Gamer Countries

Hey!

This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us!

Have you ever wondered, while swimming around in a cesspool of human garbage, if you could classify every living thing in it? Well we here at ED never fear a challenge (and we have no real hobbies), so we are documenting the rampant problems in video games that are caused by playing with people from other countries on the interwebs. Surely, you had the urge to eradicate every single one of them by looking for the final solution and you came here to find the answer.

Well, unfortunately we can't help you with the second problem, but we can provide a realistic and 100% politically correct guide to you, that will be more useful than any shitty SJW Kotaku article that was written by a bulldyke who hates video games.

Ethnics in Gaming: The enrichment experience

Brazil

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	They're not Russians Get butthurt over just about everything	HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE I REPORT U No English, EVER If you thought Russians were bad, you haven't met these yet God complex Will insult everyone and everything for no reason, topping even the dumbest slav-shits They actually call themselves "the plague", no we are not making this up Notorious ragequitters that will make sure someone else has to suffer, before they leave Capable of destroying entire online games and communities The Brazilian government gave every retard a computer and now all they do is play online games Since they're all filthy monkeys with a free computer and no money, they start begging for help / items online A sheer endless horde of teenage boys with no education and future, that let out their frustration on everyone else The cancer of the western hemisphere	There are no words to describe the amount of suffering this subhuman internet-cafe-living garbage is capable of

Germany

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Gimp suits Usually work in teams because of insecurity problems Easily trollable, just mention Nazis and/or ethnic cleansing Germany is the biggest producer of scat porn (and the inventor) If defeat, they all form an acute case of Vaginitis (which is hilariously entertaining) German efficiency, because they treat games like work and they all grow up in labor camps If rage, witness the instant Nazification, where they spazz out in a violent outburst of deeply repressed emotional issues (record to maximize lulz) Easily confusable, just explain to them the concept of "fun" and watch how their skulls cave in (the German dictionary doesn't contain the word "fun", so you can't blame them much, if they say otherwise just yell "JEW HATER" and ride off in the sunset)	Gimp suits Manginas Workaholics Epitome of white guilt Psychological repression They think video games are SIRIZ BIZNIZ Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder All secretly Nazis and into BDSM and/or scat porn, if not, they're lying "^^", ":D", "XD" and/or ":P" (They cannot express their emotions otherwise) Indoctrinated to hate their culture, history, ancestors, themselves and the world No matter if they lose or win they will always suffer from psychological dependence Zero sense of humor, try and make a joke when Germans are around (no matter how good or bad) and proceed to listen to the background crickets, now try and make a joke while midgame and be prepared to get lynched Did we mention THEY'RE ALL FUCKIN' NAZIS??!!!1!	Submissive beta male douchebags with backstabbing tendencies (watch out especially for the emote spammers), that pretend to like you, but really don't

---

Trivia - Why do Krauts use so many emoticons?

Because in written German there is no informal style that still looks dignified. You either sound uptight, matter-of-factly and emotionless, or you write in what would be the equivalent of the worst kind of wigger ebonics transcribed by an illiterate.

In written English, for example, using contractions takes away some of the formality, as does using "simpler" terms (like "buy" instead of "purchase"), and it's still legible and acceptable language. In written German, unless you want to look like a total pleb, you're restricted to very cold and stiff formal language, and many Germans try to soften that up by adding emoticons when chatting, and the habit carries over to when they write in English.

---

Great Britbongistan

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Some form of English (at least that's what Wikipedia says) Susceptible to rage (easily exploitable) Hilarious to see their faces when they lose against foreigners (because they suck at everything, besides talking about themselves for hours on end)	Elitists Narcissists Grandiosity Drama queens Aggravating accents Major attention whores Chavs (British gangstas and wiggers) Ass kissers and circle jerkers Slow reaction time due to inbred gene pool Always fishing for validation and/or adulation Susceptible to rage (annoying if in your team) British teeth (and the worst oral hygiene imaginable) Never satisfied, they always find something to complain about They all hate foreigners (and consider themselves superior), if not, they're lying Smug douche nozzles who will lord over you if they're winning aka sore winners (shocking) Know-it-all pseudo-intellectual toolbags, when in reality they just learn shit like everyone else Do not play well with other Europeans because of island monkey syndrome and holier-than-thou attitudes Always reminding and shoving down your throat previous accomplishments and/or their alleged superiority Begin to break down once they lose and blame everyone and everything for their failure aka sore losers (shocking) Most, if not all are born with a silver spoon so far up their ass they can't tell the difference between small talk and a monologue Obsessed with developing or gaining leadership, ironically having a toxic and self-destructive leadership style, where if anything goes wrong they flee the sinking ship They do not understand the concept of loyalty and/or honor, if something they want emerges they won't hesitate for a second to exploit anything and everything to reach their goals, no matter the outcome	There is no rose without a thorn, in this case, a shit load of thorns

