Shannon Schimpf

Shannon Schimph is half robot, as seen here.

Shannon Schimpf is, in proper terminology, a horse fucker and bonafide rapist. Although she has helped create internet phenomena by co-founding the famed MySpace community, she has been spotted strapping on a dildo and fucking horses, or sometimes sheep, at her farm in the Western Rocky Mountains She is also quite the little cat-bastard, as seen in the picture shown below to the right.

Shannon, a.k.a. Queen of the Harpies, was born in a west England community college dorm room where she was used for gang rape, paper-weighting, and sex-therapy oracle (though not until she learned to speak faggy British Rnglish). The constant physical abuse, along with her mom's sick Madonna fetish, has turned her into the biggest menace society has ever seen.

Shannon Schimpf:

• Won the 1999 Special Olympics
• Bought IBM with her life savings
• Was called a n00b at the '05 Halo Convention and murdered the selfless bastard who called her that
• Returned IBM
• Got so high she woke up covered in chicken feathers and play-dough with a tattoo "Robin Williams owns you" on her stomach and arm.

It is believed that Shannon is a Scientologist, but only because she thinks it will make her e-popular.

The Early Years

Shannon's first rape victim.

After getting kicked out of the pool-room utilty closet at the age of 4 Shannon left London Community College for the London Community College campus grounds where she was forced to jack off squirrels and llamas, using the animal semen for sustenance. She lived an otherwise happy, simple life fraught with periodic emotional breakdown, crippling years of starvation, hard furry forced labor, and making nifty little Christmas ornaments out of used douches and menstrual fluid.

This kept her healthy until the age of 6, where she was taken to a hospital and diagnosed with

• AIDS
• Testicular and cervical carcinoma
• Cervical and lung cancer
• Emphysema
• Hepatitis A
• Tuberculosis
• Hepatitis B
• Leprosy
• and extreme mental rtardation.

Currently

Currently Shannon Schimpf (now Shannon Bodogeodden Jr.) lives unhappily married to her hillbilly husband/nephew Nick Bodogeodden, with 12 children in a cozy little home under the Brooklyn Bridge. She makes a living as a male underwear model and is secretly taking a class in French, although nobody but her knows. She is being treated for:

• Hansen's disease
• Terminal dys-synaptogenia
• Hepatitis C

and other permanent diseases, but her health status is unknown.