Spike Can Dance

Spike Kinsey, a.k.a Spike Can Dance, is a Youtube dancing superstar from Minnesota. Known for his athletic physique and fresh dance moves, he teaches dancing moves through his Spike Can Dance Youtube channel. His dance routines focus on improving anything, from enhancing physical fitness to strengthening diplomatic relations between countries. Spike is also known for his Vlogging, where viewers can learn how not gay he is, and more closely understand his deep love for dancing with small dogs - also occasionally expressed through the form of dance.

In a move that will be mourned by future generations, the majority of Spike's dance videos are gone forever, as due to copyright issues, Spike was forced to delete fucking everything.

He is currently travelling the world, seeking to inspiration for his next round of dancing videos.

Shitty Dance Moves, Yelling at Dog, etc.

Here we have a basic intro to the faggotry that is Spike. He talks about his exclusive crew, does some borderline-retarded somersaults, humps the floor weakly, and yells at his dog. He makes sure to show off his uber-sweet "thport shorts". WARNING: this video will be the last one he ever makes wearing a shirt.

Spike Trolls America's Proud Indigenous Red People

In this video, our hero teaches us a traditional Native American song and dance. While he isn't sure of the original words he does explain that "they probably spoke Native American so English, and he sports an Indian costume, which is obviously based on his many hours of research. You can also see a noticeable tan line from his purity ring. This single video makes Spike the greatest troll of Indians not to appear on the twenty-dollar bill.

Troll's Remorse

Following unprecedented levels of Injun butthurt, Spike decided to post a response video in which he offers a peace pipe in the form of yet another shitty video of him doing yet another gay little dance. We also find out that Spike's dad is so embarrassed of what came out of his ballsack that he won't let him live in the house if he keeps making these videos. We at ED couldn't agree more.

Protein Shake

Being a health-conscious character, Spike always makes sure to consume a nutritious high-protein breakfast, and he even gets a solid workout while preparing it. The health shake consists of whipping cream, peanut butter, vanilla ice cream, and gummy vitamin pills. This combination is extremely low in actual nutritional value while being high in sugar, fat, and calories. The workout consists entirely of gyrating his arms for a grand total of 23 seconds, not nearly enough time to even get his heart rate up, let alone burn any of the actual calories in his heart-attack shake.

We also see this socially-malformed pail of fail sharing his delicious concoction with his poor dog Sheryll, even yelling and screaming at her for not wanting it. Seeing as Sheryll later died of food poisoning it is safe to say that the health shake is what possibly probably almost definitely killed her.

R.I.P. Sheryll

All good things must come to an end, and eventually Sharyll the terrier had one too many healthy shakes and went off to the big dance studio in the sky. She was given the proper burial and honors we all wish to receive in death, to be burned to a crisp (because the ground was too hard to dig a grave) and commemorated in a music video featuring a shitty white-rap song.

Later we see that the local Animal Welfare division apparently doesn't know their ass from their elbow, because Spike has been permitted to once again buy a dog.

Butthurt

Eventually even Spike showed capable of realizing he was being laughed at for so so many reasons, and he posted this tearful reply. He re-asserts that, in his mid/late 20s, he has his own apartment (that his dad pays for) and makes his own decisions, and that he wears his purity ring because he hasn't met the right person yet, not because no one, male or female, with a functioning brain, would ever want to touch that body of his or the creepy psyche within (even though the sheer tightness of his thport shorts reveal him to have a respectable-sized package, likely larger than half the people reading this article, cry about that bitches). Finally, he announces that all us mean people who are being rude to him are no longer allowed to watch his videos (YouTube does not work that way). He closes it out by showing us a charming dance we can do that will make us all nicer to him.

In Popular Culture

In this interview we gain valuable insights into our role model Spike. We learn that in his mid 20s, he is working the night shift at Target, and that he is infatuated with Paula Abdul, as well as "Michael Jackson ... before he was dead." We also learn that the people of Portland, Oregon are being unusually supportive and telling him he can achieve his dreams. Shine on, lulzy diamond, shine on.

Misc.

"Dancing is fun for everyoooooooooone," sung with that serial-killer look in his eyes.

Mmmmmmm, my mommy's pantyhose smell good.

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