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Internet Kill Switch: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|We cannot afford to wait for a [[ | {{quote|We cannot afford to wait for a [[LOL WUT|cyber 9/11]] before our government realizes the [[SFB|importance]] of protecting our [[Porn|cyber resources]].|[[JEWS DID WTC|Lieberman]]}} | ||
In June [[2010]], grumpy old [[buzzkill]]ing troll [[Joe Lieberman]] introduced a bill to the [[US]] Congress that will install a big, red [[Your_mom|easy]] button in the Oval Office of the White House, so that [[butthurt|Presidents]] can turn off the [[Internets]] with the [[fap|flick]] of the wrist in the event of a [[9/11|national emergency]]. Never mind that the Prez already has the power according to [[old meme|Telecommunications Act of 1996]] that says the President has broad powers to simply shut off any and all regulated telecommunications if he/she/[[Black Jesus|Chosen One]] deems it necessary for national security. He can't shut off [[ED|a website]], but he can shut off any and all wireless or wired [[Internet]] access. | In June [[2010]], grumpy old [[buzzkill]]ing troll [[Joe Lieberman]] introduced a bill to the [[US]] Congress that will install a big, red [[Your_mom|easy]] button in the Oval Office of the White House, so that [[butthurt|Presidents]] can turn off the [[Internets]] with the [[fap|flick]] of the wrist in the event of a [[9/11|national emergency]]. Never mind that the Prez already has the power according to [[old meme|Telecommunications Act of 1996]] that says the President has broad powers to simply shut off any and all regulated telecommunications if he/she/[[Black Jesus|Chosen One]] deems it necessary for national security. He can't shut off [[ED|a website]], but he can shut off any and all wireless or wired [[Internet]] access. | ||
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He got the idea when he was catching up on old [[South Park]] episodes and saw [http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/1206/ Over Logging] from [[2008|season 12]]. | He got the idea when he was catching up on old [[South Park]] episodes and saw [http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/1206/ Over Logging] from [[2008|season 12]]. | ||
What he failed to realize is that [[Fucktard|Dan Kaminksy]] thinks he already has this kill switch, which he plays with | What he failed to realize is that [[Fucktard|Dan Kaminksy]] thinks he already has this kill switch, which he plays with in between drinking [[Mexico|tequila]] and masturbating to XSS. In one of the most fucked up jokes on the Internet, Dan Kaminsky was given a part of the key. Somehow, people forgot that Dan had his shitty shell box owned up due to [[WordPress]] bugs (blogging, lol). | ||
If there ever is a kill switch, it will more than likely be abused...assuming that whoever is in charge knows how to use a [[computer]]. Like anyone [[Ted Stevens|over 60]], they will need the help of their children to use it. | If there ever is a kill switch, it will more than likely be abused...assuming that whoever is in charge knows how to use a [[computer]]. Like anyone [[Ted Stevens|over 60]], they will need the help of their children to use it. | ||
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Ostensibly, the proposed kill switch is to prevent a major [[DDoS|cyber attack]] from [[blaming China|Chinese hax0rs]] in an attempt to clog up the tubes with cheap, toxic Chinese [[pr0n]]s and bring down the Internets [[9/11|Twin Towers]], but the real purpose of the kill switch is to stifle dissent [[lie|for the children]] and to protect the [[China|cultural heritage]] of [[1337|American Exceptionalism]] that we [[bullshit|so rightfully deserve]]. Also, since Lieberman is a [[newfag|technophobe]] who hates progress, it's part of his evil plan to take us back to a time of [[old meme|traditional values]] like black & white TV, rotary dial phones, and [[vinyl|record stores]]. | Ostensibly, the proposed kill switch is to prevent a major [[DDoS|cyber attack]] from [[blaming China|Chinese hax0rs]] in an attempt to clog up the tubes with cheap, toxic Chinese [[pr0n]]s and bring down the Internets [[9/11|Twin Towers]], but the real purpose of the kill switch is to stifle dissent [[lie|for the children]] and to protect the [[China|cultural heritage]] of [[1337|American Exceptionalism]] that we [[bullshit|so rightfully deserve]]. Also, since Lieberman is a [[newfag|technophobe]] who hates progress, it's part of his evil plan to take us back to a time of [[old meme|traditional values]] like black & white TV, rotary dial phones, and [[vinyl|record stores]]. | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
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*[[Taking down ED]] | *[[Taking down ED]] | ||
*[[The Great Egyptian Riot of 2011]] | *[[The Great Egyptian Riot of 2011]] | ||
*[[Cisco]] who actually do have an internet kill switch and always have | |||
==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
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{{serious}} | {{serious}} | ||
[[Category:Memes]][[Category:2010]][[Category:Drama-generating techniques]] | {{softwarez}} | ||
[[Category:Memes]][[Category:2010]][[Category:Drama-generating techniques]][[Category:IRL Shit]][[Category:Internets Phenomena]][[Category:Softwarez]] | |||
Latest revision as of 03:56, 13 March 2019
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[Gas the...]
