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== [[tl;dr|Historical Background]] for [[Babby|Babbies]] ==
[[File:boomer shooter.jpg|350px|thumb|Realistic boomer shooter.]]


=== Where it all began ===
'''[[Boomer]] shooters''' are a "new" (as in: ''newly regurgitated'') genre of [[FPS|first-person shooters]] for ageing [[millennials]] who only wish to return to a time when their dicks [[Erectile dysfunction|still worked]]. Boomer shooters harken back to the primitive 90's "classics" of the FPS genre, complete with [[MS Paint|90's graphics]], [[Slipknot|90's music]], [[Bonzi Buddy|90's design sensibilities]] and [[AOL|general 90's shittiness]]. They are the vidya equivalent of reheated leftovers.
<small>''AKA: The origin of [[USI|elitism]]''</small>


[[File:Mule1983.gif|250px|thumb|This is the shit young Übergamers had to play instead of [[Donkey Kong]]]]
The term initially referred only to the original first-person shooters that spawned like maggots in rotting flesh after [[Doom]]'s unexpected success in 1993. Beginning in the late 2010's, though, it has been expanded to include a myriad of low-effort modern copycats. Today, a plethora of [[Valve|major corporations]] and [[SJW|talentless indie hacks]] are more than [[Jew|happy]] to repackage the childhood memories of balding 30-something old men and sell it back to them for a quick buck. The result is a glut of absolutely identical garbage games flooding online stores.


In prehistoric times, [[Vidya]] was not one, but two:
== Characteristics ==


* ''[[Mario|Video games]]'': Those painfully bright, screeching things designed for [[Autism|sugarated children]]. Originally played on [[Arcades|arcade machines]], but soon migrating into the living room of every middle-class family thanks to the conniving [[Azn|rice-kikes]] over at [[Nintendo]]. Defined by being [[Retarded|relatively simple]], [[Opioids|quick to pick up]], [[Battletoads|requiring twitchy movements]] and [[Sonic|brainwashing an entire generation into masturbating to cartoon animals]].
Although all FPSs are fundamentally the same, there are certain characteristics which, when taken together, make up a boomer shooter. These have their origin in the primitive state of [[PC Master Race|PC gaming]] in the 1990's. Although the industry as a whole has moved on from this experimental Doom-clone phase after figuring out [[Half-Life|what works]] and [[Hunt Down The Freeman|what doesn't]], nostalgia-blinded retards continue clinging to these objectively failed paradigms.
* ''[[Rogue|Computer games]]'': Video games' [[You|fat snotty cousin]] that lurks in the background of every family photo. Games designed to be played by boring sexless dads in between crunching [[Microsoft Office|spreadsheets]] and filing for [[bankruptcy]]. Defined by [[CAD|WORDS WORDS WORDS]], [[Dwarf Fortress|incomprehensible controls]], [[Linux|absurd difficulty to install/run]], [[Minecraft|poor graphics]], [[Boring|slow pacing]] and [[Tubgirl|general shittiness]].


The question of whether a kid got to play actual video games or had to settle for obtuse point-and-click snorefests came down to whether they managed to convince their parents to buy them a [[SNES|Nintendos]] for Christmas. Otherwise, the only option left to them is to [[Virus|pirate]] Ultima for the family [[Amiga|Amiga 500]]. This created endless [[BAWWWW|lingering resentment]] in the hearts of the little twerps as they were forced to sit out and watch their cooler classmates discuss the latest Mario, Zelda or Sanic during recess. To cope, the butthurt cumstains [[Tulpa|deluded]] themselves into thinking that shit is actually gold, and that the godawful games they were saddled with are AKSHUALLY superior by virtue of being more "[[Boring|complex]]" and "[[I have a 140 IQ|thoughtful]]". Thus the PC Master Race was born.
=== Low-polygon graphics ===


{{clear}}
[[File:doom red.png|250px|thumb|Imagine finding this appealing.]]
=== [[Piss|Golden]] Age ===
<small>''AKA: The origin of [[Graphics|GRAPHIX]]''</small>


[[File:Afinespecimen.png|frame|Heil the Master Race!]]
Boomer shooters are most easily recognized by looking like absolute dogshit. Some don't bother rendering anything other than the level geometry itself, using fugly pixelated sprites for enemies and weapons.


