|
|
| Line 1: |
Line 1: |
| {{pixpls}}
| | Op |
| [[Image:Pillow_angel.jpg|thumb|Even it wants to [[quit IRL]].]]
| |
| The '''Pillow Angel''', also known as '''Ashley X''', is a [[loli | 9 year old girl]], but [[you]] wouldn't know it by looking at it. Ashley suffers from [[at least 100]] types of [[retarded]], leading to it being permanently a toddler, development-wise, essentially confining it to round-the-clock care forever. Its [[attention whore]] parents, much like [[Juliana Wetmore|Mr. and Mrs. Wetmore]], decided to give it a hysterectomy and full mastectomy, essentially rendering it [[asexual]]. According to their [[lawyer]] and their [[website]], its parents decided to have these surgeries to ease Ashley's transition into [[boobies|puberty]], and to remove unnecessary [[fat|weight]] from Ashley's body, purportedly to make it easier to carry her, but [[some argue|everybody knows]] that it's really because they're [[pro-ana]]. Despite their previous statement, however, its parents later admitted offline that [[I did it for the lulz|they did it for the lulz]].
| |
| | |
| ==The Controversy==
| |
| | |
| Ashley X was born in a [[America|shithole backwater piece of nigger country]]. Her parents, Mr. and Mrs. X, were fundamentalist [[Christians]], and thusly, as is the case of the sad and disgusting [[Juliana Wetmore]], did not want to humanely do away with their dysfunctional hell-spawn. The only difference between [[Juliana Wetmore|Admiral Ackbar]] and the Pillow Angel is that one [[ugly|looks like shit]] and one [[retarded|isn't smarter than shit]]. As of all people who are fundamentally wrong, you know, as a [[human]], their [[asshole|parents]] strive to keep them alive as much as possible through the most inhumane acts possible.
| |
| | |
| Ashley X was born with something called [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Static_encephalopathy|static encephalopathy], which means, Hayr Brain Dun't Wurk No [[Moar]]. She will forever have the mental capacity of a two month old baby, narrowly beating [[w|George Bush]] by a few IQ points. However, her parents, instead of considering her [[zombie|born dead]], thought it'd be cool to keep around the house and score a few [[emo]] points for themselves, or failing that, have a constantly [[poop|pooping]] piece of kinetic art.
| |
| | |
| ==Ashley is NOT a porn star==
| |
| Despite its suggestive pseudonym of Ashley X, the Pillow Angel is not a [[porn]] star...[[Rule 34|yet]]. Some popular theories as to why it chose to go by the moniker of Ashley X exist, including:
| |
| | |
| *[[Anonymous|Anonymity]], however this contradicts the known attention whoring of its parents
| |
| *It's a [[lesbian|cocktease]]
| |
| *The Pillow Angel is [[straight edge]]
| |
| *It's [[hardcore]], and will <strike>kick</strike> fuck your [[ass]] up
| |
| | |
| However, all you Ashley fans out there can breathe a sigh of relief, as [[Rule 34]] should kick in shortly.
| |
| | |
| ==Ashley is NOT divine==
| |
| | |
| <strike>Pillow Angel? [[Moar]] like Pillow Demon, amirite? lol</strike>
| |
| | |
| In another attempt at [[drama]] [[whore|whoring]], its parents decided to call it the Pillow Angel, because as it can't walk or talk or [[shit | wipe its own ass]], it spends all [[fuck]]ing day in bed resting on a pillow. Nobody really knows where they got the 'angel' part, but in the picture to the right it sort of looks like its pretending to have wings, and is vaguely reminiscent of something like an angel. Or a bat.
| |
| | |
| The only thing remotely divine about the Pillow Angel is that it is a reminder that [[God]] [[Slayer|hates us all]], and that only [[Raptor Jesus]] can save you from the imminent [[rape]] of The [[Rapture]]. However, even Raptor Jesus cannot save the [[sick fuck]]s who conceived this Angel of [[Satan]], and neutered a [[girl]] to make it easier for them to keep it at home and not in an assisted-living facility somewhere, lest trained professionals and quality medical care get in the way of their attention whoring.
| |
| | |
| It could also be argued that its parents did it a favor, so that now it can't breed and have retarded [[children]].
| |
| | |
| ==Ashley is NOT a pillow==
| |
| | |
| I mean, holy shit, couldn't they get [[fail|anything right]]? [[Christ]].
| |
| | |
| ==PROOF that its parents are attention whores==
| |
| According to its parents' shitty [[blog]]:
| |
| | |
| <pre>We find the worldwide attention to Ashley’s story both gratifying and overwhelming. Since we’ve published this web site the night of
| |
| January 2nd, the story:
| |
| | |
| * Has topped the Health section of Google News for several days – there have been more than 400 articles worldwide
| |
| * Prompted more than 1.6 million hits so far – more than a million in the first 48 hours
| |
| * Generated more than 2,500 private emails – more than 1,500 in the first 48 hours</pre>
| |
| | |
| Hence, they are attention whores.
| |
| | |
| QED.
| |
| | |
| ==Ashley's parents are also [[pedophiles]]==
| |
| When its parents described home life with Ashley, saying that:
| |
| | |
| <pre>As often as we can we give her position changes and back rubs, sweet talk her, move her to social and engaging places, and manage her
| |
| entertainment setting (music or TV). In return she inspires abundant love in our hearts, so effortlessly; she is such a blessing in
| |
| our life!</pre>
| |
| | |
| This is a thinly-veiled admission of pedophilia, and is the missing link in the puzzle that is the Pillow Angel. Why would anybody spend [[over 9000|$100,000,000]] to make sure that their ex-[[girl|daughter]] stayed young and nubile? Furthermore, why would they cut off all of its [[vagina|naughty]] [[breasts|parts]]? BECAUSE THEY LIKE LITTLE BOYS!
