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Condom: Difference between revisions

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wikimania recommended!
 
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[[File:In case of miracle.jpg|200px|right]]
[[File:In case of miracle.jpg|200px|right]]


An [[IRL]] firewall that covers a [[man]]'s [[penis]] during [[sex|sexual intercourse]] to defend against [[Real World]] hax such as [[AIDS]], [[GRIDS]] and [[diabeetus]]. Also commonly used to amuse children at birthday parties.  
An [[IRL]] firewall that covers a [[man]]'s [[penis]] during [[sex|sexual intercourse]] to defend against [[real world]] computer worms such as [[AIDS]], [[GRIDS]] and [[diabeetus]]. Also commonly used to amuse children at birthday parties.  


It's quite the wonderful device, that is, if you like ripping out massive amounts of pubes with pliers. After a romp in the "hay" with the <s>[[Woman|Mrs.]]</s> (ya right) [[Man|Mr.]], condoms can be used to make  balloon [[animal]]s. It is preferred that the balloon not be chewed on by "little Johnny", as this can cause little Johnny to grow up to be a flaming [[homosexual]]. Please note that homos do not use condoms, which is why they all have [[AIDS]]. It is a known [[fact]] that condoms [[fail]] 100% of the time and cause your penis to fall off into the fifth dimension where it will be eaten by dogs. Always remember to practice "safe [[sex]]" and attend a lot of [[Michael Jackson|children's parties]].
It's quite the wonderful device, that is, if you like ripping out massive amounts of pubes with pliers. After a romp in the "hay" with the <s>[[Woman|Mrs.]]</s> (ya right) [[Gay|Mr.]], condoms can be used to make  balloon [[animal]]s. It is preferred that the balloon not be chewed on by "little Johnny", as this can cause little Johnny to grow up to be a flaming [[homosexual]]. Please note that homos do not use condoms, which is why they all have [[AIDS]]. It is a known [[fact]] that condoms [[fail]] 100% of the time and cause your penis to fall off into the fifth dimension where it will be eaten by dogs. Always remember to practice "safe [[sex]]" and attend a lot of [[Michael Jackson|children's parties]] including [[wikimania]].


==Fun with Condoms!==
==Fun with Condoms!==
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[[File:Funwithcondoms.jpg|right|thumb| How to properly use a condom.]]
[[File:Funwithcondoms.jpg|right|thumb| How to properly use a condom.]]


* Leave unrolled condoms in public places. Place them on broom sticks. Hanging over chairs and benches. And for the most lulz, lay them hanging off the edge of toilet seats, toilet paper rolls, and around the flush handle.
* Leave unrolled condoms in public places. Place them on broom sticks. Hanging over chairs and benches. And for the most lulz, lay them hanging off the edge of toilet seats, toilet paper rolls, and around the flush handle but make sure to fill them with something for real fun like pistachio pudding.  Even better, set the condom up so that when someone hits the flush handle, they'll get the pudding all over their hand because empty condom, meh.  I'll just spend the next 6 hours washing my hands in bleach and scalding hot water.  Condom with something in it plus a little chocolate pudding on the outside - fuck it.  Cut my hands off.
* If you duct tape a condom to someones exhaust pipe of their car they will die from Carbon Monoxide poisoning!
* If you duct tape a condom to someones exhaust pipe of their car they will die from carbon monoxide poisoning!
* You can inflate a condom by putting it over your head and blowing through your nose, Just like those [[Fag|faggots]] on [[MTV]]
* You can inflate a condom by putting it over your head and blowing through your nose, Just like those [[Jackass|faggots]] on [[MTV]]
* [[Truth|Eating a condom is healthy]]; they prevent scurvy.
* [[Truth|Eating a condom is healthy]]; they prevent ricketts.
* It is always safe to re-use a condom. Just turn it inside out.
* It is always safe to re-use a condom. Just turn it inside out.
* People who are allergic to latex will die from being exposed to condoms. . .  Have Fun with this one!
* People who are allergic to latex will die from being exposed to condoms. . .  Have fun with this one!
* [http://www.health.arizona.edu/health_topics/sexual_health/usingtwocondoms.htm Double bag it], just to be safe!
* [http://www.health.arizona.edu/health_topics/sexual_health/usingtwocondoms.htm Double bag it], just to be safe!
* If she [[DO NOT WANT|doesn't want it]], then she probably doesn't want a condom either.
* If she [[DO NOT WANT|doesn't want it]], then she probably doesn't want a condom either.
* The lubricant on condoms is bacteria that eats your [[foreskin]].
* The lubricant on condoms is bacteria that eats your [[foreskin]].
* [[Japanese]] condoms are the [[Small|largest]] sized condoms in the world.
* [[Japanese]] condoms are the [[Small|largest]] sized condoms in the world.
* [[African]] condoms, however, are the [[Black dick hoax|smallest]].
* [[African]] condoms, however, are the [[Black dick hoax|smallest]]. As in, they don't exist.  What else could explain their fertility and AIDS rates?
* Using a condom, under law you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want, regardless of their consent or age.
* Using a condom, under law you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want, regardless of their consent or age.
* Only [[gay]] people don't use condoms.
* Only [[gay]] people don't use condoms.
* [[Joseph Fritzl]] used condoms.
* [[Joseph Fritzl]] used condoms.
* [[You]] were the result of a broken condom.
* [[You]] were the result of a broken condom.
* Put an empty condom on the exhaust pipe of a car, and lay your foot on the gas pedal while the car is parked. Now watch it flail!


