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| | [[File:boomer shooter.jpg|350px|thumb|Realistic boomer shooter.]] |
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| {{spoilers|Sword and Shield sold over 20 million despite being dogshit}}
| | '''[[Boomer]] shooters''' are a "new" (as in: ''newly regurgitated'') genre of [[FPS|first-person shooters]] for ageing [[millennials]] who only wish to return to a time when their dicks [[Erectile dysfunction|still worked]]. Boomer shooters harken back to the primitive 90's "classics" of the FPS genre, complete with [[MS Paint|90's graphics]], [[Slipknot|90's music]], [[Bonzi Buddy|90's design sensibilities]] and [[AOL|general 90's shittiness]]. They are the vidya equivalent of reheated leftovers. |
| [[Image:PokemonGreen.jpg|175px|thumb|right|Remember kids, this once cost money to play]] | |
| [[File:Gardenia vine whip.gif|175px|thumb|right|Leaked Game Freak concept art]] | |
| [[File:Paedo gallade.jpg|175px|thumb|right|More leaked concept art]] | |
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| '''''Pokémon''''' is a horrific multimedia franchise where children [[Slavery|control]] a collection of [[Black people|horribly mutated creatures]] from [[Africa|the underworld]]. It was created [[at least 100]] years ago in the [[Asian|magical]] land of [[Japan]], by [[autism|Satoshi Tajiri]] and his buttbuddies at Game Freak. The cancerous train wreck began its way across Japan in 1996, hitting the rest of the world shortly afterward. It is enjoyed by children, manchildren, housewives, Yakuza, and diseased cripples worldwide.
| | The term initially referred only to the original first-person shooters that spawned like maggots in rotting flesh after [[Doom]]'s unexpected success in 1993. Beginning in the late 2010's, though, it has been expanded to include a myriad of low-effort modern copycats. Today, a plethora of [[Valve|major corporations]] and [[SJW|talentless indie hacks]] are more than [[Jew|happy]] to repackage the childhood memories of balding 30-something old men and sell it back to them for a quick buck. The result is a glut of absolutely identical garbage games flooding online stores. |
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| Although not as immediately repugnant as those who [[Sonic|paint their housepets blue]] or [[MLP|fantasize about having sex with horses]], the dedicated "adult" Pokémon fandom is still notable for being a shining beacon of [[Furry|furfaggotry]], [[pedophilia]] and general [[fail]] for [[Basement-dweller|basement-dwelling]] [[Virgin|permavirgins]] everywhere. Pokémon is so [[Cock|large and intrusive]] that its influence is virtually impossible to escape from; its faggotry overlaps with every other gatherings of overweight [[manchildren]] both [[OL]] and [[IRL]]. What's worse, said man-babies insist upon [[Sonichu|mishmashing it with all the other infantile hobbies and interests]] (<s>even</s> ''especially'' porn) they cling to in a deseperate attempt to avoid growing up, thus ensuring that wherever you are on the internet, you are only but a few clicks away from seeing the stretched-out asshole of a purple woodland creature.
| | == Characteristics == |
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| Whenever they are not busy masturbating to their favorite [[Jailbait|underage]] Pokégirl being [[Assrape|assraped]] by a [[LOLWUT|3-cocked pastel-colored dragon monstrosity]], [[Faggots|Pokéfags]] can be found online, discussing completely asinine topics such as the exact height and weight of a fictional animal. Do note that few of them actually bother playing the games, which are now universally derided for being crappy and pandering to children. The fact that the franchise has ''always'' been geared towards children rather than balding 30-something "hardcore" fans continues to elude them.
| | Although all FPSs are fundamentally the same, there are certain characteristics which, when taken together, make up a boomer shooter. These have their origin in the primitive state of [[PC Master Race|PC gaming]] in the 1990's. Although the industry as a whole has moved on from this experimental Doom-clone phase after figuring out [[Half-Life|what works]] and [[Hunt Down The Freeman|what doesn't]], nostalgia-blinded retards continue clinging to these objectively failed paradigms. |
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| == [[What]]? == | | === Low-polygon graphics === |
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| Contrary to common belief among [[NORP|those who have sex and go outside]], Pokémon is far more than a TV show based on a cute game 9-year-olds play on their [[Gameboy|Gaymeboys]]. Pokémon can best be described as the cultural equivalent of a [[Cancer|cancerous tumor]], with a [[Hentai|multitude of grasping tenticles slithering their way]] into every form of entertainment known to mankind. If you can think of it, Pokémon has already had an official liscensed version of it. These include, but are certainly are not limited to, [[Vidya|video games]], [[Electric Boogaloo|spinoff games]], [[Pokémon Go|mobile games]], [[Animu|cartoons]], [[Electric Jew|live-action TV shows]], [[Porn|movies]], [[Old media|magazines]], [[Comic book fans|comics]], [[Dora the Explorer|children's books]], [[FanFiction|"adult" books]]
| | [[File:doom red.png|250px|thumb|Imagine finding this appealing.]] |
| * [[Dinosaur Erotica|''Adult'' books]]
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| * [[Magic|Trading cards]] (see below)
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| * [[Plushie|Plush toys]]
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| * [[Plastic crap|Figurines]]
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| * [[Shit no one cares about|Board games]]
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| * [[Camwhore|Cameras]]
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| * [[Fat|Pedometers]]
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| * [[Chikins|Food]]
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| * [[Wetlook|Clothing]]
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| * [[Jewelry]]
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| * [[Chair|Furniture]]
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| * [[South Park|Towels]]
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| * [[Minecraft|Legos]]
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| * [[Jew|Monopoly]] (not Nintendo's monopolization of the world's [[assburgers]] supply, the actual fucking board game ''Monopoly'' had a Pokémon spinoff. [[Serious business|Seriously]].)
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| The sheer size and popularity of Pokémon makes it difficult to summarize
| | Boomer shooters are most easily recognized by looking like absolute dogshit. Some don't bother rendering anything other than the level geometry itself, using fugly pixelated sprites for enemies and weapons. |
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| == The Creatures ==
| | <u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u> |
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| The central aspect of the franchise are the titular ''Pokémon'' — poorly drawn
| | Computers in the 90's could barely render a jpeg without crashing and burning, much less a full 3D environment. |
| [[Some argue|Studies have shown]] that
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| All Pokémon
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| * Retextured drawings of a real-world animal.
| | <u>Why would anyone use it today?</u> |
| * Nonsensical heap of shapes and colors given anime eyes.
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| == The Basics ==
| | Because programming modern graphics is hard. Nevermind the fact that any illiterate code monkey can shit out a functioning 3D game in an afternoon using nothing but Unity and Stack Overflow. |
| [[File:Pokemon SJW Cringe.png|200px|thumb|left|You also gotta choose between '''two''' genders!]]
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| Since its genesis, Pokémon has always released not one but two versions at a time. This is solely for Game Freak to suck out more cash from what should have been just one game. Both versions contain only pointless differences that make little to no real impact on gameplay, but thanks to Game Freak's marketing propaganda they've managed to bullshit consumers into believing the difference between both versions is akin to night and day. In any instance, your basic goal is to [[rape|catch Pokémon]], [[steal|collect eight Gym Badges]], [[pwn|defeat]] an evil team, defeat the [[boring|Elite Four]] and [[faggot|Champion]] of the region. Most games will also contain some pointless gimmick such as diving underwater, Pokémon Contests, massive cockfighting complexes and of course more goddamn Pokémon to catch.
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| [[File:Bestkorea.jpg|thumb|225px|right|If only it were this awesome]]
| | === Fast player movement === |
| Each Pokémon has a [[special]] type such as Fire, Water, Grass, Electric, Dark and Psychic. Each type has a disadvantage or advantage over another, although every dumbass kid just uses [[Mary Sue|Dragon]]-types, which ruins the entire sense of balance. Pokémon has also amassed controversy from several activist groups including [[Jews]], [[feminists]], [[blacks]] and [[Christians]].
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| As for actual game strategy, it's pretty simple:
| | [[File:doom dance.gif|250px|thumb]] |
| #Grind your Pokémon to a really high level
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| #Initiate battle
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| #Mash the A button
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| And that's it. No really, I'm not joshin' you, that's all you have to do. After a certain point, type advantages don't even matter because you can just one-hit everything.
| | The player character moves around at SANIC FAST speeds. |
| {{clear}}
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| == The Games ==
| | <u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u> |
| Each series of games is collectively divided into "Generations," a term that is never used by Game Freak themselves but by virtually every fan of the series. To date, our planet has been cursed with eight Generations of Pokémon. Pokéfags refer to this as the [[goatse|"core"]] series. If you relish in repetitive bullshit, then Pokémon is the series for you.