As the years went by and you no longer had to pay $9,000 for a processor capable of running Solitaire, it became possible to play actually halfway decent games on the same machine you use to watch [[pr0n]]. Computer games (now univerasally ''PC'' games because [[Microsoft]] sucked [[IBM]]'s dick and [[Apple]] is for [[fags]]) became more console-like, with reflex-based gameplay and graphics capable of more than 4 colors. The consoleless plebs jumped on the opportunity to play something actually fun for once, and [[Hypocrisy|quickly forgot all their petty gripes with the "childish" nature of non-PC games]]. To maintain the [[facade]] that their games are more mature than the alternatives, PC developers added [[DOOM|gore]], [[Duke Nukem 3D|tits]], [[Unreal Tournament|explosions]] and other things enjoyed primarily by [[13-year-old boy|13-year-old boys]] to their heaping piles of trash.
<u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u>


This is also around the same time consoles were shitting the bed after eating too much money during the 8- and 16-bit eras. The fifth generation of consoles included such gems as the [[Brick|cartridge]]-based [[Nintendo 64|N64]], the piss-weak [[Playstation]] and the pure crystalized [[FAIL]] which was the [[Sega Saturn]]. PC gaming went from a choice of last resort to [[A challenger appears|an actually competitive alternative]].
Computers in the 90's could barely render a jpeg without crashing and burning, much less a full 3D environment.


However, all that progress came at a cost. Literally. The introduction of 3D graphics meant you had to buy a dedicated video card for your yellowing plastic abomination, and the rapid advancement in [[Tomb Raider|ass-rendering technologies]] meant you had to switch out that video card every six months or so. Naturally, many companies [[Zerg Rush|rushed]] to flood the market with their [[Fermi|shitty overheating components]]. They made up various [[Marketing|fake reasons]] why ''their'' overpriced slapdash electronics are better than the competitors', inventing worthless [[1337|tech buzzwords]] like ''[[Magnets|triple-buffered DRAM]]'' and ''[[Rape|single-pass sub-frame penetration]]''. The question of how any of these help the [[Basement dweller|typical consumer]] run their favorite [[Counter-strike]] nude mods remained unaddressed.
<u>Why would anyone use it today?</u>


The retards who actually bought into the consumerist frenzi quickly found themselves unable to justify their purchase and once again fell back on self-delusion. They convinced themselves that [[Lie|they can see extremely minute pixel-sized differences between pictures]] and that [[Retard|these are what makes or breaks a game]]. Gameplay, music, sound or story don't matter, apparently.
Because programming modern graphics is hard. Nevermind the fact that any illiterate code monkey can shit out a functioning 3D game in an afternoon using nothing but Unity and Stack Overflow.


{{clear}}
=== Fast player movement ===
=== Death rattle ===
<small>''AKA: The origin of [[butthurt]]''</small>


[[File:Pc petitions.png|250px|thumb]]
[[File:doom dance.gif|250px|thumb]]


The [[PlayStation 2|sixth generation of consoles]] put an end to the PC fatsos' celebrations. Most consumers still wanted a [[Wii|simple machine for gayming]], not an oversized plastic monstrosity that devours money and shits out [[BSOD|BSOD errors]]. Game publishers took one look at the shrinking, obese and [[pirate]]-infested PC market and rightfully decided to take their business elsewhere. Most worthwhile games did not receive a PC release whatsoever, and the ones that did only got begrudging poorly-optimized ports made by [[India|illiterate southasian monkeys]].
The player character moves around at SANIC FAST speeds.


PC gamers responded like any responsible adult would: [[BAWWW|By throwing massive temper tantrums]] and [[Crybaby|endlessly bitching about it online]]. Absolutely convinced that the $4,000 they spent on a computer that can run [[Crysis]] gave them the right to boss game developers around, they loudly and pathetically [[LOL|DEMANDED]] that publishers do a complete [[Xbox|360°]] on their decisions and [[Unrealistic expectations|actively burn money by developing for the increasingly irrelevant PC]]. The [[cognitive dissonance]] between the supposed "superiority" of their platform and the fact it has [[No Gaems|no gaems]] absolutely broke the PCtards' minds, resulting in much [[lulz]] for [[Trolls|outside observers]]. This culminated in the most pathetic display of all: [[Petition|Online petitions]] <u>begging</u> developers for new PC ports.
<u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u>


To the surprise of no one, [[Typical|these strategies failed to work]]. By 2010 the PC was a dying platform, only clung to by those too stupid or invested to move to [[Sex|something better]]. Although the massive amounts of cash the [[Atheist|fedora-equipped virgins]] sank into their gear [[Some argue|arguably]] made it more powerful than consoles, the simple fact is that [[Fact|a gaming platform without any games is a worthless dust-collector]].
The games were made for caffeinated teenagers with twitchy masturbation arms and low attention spans.


