Charles Carreon

Under Attack!

	“	I don't know if you're familiar with his cartooning–people having their heads thrown in a chipper, his character of a pterodactyl consuming blended brains with gusto–I've actually never seen anyone incite people to violence in that fashion.	„
	— Charles Carreon, I'm 12 years old and what is this?

	“	It might not have seemed very dehumanizing when Walt Disney made Japanese people look silly with buck teeth and big glasses who could not pronounce their 'R's or their 'L's. But it was dehumanizing, and the purpose was to direct evil intentions against them, which ultimately resulted in the only nuclear holocaust that ever occurred in the history of humanity. I don't think Truman would have ever done that if we hadn't so dehumanized the enemy.	„
	— Charles Carreon, Internets nuclear holocaust survivor.

	“	This lawsuit is a blatant attempt to abuse the legal process to punish a critic, we're very glad to help Mr. Inman fight back.	„
	— Corynne McSherry, EFF Intellectual Property Director

	“	There are some things that you accept with grace, but I do not accept that my mother engaged in bestiality and I do not accept that FunnyJunk slept with its mother, as it does not have a mother.	„
	— Charles Carreon, Does not accept his furry heritage.

	“	I’m not seeking any damages for the insults to my mother.	„
	— Charles Carreon, More concerned over donated Jew golds than mommy.

	“	Whenever one loses control of a trademark, they are in danger of their image. It’s one thing to say, ‘He’s a jerk because he issues a legal demand to someone like Oatmeal—like Mr. Inman.' People want to say that’s a scumbag thing to do. That comes with the territory. But what crosses the line is when someone else starts making statements using words like ‘idiot‘ or ‘dumbass‘.	„
	— Charles Carreon, A complete dumbass and a total idiot.

	“	All of that is damage. I have better things to do than to be contradicting Twitter when that person vocally does so again. It’s not like they’re making parody comments. There’s nothing parodic about it. They’re making statements attributable to me. That’s damage. That’s trademark damage. That’s all there is to it.”	„
	— Charles Carreon, Considers himself to be a trademark.

	“	There is no attack on anything like First Amendment speech. There is no effort to alter a word of the campaign. It has taken its course, and I’m not seeking any damages for the insults to my mother. I am simply saying that I’m focusing my attention on what is an inappropriate way to raise a charity campaign.	„
	— Charles Carreon, Very upset over the donated Jew golds he's not getting.

	“	I win by making the world a place where the law of charitable giving, wisely enacted over fifty years ago by the California legislature, will secure the rights of genuine charitable fundraisers to not have to compete with false advertising and unregistered charitable fundraisers who can take the money and vamoose, as so many have done.	„
	— Charles Carreon, Falsely accusing The Oatmeal of taking all "his" Jew golds.

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Charles Carreon (aka Chuckle Fuck) is without a shadow of a doubt the most half-witted person ever to have passed a bar-exam and enter the legal profession. He stands as a relic of the late-70's/early-80's ambulance-chaser-threaten-to-sue-every-other-person-with-a-pulse style of bully-lawyering. Aside from being the inspiration for the Rocky V villain, Chuckles is currently best known for reaching a level of butthurt so far unprecedented in internet-history that he has taken it upon himself to try and sue major charitable organizations. Some argue that this is quite possibly the most ludicrous attempt at "getting back" at another person yet devised in human-history.

Enter The Hero

The hero of this story is The Oatmeal; a popular web comic which seemingly takes its inspiration from the uncultivated Crayola-based ejaculations of a spastically-hormonal 7th-grader strung the fuck out on Pixie-Stix and Pepsi. Due to its stunning visual quality and über sophisticated humor it has become wildly popular, boasting a fantard following in excess of a half a million sheeple!

The Story Begins

As a result of its popularity an endless swarm of 13 year old boys commenced micturating upon Oatmeal's copyrights resulting in the mass distribution and "sharing" of content through other popular websites. These sites inturn profited via their own ad-banners, most notably the ironically unfunny Funny Junk.

The Oatmeal initially cried foul in relation to this unwarranted ass-rape of their "art" and demanded that any and all images be removed forthwith. They soon came to the comprehend the futility of filing DMCA take-down requests for every single pilfered image that could just be re-uploaded again and again by different users and chose instead to mock the Funny Junk website in a comedic/satirical fashion.

Believing that to be the end of the whole affair, The Oatmeal went on with life as usual, leaving the whole sorry mess behind them.

One Year Later

DEMANDING JUSTICE!

Enter the villain, Charles Carreon! Almost exactly one year later The Oatmeal was served with legal papers from Chuckles on behalf of Funny Junk, demanding that The Oatmeal pay him and his client TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for stealing hosting his unlicensed comic on their site for the past three years.

Their reason and justification for this overly obvious attempt at outright laughable extortion/blackmail was that The Oatmeal had made fun of them for stealing his work and that it ~totally~ ruined their e-reputation on the Interwebs!

The Hero Strikes Back

EPIC LULZ!