France

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Will surrender easily You can't smell them online Easily trollable, just mention WW2 or their gayness If rage, they will proceed to shout and/or type French blabber which hilariously sounds utterly retarded Priceless real gayish names like Jean, Pierre, Maurice, Philippe, Nicholas and believe it or not, Gay, I shit you not If overhearing French conversation(s) be sure to spam "omelette du fromage" and always respond with "sacrebleu"	Will surrender easily Pretend to have "pride" All secretly gay, if not, they're lying Instantly hate you for not being French Prolapsed rectums from too much gay sex Homoerotic tendencies over the microphone and/or chat Will actively betray you or try to ruin the game if you're not French Refuse to speak English and if they do, they butcher it beyond comprehension If in a dispute, they always do a mating call to summon their butt buddies for moral support WUT THE FUCK IS WITH ALL THE CHEESES??!!!11! (srsly) They always sound like they're deep-throating and/or choking on their fathers cock Their favorite food is the baguette and/or crème fraîche (do we need to say more?) Obsessed with forming weird fraternities and/or male bonds that they vigorously defend Psychotic foam-at-the-mouth ape rage, like spending 7 months to find and stab you in the chest kind of rage In a conversation, no matter how long, they always end up talking about or mentioning the male genitalia Their favorite insult is "putain" (which means "fuck") because they always reminisce about the fuck they got from their dads Then there's the touching. If at a LAN or event, always the touching, patting, whatever you may call it. It's gay and needs to stop. If rage, because of limited vocabulary and/or immense retardation, they will only spam "putain", "merde" and "fils de pute", making it repetitive and boring	At least you can't smell their garlic and clam breath through your speakers.

Murrika

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Free(dom) to do as they're told Easily trollable, just mention obesity, books and/or their Jewish overlords No matter the effort they will always be one step behind Europeans and ten steps behind Asians Luckily, no one has to play with them, besides Brazilians (LOL) If rage (or not necessarily), a high risk of death by stroke, which would be breathtakingly awesome (no pun intended)	Rednecks Squeakers Crybabies Micropenis Quad chins Shit internet God complex Extreme homophobia Diabetes (Diabetus) Psychotic chauvinism Deep vein thrombosis Psychological projections No real culture or history Unwarranted Self-Importance My way or the highway attitudes They think a Mac is a gaming PC Laughable brainwashed drooling sheeple All fat and circumcised, if not, they're lying Plump juicy man tits (moobs, bitch tits etc.) Borderline retarded uncultured waste of human resources They think Australia is a country and/or have no idea where Europe is Maladjusted manchildren that all suffer from Special Snowflake syndrome They think Europe is only comprised by 3G countries (and they barley know even does) They actually compare the accuracy of a computer mouse to the accuracy of a controller Most if not all are casual console fags that believe games like COD or Shitfield are competitive games Always bitching and moaning about how gaming PCs are expensive even though they're one of the richest countries in the world The porcine idiots who coined the term "eSports" implying that sitting on your ass all day eating junk food and pushing buttons is a sport (if confused, read a dictionary) At an event or LAN, if an American team or player is facing foreigner(s), the American crowd will always chant "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" in the most cringeworthy way known to mankind (making it even more satisfying when they lose), most of the time they are the only people who chant and generally their chants end as quickly as they start since Americans suck shit at everything (they even chant after they lose, to underline their butthurtness)	The experience can only be compared with either a ten-hour-long shit after eating a tray full of nails and razorblades or a glass jar shattering up your ass