{{clear}}
<u>Why would anyone use it today?</u>
=== Steam revival ===
<small>''AKA: The origin of [[Gaben]]'s massive gut''</small>


If the PC was shit, consoles' [[AIDS]] was even worse. The rapid spread of [[Judaism]] through the ranks of game company executives meant that console manufacturers [[Wii U|flushed every advantage they had down the drain]]. Starting with the [[PS3|seventh generation]], consoles have turned increasingly obtuse and unusable. The elimination of [[Friends|couch co-op]], introduction of [[Apple|mandatory updates]], [[DLC|DLCs]], [[Slowpoke|slowness]], [[Fat|bloat]] and general [[fail]] meant that consoles were ironically turning more PC-like.
Moving fast leaves no time for the player to scrutinize the ugly game environment, or indeed the shittiness and repetitiveness of the game itself.


Meanwhile, the PC was becoming even more console-like, largely thanks to [[Gabe Newell|a single obese Jew]] from [[Valve|Seattle]] and his games-for-rent scheme ''[[Steam]]''. [[Veteran|Older generations]] of PC gamers saw Steam for the blatant money-stealing [[DRM|DRM scam]] it was. Newfags, however, were now [[too lazy]] to even leave their mom's house to buy their digital crack. These diabetic inbreds greatly appreciated the ability to purchase [[Braid|indie shovelware]] from the comfort of their air-conditioned basements, and so Steam became the fastest growing [[cancer]] on the [[interwebz]].
=== Enemy [[crapflood]] ===


The rise of Steam meant you no longer had to [[delete System32]] every time you wanted to install a game. It also meant [[Valve]] now got to install golden chandeliers in the money-coated ballrooms of their [[Cocaine|coke palaces]]. PC gamers may be comparatively few in number, but they make up for it by being able to max out their (parents') credit cards, and Gaben's lazy ass [[Jew gold|receives 30% of every purchase made on Steam]]. Other publishers took notice of Valve's collection of golden dildos and sex-trafficked prepubescent girls and wanted in on the action. Every ostensibly notable company rushed to release their own bug-infested DRM bloatware, including:
At any given movement the player is surrounded by at least 9000 abominations to shoot.


* Epic Games Store: What if Steam, but [[Linux|unusable]]?
<u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u>
* EA <s>Download Manager</s> Origin: What if Steam, but [[spyware]]?
* Microsoft's <s>Games For Windows Live</s> Windows Store: What if Steam, but [[No Gaems|nogaems]]?
* Blizzard's Battle.net: What if Steam, but [[8chan|hilariously unsecure]]?
* Rockstar Games Launcher: What if Steam, but only [[GTA]]?
* Ubisoft's <s>Uplay</s> Connect: What if Steam, but [[EA#SimShitty|always-online]]?
* GOG's Galaxy: What if Steam, but [[Nostalgia|back to 1989]]?


PCtards' demonstration that they have more money than brains also meant that [[A winner is you|developers began making games for the PC again]]. Despite this, the Master Race never stopped bitching. A decade of being ignored by the faceless corporations they looked up to as surrogate parents produced an unmatchable [[Victim complex|victim mentality]] that persists to this day. Even after getting everything they've ever wanted, PC gamers remain [[Chris-chan|the most entitled and pathetic cunts on the planet]]. Naturally, online petitions for more PC releases continue circulating the web [https://www.change.org/p/sucker-punch-please-make-a-pc-port-for-ghost-of-tsushima at] [https://www.change.org/p/warner-bros-mortal-kombat-deadly-alliance-deception-armageddon-port-to-pc?source_location=topic_page an] [https://www.change.org/p/from-software-release-bloodborne-for-the-personalized-computing-platform alarming] [https://www.change.org/p/atlus-please-consider-releasing-persona-5-for-pc frequency].
Level design still hasn't progressed past "put enemy in room" and, for challenge, "put more enemy in room".
 
<u>Why would anyone use it today?</u>
 
As it turns out, designing encounters more complex than "enemy in room" takes time and effort. Why bother?
 
=== No story ===
 
[[File:doom drugs.gif|250px|thumb|This is all you get.]]
 
Boomer shooters have no plot to speak of. If the developers even bother with a story, they stick it in boring walls of text before and after every level, or, in some tragic cases, inside the user manual.
 
