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{{boring}}
'''The House of the Dead''' is a series of rail shooter games. The story revolves around a zombie virus that only seems to spread more despite the protagonists' efforts. Like anything zombie-related, the closest this series has to a plot is shooting the same shirtless zombie 300 times while having RELOAD! shouted at you.
<br>
{{Q|Ah...The House of the Dead. This is where I keep getting myself cloned!|Oscar Wilde|House of the Dead}}
{{Q|Where do I keep all those bullets? "coff" James's anal "coff"|Gary|House of the Dead}}
{{Q|Shall all die!! Ha ha ha ha!!|That one scientist who created the zombies}}


'''The House of the Dead''' is a series of RPG platform fighting games for the game. The story revolves around the AMS organization (Asthmatic Marijuana Sniffers) which is seemingly located in London but actually is located in Wisconson. Their mission is to stop Dr."Funkhole" Curien from unleashing his polka obsessed undead frat boy army and super powered midgets that look like [[Gary Coleman]]. The main characters are homosexual life partners Gary and James, along with allies Amy and Harry, "H", Dan Taylor and Thomas Row-Gun (as well as his whiny teenage slutty daughter Lisa).
=Characters=
==Playable characters==
[[Image:GaryHOTD4.jpg|right|thumb|FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!]]
'''Gary and James''': The protagonists of the first game. They carry magical guns that have infinite ammo but require to be reloaded every fucking second.


==Heroes==
'''Thomas''': The one with the goatee. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "H" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.


Supa-Heroes that PWN Supa-Midgets
'''G''': The most recurring character character in the series, even though nobody can tell the characters apart as they all look the same.


===Gary and James===
'''Lisa''': Rebellious daughter of Row-gun and a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.
[[Image:GaryHOTD4.jpg|left|thumb|153px|FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!]]
James, the AMS's most retarded agent and Gary, an old emo faggot are both homosexual partners for life. They carry magical glocks that have infinite ammo but requires to be reloaded every fucking 6 bullets. They go around slaying super powered midgets until they were stopped by teh Magishin (who proceeded to kick them in the balls). James is way cooler and Gary is just an old gay fag. Gary has fuck a woman once in Venice before (good use of english). Her name was, AMY!!!!!!!!!


===Amy and Harry===
'''Kate''': Kate joined James in the fourth game. She's noobish and constantly making smartass remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman. It was Kate who convinced James to end his life against "The World" by using an explosive GBA SP.
Meh, Who the hell cares?


Amy has a crush on Gary.
'''Daniel''': Curien's son. Shot his dad with Lisa's help after being forced to make a body for him.
 
Who the hell cares?
 
And Harry likes James.
 
So wutevur.
 
[[Fag|pooface]] W/e
 
===Thomas Row-gun===
Veteran AMS agent from the 1998 Curien Funkhouse incident. Row-gun is well known for his goatee, which gives him super strength and was the sole reason for his marriage with Sophie "Monster Bait" Richards. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "H" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.
 
=== "H" ===
Mysterious , shady , anonymous. "H"'s real name is believed to be "Leeroy H. Jenkins" , but since Sega refuses to let him talk , little is known about him. During the 2000 Goldman Incident , "H" was wounded in a tragic Hot Pocket incident, which took him 5 years to fully recover from. Later joined Lisa to search for Row-Gun 19 years later.
 
===G===
 
The reason for his name is because his true identity is that of the talentless musician, [[50 Cent]]. He disguised himself as a white man to avoid any sort of recognition or confrontation, which is somewhat useless since he keeps babbling his "song" lyrics constantly, which almost brought Gary to the point of shooting him in the head.
 
G/50 Cent was wounded somewhere around the beginning of HotD 2, which both Gary and James were ecstatic about. It seems that he got caught in some sort of shooting like he always does, and died afterwards from a shot to the spleen. Before his demise, he handed a legendary rhymebook containing all of his substandard material to James and/or Gary.
 
 
He bears absolutely no relation whatsoever.
 
===Lisa Row-Gun===
Rebellious daughter of Row-gun. Would rather be dying her hair or partying than shooting up zombies, but when threatened with losing driving privileges, she followed "H" to rescue her dad. Basically a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.
 