Russia

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Gulags Always entertaining and gratifying to see them trying hard to reach prominence but miserably fail in the process, most of the time by their own hand They're not Brazilians	Tracksuits No teamplay, ever Epitome of stupidity Passive-aggressive behavior The cancer of the eastern hemisphere Alcohol abuse, and not the funny kind Yell, sing and taunt over the microphone Just like Scabies, you can never get rid of them They always clog up the chat with Cyrillic drivel Dunning-kruger effect that later develops into an impostor syndrome Laughable brainless tryhards that always fail in the end (useless in your team) Zero English, if any, it's kindergarten level and/or they never pass basic insults Сука (bitch) and Блять (whore/slut) all day everyday, a form of tribute to their mothers Arrogant, incompetent, underdeveloped xenophobic lowbrow losers with Oedipus complex that immediately assume everyone is either Russian or speaks Russian They always want to be in the spotlights, no matter the outcome (lose/win), because of their Slavic inferiority complex They think Russian is a "race" and proceed to call you racist if you don't accept their blight (try and explain to them that Russian is a nationality and watch how their pee brains slowly implode) The most uncultured, uneducated, boorish, impolite, ignorant, vulgar, graceless sons of bitches ever encountered, even if asked in the most cordial way possible to speak English and/or to be a team player, they will laugh in your face and/or try to ruin your game Oblivious to the fact that they're the laughing stock of any and all online communities and that they will never be taken seriously They only form and play in Russian teams (that have the shortest lifespan ever because of their blatant idiocity) and because no one else wants to play with them, if present in multinational teams, they last even less than in Russian teams	Avoid like the plague

Australia

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Easily turned into extremists because of their low self esteem. Can work for whites or minorities Usually the only English speakers on Asian servers Are usually so drunk they become easy targets	Terrible internet connection Blame their terrible skills on their terrible internet connection Worst snipers They will never shut up about how their games cost more May suddenly die due to a natural disaster Government has censored any games worth playing	Constantly dropping out of games, often breaking them, only play if they bother living in a capital city

Japan

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Likely to be "professional" due to lack of interests/life Usually don't spam the mic, and when they do it's usually simple remarks with no humor, such as taking the objective Trollable, call them Chinese or Korean (if they actually speak English) You can tell them that they lost WW2 as well Very small chance that they're on the same server as you, unless you're Australian Very small chance that they're on the same game as you, due to the Japanese not shipping their games to anywhere else in the world	Likely to be "professional" due to lack of interests/life Don't ever speak English Mostly found ruining Nintendo games Large chance of losing connection due to a Tsunami or whatever their weekly natural disaster is Any game that allows character creation will somehow look like a weeaboo Spam the chatbox with random japanese nonsense, which translated will be "Village Wall with your Dad" or some other shit "^^", ":D", "XD" and/or ":P" (They cannot express their rare emotions otherwise) Likely to commit seppuku after losing, so you can't troll them about it later Probably not at home playing, usually in some crowded office with a bunch of other loners training for the next big competition	Hard to troll, or get any reaction, due to the fact they are kept in rooms and forced to train for competitions. Notice the "Please Kill Me" stare in their eyes!

Canada

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	They BAAAW if they are utterly fucking destroyed They make great target practice as they would rather flee than fight (Only applies to Open world games like GTAV) They make great target practice as they're too dense to properly play games. More Tolerable than Americunts They rage if referred to as an Americunt. They rage if referred to as a Canadian (Quebecoir)	Passive agressive Snarky Hipsters Pretentious Will always let your team down Don't bother to help you and your team out in MP games Refuse to speak English (Quebecoir) Have truly intolerable accents (Quebecoir) Don't know how to play games Dense as pig shit Arrogant (Quebecoir) Unpleasant (Quebecoir) Too friendly (Regular Canadians) Uncomfortably Homoerotic	Can generate great lulz, but avoid if immune to trolling. Quebecoirs are insufferable human trash, avoid at all times.

Poland

Flag	Pros	Cons	Annoyance level
	Good teamplayers if not salty (so never) Decent skill (for a slavshit) Hate Russians	KURWA Always salty Eastern Hipsters Garbage computers	Hybrid slavshits with extreme anger issues

Related Articles

• Europe - Yuropoors come from here.
• MMORPGs - Where you will most likely meet each and everyone of these people.
• Counter-Strike - Go here for your very own cyka-shrine.

External Links

Gamer Countries is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.