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The [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/ '''Darwin Awards'''] exalt individuals who improve humanity by removing themselves from the gene pool in spectacular and hilarious fashions.
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[[File:Ape_using_tool.jpg|thumb|right|Niggers and trailer park trash are prime contestants.]]


[[Image:Ape_using_tool.jpg|right|evolution rulez]]
The '''Darwin Awards''' celebrate individuals who improve the human gene pool by [[an hero|removing themselves from it]] in a suitably lulzy manner. In case you failed middle school, it's named after some oldfag that's now dead (ironic, isn't it) who got irl famous for updating the theory of evolution to the point where it would be denied in Middle American classrooms, by studying animals like turtles, birds, and hookers in South America. This award goes to people whose entire lives led up to bringing some sadistic strangers laughter for two minutes at the expense of their mourning families and/or testicles.


'''Five requirements of the Darwin Award:'''
[[TL;DR]]: they illustrate natural selection in action.


* Must be dead or rendered sterile
==How to win a Darwin award==
* Must have demonstrated astoundingly stupid judgment.
* Cause of one's own demise.
* Old enough and sane enough to know better.
* Must be a true event.


"The Origin of Species" by [[Charles Darwin]] presented evidence that
There are two types of Darwin Awards:
species evolve over time to fit their environment better. Those who
* '''Living Darwin Awards,''' who celebrate individuals that render their dicks useless in lulzy ways and probably turn into [[transexual|trannies]] afterwards.
backslide are extinguished by the selectivity of nature. These are the  
* '''Dead Darwin Awards,''' where the recipient can't be present to bask in the [[lulz|honor]] of being a winner for obvious reasons.
[[an hero|heroes]] that make legends of [[fail|epic fail]] possible. Below
are some of the best uncensored Darwin award winners.


==applicant-4-Darwin_Awards==
In order to qualify for either of these stories, some other criteria is required:
All current potential award winners.


<center><big>'''an hero'''</big></center><br>
* The act has to be lulzy and have [[truth]].
<center><youtube>hlaYUy7nj8w</youtube><br>'''Example'''</center>
* The contestant must be otherwise able to spread its seed. No kids (you sick fuck). No retards, since nobody wants to fuck them anyway. Drunks are fair game, though.
* Self destruction only. Save your lulzy murders for [[Worldstar Hiphop]].


<center><big>'''MOAR!'''</big></center><br>
If you meet this requirements, then the only thing stopping you is your creativity. Why, even [[you]] can win this distinguished honor (better [http://darwinawards.com/stupid/ get practicing])!
<center><youtube>DScqBH82FHk</youtube><br>'''Darwin Award Nominees
'''</center>


==Heroes==
[[Image:timandpedobear.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Picture of Treadwell moments before being [[raped|mauled to death]].]]


[[Timothy Treadwell|Timothy "Grizzlyman" Treadwell]] was the ultimate [[furfag]],
==Well known winners==
sleeping with hungry grizzly bears for thirteen summers. The only reason the
bears didn't eat him on day one is because the bears believed Tim was
mentally retarded.


<center><big>'''Timothy Treadwell winner of 2003'''</big></center><br>
[[Image:timandpedobear.jpg|thumb|right|Picture of Treadwell moments before being [[raped|mauled to death]].]]
<center><youtube>GCi4QgPoHZE</youtube><br>''' eaten by a bear'''</center>


[[Carlos Sousa Jr|Carlos "Run Run" Sousa Jr]] taunted Tatiana the Tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day 2007
====[[Timothy Treadwell|Timothy "Grizzlyman" Treadwell]] ====
by throwing rocks and pine cones at her. The tiger [[longcat|jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment]], then mauled him to death. One family reported hearing him minutes before the attack, waving to Tatiana and saying "You can't get me lololololololol".
Timmy Treadwell was the ultimate [[furfag]]. A man who decided to take his love for animals to a whole new level and spent thirteen summers fucking around with grizzly bears before the inevitable happened and Timmy found out that bears are not, in fact, all about care and love and much prefer the taste of manflesh to nuts, berries and raw salmon.
<center><youtube>GCi4QgPoHZE</youtube><br></center>


====[[Carlos Sousa Jr|Carlos "Can't Get Me" Sousa Jr]]====
[[Image:Mexicantigerr.jpg|thumb|right|Delicious]]
An [[retard|idiot]] spic who's idea of fun was taunting a fully grown Siberian tiger with his friends San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day 2007.
After throwing rocks and pine cones at Tatiana the Tiger the big cat [[RAGE|finally lost its shit]] [[longcat|jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment]], and proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass on the three halfwits who had been taunting her, mauling two and killing Sousa outright.


