Stinkrat

REAL MEN HATE WEASELS

"Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories." - Sun Tzu

Stinkrats, also called "weasels", or "ferrets", are the gayest possible pets that anyone could own. They combine the lameness of a cat and the outright flaming faggyness of a one of those yappy toy dogs that Hollywood whores keep in their purses, AND it reeks of shit and axle grease to boot. Given how crappy a ferret is, it takes a special kind of eccentrist to even consider owning one of these worthless little pieces of shit. According to Wikipedia, Caesar Augustus sent ferrets or mongooses (named "viverrae" by Plinius) to the Balearic Islands to control the rabbit plagues in 6 BC.

Why Stinkrats Suck

They fucking smell like ass and embalming fluid, hence their common name. Many stinkrat owners remark how cuddly these overgrown rodents are, but Jesus Christ almighty, who the fuck wants to get anywhere near one?

It's closest relative is the common sewer rat, and they seem to know that they are inherently fail, as they like to keel over if you sneeze on them or look at them cross-eyed. Howevar, others think their inferior genetic makeup is not completely to blame. Some zoologist speculate that ferrets simply don't live long because they would rather just die than be the pet of such an abysmal human being.

Whatever the reason, ferrets typically have a short lifespan, have chronically poor health, and require all kinds of fake medicines, and special ferret food just to keep them alive (which is basically the dog and cat food that fell on the floor at the factory, only it costs as much as a tank of gas Every. Fucking. Week.

Holy Shit, Ferret Owners are Completely Batshit Insane

Stinkrat owners, as you would expect, are completely certifiable mental case fucktards. Think about how stupid you would have to be to want one of these, and combine that with someone who has an intense craving for the p3nor, typically makes poor choices in life, and has the tendency to not SHUT THE FUCK UP long after you've flamed them into oblivion. Got all of that? It's much. much, worse:

Some Ferrets jumping around into a bowl full of peanuts. Funny!

Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence

Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence

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	“	It seems like as my children got older and moved out, I sort of replaced them with ferrets.	„
	—And she wonders why her children don't call her.

Trolling Ferret Owners

>Fuck you my ferret is better than you.

Trolling these stupid faggots is really easy, as they are, again, clearly diminished in mental capacity. They will go on endlessly about how great these little shits are, mostly as a facade, to hide the fact that they are secretly ashamed of their failure of a pet. Knowing that is half the battle. Some common ways of trolling these idiots are:

• Saying pretty much anything remotely negative.
• Spamming cats in their faggy Ferret Friday threads on /an/ (IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!)
  
• Tell them that a cat or a dog, or even a fucking goldfish, is >9,000 times better than a shitty ferret, any day of the week.
• Also, posting pictures of dead stinkrats. For some reason these are really easy to come by.

Gallery of Shame

Stinkrats About missing Pics

• 
  There is no God.
• 
  /facepalm
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  Some stinkrat owners are into BDSM.
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  PLEASE MAKE IT STOP
• 
  Oh, hello!

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  That's right, Paris Hilton owns a stinkrat. I think that pretty much says it all. BTW, the life expectancy for this one has just diminished significantly.
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  Oh, like you didn't see this coming.
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  A pathetic cover up by an ashamed stinkrat owner.
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  Another subtle argument against the ferret.
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  ED's eventual fate thanks to this horrid article about wuvly ferrets
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  "Ferret Babe"
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  The stinkrat's closest living relative
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  Furret > ferret.
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  Ferret People
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• 
  It's more likely
  than you think...
• 
  Spiders make much better pets than stinkrats.

Pets That Are Way Better than Stinkrats

• Cats
• Dogs
• Hamsters
• Mudkipz
• Penguins
• Pretty much any other animal you can think of

External Links

• Rudy Giuliani hates ferrets.
• Ahnold drowns stinkrats in bathrooms