Heartless Bitches International

A website created to troll Nice Guys(tm), and women who are still in denial about what they really want. In response to the negative image they've been branded with because of vengeful, frustrated men, and traditional, conservative women, enlightened women all across the nation have joined together to speak out. Most of the site's content is articles about growing balls, stupid cows, and "himbos."

The name "Heartless Bitches" belies nothing. In fact, it is an understatement to say it is an understatement. They take men who've been trampled and heartbroken by more civil species of bitchkind, laugh at them, and then rub handful after handful of coarse rock salt marinated in battery acid into their weeping castration wounds.

	“	If you are looking for positive "encouragement" and stroking, go back to your group therapy sessions, 'cause you ain't gonna find it here.	„

They also use clever acronyms, like The Love Guru:

• B.I.T.C.H. = "Being In Total Control, Honey!"
• B.A.S.T.A.R.D. = "Be A Strong Thinker And Radical Doer"

These of course reveal the underlying nature of women and their never-ending subconscious quest to become men. The simple fact is they are not in control and they cannot think about or do anything, so naturally their slogans are an attempt to change who they are instead of praising what they already are. Could a woman's self-esteem get any lower? Let's find out.

“   Nice guys like you are the plague. Who wants to spend time with someone with hypocritical values, a whiny and self-centered outlook, and feels that his "nice" behavior is like a barter system. Nice guys like you are hardly in short supply. You tend to shit on your friends, then cry about being alone. Nice guys don't finish last, whiny, I'm-so-sorry-for-myself-I'd-kill-myself-but-I'd-rather-mope guys finish last, and so they should. Grow a spine, stop expecting something for practically nothing, and get over the envy.   „     —HBI philosophy in a nutshell     “   Warning: Frequent visits to HBI has been reported to make our male readers 15%-75% sexier...Forget viagra boys, just get a spine and that's all the erectile help you'll need.   „     —AUNTIE DOTE on the benefits of HBI     “   Show me a frigid woman and, nine times out of ten, I'll show you a little man.   „     —Julie Burchill highlights the true reason behind womens' sluggish libido.     “   I may be many things, but I am no man's consolation prize.   „     —The Morrigan explaining why most women don't like to fuck losers. Previous Quote | Next Quote

Membership

Joining HBI is harder than becoming a member of the Hell's Angels. HBI is the female version of Spartans on the internet; only the most hardcore bitches are allowed to even be on the roster, let alone participate on the forums. Applicants are required to submit a form, which is then sniffed out by the SAMOTURE (see FAQ for details) - the circle of alpha bitches that run the site - and fine-tooth combed for signs of weakness. If any are found, the application is tossed into the pit of death, where it may grow into a hideous hunchback that keeps trying to join the cause.

	“	Sometimes you have to learn how to open your mouth for more than just giving head.	„
	—Typical response to membership application

Sometimes, men are allowed to join. Most of these men are "reformed nice guys", who in a last-ditch effort to get attention from women, have joined sides with the women who used to persecute them. In exchange for being allowed to associate with the Bitches, they are forced to publicly ridicule themselves and their kind, by declaring that Nice Guys(tm) deserve to be mistreated for being sackless chumps. They also preach to their struggling brethren about "growing stones", despite the fact that they still never get any action...or when they do, their loserhood is quickly discovered and spread around town so fast they have to move to a different location. Some examples of "reformed nice guys" on HBI include:

Lewis King, Nice Guy

Real Nice Guys Don't Finish Last - 10 guidelines to being a winning loser. This hypocrite tells other nice guys how to grow some balls, while believing that communication is what gets women wet.

	“	My workday cannot pass unless I receive an e-mail from some moron (who hereafter will be referred to as "e-moron") who, unable to confess to himself that his dating life is a mere shadow of what it should be, instead chooses to abate his frustration by "blasting" the guy who was nice enough to point out many (but not all) of his shortcomings in the hopes that this e-moron would actually try to fix them.	„
	—The blind leading the blind

John Russell

According to John Russell, Violating yourself with a stick will attract women!

How To Troll

Trolling is so easy, there's almost no point to it. In fact, the girls at HBI not only expect trolling, they encourage and invite it; the website even has a built-in form designed specifically for flames. You'd almost think it's too easy...Not suprisingly, most of the comments delivered via the Flame Form only serve to make the poster look like a moron. Still, if you figure you can out-troll these harpies, then

1. Fill out a Flame Form
   ...for guys
   ...for girls
2. ?????
3. ...
4. ...
5. ?!
6. ...
7. Wait For it...
8. ...
9. ...
10. ...
11. ...
12. PROFIT!!!!

