WinterRose

Think that's blue eyeshadow?
Think again.

faire_damsel, or, as she prefers it, "Winter Rose Nightingale~Nickerson", claims to be a reincarnated majyckal Vicktoryanne with a 5-octave range to her coloratura soprano voice who is constantly doted on by her "gentil parfait", "Sir" Tristan.

In all honesty, she's a rather beefy, wig-and-glitter-wearing bit of church choir material at best, whose eternal beloved is a pretentious wannabe comedian who works at K-Mart and runs around in kilts. For the simple reason that it's "teh purty", she capitalizes Every Single Word, adds e's and y's at random, and uses the British spelling for everything. She justifies this as part of her "Celtic heritage"—in other words, that she hit on a redhead at her prom and goes around in a wig.

The irrefutable proof of her fae~mermaid~beansidhe status? Quizilla, of course.

Facts About Winter Rose

Her and her Knight Errant.

Some of Winter Rose's (not her real name. Known to cry into her pillow every night over her true, mundane name. Her boy toy has an equally ordinary name.) other batshit claims and traits include:

• Eyes that can change colors. ("A Clear Crystalline Grey That Shifts In Colour From Grey To Blue, To Green, To Violet And Sometimes Almost Silver, Depending On My Mood And My Clothes. I Have A Darker Grey Ring Around My Irises {Said To Be The Mark Of One With Faerie Blood And A Natural Witch} And Unusual *Lightning Bolt* Markings In Both Irises. My Eyes Are Quite Cat~Like, Almond Shaped. People Are Always Telling Me That I Have *Faerie Eyes* And Saying That My Eyes Are *Ancient*(by which they mean that aside from her disgusting saggy breasts, there are other signs that she is actually a middle aged hag with a sad obsession with her fantasy world), *Ageless* *Endless*, And *Full Of Wisdom*")

• Natural "Deep, Rich Cherrywood Red So Dark That In Some Lights It Appears Black" hair that dries "Naturally Into Spiral Ringlet", even though she admits to dyeing it. Also known to buy red wigs at Spencer's Gifts when they have a Buy 1, Get 1 free after Halloween sale.

• Believing That Capitalizing Every Word When She Writes Is Prettier And Makes Her Writing More Special.

• Claiming she is a "Coloratura Soprano With An Approximately 5 Octave Range."

• Attributes her lies and bullshit to being "A *Little Bundle Of Contradictions*!"

• Lies constantly. Scientists who study trolls and who have spent their lives studying her have hypothesized that this is dementia brought about by old age. This diagnosis also explains her fondness for "pretties."

• Lying about her name. Her real name is the very mundane "Judy."

• Shaving over a decade off of her real age. She was in actuality in her late 20s not 18 when she met Tristan. He was 16.

• Changing "Tristan's" name too. His real name is Robbie.

• Having elf ears at birth before the evil human doctors changed them.

• Complaining about how she was born two months premature (because she didn't get the zodiac signs that she wanted).

• Complaining about how she was born in "the wrong century".

• Being a "110% Water Baby" due to her zodiac signs (which are Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising, and Pisces Ascendant). Even though 2 of the 3 are Earth signs.

• Being descended from and taking the form of several types of magikal beings in her past lives. ("Among These Are: Elven, Selkie, LeananSidhe, BeanSidhe(although legends say there is only one of these and she is immortal, living on The Isle of Mann, not a trailer park in the USA), Rusalka, Vila, Gwragedd Annwn, Mermaid, Siren"). Coincidentally, all of these races are supposedly extremely petite and beautiful... WinterRose is none of the above.

• Being descended from nearly every ethnicity that is standard for otherkin. (Which are Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Cornish, Romani (Gypsy), and Cherokee Princesses.)

• Fond of stories in which men kidnap and rape helpless women.

• Enjoys the idea of fainting couches and women withering away from Victorian illnesses. In other words, she's a sickie.

• Claiming to have been several notable romantic and tragic figures in her past lives. (One of which is Catherine Howard, the 5th wife of King Henry VIII. (Whose name she insists must be spelled "Kathryn".)) When confronted with actual facts about these people, she claims that "history is in the heart." She says this so she can continue lying about her past lives and her own importance.

• An irrational fear of the sun (due to not wanting to destroy her perfect pale "Celtic rose"(not a real complexion, the term for Irish skin tone is 'peaches and cream') complexion). She considers it to be evil and refuses to go out in public without an umbrella. A worldwide campaign has begun to force her to never go out in public without an umbrella or a mask.

• Claiming to have invented the word "wench". (She considers "witch" to be derogatory.)

• Claiming to have worked on the production crew of several "Broadway Style" musicals (as a Lyricist, Conceptual Designer, and a Costume Designer).

