Leonassan

This article is ancient history. You can help by reliving the moment.

Leonassan, born Christopher Walken, 16 November 1984 is an attention whore emo tard who frequents the PoE News forums. His emo ramblings and penchant for self-hurt have become his trademarks, and he constantly and incessantly whines about how his daddy touched his special no-no place last Thursday.

He claims to have had a life that is so fucking TL;DR that he felt inclined to create a thread all about him which oozes originality.

In his full autobiography, he reveals shocking seekrits including:

---

• First grade was where the trouble started. For starters, my first grade teacher was a very old woman who probably should have retired years before, but was still teaching because she wanted to get her full pension, about halfway through the school year she lost her mind and stabbed another student with a pair of scissors, I remember hiding under the desk but not much else about that. We got a new teacher after that. I also remember getting in trouble for taking a bunch of the faceplates off the wall sockets and for hiding in a cabinet when the teacher was looking for me.
• I was sexually molested by several pre-teen to teenage boys. They talked a few of my friends and I into playing a "game" with them. They called it "the gross game" (anything "gross" is instantly interesting to a 6 year old boy, I guess) and it initially consisted of playing with/touching each other's genitals, and slowly progressed to worse things. About the time they demanded I suck them off (I didn't know what that meant at the time, but I do now, obviously) I refused. Which got me stuck in a trash can which they also stuck a hose into and put the lid on, and then sat on the lid, and I was told that I was either going to do what they wanted or they were going to drown me. In my defense I held out as long as I could but eventually I gave in and, at the age of 6 years old, sucked 4 pre-teens and teenagers off in my parent's back yard.
• ...my dad caught me and one of the boys in my closet (har har, fags in the closet!) with no pants on. I got drug out to the garage and beaten for hours until I finally caved and told them what was going on, they tried to tell the parents of the older boys about this but they got "Well, MY child would never do that", and when I was taken to a psychologist to see if they could get evidence for a suit, they did the whole "Show me on the doll where they touched you" and I just kept making fart noises and laughing.

Leonassan saga

After he published his e-book about shit noone gives a fat flying fuck about, noone wanted to have anything to do with a perverted pale-faced geek like him-which was just totally predictable. Shortly afte being shunned, he, after shedding many emo tears created a suicide thread announcing that he'd had enough of the big ol' meanies on the internets, which also came to less than naught. But despite his obvious attempts at diverting attention to himself, some fucking idiots believed him.

Death thread

Soon after Leonassan's attention whoring suicide thread, this appeared. The masses rejoiced. Angels sang from the heavens. Mankind was free of one more dolt. They even wanted to throw his body in the Cracks of Doom, but it wasn't to be. Like a phoenix from the ashes, Leonassan resurrected and dispelled any rumors of his death with the following post[1]

This article is a crappy stub. You can help by completely re-writing it. Be sure to make it longer, girthier, and more pleasurable.