Star Wars Galaxies

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Star Wars Galaxies, also known as SWG, lolswg, and was the worst fucking MMO ever made, is what was crapped out when the Nazis at LucasArts teamed up with the toothless inbred retards at SOE. What was originally not a half bad game known for its complexity and sandbox features was ultimately raped to hell by a series of massive updates by SOE, the largest of which was the NGE (new game enhancement) which caused massive butthurt, e-tears, and rage quitting by all the jedi fanbois. The game has been slowly improving of late; however, updates take forever because SOE stole all SWG's devs and sent them to DC Universe, and also only 17 people still play (played) this game and they all play on Starsider which is so outdated hardware-wise that specials take 3 seconds to fire, regardless of where you are. Srsly. The game was closed down December 15th because George Lucas wants everyone playing one game, having money come in off more than one thing at a time confuses him thus one game and one movie every 10 years. The few SWG fanboys left can now be found playing SWGEmu and crying about how Lucasarts closed the only game which could satisfy their craving for Cybersex.

Game Features and General Overview

File:Jedi1.jpg

FUCK YEAH LIGHTNING

• Play as one of 9 iconic Star Wars professions including jedi, jedi, jedi, jedi, jedi and entertainer! (This is down from the original 32 professions pre-NGE, when this game had a little variety and you could also play as swordsman (see jedi) and bounty hunter)
• Immerse yourself in the Star Wars Universe set in between episodes 4 and 5! (A time period where jedi are not supposed to exist, which explains why there are JEDI FUCKING EVERYWHERE)
• Travel across large, open worlds from the Star Wars Universe (i.e., get ready to spend all your time driving in your ugly-ass speeder from point A to be point B 12k meters away)
• Pledge allegiance to either the Arab or the Galactic Empire and fight in the Galactic Civil War! (Negative, raped to death by lag and carebears who would rather tend to their e-gardens than shoot stormtroopers in a Star Wars MMO)
• Engage in the extensive crafting system!
• Fly around and explore space! (Just as empty and content-less as you'd expect.)
• Play as a Jedi!
• Play as a Jedi!
• Seriously, why are you reading this and not playing a motherfucking Jedi already?

In addition, SWG is notorious for fucking ridiculously stupid updates, and SOE's inability to remove any stupid shit from the game, and instead add more stupid shit to balance the system, resulting in faggotry. The most bumfuck retarded updates in recent time have been: Jedi can now wear armor = the class is now even more OP and has no disadvantages. Heroic sets are now TRADEABLE , which means the game now takes no effort at all to get good at; all you have to do is pay some Chinese and get money, or spend your cash on shitty TCG packs and sell them to RP fags in-game for credits, and buy EVERYTHING NEEDED TO BE GOOD. This game sucks cock and has approximately 7 players across 7 dead servers, and over 9000 faggots on Starsider. Sadly, Sony Online Entertainment and Lucas Arts both agreed to cancel SWG, making its last day on December 15th, 2011. (R.I.P, SWG)

Role Player

As if it was not enough that they have an entire virtual galaxy and lightsabers, these people have to remove themselves one step further from reality. Role-players are just Star Wars-themed otherkin people who pretend to be acting out one giant repetitive play. The only thing Sony did right is making role players use a tag on top of their heads that says "role player". Role players are often found in groups in major SWG cities. They will always greet you with some gay emote command and whatever chance they get they will try to drag your ass into it. That is normally done by asking you to meet them in a remote location at which point you can hear them ramble on and on about the Jedi, the rebellion, and a whole mess of shit you never wanted to hear in the first place. Every role player says he's different, but in SWG there are only two types of "role playing".

Dark Side

The dark side role play is simple. SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH, then the student betrays the "master" then it is back to SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH,SITH, and more Sith.

Light side

Equally as simple as the dark side, but it only has a few points. The entire role play experience consists of the Master or Masters telling the "student" that he is not ready yet. This goes on for months (or years) until the "student" kills himself IRL or the masters find a new student.