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| ===Generation I===
| | The games were made for caffeinated teenagers with twitchy masturbation arms and low attention spans. |
| ====[[Baby|''Red'', ''Green'', ''Blue'' and ''Yellow'']]====
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| [[File:Missingno_sex.jpg|thumb|left|A special encounter from ''Pokémon Red'']]
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| The original games are festering pieces of shit only worshiped by manchildren who played them when they were young. glitch-ridden, generic, and downright ugly, ''Pokémon Red'' and ''Green'' were first released in [[Japan]] for the ailing [[Game Boy]]. There are [[at least 100|150 Pokémon]] to catch, being divided up between both versions for sake of <s>variety</s> money making. Luckily, not everyone was convinced. | |
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| People criticized the awful graphics and lack of bug control to the point where Game Freak had to make an improved version: Pokémon Blue, which sold well despite being only marginally better than the previous two.
| | <u>Why would anyone use it today?</u> |
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| The games are simple: choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander or Squirtle to begin you craptastic adventure catching all 150 Pokémon and beating Gym Leaders for shiny little Badges that allow you to brainwash your Pokémon into obeying you. You are also met with your rival, totally not called [[Gary Oak]]. Along the way you run into Team Rocket, a shoddy Yakuza ripoff that partakes in doing petty crimes like abusing and raping Pokémon for [[profit]]. After catching more Pokémon and defeating all the Gyms you then get to plunder the Elite Four and the Champion. Spoiler, it's your Bieber-haired rival.
| | Moving fast leaves no time for the player to scrutinize the ugly game environment, or indeed the shittiness and repetitiveness of the game itself. |
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| The games feature almost no post-game of which to speak, really. The only thing to do after defeating the Champion is to catch Mewtwo, which is no challenge at all if you did not waste your one allotted Master Ball.
| | === Enemy [[crapflood]] === |
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| After the Pokémon <s>anime</s> cartoon was released to much fervor, yet another fucking version was made: [[piss|''Pokémon Yellow'']]. This was simply a poorly modified version of ''Red'' and ''Blue'' that gave you Pikachu as a starter Pokémon instead of the original trio. And no, you can't evolve it into a Raichu.
| | At any given movement the player is surrounded by at least 9000 abominations to shoot. |
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| Another piece of shit game that the kiddies bought up in spades. It was now apparent that Pokémon was here to stay. In all these games there's a secret 151st Pokémon called Mew. You can't catch the fucker through normal means, rendering it to be the ultimate snipe hunt for losers worldwide.
| | <u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u> |
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| There is also Missingno, which is just a stupid data placeholder that shows up via a glitch that autistic people worship because it looks stupid and acts retarded. The fact you can run into this thing during normal gameplay is proof that these games are among the worst in regards to programming.
| | Level design still hasn't progressed past "put enemy in room" and, for challenge, "put more enemy in room". |
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| ===Generation II===
| | <u>Why would anyone use it today?</u> |
| ====[[Jew Gold|''Gold'', ''Silver'']] and [[Krystal|''Crystal'']]====
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| {{notice|Fun fact: Johto's Day Care, where Pokémon breed, is located on [[I See What You Did There|Route 34]]. Oh [[Japan]]~!}}
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| [[File:Pokemon Daycare in a nutshell.png|125px|left|thumb|Pokémon Day Care lol]]
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| [[Image:Crystalpokemon.jpg|thumb|So colorful and amazing!]]
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| Quite literally exact copies of the original games, only it takes place a couple years after the events of ''Red'', ''Blue'' and ''Yellow'' and the trio of games is listed under Generation II. Thank God this game's programming isn't nearly as shitty as the originals, but, like the original games, you're a 10-year-old boy located in another region called [[Hiroshima|Johto]], with pretty much the same plot as the previous Generation.
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| Generation II features [[MS Paint|rearranged cities]], the [[Lie|infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene]] and a bunch of new Pokémon such as [[Troll|Pikablu]], [[Abortion|Togepi]], [[Orly|Hoothoot]] and [[moar]] PokéGods like [[ho|Ho-Oh]] and [[Martini-chan|Suicune]], racking the Pokémon count up to 251. These games also introduced the gimmicks of Pokémon [[secks|breeding]] and sexes, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon [[Rule 34]] ever conceived technically [[canon]], a day and night cycle (a feature which wouldn't be seen again until Generation IV) and a "badarse" rival who hates Team Rocket because his dad was defeated by a 10-year-old boy.
| | As it turns out, designing encounters more complex than "enemy in room" takes time and effort. Why bother? |
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| ''Crystal'' introduced the concept of a [[No girls on the internet|female character]], [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|animated sprites]], [[Nigger|Suicune]] [[bestiality|taking a liking to the player and has a bigger role in the game]] [[stalker|so follows him/her around]] and introduces a new character called [[batshit insane|Eusine]] who wants Suicune to suck his dick and eventually tells the player to also catch Raikou and Entei so you can catch Ho-Oh for [[orgy|some reason]]. Basically trivial shit that makes it no better than the two games before it.
| | === No story === |
| {{clear}}
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| ===Generation III===
| | [[File:doom drugs.gif|250px|thumb|This is all you get.]] |
| ====[[Global Warming|''Ruby'', ''Sapphire'' and ''Emerald'']]====
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| [[Image:drought.jpg|200px|thumb|left|We gotta save dah world!]]
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| Pokémon has now entered Generation III of brainwashing children. ''Ruby'' and ''Sapphire'' have the same rotten plot as previous games, where you buttfuck [[Whore|Gym Leaders]] across the [[whore|Hoenn]] region for their [[STI|Badges]] to take on the Elite Four. Because the games are in a new location, it also naturally features new villains, [[Aqua Teen Hunger Force|Team Aqua]] and [[Smegma|Team Magma]], two utter jokes of teams who [[facepalm|really believe in destroying the planet to make it better]]. Team Aqua wishes to drown the world with the aid of a Legendary Pokémon called Kyogre, while Team Magma wishes to turn the world into a desert with the help of Groudon, Kyogre's transsexual butt-buddy.
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| Once again, both versions relish in useless differences that only OCD patients would give two shits about, such as version-exclusive Pokémon and which team of fuckbags you meet.
| | Boomer shooters have no plot to speak of. If the developers even bother with a story, they stick it in boring walls of text before and after every level, or, in some tragic cases, inside the user manual. |
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| The games introduced another shitty set of gimmicks. You could use a new move, Dive, to go [[water|under the sea]] and somehow not drown, unfortunately. Pokémon Contests were also introduced which serve as dick-waving shows for your Pokémon. Sadly, these games were not compatible with previous series installments, which meant that you couldn't transfer your steroidal Mewtwo over from ''Red'' or ''Blue'' just to get the game over with quicker. Fans forgot to be butthurt upon discovering the joy that is [[Gardevoir]], and to a lesser extent, [[Loli|Kirlia]].
| | <u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u> |
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| ====[[Copypasta|''FireRed'' and ''LeafGreen'']]====
| | Development teams consisted of a single Computer Science dropout and his 3 virginal friends, all of which are clinically autistic and incapable of writing anything more engaging than code documentation. |
| Basically Pokémon Red and <s>Blue</s> Green for babies. These games are the same thing as the [[90s]] originals, but with ''Ruby'', ''Sapphire'' and ''Emerald's'' [[MS Paint|improved graphics]] and music, some new islands full of [[Muslims]] and [[Lame|traded Pokémon which aren't in the original 151 can't evolve until you defeat the Elite Four]]. You can catch Mew, but now with an event-exclusive item that was only distributed at special Nintendo events. Good job, Game Freak.
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| ===Generation IV===
| | <u>Why would anyone use it today?</u> |
| ====[[Jewelry|''Diamond'', ''Pearl'']] and [[Ass|''Platinum'']]====
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| [[File:Cyrus.jpg|200px|thumb|right|This guy will kill us all! We gotta save dah world again!]]
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| The gameplay of ''Diamond'', ''Pearl'' and ''Platinum'' is the exact fucking same as every other game in the series. The only main departure is the bad guys. Whereas ''Red'' and ''Blue'' featured an inept crime syndicate, Generation IV has Team Galactic, a fucking doomsday cult led by a friendless faggot.
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| More new Pokémon, more gimmicks (digging underground for [[shit|Fossils]]), more 10-year-old children to play as and more money for Game Freak. Game Freak has now disproved Walt Disney on the quote "You can't top pigs with pigs." Game Freak has topped pigs with pigs, rats, metal plates, penguins, monkeys and everything else imaginable. [[fact|The games also introduced a type of pseudo-3D overview that simply shows that Game Freak's staff composes of lazy shits who will put in as little effort as possible in a series that's seemingly guaranteed to make lots of money.]]
| | Development teams consist of a single highschool dropout and his 3 virginal friends, all of which are clinically autistic and incapable of writing anything more engaging than a Twitter post. |
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| Also, [[Rule 34|Cynthia and Dawn]] were introduced in these games to the delight of perverts and hardcore Pokéfags everywhere.
| | === Large variety of weapons === |
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| ====[[Nostalgia|''HeartGold'' and ''SoulSilver'']]====
| | The player character carries on him an entire military arsenal at all times. Not that it matters, because players naturally gravitate towards using the one or two actually useful weapons, with the 30 other dildo gadgets relegated to ammo-conserving roles. |
| [[Last Thursday]], after many rumors were circulated on the tubes, Nintendo confirmed that there would indeed be remakes of the [[shit|hit]] games [[Gold|''Gold'' and ''Silver'']] for the [[DS]]. The games have features such as [[Stalker|letting any of your Pokémon follow you around]], a [[Goatse|wide variety]] of Generation II Pokémon and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|pseudo-3D graphics]].
