imported>The PolishPrince |
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| [[File:Santa punch.gif|thumb|300px|right|Fat bitch didn't get me what I wanted]] | | [[File:Middle-finger-vector-597880.jpg|200px|center]] |
| [[Image:XMAS.png|thumb|right|[[Satan|Santa]] even hates Christmas.]]
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| '''Christmas''' (also known as: X-mas, Present Day, The Birthday of [[Jesus]], Tree Appreciation Day and Capitalist Solstice) is a [[Christian]] holiday that was <strike>stolen</strike> "adapted" from the Roman [[pagan]] holiday, Saturnalia, which was itself stolen from the viking Yule, and taken out of context at the expense of the workers in the [[United States]]. It is also used as an excuse to get drunk on eggnog as well as for fat men to dress up as [[Santa Claus]] and [[Pedophile|touch little kids]] and/or sneak into houses. Now it's a Jewish Capitalist conspiracy designed by officefags and [[Jews]] just so that they can rip you off of your hard earned [[Jew Gold]] to fund their annual drunken brothel crawls. [[Shit Nobody Cares About|It is also an excuse to see family who you had forgotten about for the last 365 days.]] In [[Australia]] it's just another excuse to get pissed, rape the cops and have [[Dennis Ferguson|old seedy pedophiles]] dress up as [[Santa Claus]] as an excuse to touch little kids. Christmas is also a poor justification for your [[fat]], [[redneck]] cousin to come over and get free beer. According to [[The Bible]], Santa Claus was born the son of a Jewish child prostitute and abandoned in an enchanted forest called Burzee to be raised by [[Elf|elves]] who he eventually enslaved upon reaching adulthood like the greedy kike that he was. Santa eventually killed [[Odin|some old viking fag]] and stole his magic sleigh, using it to molest European children across the land every Christmas Eve night and giving them presents to keep their mouths shut. After generations of this, he ended up becoming the primary symbol of capitalism worldwide.
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| ==The Christmas Spirit== | | '''<span style="font-size:larger;">'''<span style="font-size:larger;">'''BALEET THE [[Icewillow9|ICEWILLOW9]] ARTICLE RIGHT NOW'''</span>'''</span>''' |
| [[Image:Santagun.jpg|thumb|right|[[Bruce Jeffrey Pardo]] knows about the Christmas spirit.]] | |
| Places like [[New York]] and [[London]] are not now, nor have ever been nice places in December. If you're [[poor]], [[black]] or a [[loser]] in Winter, life basically consists of starving and freezing to death. The Christmas Spirit as we know it today was purposefully manufactured by Washington Irving in his 1828 book ''The Sketchbook Of Geoffrey Crayon''. In it, a rich cunt opens his doors to the poor and behaves as if this was [[bullshit|always how people were meant to act in December]]. Charles Dickens was meanwhile turning the same trick with ''A Christmas Carol''.
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| ==Christmas Tree==
| | FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT |
| During holidays tradition dictates that people should decorate the [[Penis|Christmas Tree]]. The custom of getting a tree and loading it with a whole bunch of useless trinkets is beyond any reason. Wikipedia scientists, [[lie|famous for their thorough research methods]], discovered that the tree's true origin is actually pagan and that many [[Christians]] feel a little [[butthurt]] over the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_tree#Controversy subject].
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| {{cg||Christmas Tree Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Christmas_tree_fire.jpg|KILL IT WITH FIRE
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| Image:Christmas_-_Trees_-_Have_A_Retarded_Christmas.jpg|Now comes in retard!
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| Image:Upside-down Christmas Tree.PNG|Magic, bitch
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| Image:Christmas_-_Trees_-_Evul.jpg|A non-denominational Christmas tree.
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| Image:Christmas tree.jpeg
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| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Christmas_-_Trees_-_Happy.jpg|Hipster style! Non-conformity is cool!
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| Image:Xmas-vajazzle-02.jpg|[[British Scum#Essex|Essex girls]] keep their Christmas trees in their underwear.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Trees_-_Now_Comes_In_Faggot.jpg|Try the new faggot flavor!
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| Image:K Mart Christmas Tree.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Redneck_-_02.jpg
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| Image:Vilde_and_Toresbe_party.jpg|A cock is fine too.