| |
| | |
| [[Image:Ashley_crip.jpg|thumb|THEY PATROLLING AND TRYING TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY!]]
| |
| | |
| ==Ashley X: Daughter, Friend,black person?==
| |
| Ashley X is also a suspected [[Crips|Crip]], and has been spotted rolling with (moar like being ROLLED BY since it's about as motile as a prokaryote, amirite?) fellow Crips Snoop Dogg, [[Christopher Reeve]] and [[Tookie Williams]]. It has also been implicated (but nevar indicted!) as the real shooter of Tupac Shakur.
| |
| | |
| ==How YOU can help==
| |
| There are many things you can do to help out the Pillow Angel, not the least of which is [[troll]]ing her sick parents ([[OL]] or [[IRL]], you can [[CYOC]]!) to the point that they want to [[suicide]]d with bricks. [[Srsly]]. If it could talk, I'm sure the Pillow Angel would thank you. Their last known location was "somewhere in Washington", and are described as being [[white]], college-educated, and [[fucktard]]ed. Or you can just troll the shit out of their [[MSN]] space [http://ashleytreatment.spaces.live.com/].
| |
| | |
| You can also send it [[pix|noods]] for entertainment, but you should first insist that it [[tits or GTFO | sends-to-receive]], as it will try to rip you off, since it is after all an Angel of Satan, amirite? It would probably get away with it too, because who do you think people would believe: you or the kid in the [[hugbox]]?
| |
| | |
| ==[[Law and Order]]: Pillow Angels Unit==
| |
| | |
| On November 27, 2008, ''Law and Order'' featured a storyline involving its own Pillow Angel, showing that NBC a) was [[profit|trying to cash in on]] the [[lulz]] of this freak of nature, or b) [[lurk moar|lurks]] on ED for story ideas. In the episode, the mom and dad wanted to scoop out the spastic nine-year-old bitch's [[tits]] and [[vagina]] so she wouldn't grow up (i.e. have periods and orgasms they'd have to clean up, I mean come on, she already shits herself and drools). [[FBI|Assistant District Attorney Mike Cutter]] tried to get them convicted of attempted child abuse for this, but his boss, wily motherfucker Jack McCoy, said [[NO U]] and had the case against the parents dismissed.
| |
| | |
| ==[[rap|NEGROID POETRY]]==
| |
| | |
| I saw a hottie yesterday her name was Ashley X,
| |
| and all I could think about was havin' nasty sex.
| |
| I can't wait 'til that girl reaches age eighteen,
| |
| explore that six-year-old body and keep my slate clean.
| |
| Now I hear Democrats sayin' "that ain't right bro,"
| |
| but they be missin' out cuz that ass is tight yo.
| |
| I wanna yank down her panties and eat that meal,
| |
| pedophiles on 12chan be keepin' it real!
| |
| | |
| ==MOAR PICS==
| |
| <gallery>
| |
| Image:Ashleyandfamily.jpg|Ashley's siblings were born with hideous black rectangle deformities on their faces. Their parents need to stop [[Fucking|having kids]].
| |
| Image:Pillowfight.jpg|When pillow angels grow up.
| |
| Image:Pillow_angel_pillow.jpg|It's an angel. On a pillow.
| |
| Image:Ashley_centipedes.jpg|Old meme with a new twist.
| |
| Image:Mudkipillow.jpg|So I herd u leik pillows?
| |
| Image:Pillow_ascii.jpg|Ashley goes 8-bit...HOW POSTMODERN!
| |
| Image:Ashleyx18.jpg|Ashley X - ManChild Literal
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2015_05.jpg|Pondering on the questions of life.
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2007_06.jpg|"A precious sisterly hug"
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2007_08.jpg|"Keeping dad's company at his office"
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2007_09.jpg|[[Incest|"Fun with siblings"]]
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2007_11.jpg|"Enjoying a swim with dad"
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2007_22.jpg|[[Cum|"Getting drenched on a hot summer day"]]
| |
| File:Ashley_X_-_2007_23.jpg|"Enjoying a train ride in dad's lap"
| |
| </gallery>
| |
| | |
| ==See Also==
| |
| *[[Juliana Wetmore]], the Pillow Angel's [[BFF]] and primary partner in [[retard|lulz]].
| |
| *[[Mitchell Rasansky]]
| |
| *[[Terri Schiavo]]
| |
| *[[Fetal Alcohol Syndrome]]
| |
| *[[Lake Angel]] - another child suffering a horrible, undignified fate and nicknamed an Angel.
| |
| *[[Lizzie Velasquez]]
| |
| *[[Myah_Walker|Myah Walker's ZomBaby hopes to grow up to be a pillow angel]]
| |
| | |
| ==External Links==
| |
| * [http://pillowangel.org/ Current website.]
| |
| * [http://ashleytreatment.spaces.live.com/ Ashley's official Internets pillow.]
| |
| * [http://pillowangel.com Want to buy your very own Pillow Angel?]
| |
| * [http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/01092007666_11_pillowangel.shtml Jessica Simpson sure does.]
| |
| * [http://www.myspace.com/pillowfightleague Ashley's MySpace]
| |
| * [https://picasaweb.google.com/107733536573540118330/AshleyIn2007?authkey=Gv1sRgCPCU45r6n560rgE Picasa gallery: 2007]
| |
| * [https://picasaweb.google.com/107733536573540118330/AshleyAlongTheYears?authkey=Gv1sRgCIyG7KeZ05mmCQ Picasa gallery: along the years]
| |
| | |
| {{Nonsequitter}}
| |
| | |
| [[Category:People]]
| |
| | |
| [[Category:Drama-generating_techniques]]
| |