Alternatively, track down one of those heartless bitches and shoot her in the fucking face. That'll show 'em!

If you're especially lucky, you'll get editor's comments on your post when it goes up. See below for examples.

Rave Reviews by Critics

File:Hbit2.JPG

	“	But what I thought was the most insightful section of the site was the disclaimer in which you urge whiners to look up various word like, "satire..." and so on. Isn't it pathetic that people need directions on how to go fuck themselves?	„
	—Scott

	“	I don't think that Mr. Troglodyte Biff likes your site too much. He took this computer and smashed it with his stone axe.	„
	—Paul Barajas

	“	i look better than you in a dress	„
	—Danny

	“	here is a solution: get yourself a twelve inch dido and while you penetrate yourself, think about the illegitimacy of your claims.	„
	—Some retard

	“	I have a real real question. I am in Cleveland Ohio. Would any of you woman wish to castrate a 48 year old male. If there is anyone of you that would... I am ready and I challenge you to take my balls. My email is [email protected]. This is serious business and it is not a joke. I wonder how many of you really would take my balls. signed Jeffrey	„
	—Jeff Miller

Previous Quote | Next Quote

From: "Kyle
Subject: fuck you all.
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 20:26:35

Melinda H. has graced us with her response to "Kyle"... (Her comments are in ( ))
Hi.
My name is kyle. and to all the independent women out there, i just want you to know.....I HAVE A VERY BIG DICK.
("I AM A VERY BIG DICK.")
i just came across this webpage by accident running around on aol. and then i started to read something by Melinda H. who was ranting about shovanist pigs, and males big ego's and some other bullshit, and it upset me so much....
(...I forgot how to spell.)
i didnt even finish reading it.
(That was my second guess.)
something about "its all about equality baby". Well here's my take on this, that essay did not only put a chip on my shoulder, it swong a fuckin sledge hammer at me, and im sure all other men that read it.
(Oh, if only it COULD.)
So let me speak for all the college going
(a juvenile detention facility doesn't count as "college")
fellas, and whoever else shares my opinion.
("The rest of them already took their evening medication.")
To melinda the dumb cunt
(It's an honor to be disliked by you.)
and to all the other chicken-shit, half-wit females of the world that have come to the conclusion that ranting about males penis sizes on some internet webpage is a good idea, let me tell it to you like this.
(I can hardly wait)
I know that in the United States we have that wonderful thing called freedom of speech. so your just as much privilieged to say anything you want about anyone you want, as anyone else is.
(Yup. And we can laugh while we say it, too.)
So now let me exercise my freedom of speech you stealing, cheating wench,
(wench??? Ouch! That's really hitting below the belt!)
This entire webpage and everyone who participates in the name of "heartless bitches" can rot in hell. you bitches have no morals, and somehow feel redeemed and clear-minded after you've insulted the opposite sex in the most demoralizing way possible.
(in startling contrast to your impeccable courtesy)
I dont know what kind of foggy twisted realm you, and other women like you are living in.
("...and it doesn't allow idiots! That's so unfair!")
But i was raised to respect the opposite sex as if it were your second half.
(You treat women like half-idiots. That explains a lot)
So its women like you that drive men like us fuckin crazy, and then yeah....we will wear out pride on our shoulder and yeah bitch, we will spit down on you if you feel the urge to attempt to cripple our mad-hood with false accusations
(oh, no, I believe in your genuine MADHOOD)
and direct insults intentionally aiming to turn men into symbols of greed, envy and disgust. You have attempted to steal our pride and throw it to the ditch, and you have tried to cheat your way to equality with tricky word combinations ripping down the opposite sex in your destructive path.
("Damn those tricky word combinations! Why couldn't they stick to 'Scrabble'?")
You have already achieved equality, what more do you want? a fuckin medal? please!
(I'd settle for equal pay for equal work.)
I would normally feel very uncomfortable writing something like this, but after reading your half-wit slur of words directed to make us (the men of the world) out to look like zealots,
(Zealot idiots? Now there's a scary thought.)
let me leave you on this little bit of advice.....Don't ever get caught alone in a dark alley in my neighborhood bitch, cause you wont be walking out of it. And trust me bitch, im not the only one who feels like this. So just be careful where you open your loose pussy of a mouth.
(The Big Dick Philosophy about HBI: If you can't join 'em, beat 'em.)
AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY....... PEACE, to all the fellas reading this. We're good people too.
(The men of the world are so lucky to have you to speak on their behalf.)

Links

• Wimpypedia version
• The lioness' den itself

Heartless Bitches International is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.