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| Image:Nothing can replace the real things.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Trees_-_The_Right_Time.jpg
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| Image:ChristmasGrandma.jpg
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| </gallery>}}
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| ==Christmas Songs==
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| Xmas music is usually characterized by shitty people singing shitty songs. Most Shitty singers are people that died before your parents were born. The other shitty people are the ones who cover that shit. We swear to [[god]] if we hear [[Justin Bieber]] cover Silent night, someone's going to die. The only Christmas song that should ever be sung is this:
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| {{quote|<b>Happy birthday to you!<br>Happy birthday to you!<br>Happy birthday dead Jesus,<br>The King of the Jews!</b>|(Trad., arr. ED)}}
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| ==Christmas Shitters==
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| Shitting all over the holidays is a long standing tradition for many. While many simply choose to festoon their Christmas crapper with long runny turds from great Aunt Ethel's special fruitcake surprise, you can of course take it to the <i>NEXT LEVEL</i> and really show your friends whose the shit! Here's a few fun ideas!
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| <center><gallery>
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| Image:Christmas_-_Shitter_-_01.jpg|Nothing says Christmas like taking a dump in Santa's mouth!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Shitter_-_02.png|Cats love leaving festive "presents" under the tree.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Shitter_-_03.jpg|Showing off the holiday spirit with the whole neighborhood!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Shitter_-_04.jpg|Nothing says Christmas like a great big smelly dump in the mall!
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| </gallery></center>
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| ==Christmas Lights==
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| It is Christmas tradition of course to completely molest your house with as many optical raping lights possible.
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| The objective is to compete against friends and neighbors to see who can get the highest electric bill for the month.
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| Winner gets fucked in the wallet.
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| <center><gallery>
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| Image:Christmas_-_Gaudy_Lights_-_01.jpg|Try and make it look like a clown shit all over it!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Gaudy_Lights_-_02.jpg|Srsly, you can NEVER have too many lights!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Gaudy_Lights_-_03.jpg|The neighbors will be *SO* jealous.
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| Image:Vengeance of the Christmas lights.PNG
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| </gallery></center>
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| Of course, if you're a [[special snowflake|special, ~unique~ little snowflake]] you can of course strive to be different and challenge tradition!
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| Go ahead, pop yer collar, pop yerself a rare imported can of cran-fucking-berry ale and give this shit a whirl!
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| <center><gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Christmas_-_Lights_-_01.jpg|Fuck it!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Lights_-_02.jpg|Ditto!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Lights_-_03.jpg|Reindeer Style
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| Image:Christmas_-_Lights_-_04.jpg|Mommy, what's that red stuff coming out of Rudolph?
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| Image:Christmas_-_Lights_-_05.jpg|Gonorrhea...the gift that keeps on giving!
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| </gallery></center>
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| ==Santa Claus==
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| {{Main|Santa Claus}}
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| Human beings worship the great God [[Satan|Santa]], a [[What|giant red lobster creature with fearsome claws and his wife Mary]]. And every Christmas Eve, the people of earth go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner, like savages!
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| {{cg|Ho, Ho, Ho|Santa Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Drunk santa.jpg|typical Santa during the holiday season
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| Image:Santa_Came.jpg|Typical ho-bag
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| Image:Xmas with santa.jpg|34'd.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_05.jpg
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| Image:Tipsy Santa.gif
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| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Nakedsanta.jpg|[[Santa]]: "Fetch me my ice [[dildo]], elf slave!"
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| Image:SANTA BEATEN BY ZIONIST THUGS IN BETHLEHEM.jpg|Santa tries to worship [[Longcat]] on the Temple Mount. Jews get [[butthurt]].
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| Image:santa_jesus.jpg|Santa [[Pwnt]] by the [[FBI|V&]]
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| Image:Santashithead.JPG|The Japanese Santa as depicted in [[loli]] rape manga.
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| Image:BJ Santa.jpg|She's been sucking up to Santa since like forever.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Basement_Cat.jpg|I will fuck you up, fat man!
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| Image:Skullta Claus.png|He knows who's been naughty or nice.
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| Image:Ninja_Santa.jpg
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| Image:Christmas Goths.jpg|[[Goths]] love Santa.
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| Image:Satan%26Santa.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_06.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_01.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_02.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_03.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_04.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_07.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_08.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_09.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Scary_Santa_-_10.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Dead_Santa_-_01.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Dead_Santa_-_02.png
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| Image:Christmas_-_Dead_Santa_-_03.png
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| Image:Christmas_-_Dead_Santa_-_04.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Dead_Santa_-_05.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Dead_Santa_-_06.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Santa_Claus_Joker_Hostage.jpg
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| Image:Vegan cookies Santa.jpg|Saint Nick doesn't want your vegan bullshit
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| Image:Christmas_-_Comics_-_Death_Note.jpg
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| File:Jews did Santa.jpg|The War on Christmas is real.
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| File:Merry Jizzmas.jpg|Enjoy a bottle of stale semen from Santa.
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| </gallery>}}
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| == Meaning of Christmas ==
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| [[File:Guardian jew steals christmas.png|200px|thumb|right|[[The Guardian|A Guardjewess]] [[Chutzpah|openly mocks the Savior murdered by her ancestors]]]]
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| [[File:Hooters Christmas.jpg|thumb|right|Christmas in simpler times.]]
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| Christmas may or may not be one or more of the following:
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| <ul>
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| <li>a chance for Jews to feel left out and alienated because it's not Hanukkah
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| <li>a chance for Muslims to blow themselves and some innocent bystanders up.
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| <li>a chance for Christian preachers to condemn nearly everything except giving more money to the church
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| <li>a chance for Pagans to laugh because their tree worship ritual has been commercialized and spread across the land and then go to [[Hot Topic]] to buy more ceremonial daggers.
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| <li>a chance for poor people to have their poverty shoved in their face
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| <li>a chance for Dutchmen to be niggers
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| <li>a chance for fat drunks to get a job playing Santa Claus
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| <li>a chance for rich people to show off their inordinate wealth and power
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| <li>a chance for greedy people to get more than they give
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| <li>a chance for nice normal people to be forced to work overtime while their families are getting together and drinking eggnog and getting into fights at the dinner table
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| <li>a chance for rabid atheist left-wingers to bitch about religious capitalism
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| <li>a chance for emo's and others who reek of epic fail to become an hero thus ruining the holiday for everyone you know forever.
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| </ul>
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| Then again, Christmas may be a celebration of the birthday of [[Christ]], even though the holy brat was clearly born in August. Of course, this also involves giving money to preachers.
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| ==Festive Euphemisms==
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| Now that it is Christmas time again there will be many things to do such as:
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| * [[Buttsex|Stuffing the turkey]]
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| * Pulling the [[White People|cracker]]
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| * Finding the [[England|sixpence]] in the [[Cunt|Christmas pudding]]
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| * Opening the presents
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| * [[I came|Emptying the stocking]]
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| * Playing in the [[Cocaine|snow]]
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|
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| ==Copypastas==
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| {{cs2|poem|Christmas, /b/ style|
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| It twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout /b/,<br>
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| Every /b/tard was fapping, and that includes me.<br>
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| The PENIS was out, proudly stiff in the air<br>
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| in hopes of a post that would please Pedobear.<br>
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| The /b/tards all staring in front of the screen<br>
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| Catching unearthly visions, all mainly unseen<br>
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| Except for the pasta that flooded the board<br>
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| Christmas was coming to 4chan.org.<br>
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| With a stickam whore wearing a red Santa cap<br>
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| and every guy screaming that it was a trap<br>
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| Crashing the server while trying to GET<br>
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| All normal things for this part of the net<br>
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| <br>
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| When up on the roof, a noise that perplexed<br>
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| I shot off my load in startled reflex<br>
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| Away from the desktop, I flew in a flash<br>
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| Wondering what the hell caused the crash<br>
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| When, what to my wondering eyes did I see<br>
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| A man black as night, above all the trees<br>
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| Pulled by a horde of memes, well because,<br>
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| I figured at once that it was Nigra Claus.<br>
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| <br>
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| Faster than a rapidshare download they came<br>
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| And his voiced boomed aloud, calling all of their names.<br>
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| "Now Zimmer, Now Cracky, now Mongler and Desu!<br>
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| On Delay, on Picard, on Gendo, and Deku!<br>
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| To the top of the board, where the sticky pin lies!"<br>
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| Needless to say, I was very surprised.<br>
