Leftard

Are you a misanthrope? Are you a poseur? Are you scared of rednecks and/or guns (Even though they're too wasted on malt liquor and meth to be a decent shot)? Do you drink non-homogenized milk? Is your favorite band 4 non blondes? Are you incapable of tying your shoes without extensive government intervention? Congratulations! You might just be a Leftard.

Typical leftards. Notice they are all fugly dykes. Bush took pity on them and sent them to Africa, because Bush knew that fire hydrant sized black dicks could cure them. They are now all gainfully employed in porn.

Uncle Sam is a manly man!

They can be identified by their constant usage of phrases such as:

• "Amerikkka"
• "fuck bush"
• "fuck the troops"
• "NO BLOOD FOR OIL"
• "ISRAELI BLOOD FOR ARAB OIL"
• "Faux News"
• "I hate the Constitution"
• "Neocons"
• "Fascist"
• "Haliburton"
• "Decriminalize Marijuana"
• "Speaking truth to power."
• "I'm gay"

...and their extreme hatred for non vegan food, which offends them as it is associated with Western culture, a popular target of leftard hatred. They commonly eat shit like mung beans and like to tell everyone their shit doesn't smell, but the truth is they're a malnourished, pasty and sick people.

A common argument leftards use is the "But people are dying in Iraq" in light of a tragedy. If you had your entire family gunned down by some crazy azn leftards would yell at you for shedding a tear or saying anything to their memory because "OMG SHUT UP!!! YOU CANT BE SAD AT ALL!! PEOPLE ARE DYING IN IRAQ!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRY!! STUPID NEOCON!".

Perhaps the greatest degeneracy of Leftards is their passion for empty symbolism and mock-heroic acts. Chaining yourself to a traffic light, chanting jingo, and waving a 50 foot high paper-mâché puppet of Dick Cheney stroking his dick just make national health insurance and world peace look ridiculous.

Origination of leftards

Alex Jones on his unpopular radio show

Many leftards originated from a website known as infowars where rapists and conspiracy theorists gather to talk about their leftarded ideas. Alex Jones created this website in hopes to promote his radio show despite the fact that everyone knows that he is a conservatard. The 9/11 conspiracy theory is the main topic of discussion on infowars along with raping children and killing babys.

Later another left wing group know ADL pwnt Alex Jones because of his epic faggoty which caused an epic battle between the two that lasted over 9000 years.

Ideology

The central focus of the Leftard belief system, in any situation, is advocacy for whichever option would be the least advantageous for Western nations/culture/people. This is the only constant, fixed position of Leftards. To the modern day, Western Leftard, everything else (principles, allies, racism, anti-semitism, etc.) is flexible.

Ideologically, Leftards are not strictly 'leftists', and differ distinctly from original Communist/Marxist thought and beliefs. Leftards are a modern, Western phenomena that has arisen in the West since the Cold War defeat of the (original) Marxist/Communist ideology (in the form of the USSR and her satellite states).

While Marxism/Communism arose from the (19th century) observed exploitation of many of the working poor in the wake of the industrial revolution, and had a political platform that involved actual (well-meaning) goals and ideological principles to which Communists generally at least claimed to stick, Leftards do not have any fixed principles or grand plan. They are furious, angry nihilists, who 20 years ago saw their dreams for a Communist utopia go up in smoke.

All that remains is hate. And faggotry---ironic, because most of them originally joined up with the vauge idea that it would get them laid. Many go on to form self righteous blogs such as "Propagandalalaland."

Sell outs

Leftards will do things today that Marxists would never, ever, consider doing. For example, Leftards will literally fight each other for the honor of deep-throating Muslim dick, because they sense an affinity with them, in a shared hatred of the West.

Quite a departure from original Marxism, which despises all forms of religion as "reactionary and superstitious". Young Leftards do not even know this. All they know is that one minute they were signing a petition against Bush/Obama, and then the next minute, swallowing a stomach load of spicy Muslim cum suddenly made perfect sense.

Someone has to stand up for the traditional Muslim right to rape and pillage, so why not the young, wide-eyed leftard, with millionaire parents and a pet pony? Besides, they got a free, ghey, colourful "awareness" wristband for their troubles...

Luddites

Leftards are known for the deep, Unabomber-style hatred of all things technological. They don't want chemicals in their food, or water, or air supply. They think stuff like trans fats and corn syrup are sub-standard just because they're made by chemical reactions and shorten your retirement. (more entitlement thinking that they think they deserve a retirement, just handed to them) They think stock derivatives are a bad idea just because the banks need a taxpayer bailout every time they lose money. They can't understand modern institutions like health insurance, where you pay in all your excess money for twenty years so that you can't afford medical care when you need it and get dropped, just because they have a profit motive. They are a backward, tribal people uneducated by the philosophers of our age, people like Glenn Beck who can understand where things are all going and coming from.

