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Braid: Difference between revisions
imported>H0xnbl0w Rewrote this crappy stub |
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{{Spoiler|You're a rapist douchebag! The princess is an atomic bomb! You're educated stupid!}} | {{Spoiler|You're a rapist douchebag! The princess is an atomic bomb! You're educated stupid!}} | ||
[[File:BraidTitle.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Shit|brown-colored]] theme is not accidental.]] | [[File:BraidTitle.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Shit|brown-colored]] theme is not accidental.]] | ||
''Braid'' is | '''''Braid''''' is an overrated [[Forever alone|indie]] title which [[nerds]] the length and breadth of the internets instantly get a hard-on over due to its supposedly [[tl;dr|deep]] storyline, [[Shit no one cares about|underlying themes]] of atomic-bomb creation and [[Jewish]] [[troll's remorse]]. You can get it on [[Steam]] or for your [[Xbox 360]] if you're a [[nigger]] who can't computor. Its popularity seems to stem mostly from a desperate hunger for [[OC]], with shit like this [[Daikatana|overhyped]] to hell and back because of [[zomg]] ''storyline!''. It was also released for [[Linux]] and [[basement dweller]]s creamed themselves as a game released natively for the OS, that doesn't look like a shitty Commodore port, comes along around [[Never|once every 10 years]]. | ||
==[[Bullshit|Storyline]]== | ==[[Bullshit|Storyline]]== | ||
There is no actual storyline as you appear to be [[Weegee|trying to score with the princess]] by killing hedgehogs and [[Za Warudo|screwing with the space-time continuum]]. | There is no actual storyline as you appear to be [[Weegee|trying to score with the princess]] by killing hedgehogs and [[Za Warudo|screwing with the space-time continuum]]. | ||
Every level looks exactly the same with a [[ | Every level looks ''exactly'' the same; with a tedious [[fairy]]tale told in the form of [[Lazy|scrolling text]] at the beginning of each "world". For some reason you're supposed to gather puzzles and arrange them to create a reproduction of [[Goatse]] which unlocks [[SHOOP DA WHOOP|lazors and other superpowers]]. Really. Go ahead. [[Do it fgt]]. | ||
<center><youtube>UeTQ8UkmmPU</youtube></center> | <center><youtube>UeTQ8UkmmPU</youtube></center> | ||
[[Offended?|Hey, come see this!]] | |||
==[[Boring|Gameplay]]== | ==[[Boring|Gameplay]]== | ||
You jump on [[Mario|oompa-loompas]] and try not to [[RAGE]] too hard at the shitty mechanics that let you experience the [[Timecube|joys of mastering time and space]] without being [[Portal|any fun]]. | You jump on [[Mario|oompa-loompas]] and try not to [[RAGE]] too hard at the shitty mechanics that let you experience the [[Timecube|joys of mastering time and space]] without being [[Portal|any fun]]. | ||
Nobody has completed the game [[Gamefaqs|without a walkthrough]]; anyone who claims to have done so is either lying or a [[virgin]]. | |||
<center><youtube>c5kHzw-lgOI</youtube></center> | <center><youtube>c5kHzw-lgOI</youtube></center> | ||
==Easter Egg== | ==Easter Egg== | ||
The [[Japan|atomic bomb]] theme doesn't actually pop up during a [[Noob|regular game]], one has to actually spend [[LOL|two hours in one level]] to unlock the [[Mindfuck|alternate ending]] [[Battletoads|as well as complete a variety of insanely difficult jump-timing combos.]] Also, if you've already completed | The [[Japan|atomic bomb]] theme doesn't actually pop up during a [[Noob|regular game]], one has to actually spend [[LOL|two hours in one level]] to unlock the [[Mindfuck|alternate ending]] [[Battletoads|as well as complete a variety of insanely difficult jump-timing combos.]] Also, if you've already completed World 1, [[LOL WUT|you're not able to achieve the alternate ending without replaying the entire game from scratch.]] | ||
[[File:BraidRule34.jpg|thumb|right|[[Lolwut|This is what comes up as the most relevant result for rule 34 on Braid.]]]] | [[File:BraidRule34.jpg|thumb|right|[[Lolwut|This is what comes up as the most relevant result for rule 34 on Braid.]]]] | ||
<center><youtube>Wql0jEYmfDc</youtube></center> | <center><youtube>Wql0jEYmfDc</youtube></center> | ||
Latest revision as of 17:41, 21 January 2013
Braid is an overrated indie title which nerds the length and breadth of the internets instantly get a hard-on over due to its supposedly deep storyline, underlying themes of atomic-bomb creation and Jewish troll's remorse. You can get it on Steam or for your Xbox 360 if you're a nigger who can't computor. Its popularity seems to stem mostly from a desperate hunger for OC, with shit like this overhyped to hell and back because of zomg storyline!. It was also released for Linux and basement dwellers creamed themselves as a game released natively for the OS, that doesn't look like a shitty Commodore port, comes along around once every 10 years.
Storyline
There is no actual storyline as you appear to be trying to score with the princess by killing hedgehogs and screwing with the space-time continuum. Every level looks exactly the same; with a tedious fairytale told in the form of scrolling text at the beginning of each "world". For some reason you're supposed to gather puzzles and arrange them to create a reproduction of Goatse which unlocks lazors and other superpowers. Really. Go ahead. Do it fgt.
Gameplay
You jump on oompa-loompas and try not to RAGE too hard at the shitty mechanics that let you experience the joys of mastering time and space without being any fun. Nobody has completed the game without a walkthrough; anyone who claims to have done so is either lying or a virgin.
Easter Egg
The atomic bomb theme doesn't actually pop up during a regular game, one has to actually spend two hours in one level to unlock the alternate ending as well as complete a variety of insanely difficult jump-timing combos. Also, if you've already completed World 1, you're not able to achieve the alternate ending without replaying the entire game from scratch.
See also
External links
- Homepage where you can give The Man jewgolds if you're too stupid to get it elsewhere
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Braid is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |