly confined to puckering her face as if she's just smelled a dog turd.
• Emma Pillsbury - The school's incompetent guidance counselor who no one gives a flying fuck about. Appears once every twelve episodes, apparently a fuckbuddy for Will Schuester, but because he loves the loli, that's never gonna happen.
• Brittany - A blond retard who resorts to cheating in tests and sucking cocks for answers in order to ace her classes. Lesbian lover of Santana.
• Puck - Also Jewish and enjoys fucking Finn. Internet tough guy of the merry band of retards.
• Artie Abrams - A handicapped guitarist and the school nerd who tried to get laid with Tina and ended up failing miserably. He became a paraplegic when he was ran over by a car as an 8 year old.
• Will Schuester - The pedophile teacher of the Glee club, who is blatantly homosexual (he knows and loves every musical in history), but desperately tries to cover it up by fucking every teenage girl in the club. Gets raped by Sue Slyvester on a daily basis.
• Sue Slyvester - The bull dyke coach of the cheerleaders, and the only character on the entire show that anyone gives a shit about. She rapes each and every girl daily. Hates Will Schuester as he is raping her cheerleaders as well. In order to keep all that sweet pussy to herself, she must end him and his queer club.

The Fans

The main fanbase of Glee is a bunch of 16 year old girls known as Gleeks (the more appropriate term is Gleetards), who furiously write yaoi fanfics about it, which is easy enough because every character in the show is ghey, and gay men. It is common knowledge that all Gleetards are fat, fugly retards and social outcasts who will never lose their virginity for many years to come. No straight guys ever watch Glee, EVAR. Unless it is to see lesbian action between Brittany and Santana, even though there never is any, thus making the faggotry that is Glee complete and utter shit. Because of this, trolling the fans is relatively easy.

The recent episode of Glee includes even more faggotry as well as token lesbian tensions. Now we REALLY know who the show's target audience is.

The Glee Wiki

Last Thursday some people who wanted to feel useful realized that a Glee Wiki was exactly what this world needs. While most articles on this wiki are well-written and organized this Wiki has some really interesting discussions going on. Some of these include:

1. Is the guy who bullies Kurt all the time going to be Kurt's boyfriend?
2. Will Jacob, the sick fuck who masturbates to Rachel's porn pics all the time get pussy?
3. Will Schuester ever stop being a whore?

The users are also some of the worst examples of aspies and USI on the internet. Their sysops don't know what templates are and automatically assume template vandalism is "hacking". One user went as far as to claim that they needed therapy after viewing pain series.

Glee fanfiction

Kurt shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around him, trying to keep out some of the chill from the night air. His eyes searched into the distance down the road from where he stood, trying to pick out Blaine’s car from the few that were driving in his direction.

He was about to pull his phone from his pocket to see if he had missed a message from Blaine telling him he would be late, it was unusual for Blaine not to be on time. But just as his hand brushed the top of his phone an unfamiliar car pulled in and stopped in front of him.

Kurt stared at the car. It was beautiful, the kind of car he thought he would only ever see in magazines and on car shows, too expensive and impractical for anyone to actually ever have in real life.

Its bodywork was smooth and sleek, the blue paint almost black in the dark light and it was so low to the ground that Kurt was sure the driver was almost sitting in the road.

The window slowly lowered and Kurt peered into the car, keeping a safe distance, just in case. He smiled though, when he saw Blaine sitting in the driver’s seat.

‘Hey, you getting in?’ Blaine grinned, reaching over to open the passenger door for Kurt. Kurt gaped at him for a second before a cold gust of wind made up his mind and he climbed in. It was a lot lower than he expected and he had to almost fold himself in half to get his feet over the side of the foot well and his head under the roof.

He landed a little heavily in the passenger seat and shut the door behind him, flushing a little as he realised Blaine was chuckling at him. He grinned though, he was sure he could have done that a lot more gracefully.

‘It takes some practice.’ Blaine laughed. ‘I had to watch a YouTube video on how to get out of it without looking ridiculous.’

Kurt laughed and reached behind him for his seatbelt.

‘How do you have this car?’ He asked incredulously, running his hands over the suede dash and real leather seats.

‘It’s Kayliegh’s boyfriends.’ Blaine said as he checked the mirrors before pulling back out onto the road. He had barely put his foot down when the engine roared into life, propelling the car down the asphalt.

Kurt nodded, Blaine had mentioned a few times just how rich his sister’s boyfriend was, but that still didn’t answer his question.

‘And he’s letting you drive it?’