The Oatmeal, not finding these threats of extortion from FunnyJunk and their bully-lawyer to be at all funny, decided to fight fire with water! The Oatmeal turned to comedy and his comics and created a hilarious fundraiser out of the situation. His goal was to try and raise the $20,000 extortion demand via donations, only instead of forking it over to Chuckle Fuck Carreon he would instead take a picture of the money and send the picture to him along with a poorly drawn MS Paint picture of Charles's mom making love to a bear. The money would then in turn be donated to The National Wildlife Federation and The American Cancer Society.

The Internets Respond

EPIC MONEYZ!

The incredible success of this fundraiser has, thus far, been absolutely monumental to say the least bit. The original $20,000 goal has long been surpassed and some estimate that by the time it's over The Oatmeal may have generated roughly a QUARTER MILLION DOLLARS in fundraiser donations!

Along with these donations has of course come with the usual Internet backlash of Internets rage over what this man and Funny Junk tried to do. To steal an artists work and to then turn around and try and steal huge sums of cash from them obviously didn't sit well with...well, ANYONE! As such, every other doorknob with a computer immediately started firing off hate filled e-mails, enraged phone calls and every manner of threatening nastiness imaginable.

Epic Butthurt enSues

Charles Carreon, a person of strong Jewish faith, was simply SHOCKED by this turn of events. The endless insults and verbal attacks on him and his personal "franchise" were one thing, but to have someone waving around a quarter million dollars in his Jew face like it was candy, well now that was just crossing a line! In retaliation Chuckles decided it was no longer about Funny Junk vs The Oatmeal, but about Charles Carreon vs THE INTERWEBS! He responded immediately by filing lolsuits left and right for nearly twenty hours straight. In addition to suing The Oatmeal, you, ur mom and half the cast of Rocky V, Chuckles figured it would be an ~excellent~ idea to SUE THE CHARITIES that The Oatmeal was raising money for! ಠ_ಠ

Self-Important Delusions Of Righteous Grandeur

In what can only be described as the absolute most retarded legal decision of the 21st century, Charles, Chuckle Fuck, Carreon unabashedly sued both The American Cancer Society and The National Wildlife Federation. A decision that will forever brand him as both an endangered animal killer as well as a pro-cancer supporter; this man is so thick-headedly stupid to the nth degree that he ~actually~ believes he's not only in the right, but is actually HELPING fundraising efforts the world over!

His mentality on this is so absurdly idiotic it can't even be put into words without the help of crayons and puppets to dumb reality on down to a level that could only make sense over in Retard Town. To sum it up, he's basically accusing the charities of not raising donations "properly", in accordance with his own personal Bizzaro brand of legalese. In other words, he's upset that he's not getting any of it and feels he's entitled to his unfair share of the donated Jew golds and if he doesn't get any Jew gold then NO ONE should get any! He's essentially pissing himself with indignant frustration and butthurt, hoping his putrid stench will drive everyone off. As "man-tantrums" go this is on a scale so far beyond butthurt it's almost indescribable!

He's not just butthurt, he's butthurt so butthurt that it goes way beyond the butthurt we know into a whole different dimension of butthurt. We're talkin trans-butthurt butthurt. Meta butthurt. Butthurt collapsed in on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Butthurt gotten so dense that no sense of dignity can possible escape. Singularity butthurt. Blazing mid-day sun on Mercury butthurt. Kitty litter box butthurt. He's currently emitting more butthurt in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar butthurt. Nothing in our universe can really be this butthurt; unless he's just some primordial fragment from the original big bang of butthurt. Some pure essence of a butthurt so completely uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry, I can't go on, this is just an epiphany of butthurt!

Gallery

About missing Pics

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  Ultimate Irony
• 
  DO IT FAGGOT!
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  Old And Senile

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  SRS Business!
• 
  FunnyJunk Owner On The Current Carreon Situation
• 
  Some Retards Just Don't Know When To Quit
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See Also

• Jack Thompson - Another batshit insane lawyer who tried to fuck with the Internets
• June Maxam - Loopy old bitch what looks like a man - whacked off her shit 24/7, guaranteed
• E-lawyer
• Lolsuit
• Attorney at lol
• FunnyJunk

External Links

• Bear Love Donation Page
• The Oatmeal - New Blog Post 1
• The Oatmeal - New Blog Post 2
• The Oatmeal - Original Blog Post 1
• The Oatmeal - Original Blog Post 2
• News Article - MSNBC
• News Article - PopeHat
• News Article - Lowering The Bar
• News Article - Ars Technica
• News Article - EFF Support
• Popehat series tag oatmeal-v-funnyjunk
• Legal response letter to Charle Carreon from Oatmeal's attorney
• Doubling Down: FunnyJunk Lawyer To Subpoena Ars, Twitter
• Dox, courtesy of his tarnished California State Bar record.

Featured article June 28 & 29, 2012
Preceded by Jim Profit	Charles Carreon	Succeeded by Incumbent