<u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u>
 
Development teams consisted of a single Computer Science dropout and his 3 virginal friends, all of which are clinically autistic and incapable of writing anything more engaging than code documentation.
 
<u>Why would anyone use it today?</u>
 
Development teams consist of a single highschool dropout and his 3 virginal friends, all of which are clinically autistic and incapable of writing anything more engaging than a Twitter post.
 
=== Large variety of weapons ===
 
The player character carries on him an entire military arsenal at all times. Not that it matters, because players naturally gravitate towards using the one or two actually useful weapons, with the 30 other dildo gadgets relegated to ammo-conserving roles.
 
<u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u>
 
With no experience or formal theory in what makes an FPS good, developers simply threw every brain fart they had into the game with no regard to logic or usability, letting players figure shit out for themselves.
 
<u>Why would anyone use it today?</u>
 
Having three superfluous submachine guns, eight varieties of shotgun and four melee weapons (all equally useless) lets you boast about having "over 20 unique weapons!" in the Steam store page.
 
=== Labyrinthine levels ===
 
[[File:fps level design.png|250px|thumb|Too bad none of the retards who make these games ever bothered reading this.]]
 
Levels closely resemble IKEA stores in layout and accessibility. There are plenty of pointless side paths to confuse the player, and hidden areas with stashes of drugs and ammo presumably left behind by a passing hobo.
 
<u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u>
 
Back in the day most gamers were denied access to the parents' credit card. The average kid only got new games on special occasions like Christmas, or when mommy wanted to bribe the little twerp into lying about what he saw her doing with the TV repairman. As a result, when kids got new games, they wanted them to last for as long as possible. In the days before Blizzard perfected the art of synthesizing [[World of Warcraft|digital crack]], best way to do this was to bloat level design into absurdity. Developers would ctrl+c ctrl+v entire sections to hit quotas.
 
<u>Why would anyone use it today?</u>
 
Having secrets and rewarding players for actually paying attention to their environment continues to be good design practice, one which the developers of Cawaduty still struggle with. However, the monsterously confusing labyrinths of, say, Quake II have been endlessly glorified by hordes of nostalgic retards who haven't played any of the games they masturbate to in over a decade. The modern developers who cater to this market blindly follow the demands of troglodytes without thinking it through.
 
== Notable Examples ==
 
=== TRUE and ORIGINAL ===
 
* [[Wolfenstein]] - The first.
* [[Doom]] - The big one.
* [[Quake]] - The one everyone ripped off.
* [[Duke Nukem 3D]] - The one that added tits.
* [[Unreal Tournament]] - The one played at your cooler older brother's LAN parties.
* [[Half-Life]] - The one that actually killed the genre by demonstrating there is a better way.
 
=== Afterbirth ===
 
* [[Shit no one cares about|Dusk]] - Will
* [[Shit no one cares about|Strafe]] - This
* [[Shit no one cares about|Amid Evil]] - Shit
* [[Shit no one cares about|Wrath: Aeon of Ruin]] - Just
* [[Shit no one cares about|Ion Fury]] - Stop?
* [[Shit no one cares about|Nightmare Reaper]] - Just
* [[Shit no one cares about|Forgive Me Father]] - Look
* [[Shit no one cares about|Project Warlock]] - At
* [[Shit no one cares about|Dread Templar]] - All
* [[Shit no one cares about|Graven]] - These
* [[Shit no one cares about|HROT]] - How
* [[Shit no one cares about|Doombringer]] - Many
* [[Shit no one cares about|Post Void]] - More
* [[Shit no one cares about|Hedon Bloodrite]] - Of
* [[Shit no one cares about|Vomitoreum]] - These
* [[Shit no one cares about|KARM]] - Do
* [[Shit no one cares about|White Hell]] - We
* [[Shit no one cares about|Berserk Mode]] - Really
* [[Shit no one cares about|Hands of Necromancy]] - Need?

Latest revision as of 21:19, 6 July 2022

Hello there, Hazardous Environment. Welcome to your Sandbox!

The sandbox is a great place for You to practice and improve your wiki markup and general editing skills.

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Edit/rewrite the sandbox


Realistic boomer shooter.

Boomer shooters are a "new" (as in: newly regurgitated) genre of first-person shooters for ageing millennials who only wish to return to a time when their dicks still worked. Boomer shooters harken back to the primitive 90's "classics" of the FPS genre, complete with 90's graphics, 90's music, 90's design sensibilities and general 90's shittiness. They are the vidya equivalent of reheated leftovers.