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| Basically, the new games are just a giant clusterfuck of [[fail]] produced from merging half of the old games together and adding [[shit nobody cares about|useless features]] such as the [[Olympics|Pokéathlon]], [[Plastic Crap|Pokéwalker]] and the [[nobody cares|Spiky-eared Pichu]]. However, as soon as this piece of news was released on the Internet, [[Nostalgia|nostalgiafags]] everywhere creamed their pants. The only thing of relevance to come out of these games is the scene where the rival rapes you in Goldenrod City and leaves what's left of your semen-filled anus for Team Rocket. Deee-licious monies for Game Freak ensued.
| | <u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u> |
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| ===Generation V===
| | With no experience or formal theory in what makes an FPS good, developers simply threw every brain fart they had into the game with no regard to logic or usability, letting players figure shit out for themselves. |
| ====[[Nigger|''Black'']] and [[Cracker|''White'']]====
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| [[Image:Hilder.jpg|200px|thumb|left|[[Fat|It is based after the U.S. after all]]]]
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| The fifth slew of Pokémon games were released in [[2011]], the year shit broke loose. It is the <s>first one [[bullshit|with real 3-D graphics]]</s> DISREGARD THAT, IT'S JUST THE SAME PSEUDO-3D SHIT AGAIN and the Pokémon professor, [[whore|Professor Juniper]] is an [[cougar|older woman]] who will attempt to [[rape]] you once you complete the whole fucking Pokédex, which means that you have to catch all 649 Pokémon in order for her to accomplish this. SIX HUNDRED AND FUCKING FORTY-NINE.
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| Instead of playing as a 10-year-old brat, you now play as a 16-year-old brat. Instead of playing in a region based on Japan, you play in a region based on [[Amerifat|New York]]. Unova is complete trash anyway, so go fuck this game. Instead of catching Mewtwo, you catch Zekrom or [[JustinRPG|Reshiram]]. Instead of fighting doomsday freaks, you fight [[PETA|Team Plasma]].
| | <u>Why would anyone use it today?</u> |
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| Team Plasma, much like PETA, are just a bunch of retards because they apparently think the best way to free Pokémon is to enslave more of them and kill anyone who disagrees. [[Albert Einstein|Fucking genius.]] And instead of playing for <s>fun</s> [[Disregard That|DISREGARD THAT,]] [[Truth|POKÉMON IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE ABOUT GRINDING AND EV TRAINING SO THAT YOUR CHARIZARD MAY BE]] [[1337]], you're playing this shit out of religious vows to Game Freak's staff.
| | Having three superfluous submachine guns, eight varieties of shotgun and four melee weapons (all equally useless) lets you boast about having "over 20 unique weapons!" in the Steam store page. |
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| This game is also programmed by [[enemies of the lulz]], and possibly Jews. You can't name any of your Pokémon [[9/11]] or [[Hitler]] unless you use the AR code, or anything lulz-y for that matter such as being unable to name your Pokémon "Death" in Japanese (Shinu). Want more? Hack the game's ROM and look up its shittily written text data and see for yourself. Oh, and you can't swear or use any sexual references. Further proof that this game is fucked up as hell.
| | === Labyrinthine levels === |
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| The shitfaces at Game Freak and Nintendo have fucked it up enough to the point where you can't even trade Pokémon like Frosl'''ass''' and Co'''fag'''rigus because they're fucking manchildren in the society who dub the [[No Cussing Club]] legit. Oh Game Freak and Nintendo, you unfunny band of [[Vagoo|pussies]].
| | [[File:fps level design.png|250px|thumb|Too bad none of the retards who make these games ever bothered reading this.]] |
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| ====[[Nigger|''Black'']] [[Sequel|''2'']] and [[Cracker|''White'']] [[Sequel|''2'']]====
| | Levels closely resemble IKEA stores in layout and accessibility. There are plenty of pointless side paths to confuse the player, and hidden areas with stashes of drugs and ammo presumably left behind by a passing hobo. |
| The most pointless sequel ever. ''Black 2'' and ''White 2'' were just placeholders so that Game Freak could work on their next abomination, ''Pokémon X'' and ''Y''. This is almost the same shit, no srsly, even the two Legendary Pokémon in the game are recolors, the music has shitty, unnecessary remixes and you might as well [[An hero|kill yourself]] for having purchased this.
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| ===Generation VI===
| | <u>Why was it used in the 90's?</u> |
| ====[[x/|''X'']] and [[Why|''Y'']]====
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| [[Image:threedee.jpg|225px|thumb|right|Pokémon in 3D...yep]]
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| The same boring routine of beat up eight Gym Leaders and take on the Elite Four, except this time there is little to do in the post-game besides capture Mewtwo, which Game Freak only put in the game to please ''Red'' and ''Blue'' fags.
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| The games are far easier compared to previous Pokémon games, with the new and improved Exp. Share and Mega Stones that you're given very early in the game making it so easy and casual that even a brain dead 3-year-old kid could beat this crappy game blindfolded. | | Back in the day most gamers were denied access to the parents' credit card. The average kid only got new games on special occasions like Christmas, or when mommy wanted to bribe the little twerp into lying about what he saw her doing with the TV repairman. As a result, when kids got new games, they wanted them to last for as long as possible. In the days before Blizzard perfected the art of synthesizing [[World of Warcraft|digital crack]], best way to do this was to bloat level design into absurdity. Developers would ctrl+c ctrl+v entire sections to hit quotas. |
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| Everything is also rendered in 3D; not good 3D, not brick-shittingly amazing 3D, just plain old laggy 3D you'd find when playing an N64 game. Now you have only seventy new Pokémon and some shit called [[Dragon Ball Z|Mega Evolution]] which enables certain Pokémon to go Super Saiyan. The world of ''X'' and ''Y'' is based off the exciting country of [[France]], proving even Game Freak has given up at this point.
| | <u>Why would anyone use it today?</u> |
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| As a first, you can now finally customise your character by changing their skin colour and clothes, but not body type, resulting in many [[whales]] blowing up a storm on the internet. However, you can't take off your hat for some reason because Game Freak hates you and only wants your money so they can fund the next half arsed Pokémon game.
| | Having secrets and rewarding players for actually paying attention to their environment continues to be good design practice, one which the developers of Cawaduty still struggle with. However, the monsterously confusing labyrinths of, say, Quake II have been endlessly glorified by hordes of nostalgic retards who haven't played any of the games they masturbate to in over a decade. The modern developers who cater to this market blindly follow the demands of troglodytes without thinking it through. |
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| Because of Nintendo's shitty region lock on the 3DS, and all the potential money that Nintendo of not-Japan lost by weeaboos and other Japanfags buying the Japanese version instead of their own region's version, this Generation of Pokémon was the first to be released worldwide and in multiple languages at the same time. Now you can enjoy playing the same fucking game for the 26th time in one of either six of the world's worst languages, like [[Korea|Korean]] and [[English]] for example.
| | == Notable Examples == |
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| Lastly, the [[No Cussing Club]] inspired censor from the previous games came back in ''X'' and ''Y'', and will probably be that way for the rest of the series. Nyo ho!!!
| | === TRUE and ORIGINAL === |
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| ====[[Alpha & Omega|''Omega Ruby'' and ''Alpha Sapphire'']]====
| | * [[Wolfenstein]] - The first. |
| This latest remake has the same ugly graphics as the previous 3D games. This game introduces Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre, who both, along with Mega Rayquaza, make Arceus and Mewtwo look like complete trash. [http://nintendonews.com/2014/11/debut-pokemon-oras-sales/ Despite being the worst games in theory, they are on track to becoming some of the best-selling Pokémon games of all time.]
| | * [[Doom]] - The big one. |
| | * [[Quake]] - The one everyone ripped off. |
| | * [[Duke Nukem 3D]] - The one that added tits. |
| | * [[Unreal Tournament]] - The one played at your cooler older brother's LAN parties. |
| | * [[Half-Life]] - The one that actually killed the genre by demonstrating there is a better way. |
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| [[BAWWW|Nope, no Battle Frontier because it r b too hard 4 kiddies. Suck it, losers.]]
| | === Afterbirth === |
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| ===Generation VII===
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Dusk]] - Will |
| ====[[Sun_Microsystems|''Sun'']] and [[Moon Man|''Moon'']]====
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Strafe]] - This |
| [[Image:Sun_and_moon_2.png|200px|thumb|left|Seriously, it's the same fucking game all over again]]
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Amid Evil]] - Shit |
| [[File:salazzle lava.png|200px|thumb|right|[[Scaly|People jerk off to the reptile]]]]
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Wrath: Aeon of Ruin]] - Just |
| [[File:Sun and Moon Trans.png|175px|thumb|left|Fuck off]]
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Ion Fury]] - Stop? |
| [[File:Pokeslav.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The big bad of this new Generation happens to be a Slav]]
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Nightmare Reaper]] - Just |
| [[Shit no one cares about|The first Generation to come translated in both Simplified and Mandarin Chinese.]] ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' is Game Freak's latest games [[Lie|exclusively on the New 3DS]] and is based on [[Hawaii]]. | | * [[Shit no one cares about|Forgive Me Father]] - Look |
| | | * [[Shit no one cares about|Project Warlock]] - At |
| In these games, taking a page from ''X'' and ''Y'', you can now change into more clothes and now have the option to take off your [[Fedora|hat]]. Taking another page from the past Generation is that now you have the chance to finally play as a [[nigger]] going around and raping Alolan prostitutes in the game's largest city...or you can dress as a skimpy [[Caucasian]] tramp if you chose to play as a female (which you will undoubtfully do).
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Dread Templar]] - All |
| | | * [[Shit no one cares about|Graven]] - These |
| ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' also introduces Alolan variants of Generation I Pokémon, Samson Oak and Red and Green coming out as a gay couple, because Game Freak is now following the trend of banking on [[nostalgia]] to maximise profits from [[Millenials]] working at their local [[Walmart]] or [[McDonald's]] instead of creating more new monsters to catch for the [[Generation Z|younger generation]]. It worked with ''X'' and ''Y'', so why not play it safe like every single entertainment company nowadays?
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|HROT]] - How |
| | | * [[Shit no one cares about|Doombringer]] - Many |
| Despite being toted as "something new," ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' retains the same formula as its predecessors. Instead of Badges, you get Z-Crystals, and instead of beating the Champion, you become the Champion and still have to fight specialized Trainers. Gee, how original. As with every other Generation, this one introduced the designated furry bait Pokémon, [[Salazzle]].
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Post Void]] - More |
| | | * [[Shit no one cares about|Hedon Bloodrite]] - Of |
| These games are also plagued by long, boring, unskippable cutscenes and general shortness. Many tout the games as significantly harder, but this is false, as anyone with a double-digit IQ can train a [[Furry|Primarina]] and beat the game with her alone. The only positive aspect to this horrendous game is that HM's are now replaced by Poké Rides, meaning that you no longer need HM Slaves to fill up your six slots.
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Vomitoreum]] - These |
| | | * [[Shit no one cares about|KARM]] - Do |
| The storyline's also subpar and it's rife with clichés and reeks of "Ohana" or whatever these coconut niggers say. Also, [[Whore|Lusamine]], the main antagonist, turns into an abomination that you later beat since the story is not worth building up for. Too bad you can't kill her though, since it will make this game much more enjoyable.
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|White Hell]] - We |
| | | * [[Shit no one cares about|Berserk Mode]] - Really |
| And to top it all off, in ''Pokémon Sun'' and ''Moon'' you get to encounter Ultra Beasts, which are basically ripoffs of the Angels from ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]]''. In fact, these motherfuckers break the damn game since they're all overpowered as all hell. Sooner or later though they will be someone's furry waifu; as seen in Nihilego, a [[loli]] jellyfish and Pheromosa, a cockroach that can sexually attract any Pokémon and human.
| | * [[Shit no one cares about|Hands of Necromancy]] - Need? |
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| You also now have to pay real world money just to transfer Pokémon from past games, with an annual fee, no less. Fantards defend this blatant scam by saying, "At least it's so cheap!" Five dollars annually to host KBs of data on their server. Totally worth it.
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| ====[[Lazy|''Ultra Sun'' and ''Ultra Moon'']]====
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| ''Pokémon Ultra Cash'' and ''Pokémon Ultra Grab'' are nothing more than an alternate reality of ''Sun'' and ''Moon'' for the the now flat-lined 3DS. Not the New 3DS, but the same old 3DS released back in [[2011]].
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| ====''Let's Go, [[Pikachu]]!'' and ''Let's Go, [[Furry|Eevee]]!''====
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| ''Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu!'' and ''Pokémon: Let's Go, Eevee!'' is another shitty rehash of Generation I, but this time in 3D and for the [[Nintendo Switch]]. It's specifically designed for [[Normie|normies who play ''Pokémon GO'']], overly-nostalgic [[Millennials|Millennial faggots]], and 9-year-old aspie children who want to play Pokémon for the first time.
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| Due to this reason, it only includes the first 151 Pokémons, a bunch of features were removed so even the lowest functioning [[autist]] can play it, and trading can only be done between ''[[Pokémon GO]]''.
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| Catching Pokémon is done via motion controls (aka. shaking the console or the [[Dildo|Joy-Con]]), which will more than likely cause a lot of [[Fail|broken Switches and television sets]]. It also comes with a worthless plastic Poké Ball, which is good for breaking your TV after accidentally throwing it at the screen to catch another Rattata.
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| The game also adds two new Pokémon. Meltan, who is a spot of sentient [[cum|jizz]] with a gear for its head, and its evolution Melmetal, who basically looks like a mentally retarded [[Transformers|Transformer]], with the [[Lazy|exact same fucking gear as its head.]]
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| ===Generation VIII===
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| ====''Pokémon [[Sword]]'' and ''[[ShieldsUp|Shield]]''====
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| [[File:PokemonSwordShieldgraphics.jpg|200px|thumb|right|No, this isn't an image of a tree you'd find in Hyrule Field in the N64 game ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.]]
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| ''Pokémon Sword'' and ''Pokémon Shield'' were the brand new games in 2019, and the first games of Generation VIII. The new region in this game is Galar, which is based on none other than the [[No|loveable]] land of [[United Kingdom|Britain]].
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| The brand new starters include [[playboy|Scorbunny]], a Fire rabbit who immediately got yiffed to death by [[Furry|furfags]], [[Lizard Squad|Sobble]], a pussy Water lizard who just keeps crying, and [[Monkeydonia|Grookey]], a hyperactive Grass monkey who bangs a fucking stick all the time. The Legendary Pokémon are literally two wolves who look extremely uninspired, and are called Zacian and Zamazenta. The brand new feature in this game is Dynamaxing, which for three turns makes your Pokémon large, and will get really popular with macrofag Poképhiles who wanna see a giantess Gardevoir wrecking the opponent's asshole.
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| They also included tons of whores to please the [[virgins|fanbase]]. Some smart-ass called Sonia. A sandnigger slut called Nessa. Some underage goth girl named Marnie made to appleal to kiddie diddlers. One designed to appeal to [[foot fetish]] crowd called Bea, and finally a girl with [[inflation|inflated breasts]] called Melony. All got a fuck-ton of Rule 34.
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| The game has already caused a massive controversy with the Japs at Game Freak not including every Pokémon in the game, and only letting you transfer ones that are in the Galar Pokédex. Cue incels raging because they can't have their [[Lopunny]] in the game. It turns out developers just wanted the game to improve.
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| Actually it was a lie all along. It turns out everything was reused from the last five fucking games. The Pokémon models are the exact same with shitty animations. The trees look like they're from the [[Nintendo 64|N64]]. The game looks like complete shit. Pokéfags were enraged at the [[azns]] for putting no effort into their shitty game in a series shit to begin with. The [[manchildren]] started protesting everywhere, being outraged at everything related to Pokémon.
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| When the game came out they want bought it anyways as they couldn't live without their [[Addiction|Pokéfix]]. For the first time ever, everyone realized Pokémon was shit all along (though most would buy Pokémon even if the entire game was a void). The game however broke record sales to become the fastest and second best-selling game in the whole shithole known as Pokémon. Proving that going insane over a shitty game is useless.
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| Game Freak now added DLC to sell removed content back to you. You don't need the DLC to receive the formerly removed Pokémon in a trade, but no one is willing to trade for base game Pokémon. For the DLC itself, it's laughably bad. A new N64 adventure awaits you, where you can catch 151 Diglett and go to one of those two fancy towers whose sole purpose is to train the ugly little Legendary. Following Pokémon make a comeback, but they only work in the DLC area AND the following is all fucked up. Pokémon will often get stuck behind trees or move so slowly that they disappear from view once you get far enough only to pop in right behind you. But we can't keep laughing at this, Game Freak is a small indie company, after all.
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| Don't worry folks, get your wallets out and ready as they have "one more" $40 DLC for you to buy, where you'll get a even shittier-looking Legendary.