‘Yeah, my car had a flat and I was going to be late to pick you up. So Kevin said I could drive this.’ Blaine grinned like a five year old at Christmas and put his foot down a bit firmer on the accelerator and Kurt could feel the engine roar behind them.

‘I take it your parents don’t know.’ Kurt asked, Blaine laughed and shook his head.

‘God no, they’d never let me drive this. But I might not ever get to drive a super car again, so.’ He shrugged and flexed his hands on the steering wheel. He was clearly loving the experience.

Kurt relaxed into the seat, trying not to be unnerved by how low they were to the ground. In his Navigator he always towered over most other cars, but this was completely different.

He could feel the power surging through the car and although they weren’t going very fast, Blaine was too much of a careful driver for that, he felt as though they were surging along at a great speed. He felt his breath catch in his throat and his stomach flip with excitement at the sheer intensity of the vehicle.

‘Oh wow.’ Kurt breathed as Blaine overtook a slower car, listening to the yell of the engine and feeling the vibrations run through him and making his pulse race with the thrill.

‘I know right.’ Blaine grinned, pushing the car just a bit faster. Even as the car surged along the road with such power Kurt felt completely safe. Blaine was in complete control of the car and they weren’t even going that fast, it just seemed like they were. Kurt began to run his fingers along the leather seats, feeling his fingers tingle with the vibrations of the engine and the sheer expense of the material. This had to be the most impressive car he had ever been in.

Blaine began to reel off the specifications of the car, rear engine to make it lighter, the unique design for aerodynamics and so on. Kurt stared at him, wide eyed. He had grown up around cars and truly appreciated the dynamics of a well designed car. He could never suppress the thrill of excitement whenever he saw the presenters of a car show test drive a supercar.

He just never dreamed he would react quite like this if he ever got the chance to ride in one.

He could feel his palms grow sweaty where they gripped into the leather and his pulse continued to race. He licked his lips a few times and shifted his hips, feeling his cock begin to harden.

He couldn’t quite pinpoint where the arousal was coming from, between the power and force coming from the engine on the car, the complete control Blaine had over it while talking like he knew every inch of the car intimately or a mixture of the three he could barely suppress a moan from escaping his lips.

‘Are you ok?’ Blaine frowned, glancing briefly at Kurt and taking in his flushed cheeks, bright, wide eyes and moist lips before returning to watch the road. He placed his hand on Kurt’s knee and rubbed gently.

‘I'm fine.’ Kurt replied, his breath high and breathless. He grabbed Blaine’s hand and guided it towards his crotch, letting Blaine feel his excitement. He grinned as Blaine gasped and squeezed his hard cock gently.

‘Oh.’ Blaine said, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smirk. ‘Didn’t realise this was something that got you so excited.’ He pressed down on the gas hard and the car shot forward quickly, the force pressing them back into the seats slightly. At the same time he squeezed the bulge in Kurt’s pants once more, getting another, louder, moan from his boyfriend.

‘Fuck.’ Kurt groaned, bucking his hips up into Blaine’s hand and whimpering when Blaine pulled it away to continue steering properly.

‘Hold on, I know where we can go.’ Blaine smiled his voice low and husky in what Kurt liked to call his ‘bedroom voice. He turned in to a car park that Kurt quickly realised was behind the school, and pulled up into a dark corner. Kurt grinned; he knew they wouldn’t be disturbed here.

The second the engine was switched off Kurt tanked his seatbelt off, reaching over to pull Blaine towards him and capture his lips in a firm kiss. He pressed his tongue insistantly against Blaine’s lips and moaned as Blaine immediately opened his mouth and let him in.

As soon as Blaine undid his seatbelt, which took him a few tries as he didn’t want to break away from the kiss, Kurt pulled him over into the passenger seat so that Blaine was straddling him. He silently blessed the fact that Blaine was shorter than him as the ceiling was quite low.

There was a flurry of movement in the passenger seat as Kurt ran his hands up the front of Blaine’s shirt, stroking over his stomach and up to his chest, quickly finding and caressing his nipples. Blaine moaned low into Kurt’s mouth and stroked his hands up Kurt’s sensitive sides, feeling him shudder beneath him.

Kurt shifted forward in his seat so that Blaine could wrap his legs around his waist and press their groins together. Kurt bucked up into him, desperate for more friction.

Blaine quickly reached between then, unzipping Kurt’s pants and pulling out his hard, leaking cock, giving it a few firm stroked before he unzipped himself. Kurt gasped as their cocks were pressed together, grasped firmly in Blaine’s hand, quickly getting slick from their mingled precum.