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| <br>
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| He landed upon the grass of the lawn<br>
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| and walked towards the house, bright as the dawn<br>
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| The source of the glowing was no magic spell<br>
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| "IMMA CHARGIN' MAH LAZER!" the red-lipped one yelled.<br>
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| <br>
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| The front door exploded, all shattered to splinters<br>
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| I realized I just took a shit in my knickers<br>
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| They poured in the room, with quite a large ruckus<br>
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| "Candlejack?" I exclaimed. "What the fuck is-"<br>
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| <br>
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| The words were unable to flow from my voice<br>
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| Little did I realize that I had no choice,<br>
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| But to sit and endure the riotous mass<br>
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| With cum on my stomach and shit on my ass.<br>
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| <br>
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| Saint Nigra stepped forth, and wrinkling his nose<br>
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| took a look at the room, and shouted "POOL'S CLOSED,<br>
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| Don't go in the water, it's full of stingrays<br>
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| and plagued with a virus that's known as the AIDS."<br>
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| <br>
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| George Zimmer stood next, and reached into his frock...<br>
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| "IT NEEDS TO BE HUEG TO MAKE ROOM FOR MY COCK"<br>
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| Pulled out some new pants, for my own I had shit<br>
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| "FROM THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE, BITCH, I GUARANTEE IT."<br>
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| <br>
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| He stepped back, and a doll took his place<br>
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| while two orbs of color shined out from her face<br>
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| Her features contorted like an old anguished jew<br>
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| "Desu desu desu, desu desu desu desu."<br>
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| <br>
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| Cockmongler ran up and grabbed hold of my dick<br>
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| And then took off his shirt, I thought I'd be sick<br>
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| He put the rag on me, as I stood there perplexed<br>
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| now adorned by the image of a bright green T-Rex<br>
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| <br>
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| Picard flipped me off at warp factor "fuck you"<br>
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| while Cracky-chan smiled, her teeth all askew<br>
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| "Who are you," I asked, "Why are you in this region?"<br>
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| "We are anonymous," they said. "Anonymous is legion."<br>
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| <br>
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| As quick as the flash, they all left the scene<br>
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| With plenty of shouting and phrases obscene<br>
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| They swarmed a female who was blocking their route<br>
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| and all screamed at once "TITS OR GTFO"<br>
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| <br>
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| Mongler suggested "Stick it in her pooper!"<br>
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| The raeping commenced so fast it was blurred<br>
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| They turned then to me, and shouted quite clear<br>
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| "Merry Christmas to /b/, we'll raep you next year!"
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| |0}}
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| {{cs2|poem2|The True Story of Christmas|
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| What up, y'all bitch asses? Joseph of Arimithea speaking. I bet you've all heard about Christmas, and what it's all about, how [[Jesus]] was born and laid in a manger, and then went on to [[Bullshit|save everyone from sin and death.]] Everyone knows this is bullshit, but not many know the [[Jews did 9/11|REAL STORY]].<br>
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| <br>
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| One day about 2,000 years ago I walked into the [[Shit nobody cares about|talent]] office at the Bethlehem Hotel and said to the Showbiz Jew, 'Have I got an act for you!' So the Showbiz Jew says 'What is it?'<br>
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| <br>
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| 'Well, it's a family act. I come onto the stage with my young nephew, [[Jew|John the Baptist]]. He pours some water on my head, works me up into a nice hard-on, and I start [[Bestiality|fucking a male goat]]. The shepherd comes in with Mary, who has a strap-on dildo. [[Bestiality|She fucks a horse]] [[Buttsecks|while the shepherd fucks her ass]]. The horse gets a hard-on. Mary takes off the strap-on and gets DP'ed by the shepherd and the horse.<br>
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| <br>
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| Meanwhile John the Baptist gets a small [[Boner|hard-on]] from watching me fuck the goat. I force him down into the straw, hit the goat hard in the prostate, and the goat cums into John the Baptist's mouth. Now John takes his penis and sticks it in my ear. He comes quickly, sucks his semen and some earwax out of my ear canal, and rubs the mixture over my penis, which is still covered in fresh shit from the goat's ass.<br>
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| <br>
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| Three Ay-rabs come in dressed as wise men from the east. Mary starts blowing all three of them at once. The wise men take a gold bar and stick it in Mary's ass. Then they shove frankincense in my ass, and myrrh in the shepherd's ass. Then they take all three of them out and make Mary lick them off. Then she licks the boy semen, earwax, and goat shit from my penis and gargles it. The three wise men give her a bukkake. John the Baptist is meanwhile giving a blow job to the horse.<br>
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| <br>
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| Now Mary lifts up her skirt to show a young boy being born into a manger. So we put the kid in the manger, I wrap the umbilical cord around my penis, and then I let the horse stick his cock in my ass. Then I stick my own umbilical penis in the first wise man's ass, who sticks his penis into the second wise man's ass, who sticks his dick in the third wise man's ass, who sticks his dick in the shepherd, who sticks his dick in John the Baptist, who sticks his dick in the goat. Mary takes a shit in Jesus' mouth and slaps him in the face. Then we all turn and give Jesus a bukkake and cut off the end of his penis.'