The term initially referred only to the original first-person shooters that spawned like maggots in rotting flesh after Doom's unexpected success in 1993. Beginning in the late 2010's, though, it has been expanded to include a myriad of low-effort modern copycats. Today, a plethora of major corporations and talentless indie hacks are more than happy to repackage the childhood memories of balding 30-something old men and sell it back to them for a quick buck. The result is a glut of absolutely identical garbage games flooding online stores.

Characteristics

Although all FPSs are fundamentally the same, there are certain characteristics which, when taken together, make up a boomer shooter. These have their origin in the primitive state of PC gaming in the 1990's. Although the industry as a whole has moved on from this experimental Doom-clone phase after figuring out what works and what doesn't, nostalgia-blinded retards continue clinging to these objectively failed paradigms.

Low-polygon graphics

Imagine finding this appealing.

Boomer shooters are most easily recognized by looking like absolute dogshit. Some don't bother rendering anything other than the level geometry itself, using fugly pixelated sprites for enemies and weapons.

Why was it used in the 90's?

Computers in the 90's could barely render a jpeg without crashing and burning, much less a full 3D environment.

Why would anyone use it today?

Because programming modern graphics is hard. Nevermind the fact that any illiterate code monkey can shit out a functioning 3D game in an afternoon using nothing but Unity and Stack Overflow.

Fast player movement

The player character moves around at SANIC FAST speeds.

Why was it used in the 90's?

The games were made for caffeinated teenagers with twitchy masturbation arms and low attention spans.

Why would anyone use it today?

Moving fast leaves no time for the player to scrutinize the ugly game environment, or indeed the shittiness and repetitiveness of the game itself.

Enemy crapflood

At any given movement the player is surrounded by at least 9000 abominations to shoot.

Why was it used in the 90's?

Level design still hasn't progressed past "put enemy in room" and, for challenge, "put more enemy in room".

Why would anyone use it today?

As it turns out, designing encounters more complex than "enemy in room" takes time and effort. Why bother?

No story

This is all you get.

Boomer shooters have no plot to speak of. If the developers even bother with a story, they stick it in boring walls of text before and after every level, or, in some tragic cases, inside the user manual.

Why was it used in the 90's?

Development teams consisted of a single Computer Science dropout and his 3 virginal friends, all of which are clinically autistic and incapable of writing anything more engaging than code documentation.

Why would anyone use it today?

Development teams consist of a single highschool dropout and his 3 virginal friends, all of which are clinically autistic and incapable of writing anything more engaging than a Twitter post.

Large variety of weapons

The player character carries on him an entire military arsenal at all times. Not that it matters, because players naturally gravitate towards using the one or two actually useful weapons, with the 30 other dildo gadgets relegated to ammo-conserving roles.

Why was it used in the 90's?

With no experience or formal theory in what makes an FPS good, developers simply threw every brain fart they had into the game with no regard to logic or usability, letting players figure shit out for themselves.

Why would anyone use it today?

Having three superfluous submachine guns, eight varieties of shotgun and four melee weapons (all equally useless) lets you boast about having "over 20 unique weapons!" in the Steam store page.

Labyrinthine levels

Too bad none of the retards who make these games ever bothered reading this.

Levels closely resemble IKEA stores in layout and accessibility. There are plenty of pointless side paths to confuse the player, and hidden areas with stashes of drugs and ammo presumably left behind by a passing hobo.

Why was it used in the 90's?

Back in the day most gamers were denied access to the parents' credit card. The average kid only got new games on special occasions like Christmas, or when mommy wanted to bribe the little twerp into lying about what he saw her doing with the TV repairman. As a result, when kids got new games, they wanted them to last for as long as possible. In the days before Blizzard perfected the art of synthesizing digital crack, best way to do this was to bloat level design into absurdity. Developers would ctrl+c ctrl+v entire sections to hit quotas.

Why would anyone use it today?

Having secrets and rewarding players for actually paying attention to their environment continues to be good design practice, one which the developers of Cawaduty still struggle with. However, the monsterously confusing labyrinths of, say, Quake II have been endlessly glorified by hordes of nostalgic retards who haven't played any of the games they masturbate to in over a decade. The modern developers who cater to this market blindly follow the demands of troglodytes without thinking it through.

Notable Examples

TRUE and ORIGINAL

Afterbirth

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