Lynzee Stauss

Lynzee Stauss is the teenage author of a school newspaper article titled "College Really Isn't Necessary" which first hit the interbutts in August 2006. The article claims that girls shouldn't have to go to college because "girls need to be girls and get their nails done or go shopping." Don't worry, though, she can understand if girls want to go to beauty school. Boys, on the other hand, "need to work if they want a good life becasue obviously their wives won't be bringing home the money."

The article

The Lynzee Stauss article

Oh the irony.

Of course, one can just imagine how this played out with the basement dwelling nice guy gamer crowd. The righteous indignation among sacks of shit who make no money and can't land themselves a job anywhere above the ladder than Big Lots was immense.

PROTIP: The astute reader might realize that Lynzee's article was possibly almost certainly an attempt at satire by a dumb person. If so, it ended up turning into an unintentional troll of amusing magnitude. Read on.

Recent developments

lol! ~*~i like boys~*~

desaturate + adjust contrast glosses over flaws in the soul

On February 8, 2008, some clones who run a highly original site about drinking and college friended Lynzee on MySpace and proceeded to steal all her pix. They then posted every one of the pix (all 96) along with the article and some copypasta from her profile and said it was "public domain." LOL fair use amirite?

The stolen pix hit digg within hours and made the front page on the morning of February 9. Shortly thereafter, Lynzee baleeted her MySpace profile no doubt under a massive crapflood of diggtards and failfags filling her inbox with ranting along the lines of "U WORHTLESS GOLDIGGING CUNT U SHOULD BE CURBSTOMPED btw y wont any girls who look liek u an ur friens have sex with me im a nice guy"

Shortly after THAT, the college drinking clones deleted the pix from their diggbombed server because of "business objections" from their owners. Well, it's more accurate to say they deleted the links to the images from their article. Fortunately for enterprising nerds with wget they were still on the server. :)

The future

Certain things are guaranteed.

• Lynzee Stauss will be grounded for 1 week for underage drinking when the evidence is mailed to her house, and later become addicted to cocaine and Slim-Fast and get large diamond rings because of it.
• The dudes who stole the incriminating images will be v& and CP will be found on their computhars. Also Anonymous will DDOS their server due to a massive flood of requests for JPGz, but it will be blamed on Scientology.
• Basement dwellers will fap to Lynzee's slightly disturbing smile for years to come, then post rants with crusty fingers about how all women are beings of pure malice. Then they will cry themselves to sleep and be late for work at Radio Shack.

The wild card comes if anyone successfully gets Lynzee's dox. This is likely because her PowerWord: IRL Name is already known and fairly unique. If this happens there may be IRL trolling and possible srs.biz.

According to Failbook, Lynzee works as a "Front Office Receptionist" in Phoenix, AZ.

• 
  The glasses are famous. Also note the duckface.
• 
  Note: Lynzee is not of legal drinking age
• 
  This man does not play WoW. He could have Lynzee for his bride.
• 
  SHE LOOKS LIKE THE JOKER. It's creeping me out a little.
• 
  let your imagination run free. also, sparkly hip flasks.

See also

• GoddessMine
• Miss Teen South Carolina
• Dick Masterson

Links

• Her facebook
• Special thanks to the guys who originally stole the pix for the rest of us on the tubes! Hey, somebody's at your door.
• mirror

Lynzee Stauss is part of a series on Whores Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.