===Kate Green===
Noobish and constantly making smartass remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman , Kate joined James in the 2003 Goldman Strikes Back incident. It was Kate who convinced an AID's stricken, depressed James to end his life against "Za Warudo" by using an explosive GBA SP. She then took his post in the AMS and magic glock. She has a nice ass BTW.
 
===Daniel "Pantalones Jr." Curien===
Curien's son, aparentally was ill with SARS until Funkhole devloped "Zombie Juice" , saving him yet causing everything to be FUBAR'd. Shot his dad with Lisa's help after being forced to make a tinfoil body for him. Daniel later appeared on an episode of Maury entitled "He may have been an insane doctor-who-became-a-shiny-robot...but he's still my Dad!" , which became the highest rated show in the series history... Garnering 10 viewers.
 
===Dan Taylor===
Younger cousin of James lived his life when he became AMS commando as he joins the AMS, he seemed to put his effort and prove a lot of things that he experiences. He's smart, brave and loyal, and he can do anything. Although he lost his parents and family when he was 10.
 
But he turned 31. He works with Row-Gun to investigate and to deal against Curien's undead experiments. In House of the Dead III, he was encountered
by Zombie boss called "Death", who clobbered Dan in the back, thus ending his amazing life. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!pooface


==Villains==
==Villains==
'''Curien''': The mad scientist that created legions of zombies because zombie series always need a bad guy that created the zombies for no reason. Kills in the first game and comes back to life as a wedding ring in the third one


===Dr. Roy "Funkhole" Curien===
'''Goldman''': Tree-huger that funded Curien's work. In the second game, he infests Europe with zombies like a fucking [[nazi|racist]] pussy. Kills himself in the second game. His main job was to protect the life cycle.
 
A freking pimp master mad scientist that created legions of undead and created an army of super midgets including robotic clones
of Gary Coleman (as seen in the first HotD game). Known as an intergalactical pimp, even larger than Captain Kirk. He went crazy over
his son who simply got a minor cold and started creating polka frat-boy zombies. Recently got a lawsuit from Capcom. Loves deep-fried chocolate coated honeydew.
In HotD 3, he became a robot funklord with a wedding ring the size of a large van.
[[Image:OWNED.gif|thumb| Curien's master plan to destroy the world: he tested it on Fosters]]
 
===Goldman===
Angry, Jewish, Tree-hugging leader of the D.B.R (Donut Breaching Retards), funded Dr. Curiens work until his death. Then decided to cheer up by doing
the best "feel-good" activity around, like invading Europe with zombies like a fucking [[nazi|racist]] pussy. Before James and Gary could stop him, Goldman quickly
left a Myspace note saying, "Call the Police : Goldman Building, Top Floor. Tell them to look down from [[Hell|"Pandora's Box"]], I'm sooo sorry <3 " , before acting
like an [[emo]] and jumping to his death after losing 'Teh Emperah' to James and Gary. In 2003, though , he apparently left another set of recordings to
piss James and his nu partner Kate off. This time, he used "Za Warudo"... and failed again. Go figure. His main job was to protect the LOYFE SOYCLE. LOL =D


==Bosses==
==Bosses==
[[Image:82210.jpg|right|thumb|No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.]]
[[Image:82210.jpg|right|thumb|No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.]]
Because shooting the same shirtless underlying zombie 300 times in each level is boring as fuck, people only play this series for the bosses, which include:
Because the standard zombies only take one bullet to kill, the characters have no personality or motives whatsoever, and the plot couldn't have more holes, people only play this series for the bosses, which include:


'''The Magician''': Dr. Curien's "Masterpiece" and the most overused boss in the series. In the first game, kids thought this guy was tough shit as his weakness was unknown (clearly unaware of his pulsating leg and shoulder) but by the time he reappeared in the second game, he was a total pussy.
'''The Magician''': Dr. Curien's "Masterpiece" and the most overused boss in the series. In the first game, kids thought this guy was tough shit as his weakness was unknown (clearly unaware of his pulsating leg and shoulder) but by the time he reappeared in the second game, he was a total pussy.
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*First AID kit
*First AID kit
*And finally, a First AID kit.  
*And finally, a First AID kit.  
==Plot==
The plot of House of the dead is to help your homosexual partner by shooting the shit out of other shit while having RELOAD! RELOAD! shouted at you
==Quotes==
{{tinyquote|RELOAD MUTHAFUCKA!!!!!!!!|That one annoying announcer dude}}


{{gaming}}
{{gaming}}

Revision as of 22:10, 24 February 2013

The House of the Dead is a series of rail shooter games. The story revolves around a zombie virus that only seems to spread more despite the protagonists' efforts. Like anything zombie-related, the closest this series has to a plot is shooting the same shirtless zombie 300 times while having RELOAD! shouted at you.