He slid one hand from Blaine’s shirt to grasp the car seat tightly as hot waves of pleasure shot through him. This was going to be fast and dirty, he could feel it, but that was how car sex usually turned out for them, a quick burst of uncontrollable passion before the missed curfew, essential because they felt they couldn’t keep their hands off one another for one more second.

His fingers dug into the soft, expensive leather beneath him, and God, since when did that turn him on so much?

He could feel Blaine panting against his mouth already, turning into a harsh gasp as Kurt pinched one nipple just a little bit too hard to be completely pleasurable, but then he knew that’s how Blaine liked it.

‘Fuck, I'm not going to last long.’ Blaine said breathlessly, pulling apart from the kiss of press his lips against Kurt’s neck, tongue licking a stripe up from his pulse point to his jaw and up the shell of his ear, biting down on the sensitive flesh and making Kurt shout with pleasure.

‘Oh, me either.’ Kurt moaned, feeling his limbs begin to shake as Blaine placed biting kisses down Kurt’s jaw line and neck.

Kurt pinched the nipple between his fingers again, scratching one nail over it harshly, making Blaine grunt against his neck. Kurt grinned and scratched his nails hard down Blaine’s chest.

‘Fuck!’ Blaine shouted, pulling away from Kurt’s neck and pressing his lips against Kurt’s and squeezing their cocks tighter, stroking so much faster now he could feel his orgasm coil tightly in his stomach. He loved the feeling of Kurt’s cock against his, feeling it throb with need in time with his own.

He brought his other hand down to firmly stroke the length of their cocks while his other one pressed the heads of them together, rubbing the most sensitive part of their bodies together. The slits of their cocks were almost touching, precum leaking heavily from both and quickly mingling together.

‘I'm so close.’ Kurt whimpered as Blaine rubbed the heads of their cocks together over and over. It was so sensitive it was almost unbearable but it added to the fast and dirty premise.

‘Me too.’ Blaine said, gritting his teeth against the almost overwhelming pleasure. The both pulled away from the kiss and looked down at their cocks, pressed so tightly together.

Blaine came first; his come spurting over his own hand before running down to coat both of their cocks in the hot, white liquid. Instantly the sight, feel and even the smell of Blaine’s come covering his cock tipped Kurt over the edge, quickly adding his own load to the mess currently between them.

‘Fuck.’ Kurt breathed, resting his head against the seat and breathing heavily. Blaine nodded in agreement, resting heavily on top of him as he felt his limbs grow weak.

It was quite a few minutes before their breathing evened out and Blaine was able to return to the driver’s seat. He groaned as he instinctively reached over for the glove box to get some wet wipes to clean them both up and realised there was no glove box there, just a small self under the dash.

‘Here.’ Kurt said, pulling a tissue from his pocket. It was clean but not enough to clean them both up properly.

‘It’ll have to do.’ Blaine smiled, just being thankful they hadn’t gotten any on the seats.

When they were both relatively cleaned up and tucked away Kurt leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Blaine’s cheek.

‘Thank you.’ He grinned. Blaine laughed softly.

‘Thank you.’ He replied, looking fondly over at Kurt. ‘I think I'm going to have to invest in a car like this if that’s how it gets you.’ He joked. Kurt chuckled before running his hands over the leather seats, looking almost wistful.

‘That was amazing; I just wish we’d been somewhere a bit more private so we could explore it a bit more.’ He winked at Blaine. Blaine’s eyes suddenly became a shade darker, as if filled with lust once more.

‘How about you come over tomorrow night?’ He said, once again in his ‘bedroom voice’. ‘Everyone will be out, we can park this in the garage and I’ll fuck you over the bonnet, how does that sound?’

Kurt moaned as his cock twitched, trying to get hard again already.

‘That sounds perfect.’ He smiled.

This little gem is just a crack into the wretched abyss that is gleefics

How to troll Gleetards

1. Say the actors can't sing worth shit.
2. Tell them that Glee's songs are unoriginal because they steal the lyrics of other songs and sing them to make the songs as their own work.
3. Tell them that Kurt will die of AIDS in Season Three.
4. Say that Will Schuester is going to fuck that Shelby bitch instead of Emma.
5. Tell the show is going to get cancelled, just like the rest of Fox's failed shows.
6. Use the word "fag" in every sentence.
7. Say they're all gay.
8. Remind them that God hates fags.
9. Basically, say anything negative about the show in general and watch them freak the fuck out.
10. ???
11. Profit!

Related Articles

• High School Musical
• Twilight
• Hannah Montana
• Kidz Bop

External Links

• Glee forum Troll as many Glee fantards as possible
• Glee Wiki You know what to do

Glee is part of a series on Homosexual Deviants Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.

Glee is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.

Glee is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article June 11 & 12, 2012
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