[[Image:Mexicantigerr.jpg|right|Delicious]]
====[[Steve Irwin]]====
[[Image:Stevemanta.gif|thumb|right|A CHALLENGER APPEARS!!]]
AKA: "Crocodile Dundee" AKA: "that dumbfuck who spent his life pissing large, poisonous and/or otherwise deadly creatures off for the lulz,"
Steve Irwin was an [[Australia|Ausfailian]] who made it big playing with [[cock|large, fanged, poisonous and otherwise dangerous things]] on TV. After spending years narrowly avoiding becoming croc food Steve decided to leave his expertise in snakes and reptiles and fancy himself a marine biologist cuz like, how different can snakes and fish really be.<br> Full of dick and arrogance Steve made the mistake of swimming in a murky river full of [[ninja|stingray]]s, a notoriously skittish creature armed with a 10cm long [[cock|barb]]. Irwin took a critical hit straight to the heart, mortally wounding him. Again, being the stupid ass fuck he was, instead of leaving the barb where it was and living, Steve saw that the camereas were still rolling and wanting to look like a man, he pulled the barb out killing himself.  Alas already having two brats disqualifies him from a true Darwin award but the manner of his life and death definitely qualifies him for an honourable mention.


Phillip Quinn was killed trying to heat up a lava lamp bulb on his kitchen
===Particularly Lulzy Entries===
stove. The bulb exploded, sending shards of glass into his heart killing
him. Some believe he was subject to a Galton design; others say he just
looks like a Jew.


[[Benazir Bhutto]], for sticking her head out of the sunroof of a
* [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2014-03.html 8 people drown in shit]
specially imported bulletproof car whilst driving through a crowd full of
[[Jews|Mossad]], [[gay|Al Qaeda]], [[Americunts|NRA]], [[Disney|CIA]],
[[Mexico|alien]] and [[Feminazis|Taliban]] assassins, only to bang her
head on the sunroof handle and [[an hero|kill herself]]. Regrettably, Bhutto had already procreated and as such is ineligible for a Darwin Award.


[[Rachel Corrie]] was a confused American Jew who tried to stop an [[Israel]]i [[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy|bulldozer from crushing a house by standing in front of it]]. As a result she joined the [[Suicide bomber|many other Darwin Award winners]] [[Palestine]] has to offer.
* [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2006-13.html Eligible for both awards]


==Eugenics==
* [http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2013-04.html 2013 winner uses movie logic and proves that only idiots take Hollywood seriously.]


<center><big>'''The return'''</big></center><br>
==See Also==
<center><youtube>g-zBl6X_T6s</youtube><br>'''Wut? This summer!'''</center>
*[[High Score]] - the extreme cousin
*[[An hero]]
*[[Fail]]
*[[Retard]]
*[[Evolution]]
*[[Creationism]] - A belief held by many that desperately don't want to be nominated.


The cousin of Charles Darwin, Sir Francis Galton is the father of
==External Links==
eugenics. The product of child abuse by his grandfather Erasmus, he grew
to become a  eccentric scientist living the life of a hermit. His only
reading material was his cousin's book ''The Origin of Species''. The theory that populations
evolve over the course of generations inspired Galton to create his own non-
natural selection, using surveys to collect data on how to recognize
[[fucktard|mentally deficient individuals]] determined to participate in
The Darwin Awards. The Trollz inc. was established as a consequence,
concerned with developing economical solutions to this problem.  Using
mathematics and scientific knowledge these designs have slowly been
mastered.


===Examples of Original Galton Designs===
*[http://darwinawards.com/darwin/ The site itself]


1972: accessible gold 4 teh Jews
{{Sites}}[[Category:IRL Shit]]
After six grueling years of research Jewish inventor Robert Adler has
successfully made lead into gold. An unquestionably, undeniably,
revolutionary breakthrough in the past of science. This will undoubtedly
change history forever. Foremost this is a quick and easy technique using
ingredients that can be kept on hand around your house. All essentials
specified below.
* (1) 3" Chlorine Tablet
* (1) 5mm Mechanical Pencil lead refill
* (1) DOT 4 motor vehicle brake fluid
* (1) 1-qt. mason jar
* (1) paper coffee filter
 
Add 10 oz brake fluid to your jar. Now– without breaking!– add the lead,
Allow this to sit for around two minutes. Crush up the chlorine into a
fine powder, , tighten lid and shake vigorously for one
minute. Use coffee filter to strain content. There you go, instant gold!!!!!
Now hurry before everyone finds out and gold is worthless.
 
If you didn't know, this is a terrible idea and fatal.
for moar check out [[chemistry|chemfags]].
 
==applicant-4-eugenics==
Current potential award winners.
 
Are you being cheated on?  War of the roses is prepared with ample deceit
and is standing by, so call NOW!! By claiming that the suspect has just
won a free dozen roses as part of a pitch to be delivered to each and
every one hand-picked. This will cause the person to admit committing
adultry, this is Entrapment. The potential here to make heros out of
spouses is outstanding.
 
==Trollz-4-teh-hero==
"It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute
degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their
imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from
continuing their kind."
Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
 
[[Image:Hansen_ChrisHansen.jpg|thumb|Hansen ready to protect and serve.]]
 
