Angry Birds

Angry Birds is a physics game in which one launches birds who may or may not be butthurt into their death using a giant slingshot facing to the right (because when people fire slingshots, they normally face it to the right). Like all games for mobile devices, Angry Birds is entirely luck-based and serves no use besides draining your battery while you wait for your AIDS test to get back. Naturally, it became popular among hipsters, MacFags, casual gamers, household mothers and other people with too much time on their hands.

Plot

The story begins with green pigs who, like all normal swine, crave the fetus of dumbass birds that make their nests on the ground. The pigs come up with the idea to have their pig queen eat the eggs while the birds watch helplessly in horror, all the while being too retarded to realize how defensive birds are with their eggs when they're stolen. The birds amass an army of different species of birds recruited through their fanatical orgy sessions to die for the 3 bastard eggs the pigs stole in the opening cut-scene. The designers of Angry Birds decided that the birds should catapult themselves directly at the enemy compound (it's not like birds can fly or anything). Eventually, the birds win, but the pigs don't die, even when they get blown the fuck up.

Gameplay

You have a slingshot and you have to kill the pigs with birds fired from said slingshot. However, this is too easy. The pigs had a shit-ton of wood, and thus built an ass-load of fortresses. However, the fact that the Angry Birds are actually BIRDS is useless due to the fact they have no wings.

The specific bird types are:

• Regular Bird: Works well for the first 0 levels until the game implements walls that can't be moved by this bird.
• Multi-Bird: A bird renowned for it's uselessness, this bird, when launched, will samefag across the screen.
• Fast Bird: It's high on meth and heroin. Flies fast when tapped.
• Bomb Bird: Similar to sandies, these birds suicide bomb the place and thus, actually CAN do shit.
• Bomber Bird: The Bomb Bird's retarded cousin, who drops useless turds instead of bombs.
• Boomerang Bird: An Australian bird that, surprise, can't do shit.
• Fat Bird: Fat dude that will gang rape the entire screen, if you manage to launch him farther than two millimeters.

Trolling

There is no possible way to troll the game itself, for the game is a troll. It will present before you a seemingly impossible level, which will consume up to 10 minutes (and hopefully ONLY that much time). This is because there is always one freakin' immortal pig that will hide and then laugh at you when you fail. Once you finish your ragequit, you may consult the manual, but even the walkthrough doesn't stop you from failing and the pigs resume laughing at you. And here's where the creators struck gold, because of the amounts of fucktards that have access to a credit card, they decided to add an in-game purchase called the "Mighty Eagle" which allows you to skip a single level for the same price of the game itself.

You can, however, troll the Angry Birds forums, as they are usually filled with easily irritable children.

Merchandise

The rich company that shat out the game one day ran out of solid-gold dildos, and needing more jew gold, resorted to the ways of the Star Wars franchise. Angry Birds plush toys and T-shirts were born.

Because raping millions of wallets with a shitty generic flash game didn't generate enough money, the shitty merchandise is overpriced. For example, the angry birds website is now selling an eagle plush doll costing a hundred times more than the actual game.

Gallery

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  Two hipster fads for the price of one
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  Concept art for gameplay
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  Angry Birds IRL
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  Typical Angry Birds fans playing Angry Birds on their superior operating system.

Videos

Angry Birds did 9/11

See Also

• Bird is the word
• Blockatiel
• CAW CAW
• Derrick Bird
• YOU'RE A BIRD!
• Shit
• Apple

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Angry Birds is part of a series on Furfaggotry Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.