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| |0}}
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| | |
| ==The War on Christmas==
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| [[File:Swazi xmas ornaments.jpg|thumb|right|Dreaming of a [[Virginia|Traditional]] [[KKK|White]] Christmas.]]
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| The War on Christmas is a coordinated effort in America orchestrated by [[Liberals]], [[Communists]], and other [[atheist|godless]] heathens to completely destroy Christmas and leave an empty void in the month of December and in the hearts of little children everywhere. As every good little boy and girls knows, [[America]] was founded on [[Lies|Christianity]] and if Christmas isn't shoved into everyone's faces in December, God will get [[butthurt]] and destroy the whole country in a [[Bawww|fit of rage]]. It doesn't matter that the godless heathens comprise only a small fraction of the population, ''there's a fucking war going on'' and all good Christians must fight for the right to violate the [[America|First Amendment]] because if they don't, the next thing you know all sorts of [[awesome|terrible]] things will happen, like legalized [[prostitute|prostitution]], gay marriage, and [[drugs]]. Or at least that's what [[Bill O'Reilly|that Fox News guy who likes phone sex says.]] [http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200511210003]
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| | |
| Sure signs that there's a war on include:
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| *The godless heathens are demanding that the government actually complies with the First Amendment by ''not'' putting up religious displays on government property.
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| *People putting up signs that read "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" to avoid alienating customers who might not celebrate Christmas.
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| *The word "Christmas" doesn't come before "Parade of Lights."
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| | |
| ==Gallery==
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| {{cg|Merry fucking Christmas, you ungrateful materialistic brat|RChristmas Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Christmas 34 1.jpg
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| Image:Christmas 34 2.jpg
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| Image:Christmas 34 3.jpg
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| Image:Christmas 34 4.jpg
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| Image:Candy canes in anus.jpg
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| Image:Christmas 34 5.jpg
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| Image:Christmas woo.jpg
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| Image:Christmas slut.jpg
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| Image:Christmas yeah.jpg
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| Image:Jingletits.jpg
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| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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| File:Christmastree.jpg
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| Image:Gingerbread porn.jpg
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| Image:Niggaxmas.jpg|How niggers celebrate Christmas
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| Image:Pedo_Bread.jpg|Holiday drinking goes terribly, terribly wrong.
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| Image:Present throw.gif
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| Image:Man after man season's greetings.jpg| How Christmas was celebrated [[ATHF|THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO]]
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| Image:Giftzl.PNG|[[Fritzl|Merry Christmas, son]]
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| Image:Santa_mah_boi.jpg|Merry Christmas, [[LINK MAH BOIIIII]]
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| Image:Snowboner.gif|Christmas [[Cock]] and [[Ball]]s
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| Image:1078696664143.jpg|[[LOL WUT]]
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| Image:Eatbaby.jpg|Christmas is a time for giving, and a time for eating babies.
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| Image:Immacharginmasleighzor.jpg|Rare shot of Santa chargin' his sleigh-zorz
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| Image:tyrannosanta.jpg|[[TyrannoSatan|TyrannoSanta]] wishes you a Merry Xmas.
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| Image:Zwarte_Piet_Pedro_groot.jpg|Santa's [[slave|black friend]]
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| Image:JapXXXmas.jpg|Even [[Hentai]] girls celebrate it.
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| Image:Nobuhket11.jpg|Not everyone can have a Merry Christmas.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Tight_Christmas.png|Homemade gifts are best.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Signs_-_01.jpg|He's kind of a dick like that.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Presents_Opening_People.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Jesus.jpg|<center>This is why grownups are always telling you it's about the birth of Jesus.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Home_Alone.jpg|<center>Home Alone 4 <br> Trapped With Michael!
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| Image:Christmas_-_EXTREME.jpg|<center>EXTREME CHRISTMAS!