[[Chris Hansen|Chris Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaansen]] is a god among [[troll|trollz]], who baits
unsuspecting pedos into traps using [[sock puppets]]. These sock puppets
[[irl]] are old obese Asian-American whores but [[oti]] say they are
alone and horny boys and girls of an [[Awesome|inappropriate]] age entice the pedo
into believing the sock puppet is a freaky whorechild. Bill Conradt was
supposed to be on ''To Catch a Predator''. Yet he had a change of heart, not
wanting to have sex with a 13-year-old sock puppet named Luke. Chris
Hansen became extremely butthurt and ordered a SWAT team enter his house
and force Bill to play with Chris' toys. Chris Hansen said [[Nice try|Conradt had
already committed a crime by having a conversation with a person who
didn't really exist anyway and deserved to pay]]. Dateline cameramen had
been following Conradt around for days calling him names like "ugly" or
"stupid", even such things as "[[retarded|poo poo face]]", because he refused to have sex
with kids. So Bill Conradt gave up and murdered himself as the SWAT busted
into his home to fuck shit right up.
 
<center><big>'''What ever it takes'''</big></center><br>
<center><youtube>UOO8TjKyGr4</youtube><br>'''Even the Handicapped'''</center>
 
[[Image:CCUDREW2.jpg|thumb|Curt Drew, handsome helicopter husband and Foosball enthusiast]]
 
Lori Drew A.K.A. Josh Evans
[[Megan Meier]] was a [[typical]] 13-year-old obese whore who [[Unwarranted self-importance|thought she was
better then everyone else and constantly treated her friends like shit]]. So
like any other mother, Lori Drew knew she [[Asking for it|must learn a lesson]]. Using a
[[sock puppet]] named Josh Evans, Lori became one of Megan's cute new friends.
"Josh" chatted with Megan every day for a few months. Once Lori had engaged
in enough [[virgin|cyber sex]] with Megan she then told her she should just go
fucking kill herself. Without hesitation, to win the love of Josh again she
did so.
 
[[Category:Sites]][[Category:IRL Shit]]

Latest revision as of 18:46, 21 June 2017

Niggers and trailer park trash are prime contestants.

The Darwin Awards celebrate individuals who improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it in a suitably lulzy manner. In case you failed middle school, it's named after some oldfag that's now dead (ironic, isn't it) who got irl famous for updating the theory of evolution to the point where it would be denied in Middle American classrooms, by studying animals like turtles, birds, and hookers in South America. This award goes to people whose entire lives led up to bringing some sadistic strangers laughter for two minutes at the expense of their mourning families and/or testicles.

TL;DR: they illustrate natural selection in action.

How to win a Darwin award

There are two types of Darwin Awards:

  • Living Darwin Awards, who celebrate individuals that render their dicks useless in lulzy ways and probably turn into trannies afterwards.
  • Dead Darwin Awards, where the recipient can't be present to bask in the honor of being a winner for obvious reasons.

In order to qualify for either of these stories, some other criteria is required:

  • The act has to be lulzy and have truth.
  • The contestant must be otherwise able to spread its seed. No kids (you sick fuck). No retards, since nobody wants to fuck them anyway. Drunks are fair game, though.
  • Self destruction only. Save your lulzy murders for Worldstar Hiphop.

If you meet this requirements, then the only thing stopping you is your creativity. Why, even you can win this distinguished honor (better get practicing)!


Well known winners

Picture of Treadwell moments before being mauled to death.

Timothy "Grizzlyman" Treadwell

Timmy Treadwell was the ultimate furfag. A man who decided to take his love for animals to a whole new level and spent thirteen summers fucking around with grizzly bears before the inevitable happened and Timmy found out that bears are not, in fact, all about care and love and much prefer the taste of manflesh to nuts, berries and raw salmon.


Carlos "Can't Get Me" Sousa Jr

Delicious

An idiot spic who's idea of fun was taunting a fully grown Siberian tiger with his friends San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day 2007. After throwing rocks and pine cones at Tatiana the Tiger the big cat finally lost its shit jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment, and proceeded to open up a can of whoop-ass on the three halfwits who had been taunting her, mauling two and killing Sousa outright.

Steve Irwin

A CHALLENGER APPEARS!!

AKA: "Crocodile Dundee" AKA: "that dumbfuck who spent his life pissing large, poisonous and/or otherwise deadly creatures off for the lulz," Steve Irwin was an Ausfailian who made it big playing with large, fanged, poisonous and otherwise dangerous things on TV. After spending years narrowly avoiding becoming croc food Steve decided to leave his expertise in snakes and reptiles and fancy himself a marine biologist cuz like, how different can snakes and fish really be.
Full of dick and arrogance Steve made the mistake of swimming in a murky river full of stingrays, a notoriously skittish creature armed with a 10cm long barb. Irwin took a critical hit straight to the heart, mortally wounding him. Again, being the stupid ass fuck he was, instead of leaving the barb where it was and living, Steve saw that the camereas were still rolling and wanting to look like a man, he pulled the barb out killing himself. Alas already having two brats disqualifies him from a true Darwin award but the manner of his life and death definitely qualifies him for an honourable mention.

Particularly Lulzy Entries

See Also

External Links

Darwin Awards is part of a series on

Sites

Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

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