- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Alan Barnes: Difference between revisions
imported>Vermin |
imported>Vermin |
| (6 intermediate revisions by the same user not shown) | |
(No difference)
| |
Latest revision as of 16:19, 13 February 2015
Alan Barnes is the nomme de guerre of an ancient alien intelligence sent by masters beyond space and time to infiltrate the unsuspecting town of Gateshead in the north of England.
Like many of his unearthly race he is of diminutive stature (four feet and six inches) and distinctive appearance.
In January 2015, a brave resistance fighter attempted to thwart this advance guard of the forthcoming invasion, but without success. Humanity is therefore doomed.
The Close Encounter
On January 25, 2015, "Alan Barnes" was installing a graviton-assisted hypercommunications link under the guise of putting out his so-called "wheelie bin" when the earthling freedom fighter struck without warning.
"Alan Barnes" sustained bruising and a fractured "collarbone". However since he is equipped with regeneration nanotechnology, it is believed that he will soon be able to continue the slow enslavement of the human race.
He is able to calculate instantly precisely how many days any human he encounters has been alive.
They walk among us: Evidence