Gallery

Eeyore the Emocrat About missing Pics

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  Blame Bush for everything, Support Paulson Plan
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  Elect Black President, Continue to label Americans racist
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  The Holocaust is the ultimate evil, Abort 50 million babies per year

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  That's not real Communism, He killed only 22 million farmers
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  Government-run wars on Terror, Drugs, and Vietnam failed lulz, Support government-run Healthcare
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  How dare you disagree with Environmentalism, Pol Pot was a great agrarian reformist
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  The Civil War was about slaves and WW2 was about Jews, What are macroeconomics?
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  Whine about greedy American corporations, Bail them out whenever they ask for it with tax payer money.
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  If you disagree with Obama, you are a racist, Quietly wonder when the Change is coming
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  Fox News uses dirty tricks to confuse people, Cultivate a Cult of Personality around Obama
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  "Socialist" is code for "N-Word", Most Senior Democrat Senator was in the KKK
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  Redneck militiamen are the real threat, Ignore African American criminal statistics
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  Play Race Card, Never stop playing Race Card
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  Senator Joe McCarthy was an asshole, Who was Alger Hiss?
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  Demand an end to colonialism, Fund instability through the IMF
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  Save the planet by driving a hybrid, Who cares if China is about to have 1 billion oil consumers?
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  Support multiculturalism, Be impressed with how smart those backward savages are
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  Change the world, Don't change your view of the world
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  Legalize drugs, Protest pharmaceuticals
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  Gene variations between individuals is greater than between races, What does "cascading gene expression" mean?
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  White people have it easier because they never were enslaved. There's no such thing as White Guilt
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  Protect minorities and cute fuzzy animals, Refuse to help 15 million poor white people
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  Believe everything MTV says about culture, Be shocked when they are wrong
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  Call everyone bigots and racists, Sue anyone that disagrees with you
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  Warn people about "1984", Suppress opinions with Political Correctness
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  Appreciate Scientists in your war agaisnt religion, Discredit James Watson and Bill Shockley as racist
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  Wear Che Guevara shirts, Never leave the Middle Class
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  Believe Infowars under Bush, Try to shutdown Infowars under Obama
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  Complain that 4chan is too racist, Try to make 4chan your personal army
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  Yell about trickle-down Reagenomics, Support trickle-down Obamanomics
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  Complain about Consumerism, Log on to celebrity gossip sites on your MacBook while at Starbucks
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  Protest Bush's War on Terror, Support Obama's support of Bush's War on Terror
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  Pundits and talking heads are evil, Never use www.Thomas.gov
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  Control Congress since 2007, Continue to blame Republicans
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  Major in Sociology, Loathe Wikipedia
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  Is that an untapped demographic? Whew! I thought I would have to support blacks forever!
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  Complain about national debt, Support bailout that forces taxpayer's money to be reissued to them with interest
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  Of course the bailout was transparent! My pockets are see-through now
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  Complain about Chinese pollution, Continue to buy crap from China
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  End the war in Iraq, Pakistan probably deserves it
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  Obligatory sauce

A Leftards' Favorite ED Articles

• Americunts
• Patriot Act
• Freedom
• Anti-Americanism
• Thanksgiving
• Capitalism
• Conservatism
• Ann Coulter
• Republican
• Neo-con
• W
• White people
• Christian
• Bible
• God Hates Fags
• Faux News
• Bill O'rly
• Stephen Colbert
• Mongo
• Any articles with the Closet Cases template
• Anybody considered "Blessed By God" in the Christianity template

See Also

A rare example of an old Liberal.

• Terrorist
• Islam
• Truthfag
• Senator Barack Hussein Obama
• Black Jesus
• Keith Olbermann
• Andrew Meyer
• Michael Moore
• Food Not Bombs
• Hippy
• Global Warming
• Illegal Immigration
• France
• French
• Communism
• Liberalism
• Karl Marx
• Fidel Castro
• Hugo Chavez
• Hillary Clinton
• Dennis Kucinich
• Liberal guilt
• Tolerance
• Al Sharpton
• Politically correct
• Don Imus
• Atheist
• Pagan
• Homosexuality
• Ghey
• Fag
• Chris Crocker
• Emo
• Burning Man
• Protest
• The Young Turks