Classes

Unbeknownst to 99% of the faggots that play this game, there actually exist 8 other classes other than the glowbat wielding hippie douchebags known as Jedi. Not that anyone cares because "I just want to smack stuff with a lightsaber lol!!11!11leleven"

A bounty hunter delivers justice to a jedi target

Jedi

Played by the majority of the playerbase, the Jedi class is broken down into light and black person. LS Jedi were meant to be the best tanking class in the game, but thanks to SOE's policy of fucking up everything they implement. LS jedi are pretty much useless and are generally ignored for PvE and PvP. DS Jedi, on the other hand, are the epitome of overpowered, and these lightning spamming faggots can pretty much mop the floor with any other class in the game simply by rolling their faces across the keyboard twice. Probably the best dark side jedi in all of star wars galaxies is thrillar-kun from starsider. He is over-powered up the ass. Ironically enough, since LS and DS jedi share the same expertise page DS jedi have access to a lot of tanking abilities as well, which works out pretty well since they are supposed to be a glass-cannon class. It should be noted that anyone who plays a jedi, especially a dark Jedi, should promptly /unsub SWG and an hero.

Bounty Hunter

Protip: For maximum lulz be a bounty hunter.

Played by people who wish they were badasses IRL instead of the basement dwellers they are, bounty hunters have access to SWG's player bounty system, which basically consists of grouping up with 3 other bounty hunters and murking ganking AFK marks in the cloner. Like a fucking badass. Also, thanks to the new updates, bounty hunters can take it as much as they dish it out. Enjoy the delicious e-tears of lol dark jedi as you crit them with sniper shot for 14k, then spam razor-wire traps and assault specials.

Commando

Featuring the highest sustained DPS of any profession and some of the best tanking abilities available, Commando is the perfect example of why SOE shouldn't be allowed to balance anything. Grab a heavy weapon of your choice (I recommend any heat elemental weapon), spam your DOT attack, coupled with your heavy weapon beam attack, and watch your opponent /ragequit.

Hopefully they both die

Officer

The group support class, officers provide their group with buffs and action. Along with the medic, they are the most useful class, and also the only classes that actually take the slightest semblance of skill to play. It's even more of a joy when you roll your officer with the "General's Aspect" jewelry set, which allows you to spam "action pool" heals to your squad when you spam your own alpha attacks. Also, for maximum lulz, spam the Orbital Strike on your opponents in pvp.

Smuggler

A true glass cannon, Smugglers have the bullshit ability to render any opposing class rooted to the ground for six seconds while ridding them of all defenses and taking away their ability to use specials. Easily one of the stupidest and most OP moves ever seen in an MMO.

Spy

The stealth class. Unlike most of their counterparts in other games, the spy in SWG is able to stay permantly cloaked without recourse, making them a bitch to find and kill. And thanks to SOE's trademark move of fucking retarded updates, spies now have the ability to pop out of stealth, unload obscene amounts of damage on you while avoiding all damage to themselves, then cloak and run away before anyone can kill them. This whole epsode lasts roughly 4 seconds.

Medic

Exactly what it sounds like. Takes skill to play, so most noobs avoid it like the plague so they can instead constantly cry for heals in vent and then bitch when you dont revive them quick enough.

Entertainer

Basically exists to give the combat classes e-head so that they can last longer in fights.

Trader

Broken down into 4 subclasses: Munitions, Domestic, Engineering, and Shipwright. They make stuff. Crafting is fairly complex and time consuming and recommended for only the most hardcore kiddies.

The NGE

File:Rancorbattle.jpg

Not even your mom can beat a loljedi

SWG is known best for the single most fail update in MMO history, the NGE, which cut their subscriptions from more than 200,000 strong to less than half that number. Secretly added to the game on November 15, 2005, the goal of the NGE was to make SWG more like WoW, which was then ripping them a new asshole. The NGE added new features like removing and/or consolidating the 32 professions into the 9 there currently are and making Jedi a starter class, which meant that any noob could roll one from the start instead of spending hour upon hour unlocking it.

Massive butthurt was to be had over the NGE, especially from "elder" Jedi who were upset that they had to work so hard to unlock their Jedi only to find that suddenly anyone could be a Jedi from the get go. The term "worked hard" is thrown around loosely, though, since it's a fucking video game. The "Elder Jedis" got screwed the least, although they bitch more than everyone else combined. The Jedis still had a class to play after the NGE, but everyone else who made the decision not to be a jedi had to choose from 9 shitty classes, 6 of which nobody ever wanted. Nobody playing the game will ever admit to joining post-NGE. Even the noob asking "How do i use the lightsaber?" will try to tell you how he had a Jedi back in the day. He will quickly start talking about how much better the game was pre-NGE and how bad he got screwed to cover up the fact that he shits lies out of his mouth.

