Beamshipcaptain

Beamshipcaptain is a super awesome scientist who is attempting to save the world with his wonderous anti-gravity devices and 1337 understanding of teh Physics.

Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Beamshipcaptain stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator - and vanished. ...

History

The Dream

Youtube user "Beamshipcaptain" a.k.a Russell Anderson III, realized at a very early age that he was special. America's determination to kill everyone during the Cold War had inspired him in 1970 (aged 9) to study the "history of atomic weapons". Fueled by this early vision of mankinds ability to destroy itself, young beamshipcaptain was motivated to study science for the better.

This led the supple young Russell into the arms of geriatric English inventor,con-man and pederast, John Searl. John and Russell had finally met their respective intellectual equal, and after a brief civil ceremony departed on a trip to Thailand with each other, on a 6 month opium and lady-boy research expedition.

On their return, the two glowing men set about their shared vision for their brave new world...a world where two men could hold hands in public, and more importantly, a world of ANTI-GRAVITY and free energy!!

Inspired by intergalactic rape victim, Billy Meier and by apparently mind-bending quantities of LSD, Russell set about answering some of the most fundamental mysteries of the universe...

and came up with the following:

• Humans came from Pleiades millennia ago
• They came on Beamships
• It is possible to take a 2nd grade science fair project and maek $$$.
• Hey...why not call it a "Beamship"?

And so Beamshipcaptain was born. With this newly re-discovered old-tech Russell had realized, with the help from his friend (and mentor) John Searl, that it was possible to take some balsa wood, and some tinfoil, and convert that into hard CASH.

Just recently, Russell undertook rigorous online I.Q testing which had shown that he had an IQ of 171.

The Reality

How Beamshipcaptain appears to everyone else

BSC is a middle-aged hippy who plays Billy Joel covers in a middle-of-road cover band. He did too much acid as a kid and blew his tiny mind, now spends his days flogging his electric-kites to anyone dumb enough to part with $200 for a small pile of balsa and a roll of bacofoil.

He is a fully fledged member of the pyramid-scheme that is "free energy", being most directly associated with John Searl's pyramid (Russ is somewhere near the bottom).

There is something of a cult surrounding this John Searl, who is clearly what he appears to be: a rambling and bareley coherant con-man.

TL:DR-Beamshipcaptain (and a lot of others) have fallen victim to "Professor" Searl, a conman.

BSC is either:

a) In on the joke, and on the take, or

b) a true believer of Searl (and is therefore an idiot).

The Science Bit

Beamshipcaptain has a startling array of scientific references to his claims and can calculate pi to thousands of decimal places in his vastly superior brains. This is due to his IQ of 171, although, as has been discovered recently, that having an IQ of 171 doesn't necessarily mean you can spell properly.

When asked how his beloved antigravity devices work, Russell often quotes the formula ((vm1*vm2)/(r^2)). Further probing of beamie on this formula often yields lulzy results (as Russell doesn't understand the basic math involved, and will babble on incoherently before blocking you...).

In short, if you agree with Russell/Searl and send them $$$, then you are free to comment.

If you disagree, or have any scientific or mathematical background whatsoever, then prepare to have your ass blocked.

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	“	...Air just runs away from it!...	„
	—John Searl, getting all "technical".

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	“	...when pigeons and birds flew near to it, they were taken by surprise and they got caught and then fell to the ground...	„
	—John Searl, making shit up as he goes along.

Americuh is The Greatest

Despite Beamshipcaptain's MASSIVE I.Q, and despite the fact that he thinks he is part of a "galactic community" that runs on peace and hugs, he still subscibes to the antiquated notion of patriotism, and can regularly be seen beating people down with how great America is. He also thinks that Obama is teh saviour of the world. Obama is, in fact, the Devil.

Russell loves to tell everyone how great America is, despite the fact that his country is the laughing stock of the educated world.

Avatar

Russell recently had an epiphany whilst watching Avatar, and has decided that he wants James Cameron's babies inside him. The fact that Russel makes $$$ of selling sci-fi shit as "science" made Cameron's sci-fi shit all the more plausible.

Russell has since suffered from post-Avatar blues, on the discovery that the fictitious planet of Pandora is indeed, fictitious.

Goodbye blue furry planet of internet trees, hello sweat stained jogging bottoms and masturbating to Battlestar Galactica (happy days).

Quotes

Russell has a finite selection of answers to difficult questions. Most involve obscure "scientific" references to non-peer reviewed articles, leading some to believe that Beamshipcaptain may not understand the concept of "academic writing".

“   The science from 1929 helped us build Atomic weaponry which ended World War 2 rather decisively, and the science from 1956 was sufficient to get us to the moon and the planets. And I would read SUBQUANTUM KINETICS (1994,2003), and SECRETS OF ANTIGRAVITY PROPULSION (2008) by Paul A La Violette, if you want some newer books. I first saw Dr. LaViolette speak on ELECTROGRAVITICS in Colorado Springs, Colorado, in 1990   „     —Beamshipcaptain suggests some "scientific" reading by his fellow tin-foil hat comrades....     “   Saalome and namaste, my Earth-brother. Someday, the truth will me known by every Earth-Human.   „     —Beamshipcaptain suffering from cultural schitzophrenia     “   The ELECTROHYDRODYNAMICS report, by TT Brown.s Bala Cynwyd,PA-based company ELECTRON-ATOM, Inc, report makes the disclosure that under hard vacuum, a force of 110-gms. (1.1 Newtons) could be achieved for a power expenditure of just 0.5 Watt (250,000 Volts times 2 x 10^-6 Amps) or 2,200 newtons of thrust per kiloWatt. This is about 150 times the thrust-to-power ratio of a jet engine! And that is also 10,000 times the thrust to power ratio of a space-shuttle main engine   „     —Beamshipcaptain: umm, if it has more thrust than the Space Shuttle, then why can't your "lifters" lift a single battery? Previous Quote | Next Quote

How to Troll Beamshipcaptain

• Ask him to help with your mathematics.

• Ask him why John Searl needs millions of dollars for a new prototype when Searl himself claims he was able to construct one in the 1960's made from nothing more than a toilet tube and a red balloon.

• Tell him that Avatar was shit.

• Make a clone account of his, and join in the Clone Wars.

• Then use your clone account to get more subs/friends than him (choose them from his friends list). Then spam all your friends with bullshit about "antigravity" and "horse-cocks", just to put his own crazy jibber-jabber into context.

• Inform him of how shit America is. Offer as evidence for this, the fact that the USA is getting pwnt by a nation of rice eating goat herders for the 3rd time in 40 years.

• And tell him that Obama is a cunt, and a puppet of the white man.

See Also

• Retard
• Scam
• Fallacious Reasoning
• Bullshit

External Links

Please send all your cash here

"Professor" John Searl's Love-in