• Picking the wrong Phantom of the Opera quote for her page (it says 'Sing my angel of music' rather than 'Behold! She's singing to bring down the chandelier!' (She deleted her voice clips, but upon hearing them, the online community at large would likely agree))

• A horrible piece of self-fulfillment garbage (or original fiction as she would call it) called "BeanSidhe's Wail", which completely disregards the facts of the folklore she is so fond of.

• Believing that Disney World will let her play the part of Snow White in the park the moment they lay eyes on her in costume (and not gouge them out). May have actually been hired as one of the Seven Dwarfs.

• Auditioning to be a Disney Princess

• Filtering comments from people who don't bow down to her greatness even when she wants criticism. (After which her equally batshit insane and uglier ladies-in-waiting (or friends) will come to her defense.)

• Showing off the obnoxious, cheesy, cavity-inducing text messages she supposedly receives from her "gentil parfait". (Examples: "Your Sighs Are Butterflies, Fluttering About The Beauty That Is My Rose!"; "Look At Me Not, Oh Ye Of Flashing Eyes, Lest Ye Bedazzle Me Into Love's Stupor!")

• Claiming that every fantasy artist who draws petite redheaded women uses her as a muse.

• Can talk to ghosts, spirits, and other supernatural beings.

• Can use astral projection to visit other realms and her past lives, as well as change shape.

• Claiming to be hit on and watched at night by handsome "fae bois" who would probably be turned gay by the sight of her.

• Using British stereotypes in every part of her life.

• Documenting every special and magical detail of her life. Usually includes trips to Starbucks or various Big Box stores, or watching some popular movie or television show.

• May be a wiccan nazi since some of her actions are racist against those who are anything other than Caucasian. (She forbids them from joining her ego-stroking rating communities and ignores fairy tales that occur in places other than the ones she claims to be descended from. She also screamed at the sight of a tanning spray ad where Snow White was depicted as having dark African American skin.) She also hates Asians, Hispanics, Christians, Jews and Muslims and ignores or deletes their posts in her journal (which was made 'friends only due to sporkers and flamers attacking her precious journal. Also may have locked her LJ because a group of message board posters found out her real age (She'll be 40 in January 2008). God forbid anything but ass-kissing, leg humping, air-head comments be posted.

• Joined a message board to read their snark about her. She was a lurker for at least 6 months before she posted a giant rant about how her mother doesn't buy her Hello Kitty shoes for her.

• Been known to beg for money online so she and her husband can have the honeymoon in Ireland they never got to have.

• Claiming she participates in very physical activities like falconry, fencing, archery, riding, Irish step dancing and British court dancing, all of which seems highly unlikely given her health.

• Getting upset whenever someone tries to go against her idea of what the plots of fairy tales should be. (Aurora's dress in Disney's "Sleeping Beauty" should be pink, Rapunzel should be a blond, movies that parody fairy tales (like "Shrek") are evil, etc.)

• Claims to have met her own ghost.

• Claiming that her ultimate dream is to be a Disney princess.

• Bitching about "Britneys" trying to steal her unique fashion style which actually consists of cheap Ren garb or Disney tshirts.

• Being a comment whore and brainwashing people who could have been sane before they met her into lying.

• Once made a 55 year old Jack Sparrow cosplayer vomit at the sight of her during a Ren Faire.

• Was once mistaken for Princess Fiona by a child when she was dressed in her Ren Faire garb.

• She has Turner Syndrome. Some of the pretty pretty princess schtick may be overcompensation for being a neuter dwarf. Thank all that is holy that she cannot reproduce.

• Her LJ entries are great examples of tl;dr, such as the one about how she loves being a Feminissima, and talks about loving girly things like "dolly and teddy bear tea parties" and being "teeny-tiny and faery like" and gothic lolita clothing until you want to gouge your eyes out!!!

• Expects people on the internet to buy her "pretties"

• Wants to adopt animals she probably can't take care of just because they're "pwetty" and remind her of Disney princess stuff.

• Believes her alter ego is a Disney fairy

• Wants to go to Beauxbatons, a fake wizard school from Harry Potter, the school Fleur DeLacour goes to.

• Is most likely a sea hag. May devour ships whole.

• Believes she is sought after by every Broadway show for her beautiful singing voice.

Gallery

• 
  Rose's jailbait...I mean husband.
• 
  This is not a wig! Seriously.
• 
  Rose's vow renewal to junior.
• 
  Another vow renewal picture. They look like mother and son.
• 
  So hot!
• 
  I iz a unicorn!!1!!1
• 
  I've got a penis on my head and a coffee!
• 
  I swear Tristan is this big!
• 
  I'm not 40 years old...I swear.
• 
  Roses photoshopped elf ears.

Links

• Winter Rose's website
• A saved copy of Winter Rose's old LiveJournal profile.
• "BeanSidhe's Wail"
• A send up of Rose courtesy of The Sims.

WinterRose is part of a series on LiveJournal Visit the LiveJournal Portal for complete coverage.