==Other forms of Birth control==
==Other forms of Birth control==
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* [[Drugs]]
* [[Drugs]]
* [[gamer|Video Games]]
* [[gamer|Video Games]]
* Pulling out before ejaculation (this is by far the most effective form of birth control, people will tell you that condoms are but this is a lie spread by evil [[capitalism|Capitalist]] enterprises in order to trick you into buying their product.


==Instructions & Videos==
==Instructions & Videos==
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File:Stimulus_pack.jpg|The "stimulus" pack.
File:Stimulus_pack.jpg|The "stimulus" pack.
File:MagnumPI.jpg
File:MagnumPI.jpg
File:Reusable Condoms product pic.JPG
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


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* [[Dental dam]]
* [[Dental dam]]
* [[LaTeX]]
* [[LaTeX]]
* [[Stealthing]]


== External links ==
== External links ==
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[[Category:Penis]]
[[Category:Penis]]
{{timeline|Article of the Now July 30 & July 31, [[2023]]|[[Vaping]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Satan]]}}

Latest revision as of 09:38, 30 June 2024

An IRL firewall that covers a man's penis during sexual intercourse to defend against real world computer worms such as AIDS, GRIDS and diabeetus. Also commonly used to amuse children at birthday parties.

It's quite the wonderful device, that is, if you like ripping out massive amounts of pubes with pliers. After a romp in the "hay" with the Mrs. (ya right) Mr., condoms can be used to make balloon animals. It is preferred that the balloon not be chewed on by "little Johnny", as this can cause little Johnny to grow up to be a flaming homosexual. Please note that homos do not use condoms, which is why they all have AIDS. It is a known fact that condoms fail 100% of the time and cause your penis to fall off into the fifth dimension where it will be eaten by dogs. Always remember to practice "safe sex" and attend a lot of children's parties including wikimania.

Fun with Condoms!

How to properly use a condom.
  • Leave unrolled condoms in public places. Place them on broom sticks. Hanging over chairs and benches. And for the most lulz, lay them hanging off the edge of toilet seats, toilet paper rolls, and around the flush handle but make sure to fill them with something for real fun like pistachio pudding. Even better, set the condom up so that when someone hits the flush handle, they'll get the pudding all over their hand because empty condom, meh. I'll just spend the next 6 hours washing my hands in bleach and scalding hot water. Condom with something in it plus a little chocolate pudding on the outside - fuck it. Cut my hands off.
  • If you duct tape a condom to someones exhaust pipe of their car they will die from carbon monoxide poisoning!
  • You can inflate a condom by putting it over your head and blowing through your nose, Just like those faggots on MTV
  • Eating a condom is healthy; they prevent ricketts.
  • It is always safe to re-use a condom. Just turn it inside out.
  • People who are allergic to latex will die from being exposed to condoms. . . Have fun with this one!
  • Double bag it, just to be safe!
  • If she doesn't want it, then she probably doesn't want a condom either.
  • The lubricant on condoms is bacteria that eats your foreskin.
  • Japanese condoms are the largest sized condoms in the world.
  • African condoms, however, are the smallest. As in, they don't exist. What else could explain their fertility and AIDS rates?
  • Using a condom, under law you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want, regardless of their consent or age.
  • Only gay people don't use condoms.
  • Joseph Fritzl used condoms.
  • You were the result of a broken condom.
  • Put an empty condom on the exhaust pipe of a car, and lay your foot on the gas pedal while the car is parked. Now watch it flail!

Other forms of Birth control

Instructions & Videos

Heed the warning, wear the Jimmy hat.

And for women.....

This condom (see Rapex section in Rape) is a horrible contraption designed to cause pain. What most femi-nazis forget though is a little thing called anal.

Example

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External links


Condom is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Article of the Now July 30 & July 31, 2023
Preceded by
Vaping 		Condom Succeeded by
Satan
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