- Apology
- Ban fucking everyone
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- Complete rewrite
- Delete fucking everything
- Deleting your LiveJournal
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- Done with ED
- Flounce
- Holocaust
- Internet Kill Switch
- It was a social experiment
- KILL IT WITH FIRE
- Mass Murder
- Never drinking again
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- Quitting IRC forever
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- Suicide (see also An Hero)
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- X FUCKING Y
In June 2010, grumpy old buzzkilling troll Joe Lieberman introduced a bill to the US Congress that will install a big, red easy button in the Oval Office of the White House, so that Presidents can turn off the Internets with the flick of the wrist in the event of a national emergency. Never mind that the Prez already has the power according to Telecommunications Act of 1996 that says the President has broad powers to simply shut off any and all regulated telecommunications if he/she/Chosen One deems it necessary for national security. He can't shut off a website, but he can shut off any and all wireless or wired Internet access.
He got the idea when he was catching up on old South Park episodes and saw Over Logging from season 12.
What he failed to realize is that Dan Kaminksy thinks he already has this kill switch, which he plays with in between drinking tequila and masturbating to XSS. In one of the most fucked up jokes on the Internet, Dan Kaminsky was given a part of the key. Somehow, people forgot that Dan had his shitty shell box owned up due to WordPress bugs (blogging, lol).
If there ever is a kill switch, it will more than likely be abused...assuming that whoever is in charge knows how to use a computer. Like anyone over 60, they will need the help of their children to use it.
Ostensibly, the proposed kill switch is to prevent a major cyber attack from Chinese hax0rs in an attempt to clog up the tubes with cheap, toxic Chinese pr0ns and bring down the Internets Twin Towers, but the real purpose of the kill switch is to stifle dissent for the children and to protect the cultural heritage of American Exceptionalism that we so rightfully deserve. Also, since Lieberman is a technophobe who hates progress, it's part of his evil plan to take us back to a time of traditional values like black & white TV, rotary dial phones, and record stores.
See Also
- Android, now with Google's version of the kill switch.
- Ted Stevens
- Push Button
- deviantART
- Taking down ED
- The Great Egyptian Riot of 2011
- Cisco who actually do have an internet kill switch and always have
External Links
- This is also the end of the internet.
- Lieberman proposes Internet Kill Switch
- Internet 'Kill Switch' Would Give President Power To Shut Down The Web
- Joe Lieberman And The Myth of The Internet Kill Switch
| Internet Kill Switch is part of a series on serious business |
Serious Concepts
Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Vandalism • World Wide Web Consortium People & Organizations
2cash • Alan Turing • Casey Serin • David Hockey • Dear Cis People • Doxbin • Fast Eddie • Grace Saunders • Hallcats Squadron • Jessi Slaughter • Mary Bell • Meek Mill • Kittens • Maja Schmidt • Missy • Niggest Crook Force • Psychopath • Vloggerheads • WEB SHERIFF |
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Internet Kill Switch is part of a series on Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage. |