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| ====''Pokémon [[I have a 140 I.Q|Brilliant Diamond]]'' and ''[[Shining knight syndrome|Shining Pearl]]''====
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| [[File:BrilliantDiamondShiningPearlcharacters.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Dawn = [[BLACKED]]]]
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| THE SAME GAME! Now with ugly-ass chibi graphics reminiscent of the widely-panned 2019 remake of ''The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening'' on the [[Nintendo Switch|Switch]]. The game is being developed by another developer, as Game Freak doesn't even try anymore.
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| The graphics pissed off fans, as they couldn't have their [[shit|''Sword'' and ''Shield'' graphics]] that they already hated, so they can look up Dawn's skirt with the camera.
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| ====''Pokémon Legends: Arceus''====
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| An open world Pokémon game, something that fans have been wanting since they were little kids playing Pokémon.
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| The game takes place [[At least 100|300]] years ago where the world was better as know one knew what the fuck a Pokémon was. Then some one came with some creatures and tells some loser "Hey I'm to lazy to find all those motherfuckers, so find them yourself." So now you explore an empty open world were you can catch Pokémon and nothing else.
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| It's Game Freak back at it again with being lazy. The frame-rates are dogshit, and the graphics look like a [[Dreamcast]] game, so it's that much better right? WRONG!
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| ===Generation IX===
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| ====''Pokémon Scarlet'' and ''Violet''====
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| [[File:IXstarters.png|200px|thumb|right|"Nice Fakémon... wait, these are real designs?"]]
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| Revealed on February 27, 2022, with a new region based on [[Spain]].
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| ===Spinoffs===
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| ====''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon''====
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| {{Main|Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series}}
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| [[File:Pokemon mystery dungeon 2.png|right|225px]]
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| The ''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon'' series is a Pokémon spinoff series of games, the original pair having been released in [[Japan]] in [[2005]].
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| These games have been praised by otherkin and [[Furries|furfags]], because they allow the player to become a human-turned-Pokémon. In the games you have a partner who forces you to join a [[anti-lulz|rescue team]], or something similar, and explore dungeons to [[boring|rescue]] Pokémon. You go around, beat up other Pokémon up and steal their money to buy mushrooms in the [[drugs|colorful world]] while interacting with others in the Pokémon-only world.
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| ====''Pokémon GO''====
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| {{Main|Pokémon GO}}
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| [[image:pokemon-go-mom.jpg|200px|thumb|[[Your mom]] will be really proud of you]]
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| ''Pokémon GO'' is a [[cellphone|mobile "game"]] and [[meme|cultural phenomenom]] for [[iOS]] and [[Android]] (Windows Phone users get fucked) that came out [[last Thursday]], [[THE CURRENT YEAR|2016]]. The "game" is a copy-carbon of ''Ingress'', so the company spent {{age|2013|11|4}} years coding some Pokéman figures.
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| In ''Pokémon GO'' you walk around [[IRL|meat space]] with your phone in front of your face using the GPS and the camera to look for Pokémons in an [[augmented reality]] setting (or a boring field if you don't want to look like a spazzing autist waving your phone around in public, which is what 90% of "players" do). It uses a [[Google Maps]]-type interface to lead you to different Pokémon, "PokéStops," and "Gyms" based on landmarks, parks, statues etc. Already, this autism-tier "game" has surpassed the [[Tinder]] app and is soon to surpass the [[Twitter]] app in daily users, so thank [[God|Arceus]] for that.
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| Encouraged by the hope of catching a [[FYIAD|Dratini]], former shut-ins are walking into the sunlight for the first time in years and attempting to hold actual conversations with others. This has sparked an unfolding lollercaust on multiple levels all in the name of enslaving imaginary beasts then making them battle.
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| {{clear}}
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| ==Pokémon types==
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| Pokémon each have their own types and abilities. This sections lists all the single types. Pokémans can have two types; if you want [[serious business|serious information]] in finding out what's weak to what then [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Type_chart look here, work it out for yourself and fuck off]. The following were introduced in Generation I.
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| *'''[[Normies|Normal]]''': The basic non-elemental type for all Pokémon too generic and/or [[boring]] for Game Freak to bother with placing into a better category. Normal-types hold no advantage over any other types and can get knuckled over by [[violence|Fighting]] attacks and can't damage [[Ghost]]-types [[shit nobody cares about|unless you negate its Ghost typing]] or use literally any other type attack. Most Normal-types don't sit well with being just a Normal-type so are able to wield other typed attacks such as [[WTF|Electric, Water, or Fire]] in an attempt to make up for their [[useless|lack of any real use]]. | |
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| *'''[[KILL IT WITH FIRE|Fire]]''': If you have a favorite Pokémon, chances are it is a Fire-type. Despite the fact a Fire-type can get knuckled over by Water, Rock and Ground Pokémon, they are loved by all and feared by many. Fire-types generally dish out ridiculous amounts of Special Attack damage and generally have high HP and Speed, thus are even able to be competitive against their weaknesses in case you didn't see that coming. | |
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| *'''[[Waterboarding|Water]]''': The type with the highest number of Pokémon in the games, with [[at least 100|at least 15]] being introduced each Generation. Water-types are based off of [[Lolrus|marine creatures]] and [[Spongebob|sealife]]. Water-types are for JRPG fans who enjoyed sitting around fishing for pixels all day rather than going out and exploring the actual game. You only really use one so it can be a [[BDSM|HM Slave]] for your Water-typed HM moves or for clearing caves full of Geodudes. Water-types are effective against Rock, Ground and Fire-types. Pretty much any Water-type that can learn TMs can try to be a failed Ice-type by learning at least one Ice TM move, the usual one being Ice Beam.
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| *'''[[Weed|Grass]]''': If it's not an animal with plants growing out of it or an animal with shades of green on it, it's a plant with legs. Highly flammable, susceptible to Bugs eating it, easily poisoned, birds can almost literally shit on it, easily frozen by Ice, and not to mention generally fucking weak, you should only really choose the Grass-type as your starter because everyone knows that Rock, Ground and Water types bow down to their [[Hentai|seemingly infinite tentacles all in the shape of cocks used to dominate, rape and use them as hosts for their offspring]]. Oh, and [[Smugleaf]]. | |
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| *'''[[Electric Boogaloo|Electric]]''': The only real reason you'd want an Electric-type is because most Electric attacks can cause paralysis one way or another. The type itself is effective against both Water and Flying-types so could easily dispatch of those fucking Zubats and Tentacools that seem to appear in the thousands. An Electric-type's only weakness is the Ground-type, [[Troll|which can be temporarily nullified with Magnet Rise]]. Electric Pokémans weren't based on [[irl]] creatures that could ''actually'' shoot electricity at shit until the invention of Eelektross. [[Some argue]] that Lanturn was based on an irl creature but Anglerfish don't shoot electricity, [[Lame|they emit light from their antenna.]]
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| **As of Generation VI, Electric-type Pokémon can no longer be paralyzed, which, when coupled with their already high Speed, make them somewhat useful.
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| *'''[[Brandon Crisp|Ice]]''': Ice-types normally come dual-typed, with the other type normally being Water. They became increasingly [[unoriginal]] with each inbred Generation, until all Nintendo could come up with were several scoops of ice cream and a snowflake with eyes and [[Neckbeard|facial hair]]. You only catch and train an Ice-type in order to defeat the mandatory Dragon-type trainer of that game, only to find that their Pokémon know Fighting and/or Fire moves that can easily fuck it over.
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| *'''[[Ground floor|Ground]]''': Often accompanied with Rock typing, Ground is a shitty mix of [[Cocaine|Rock]] and Normal, which means it performs poorly at being either of them. It is the only thing Electric-types are weak to, but anything that shoots out a lightning bolt from its bell-end is piss-weak anyway.
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| *'''[[Fight Club|Fighting]]''': Fighting-types have muscles where their brains should be and sport a nigger cock. They have lots of [[bodybuilder|physical strength]], but are easily [[mindfuck]]ed by Psychics and Fairies and [[O rly|birds]] for some reason. They can beat up on Normal, Dark, Rock, Steel and Ice Pokémon.
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| *'''[[Psychic]]''': Known as the [[Final Fantasy VI|Esper]]-type in the Japanese version, Psychic-types have powerful Special Attack and Special Defense, but low physical Defense and Health; basically every "mage" character in any RPG in existence. Psychic-types are shit-scared of Ghosts, Dark-types and Bugs for some reason. Went from easily the best type in Generation I to one of the worst types in the most recent core games.
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| *'''[[Birdemic|Flying]]''': Various [[YOU'RE A BIRD!|winged creatures]], lots of them based on [[Bird is the word|birds]], that [[Oh|fly]]. Unless they're Gyarados. They are almost all dual-typed and usually have low health despite being fast and sporting some rather nice physical strength. They are only really useful when fully evolved or to Fly around once you get that HM. Rock-types can crush them to pieces, Ice-types can serve them [[Frosty the Snowman|frozen]] and Electric-types can serve them [[chikins|fried]]. Only one Pokémon is a ''pure'' Flying-type without [[hax]], and it's a fucking genie.