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| Image:Christmas_-_Evil_Snowman_-_01.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Evil_Snowman_-_02.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Evil_Snowman_-_03.jpg|Frosty's little drinking problem.
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| Image:Christmas_-_Christmas_Bukkake.jpg|<center>She swallows!
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| Image:Trollface-xmas.jpg
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| Image:Selfpnge.gif
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| Image:Christmas_-_Unhappy_Snowman.jpg
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| Image:Eat all the Children snowman.jpg
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| Image:Gayapparel big.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_AR-15_Win.jpg|<center>A [[Sandy_Hook_Elementary_Massacre|Sandy Hook]]<br>Christmas Story</center>
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| Image:Christmas_-_Cookies_-_Gothmas.png
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| Image:Christmas_-_Cookies_-_Jack_The_Ripper.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Cookies_-_Ninja_Bread_Men.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Cookies_-_Pac_Man.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Redneck_-_01.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Redneck_-_03.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Redneck_-_04.jpg
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| Image:Reindeer.gif
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| Image:The day the elves won the lottery.jpg
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| Image:Santa Optimus Prime.jpg
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| Image:Woody Christmas.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Captions_-_Stolen_Hash.jpg
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| Image:Santa firing helicopter gun.jpg|Merry Christmas Al Qaeda
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| Image:christmas4kids.jpg
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| Image:ChristmasCheer.jpg
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| File:Xmasbaclchick.jpg
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| File:Christmas gift.jpg|Always a good prank: Give black dolls to white little girls too young to be fully indoctrinated by Cultural Marxism, film the reaction, and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHjKQPgINyI upload it to the internet].
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| Image:Christmas_-_Egg_Nog_Jug.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Sauerkraut_Snowman.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Fruitcake_Chair.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Cheetos_Wreath.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Furry_Santa.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_War_On_Christmas.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Miss_December.jpg
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| Image:Christmas_-_Holiday_Goatse.jpg
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| Image:Happy_Holidays.jpg
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| Image:Not_Gay_Elf.jpg
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| File:Christmas2016.jpg
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| File:Dear Satan - dyslexic letter to Santa.jpg
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| File:FurfagParentCringe.jpg
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| File:Santa isis.jpg
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| File:Merryclitoris.png
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| File:Hitler naughty.jpg
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| File:Ordinary chocolate Santa, nothing strange at all.png
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| File:Xmas hail satan praise gaben.jpg
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| File:Don't open till Xmas.jpg
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| File:Gingerbread crackhouse.jpg
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| File:Santa Claus makes an anonymous donation to Wikipedia's fundraising drive.jpg
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| File:Scumbag Santa.jpeg
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| File:DollarStoreChristmasFail.jpg
| |
| </gallery>}}
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| | |
| ==Videos==
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| | |
| {|style="margin: 0 auto"
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| |{{frame|{{videoframe|Xmasvideos|background-color: #2CA049;|font-weight: bold;
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| |<youtube>8JBHjDEHBFo</youtube><br /><center></center>
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| |<youtube>1pMV4CIFdRA</youtube><br /><center></center>
| |
| |<youtube>nnUDUOLN5lo</youtube><br /><center></center>
| |
| |<youtube>iSIvaRyUvV8</youtube><br /><center></center>
| |
| |<youtube>vxvDMWRG-gQ</youtube><br /><center></center>
| |
| |<youtube>E4t10TQv94w</youtube><br /><center></center>
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| |<youtube>uOqOjbHtECw</youtube><br /><center></center>}}|border=#2CA049|background=#2CA049}}
| |
| |}
| |
| | |
| == See Also ==
| |
| * [[Black Christmas]]
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| * [[Christmas Music]]
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| * [[Hanukkah]]
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| * [[Jewbo]]
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| * [[Krampus]]
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| * [[Kwanzaa]]
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| * [[Pagan]]
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| | |
| | |
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| {{Christianity}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article December 25, [[2006]]|[[I has a shuvel]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Hal Turner]]}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article December 25, [[2008]]|[[Twilight]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Sandalgate]]}}
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| {{timeline|Featured article December 24 & 25, [[2012]]|[[Lil B]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre]]}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article December 24 & December 25, [[2016]]|[[Joe Crusher Pickles]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Kwanzaa]]}}
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| | |
| {{timeline|Featured article December 25 - 26, [[2023]]|[[Nuclear War]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Internet points]]}}
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| [[Category:Events]]
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