The lead gameplay designer was harassed SO MUCH by players that he offed himself three years later. There was even a SWG funeral held online at which many lulz were had with the /puke command.

How to play

• Start a group to do a heroic quest. Once you get the group together (one shy of a full group), run into the area and start it. Every player will throw a shit fit because the timer will start counting down and they will not be able to start the quest again till 6:00am...and yes, they will stay up all night to do so.
• Join any group that is grinding for anything and leave the group for five minutes (just say you are going to go get an Ent buff). Go into the start of a heroic quest area and go back to your group. In about an hour, you will see people flipping out: "Why the hell am I locked out?"
• Put a bag on the market labeled "1-5 Sith holocron pack for vendor" for a selling price of 999,999. People will think you are a noob and will buy the bag thinking they are stealing from you.
• Join a role play group and in every other chat message say "I can feel the dark side growing inside me".
• Use the /kiss command on roleplayers.
• Set up a macro to shout over and over "Encyclopediadramatica.online/SWG is your number one source for cheap credits".
• Report everyone that talks to you and say that they are harrassing you, or are trying to sell you credits for real money.
• Give your account info out to someone who is trying to scam you. When they take all your shit, turn them into Sony Online. Do this with as many people as you can.
• Sell a bag on the market for one million credits and say the Guise of the Sith is in it.
• Join the largest guild you can find that uses Ventrilo. Stay active in the guild for a week or so. Once you are an established member in the guild, go to 4chan and give the Ventrilo information to the /b/tards every time they get a new member. Record it for extra lulz.
• Use a macro to shout the Bible at the starport.

TCG

Last Thursday, in an attempt to finally get a share of the credit selling market, SOE introduced the SWG TCG. The TCG, although loathed and hated by most of the playerbase, is SOE's biggest cash cow, mainly because the morons who bitch and moan about it on the forums are the same people who buy hundreds of packs trying to get loot cards. All new loot is now introduced through the TCG, and the only way to get that shiny new house is to buy over 9000 packs of cards whilst simultaneously butt fucking a leprechaun for good luck. Just another example of SOE raping its playerbase.

SWG Forums

ZOMG SO BADASS

More fun than the actual game, the SWG forums, like any MMO message board, is an excellent source of lulz and drama. If you are unfortunate enough to have an active subscription to SWG and are able to post on the boards, much lulz can be had by trolling the angsty douchebags that post there. One can easily troll the boards by posting any of the following:

• Make a thread suggesting the only way to save the game is a pre-cu rollback
• Campaign to have Jedi removed from the game
• Campaign to have TEF's put back in game, and say that they should affect everyone, especially low level players
• Call Draakull a fag
• Make a thread complaining about the removal of the Creature Handler profession.
• LFG: The Warrens
• Mention Xaos Kun in any shape or form
• Suggest that SOE actually does a pretty good job of running things
• Suggest that SOE doesn't do a good job of running things
• Pretty much post anything at all, people will get butthurt regardless
• Start up the gay marriage argument and how it should be applied to SWG, (yes you can marry people in SWG) like marriage should ONLY be between man and woman or players should not be able to marry outside their race.
• On a side note 006 is the Lord of the Mods but a closet troll who only comes out from under his bridge to deliver lulzy justice to dumbass posters. Worship him.
• Once a week announce that you have been playing on great Pre-CU server and it is almost ready for public release but you are now taking applications for beta testing. Make up some application for people to fill out and answer them all with some rejection letter saying they do not have enough player exp to make their use in the beta program useful.
• Mention damn near anything about Star Trek Online.
• Ask a question
• Respond with "OMG this has been posted thousands of times before" in every thread.
• Tell everyone about the great store where you can buy credits for IRL money. Watch the flame war start and ask them why paying 15 bucks a month to play a game that has a population of 400 across 8 servers is okay but spending 4 bucks on 10 million credits makes you some sort of loser.
• Go to the Role Playing board and start telling black jokes, just replace black or nigger with wookie or another made up race of people.
• Go to the Role playing board and post large sections of Mein Kampf just replace Jews with Jedi and any place with Star Wars places.

See Also

• Star Wars
• MMORPG
• Jedi
• SOE
• World of Warcraft
• Fail

External Links

• SWG Homepage
• The Forums
• Vandalize this
• A preview of the cybersex that awaits you in SWG
• A typical SWG fangirl laments the loss of her "life"

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