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| *'''[[Crack|Rock]]''': Rock-types have shitloads of HP and high Defense, but next to no Special Defense and are normally slow as hell. These are what you spend most of your early gameplay struggling against if you pick the Fire starter, and almost never use in any game playthrough unless you actively decide to use one to shake things up a bit. | |
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| *'''[[Bug Chasers|Bug]]''': Anything based off of bugs IRL which is kind of fitting since the entire franchise was based on bug catching. As you'd expect of bugs, rocks can crush them, Flying types eat them for lunch, and Fire types cook them for the Flying types. To make up for that, they usually have an oddly good Special Attack, and many seem to be failed Psychic-typesas they [[LOLWUT|usually wield Psychic-type attacks]].
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| *'''[[Drugs|Poison]]''': Either has fucking high Defense and HP, as well as having somewhat overpowered Poison attacks, or pathetically weak with lame Poison attacks, or were strong but had no Poison attacks at all. Until Generation VI, Poison moves were arguably the worst damage-dealing attacks, and generally avoided unless getting a STAB, but their strength against Fairies changed that somewhat. Get poisoned by one and you have to put up with the irritating long lasting poison effects which made these things a bitch to fight. Poison-types are often employed by the [[Fail|pathetic grunts]] of Team [[cock|Rocket]], and after a battle ended, the [[Zombie|infected]] Pokémon would cause your screen to have a fucking [[seizure]] every four steps you took. Until Generation V. | |
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| *'''[[Creepypasta|Ghost]]''': Ghosts are completely immune to Normal and Fighting attacks, [[Self-pwn|weak to other Ghosts]] and largely resistant to Ground-based moves in the later games [[Sarcasm|thanks to the introduction of the Levitate Ability]]. Your only chance in hell to beat one of these is to train up a Dark-type, a Normal-type wielding anything but Normal attacks, or [[Gardevoir|something else]]. Ghosts have the ability to naturally learn and use a move called "[[Swearing|Curse]]" which makes the user [[die alone]]. Ghosts also wield and other lulzy moves like [[Bondage|Destiny Bond]] and [[An Hero|Perish Song]].
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| **Side note: Nintendo trolled the anime followers of the original Pokémon series, claiming that Ghosts were strong against Psychics. Fanboys would find out only after they trained their Haunter for three days that it was generally useless against Sabrina, because the only damage-dealing Ghost attack in Generation I was a shitty move called Lick, and Haunter [[Pwned|was in fact weak against Psychic Pokémon due to its dual Poison-typing]]. O Nintendo, u so funneh.
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| *'''[[Dragon]]''': Probably the only type in the game worth a damn, at least until the introduction of the Fairy-type. Overpowered, huge amount of HP, fast, could take a lot of rape and most of them could learn at least one move of every other type in existence. They're mainly used by whiny-ass little bastards who think the world of Pokémon is real. Nearly [[epic Fail|impossible]] to kill and even [[MOAR]] impossible to level-up, Dragon's only weaknesses are [[Amphetamines|Ice-types]], [[Self-pwn|Dragons]] and [[LOLWUT|Fairies]]. | |
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| Because the game was accused of being "unbalanced" in Generation I, the fuckers at Game Freak added two more types in Generation II to [[Pwn|destroy all the "strong"]] Pokémon. This, of course, made gamers rage even more.
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| *'''[[Heavy Metal|Steel]]''': Designed to appeal to [[Hardcore|HARDCORE]] Pokémon fans and [[Fullmetal Alchemist|metalfags]]. Basically just the same as Rock, but with even [[MOAR]] Defense and HP, and in an almost cruel twist of irony it now gets shat on by Fire, and Grass Pokémon now suck its [[The_Great_Black_Dick_Hoax|ten-foot cock]]. The only reason you'd ever want one is because they're [[Win|completely immune to Poison]] and the fact that they resist pretty much everything until Generation VI, when their resistances to Dark and Ghost attacks were removed. | |
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| *'''[[Emo|Dark]]''': Dark (or in Japseye land, Evil) was invented because Ghost just wasn't enough for the legions of [[faggot]] [[fanfiction]] writers that make up most of the Pokémon fanbase. All of the creatures in the Dark-typing are either [[emo|deep and mysterious]], appear at night or are natural [[cunt]]s. They are one of the few types to be able to use a Psychic and Ghost-type as toilet paper with no real problems, but all Dark types have a crippling phobia of Bugs, and Fairies and Fighting types can wear them like gloves through their arseholes.
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| With the release of ''X'' and ''Y'', there was a new type introduced:
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| *'''[[Fairy]]''': The manliest type at all. Sylveon is the figurehead for the type which has since become a waifu Pokémon for furries. A bunch of previous Pokémon have since been reclassed as Fairies, including Clefairy, Pikablu and Mr. Mime for some godawful reason. It was introduced in VI because the fucktards at Game Freak realized Dragons were overpowered and Spiritomb needed a weakness to stop people cheating in a Wondertomb. | |
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| ==[[DO NOT WANT|Status conditions]]==
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| During the [[awesome]] Pokéman battles which start, either when you [[Animal abuse|step on a Pachirisu]], a [[fat]] [[faggot]] with nothing better to do challenges you to a fight for no real reason at all, or your imaginary friend from [[irl]] challenges you and you hook up your Game Boys together so you can start fightin' your Pokémans, Status conditions are one of the things Pokéman can do to each other to piss each other off. They are as follows:
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| *[[Cripple|'''Paralysis''']]: A condition inflicted most commonly by Electric attacks, Body Slam, Stun Spore and Glare. Annoyingly ''the'' most common status condition you can ever fucking get. Paralysis slows the sufferer down to 25% ''and'' gives them a chance of being unable to attack on any given turn, and ''your'' Pokéman will never attack, whereas the enemy will without a problem. You can recover from paralysis with status condition healing items. Combine with Attract and Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING'''. Any Pokéman with the Limber Ability is immune to paralysis, [[over 9000|just Saiyan]].
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| *[[AIDS|'''Poison''']]: A less common but equally stupid condition wherein the poisoned Pokémon gradually loses HP ''even when you are out of battle'', shown when your game has a fucking seizure every four steps. Can be cured with an Antidote. Pokémans with the Immunity Ability, Poison-types and Steel-types are immune to it. In the first three Generations, your Pokémon could faint from being poisoned outside of battle. In Generation IV, they [[bullshit|magically recover from poison while on the verge of death at 1HP]] and in Generation V they stay poisoned but don't cause the screen to seizure or lose health by walking four steps, essentially making it no different to being burned, minus shitting on the Attack stat. As of Generation VI, poisoning no longer harms Pokémon after a battle. | |
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| *'''Badly poisoned''': Copy/paste of being poisoned, but does more damage as more turns are taken in battle. [[Sarcasm|Totally fair]].
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| *[[Rape|'''Sleep''']]: Sleep stops your Pokémon from doing ''anything at all'', unless you use Snore or Sleep Talk. It can either last a long time or not very long at all, essentially mind-fucking you into choosing whether to use an Awakening or not. If you're really unlucky, it could last five full turns. Any Pokémon with Dream Eater, usually the one that put you to sleep in the first place, can [[troll|rape your health while healing themselves]] at the same time. Any Pokéman with [[you|Insomnia]] or Vital Spirit is immune to sleep, even if it tries to cause it on itself by using a move such as Rest.
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| *[[Sophie Delezio|'''Burn''']]: [[Captain Obvious|Burns are most often inflicted by 90% of Fire attacks]]. When affected by a burn, the Attack stat is shat all over similar to how paralysis shits on Speed, and you lose HP every turn. It doesn't make your game screen have a seizure every four steps outside of battle though, and can be cured with a Burn Heal. Pokémon that are Fire-types, or have the Water Veil Ability, cannot be inflicted with the burn status.
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| *[[Brandon Crisp|'''Freeze''']]: Caused by at least 50% of Ice attacks and works pretty much the same way as sleep, by making your Pokémon useless in that it can't fight back. It rarely lasts more than one turn though and has no attacks that instantly causes it. The Pokéman in question can be defrosted in one of five ways; It can defrost randomly on its own, can be cured with an Ice Heal, can be defrosted when Fire attacks are used against it, is immune to being frozen with the Magma Armor Ability and it can defrost ''itself'' using Flame Wheel, Sacred Fire, Flare Blitz, Fusion Flare, or Scald. A pure fail. | |
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| *[[Slut|'''Attract''']]: Psuedo-[[Rule 34]]. Pokémans [[Gardevoir|can whore themselves out]] to the [[heterosexual|opposite gender]] and your Pokémon falls in love with it. It stops [[at least 100]]% of all your attacks from doing anything when your Pokémon starts pining for [[dat ass]] and won't do anything for that turn. [[Trap|Unknown genders]] can't learn Attract, but [[Ditto|those who]] [[Mew|can use it]] [[Hax|by other methods]] [[Dying alone|can't attract anyone]]. Combine with paralysis and/or confusion for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Any Pokémon with the Oblivious Ability or [[homophobia|the same gender]] is immune to it.
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| **On another note: [[RAGE|FUCK YOU WHITNEY AND YOUR FUCKING MILTANK, WHY COULDN'T MY STARTER POKÉMON BE A GIRL?! FUCKING CUNT BITCH!]] | |
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| *[[Transexual|'''Confusion''']]: Used only as a last resort or by NPCs to piss you off. The affected Pokéman can fail attacks and punch itself in the face in the process. Higher Attack power means it slaps itself harder, which is why people like the attack [[DAT ASS|Swagger]]. Confusion lasts 500 turns for you, lasts one turn for the opponent. Invest in Confuse Ray for '''EXTREME TROLLING!''' Unless of course it has the Own Tempo Ability.
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| **On another note: [[BUTTHURT|FUCK YOU TENTACOOL AND ZUBAT!!! YOUR ASSHOLES WILL BE MINE WHEN I FIND A WAY TO ENTER POKÉMON GOLD AND SILVER AND RED AND BLUE!!! STOP APPEARING WHEN I GO INTO CAVES AND OCEANS! YOU BITCHES RUINED A 7-YEAR-OLD'S GAMING EXPERIENCE!]]
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| *[[Wicca|'''Curse''']]: A lulzy condition inflicted by Ghost-types. The user becomes [[emo]] and [[Fetish|sticks needles in itself]] using some odd voodoo shit, taking half its health to lay a curse on your Pokémon. Every turn, just less than 1/4 of your Pokémon's health will be taken until it dies of severe depression. Massive trolling and butthurt ensues from its use. [[DO IT FAGGOT|Use it often]] and use it against real people to piss them off.
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| *[[AIDS|'''Pokérus''']]: Not a typical status ailment with negative effects in battle; basically your Pokéman contracted [[STD|Pokérus]] from [[Rape|fighting]] a [[Prostitute|wild Pokéman]], but you must have battled it and preferably defeated it to catch it, and the virus is really fucking rare. It can be spread to all your other Pokéman, regardless of gender or species. Hell, it can even be passed onto [[babyfuck|Eggs]]. It can't be cured, and it goes away over time; [[Forever Alone|but the effects of the virus remain for the rest of your Pokéman's life]]. [[Steroids|Pokérus is a special strand of AIDS that turns your Pokéman into the strongest fucking thing evar whenever it levels up]], and is really fucking rare despite the fact that it can be spread like the common cold.
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| ==The anime==
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| [[Image:Ashmaid.png|200px|thumb|left|Professor Oak learned Ash's [[gay|secret]]]]
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| [[Image:Its-a-trap.gif|200px|thumb|right|What? You thought they couldn't out-gay the maid?]]
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| [[File:Ass ketchup.png|200px|thumb|The '''NEW''' and '''PROGRESSIVE''' Ass Ketchup]]
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| The Pokémon cartoon (compulsively referred to as the anniemay by fanfaggots) tells the story of [[hermaphrodite]] Ash Ketchum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to being a Pokémon fanboy. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and [[life partner|partner]], the electrified [[rat]] [[Pikachu]], and sets out to [[obsessive-compulsive disorder|catch 'em all]].
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| Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former [[16-year-old girl|underage]] [[fetish]] model. He is also joined by [[Brock Turner|Brock]] Statue Tory, all around [[pervert|horn dog]] and charter member of the [[cunt|Nurse Joy]] appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock [[cum]]ming in his pants whenever he sees anything with [[tits|breasts]], which happens with [[Over 9000|amazing frequency]] considering his [[Azn|eyes are permanently closed]]. However, the reason behind Brock's weird-ass behavior is his [[homosexuality]]. This is the only explanation why he has never had a [[girlfriend]], and why he loves to [[Cock|cook]]. As the rest of the gang are major [[homophobic|gay-bashers]], he hides this with his [[Not gay|girl "obsession."]]
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| Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members [[lesbian|Jessie]], [[homo|James]], and their annoying retarded [[cat]]. They supply [[At least 100|95]]% of this show's [[lulz]] in the form of [[fail|endless]] attempts to steal Pikachu so that their boss would [[GG|appreciate them]] again, not that he did anyway. They are also the subject of many [[flame wars|shipping wars]] among Poké[[fans]] who are just too [[dumb]] to realize James is [[gay]].
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| [[Image:1371831529308.gif|200px|thumb|right|Pokémon do not like [[you]], it's a [[fact]]]]
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| [[Image:ITS A TRAP POKEMON26.jpg|thumb|left|[[panty shot|Screenshot]] from the 9th season]]
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| Misty later leaves the show after getting [[pregnant|knocked up]] and is promptly replaced by May, a [[jailbait]] [[whore]] with breasts that more than make up for Misty's lack thereof. May brings along her brother Max, an incestuous [[Shotacon|little]] [[fuckface]], who seems to [[Mega ultra super genius|know more about Pokémon than Ash]]. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's a 10-year-old, is an even bigger [[whore]] than the other girls mainly due to her [[pantyshot|extremely short skirt]]. Having the [[Lolicon|smallest chest]], she is clearly [[fanservice]] for many of the show's viewers.
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| The series has continued for far more years as well as seasons than it ever should have, showcasing Ash and some [[pussy|traveling partners]] going throughout the region of the games currently being promoted. We have seen Ash paired up with [[nigger|Iris]] and [[fag|Cilan]] as they explored the Amerifat Unova region. Then he adventures of Kalos, where Ash was now accompanied by [[nerd|Clemont]], his [[fuckface]] little sister [[loli|Bonnie]], and an even larger than Dawn [[whore]] Serena. Then , he's accompanied by [[nerd|Sophocles]], [[douche|Kiawe]], and even worse than Serena [[whores]], [[cunt|Lille]], [[jailbait|Mallow]], and [[loli|Lana]], a legit harem of girls in the Alola Region. <s>Sadly, Ash will never, ever see himself win an official championship as long as the show keeps going. [[beta|Nor will he get any pussy]], while Team Rocket will continue to be failures who stalk a kid for a rat for thousands of more episodes to come.</s> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]] Ash actually won, but only because the League was so shitty, that you could probably win with a [[Fish|Magikarp]].
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| The series has rebooted to appeal to [[nostalgiafag|nostalgiafags]] with ''[[Sellout|Pokémon Journeys: The Series]]'', now Ash will go through all regions without his retarded friends, and will instead be adventuring with [[azn|Goh]], basically another Ash.
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| The cartoon is solely enjoyed by people who play the games. Compulsive, autistic, fat, basement-dwelling freaks whom don't receive any love from their mommies and daddies. Watching the Pokémon cartoon is considered by many to be even lower than enjoying a [[Dan Schneider|Nickelodeon shit-com]]. That is fucking low.
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| ===4Kids and drama in the U.S.===
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| The Pokémon anime was originally dubbed for U.S. distribution by [[4Kids]]. Several episodes were [[banhammer]]ed by 4Kids for reasons varying from Brock sneezing during the [[SARS]] epidemic, to an overabundance of [[evil]] [[Japan|Japanese culture]], to James showing off his [[shemale|new boobs]], to [[Porygon]]-induced [[subliminal messages]] that would cause [[seizure]]s and the buying of more Pokémon [[crap|merchandise]]. This topic can cause [[fanboys]] to rant for hours on the Internet.
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| Eventually, Pokémon USA stepped in and yoinked the anime away from 4Kids. All the "fans" who had previously bitched about how 4Kids was [[sodomizing]] the series now acted like it was the [[apocalypse]] that the voice actors had been replaced. They set up [[at least 100]] online petitions to reinstate the old voices. Pokémon is clearly [[serious business]]. To make the lulz even better, one of their voice actors, Eric Stuart (who [[secks|did]] James and Brock) posted about the voice actor changeover on his website, whining like a [[13-year-old boy]] and spamming his own guestbook out of [[angst]].
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| ===Ways to watch the anime===
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| There are two ways to watch the anime in English:
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| * The shitty dub, now managed by TPCi | |
| * Even shittier subtitled anime, managed by [[autistic]] subber groups
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| The dub is utter shit, because the voice actors really only put in a minimal amount of effort for a product that automatically generates money for Nintendo and all other parties, meaning the quality is a mere shadow of even the 4Kids version of the show from back in the day... which, you can imagine, is pretty pathetic. But in all honesty, the dub is still infinitely better than shit autistic shit that subber groups release, because at least the dub is internally consistent and is more focused on making shit sound more natural to English speaking people. Y'know, NORMAL people who just want to be entertained by a good (lol) cartoon show.