Characters

Playable characters

FREEZE MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!

Gary and James: The protagonists of the first game. They carry magical guns that have infinite ammo but require to be reloaded every fucking second.

Thomas: The one with the goatee. By 2019 he had gone missing, leading "H" and his daughter Lisa to search for him since he hadn't texted them for about 3 days.

G: The most recurring character character in the series, even though nobody can tell the characters apart as they all look the same.

Lisa: Rebellious daughter of Row-gun and a failed idea of a cover-girl for the franchise.

Kate: Kate joined James in the fourth game. She's noobish and constantly making smartass remarks to zombies about the fact that she's a woman. It was Kate who convinced James to end his life against "The World" by using an explosive GBA SP.

Daniel: Curien's son. Shot his dad with Lisa's help after being forced to make a body for him.

Villains

Curien: The mad scientist that created legions of zombies because zombie series always need a bad guy that created the zombies for no reason. Kills in the first game and comes back to life as a wedding ring in the third one

Goldman: Tree-huger that funded Curien's work. In the second game, he infests Europe with zombies like a fucking racist pussy. Kills himself in the second game. His main job was to protect the life cycle.

Bosses

No he does not do card tricks. But he can do the "pull the bunny out of the hat" trick without the hat.

Because the standard zombies only take one bullet to kill, the characters have no personality or motives whatsoever, and the plot couldn't have more holes, people only play this series for the bosses, which include:

The Magician: Dr. Curien's "Masterpiece" and the most overused boss in the series. In the first game, kids thought this guy was tough shit as his weakness was unknown (clearly unaware of his pulsating leg and shoulder) but by the time he reappeared in the second game, he was a total pussy.

The Judgement: A headless dude carrying an axe that is always accompanied by a annoying flying skeleton. Since Headless Sam is super retarded and lacks a brain, he is basically a meat puppet for the flying skeleton.

The Tower: A mutant snake with 5 heads that is encountered in the sewers. Its middle head can detach and swim about like sperm. Roars like a dinosaur.

The Emperor: Apparently the shape-shifting bad guy from Terminator 2 is considered a zombie. Throws flying shiny balls. Imagine The Magician but without the ability to fly and very, very slow. Was shot up by James and Gary, leading to Goldman's emo-like end.

The World: Butterfly-man that can make pretty flying ice dragons. In case you're oblivious to exposed hearts, its weak-point is really easy to guess. James and Kate whipped out some Uzi's to shoot it down , but it wasn't until James decided to end everything by blowing himself up with an explosive GBA SP that the thing was defeated.

Temperance: A totally fat American guy.

The Sun: A sunflower that chokes itself when you hurt it.

The Fool: Prone to falling asleep and taking 50 hours to finish one attack.

The Lovers: A pair of spiders that were accidentally attached during hardcore sex.

Weapons and Items

There are several items in the game.

Weapon list:

  • magical glock that has infinite bullets A
  • magical glock that has infinite bullets B
  • Killer keyboard -A keyboard featured in the lame version of the game. It's a special keyboard blessed by Mr.T and has the ability to kill anything with the

pressing of a few words. Proof the English language is fucking deadly.

  • shotgun - Featured in the third installment of the game. Worst weapon in the whole series.
  • Uzis - Featured in the fourth installment of the game. Despite being small, it can actually shoot grenades. these guns can give the power of the 0wnzh00r to

any n3w|3 who wields them, you must be a level 30 dark mage with the cloak of power to use thes 1337 pieces

  • banana gun - A unlockable weapon, this causes zombies and monsters to slip on a banana peel in a comical fashion only for their skulls to be cracked to pieces.
  • Phallus ray - Featured in the adult version of the game. This weapon shoots a white blast that causes the zombies to explode via huge orgasm.

Items:

  • First AID kit
  • Useless junk
  • First AID kit
  • Foreign currency
  • First AID kit
  • And finally, a First AID kit.

House of the Dead is part of a series on

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