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| [[File:PokemonAnime-subsExample.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Example of subber's autism: Everything is in English, except for the names. Because English names is what the dub uses, and is therefore clearly shit.]] On the other hand, the shit released by subber groups is just fucking awful, and no level of "hard work" justifies the amount of autism sub fans have for it. Just poke around any thread about the CARTOON on [[vp|/vp/]], and you'll see just how terrible sub fans are, as well as how easily triggered they are. Want to see it in action? Then just try any of the following:
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| * Ask for a version of the subs which replace all the Japanese names with English names... y'know, because you speak English, not Japanese
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| * If none are provided, take a subber's release and replace everything yourself, then post the results
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| * Ask why Japanese names are used at all for an English language sub to begin with
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| * Point out that it's impossible for Japanese to be exactly translated into English, and thus their attempts for "authenticity" with subs is pointless
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| :* ''Sub-point'': constantly bring up Japanese's lack of articles (like "a" and "the") and ask why any subber uses them if authenticity is the goal
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| * Ask why the subs aren't just pulled from the dub
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| * Defend the dub in any way
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| :* For example: point out that "Satoshi" is not his real name, but that it's "Ash," as proven by "Ash's Greninja" in the ''Pokémon Sun''/''Moon'' Demo
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| :* Alternatively, point out that if they don't want to use anything that reminds them of the dub, then why are they using the same language as the dub?
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| * Defend the more liberal subs over the more literal subs, then point out how people like the liberal subs better
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| * Redistribute someone's subs on your own website, and if they complain, point out that what they're doing is illegal anyways and say "whaddya gonna do, arrest me?" | |
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| Yeah, so, for some reason, subbers think that using Japanese names in the subs is the more superior choice... because apparently the English names for characters is a decision made by the show's dubbers (as opposed to a decision made from the top of Game Freak itself) and is therefore inauthentic to the nature of the original Japanese show. And subfags will defend this as much as possible, despite the fact that no one (apart from the subbers themselves, and that's debatable) actually speaks Japanese and thus needs English subtitles to be written up for them.
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| But hey, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica are in it for the lulz, so expect a release of the "best" subs with all of the Japanese names replaced with their English ones soon.
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| ==The comic==
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| <center>[[Image:suffering.jpg|600px|]]</center>
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| <center>'''The world of Pokémon is unforgiving.'''</center>
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| As if the world didn't have enough Pokéshit, we now have fucking [[otaku|<s>manga</s>]] comics about it. The one most fantards give a shit about is Pokémon Adventures, known as Pokémon Special by weebs. This comic is the bastion wet dream of Deviantards, shippers, and [[edgy|9-year-old children who enjoy bloody violence]]. Rife with violence, plundering, blood, Pokémon getting killed, people getting killed, evil Gym Leaders, evil Elite Four, Trainers being turned into stone, time travel, drama, hate, and of course nudity. Pokémon Special (or PokéSpe for short) is a fucking dream come true, even being endorsed by the original game's creator [[fag|Satoshi Tajiri]]. The main protagonists are swapped around, which would give an air of refreshment with each new story arc - however this is a let down once you realize they are named after the games. We are left with shit like a boy named Gold and a girl named White.
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| In truth, it's just a shitty overblown Marvel-tier mess that only gets points above the cartoon because it doesn't star that cocksucker Ash Ketchum. Even then, the comic's version of Red (Ash's basis) is just as bad. It's all weak as shit compared to [[Barney|real hardcore series]].
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| ==Videos==
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| <center>{{fv|pokemonfanvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
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| |<youtube>eGvM0CC2pu0</youtube><center>'''Your average fan'''</center>
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| |<youtube>-XsSoMBVF3w</youtube><center>'''[[Dcigs|Niggers]]'''</center>
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| |<youtube>-px_FYHtYIw</youtube><center>'''[[Guido|Guidos]]'''</center>
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| |<youtube>h9o5_W6hn9k</youtube><center>'''Retards'''</center>
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| |<youtube>cmNb3xJFzkc</youtube><center>'''[[Christians]]'''</center>
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| |<youtube>r0OowSxgEcE</youtube><center>'''Momma's boys and Misty fappers'''</center>
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| |<youtube>fC9bQrXWXsw</youtube><center>'''Faggots'''</center>
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| |<youtube>JbV6sZORJak</youtube><center>'''Two dudes ranks who’s the hottest Pokemon.'''</center>
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| |<youtube>hNqtfFXq00k</youtube><center>'''Choose wisely'''</center>
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| }}</center>
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| ==Galleries==
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| {{collapsegallery|Official manga|Official manga|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Poke01.jpg|Page one
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| Image:Poke02.jpg|Page two
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| Image:Poke03.jpg|Page three
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| Image:Poke04.jpg|Page four
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| Image:Poke05.jpg|Page five
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| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Poke06.jpg|Page six
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| Image:Pikachu gets raped.jpg|[[Baby fuck|Look familiar?]]
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| Image:Brockwillstealurpenis.jpg|I think Pokémon is a cool guy, eh, steals penises and doesn't afraid of anything
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| Image:Brockwatchesjessetakeashit.jpg|Brock watches Jessie take a [[crap|shit]]
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| </gallery>}}
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| <br>
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| {{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/Images|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:How Blastoise pees.jpg
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| Image:Pidgey fainted.jpg
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| Image:Pokemon maids.jpg
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| Image:Miltank.jpg
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| Image:Super Effective, Shorts.jpg
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| </gallery>|}}
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| <br>
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| {{collapsegallery|[[Pokémon/rule34|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Jessie and Crimson Viper.PNG
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| Image:Jessie and Bayonetta.PNG
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| Image:Hilda Reiq.jpg
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| Image:Pokeboy.jpg
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| Image:Vaporeon gangbang.png
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| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:melony.jpg
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| Image:melony 1.jpg
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| Image:melony 2.jpg
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| Image:melony 3.jpg
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| Image:melony 4.jpg
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| Image:melony 5.jpg
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| Image:melony 6.jpg
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| </gallery>|}}
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| <br>
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| ==See also==
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| [[File:Pokemon reproduction.png|300px|right|thumb|What '''REALLY''' happens at the Pokémon Day Care]]
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| *[[AGNPH]]
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| *[[Asperchu]]
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| *[[Braixen]]
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| *[[Bulbagarden]]
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| *[[Charles Ziese]]
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| *[[Chris-chan]]
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| *[[Cynthia]] - Because Nintendo is obviously [[Truth|sexist]].
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| *[[FemaleGoodra]]
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| *[[Flannery]] - The Waifu Human
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| *[[Furries]] | |
| *[[Gardevoir]] - The Waifu Pokémon.
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| *[[Gary Oak]] - That is one badass motherfucker!
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| *[[Japanese Bug Fights]] - IRL Pokémon.
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| *[[Jessica Nigri]]
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| *[[JustinRPG]]
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| *[[KingEmpoleon]] - Pokéfag that [[Pwn|KO'd]] his mother in 2011.
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| *[[Lopunny]] - The furfag's Pokémon of choice.
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| *[[Lucario]] - Same as above.
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| *[[Mewchan]]
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| *[[Mudkipchan]]
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| *[[Nuzlocke]]
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| *[[Pedophilia]]
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| *[[Pogs]] - Similar [[Retard|fandom]].
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| *[[Pokédads, Poképarents or Pokésiblings]]
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| *''[[Pokémon Go|Pokémon GO]]''
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| *[[Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Series|''Pokémon Mystery Dungeon'' series]]
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| *[[Poképuns]]
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| *[[PokeShipping]]
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| *[[Rubén Puig Lecegui]] - A fine example of how '''to''' act in the fandom.
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| *[[Shipping]]
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| *[[Slash Firestorm]] - Rule 34s Gardevoir and human beings.
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| *[[Smogon University]] - The [[tourneyfag|tourneyfags]] of Pokémon.
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| *[[vp/|/vp/]]
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| *[[Weaboo]]
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| *[[What is Brock?]] - The question that has plagued mankind for centuries.
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| *[[Willg8686]] - Retarded Pokémon fan.
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| *[[Zoroark]] - More furry trash.
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| ==External links==
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| *[http://pokemon.com Official Website]
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| * {{UkrED|Покемон|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
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| *[http://pokemonlearningleague.com Faggotry is power]
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| *[http://go-pokemon.com Official TCG Website]
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| *[http://trsrockin.com/fools06.html Typical fansite]
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| *[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=33826783 '''BROCK WILL STEAL YOUR PENIS''' is a meme]
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| *[http://z9.invisionfree.com/Pokeclipse/index.php?act=idx Pokémon are real]
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| *{{Pastebin|f71e6728f|Creepy urban legend about the music at Lavender Town}}
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| *[http://thenintendodomain.forumotion.com/t1097-porkemon-fan-fiction/ Porkemon Fan Fiction] The greatest fanfic of all time. Oh, and be sure to read all the chapters and not just the first post.
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| ===[[4chan]]===
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| *[http://boards.4chan.org/vp/ /vp/] - [[moot]]'s board for Pokémon.
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| {{Nintendo}}
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| {{Anime}}
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| {{Gaming}}
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| {{Cyberpets}}
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| {{pokedex}}
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| {{furfaggotry}}
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| [[Category:Anime]]
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| [[Category:Gaming]]
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