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Kai the Hitchhiker: Difference between revisions

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[[File:kai.jpg]]
<center>{{frame|[[file:Kai The Hitchhiker On A Crucifix.jpg|Kai likes it rough.]]|background=white|border=black}}<br />
'''Kai''' , commonly referred to as the ``'''Hatchet-wielding hitchhiker'''``, is a creature of Canadian oddity roaming the streets of the United-States using several fake names and clandestine identities. Known for his high sneaking abilities and dangerous one-handed combat skills, Kai could be considered as a force not to be reckoned with. His offensive stance is usually comprised of 3 very particular stages, all specifically designed to assess different threat levels. Stage 1 is merely a state of increased awareness, which will influence the Kai to start looking for possible weapons and prepare combat strategies, without showing any signs of anger to his enemies, who are always fucking crazy anyways. Stage 2 is known as the Pre-Smash phase. In this state, the Kai is to be approached with caution, and will usually grab a weapon, preferably a hatchet, or use his magicka and conjuration skills to create one out of thin air, because he's just that fucking good. During stage 2, the Kai is fully prepared kill, but will not engage in combat unless being attacked first. Stage 3, the most dangerous of all stages, is known as the Smash Smash Smash stage. Being in a full-blown combat mode, the Kai will simply fuck you up. If you are sensitive in the back of the head, beware, as he is known to have a preference for such areas. Before attacking, the Kai will yell out a primitive tribal phrase, known as a shout, to intimidate and weaken his prey. This shout, SMASH SMASH SMASH, does extra damage to vehicle-drivers who pick up hitchhikers on a regular basis.
'''Kai the true [[Jesus|Messiah]]'''</center>
 
==Initial fame==
[[file:Kai.jpg|thumb|derp-face]]'''Kai''', also known as "'''Kai the Hatchet-wielding Hitchhiker'''", was out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the [[sick fuck|kind fellow who was driving him around]] started telling him about how he [[raep|raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip]]. Then, to further entertain his [[shocked and appalled|jolly]] passenger, he stated:
{{quote|You know what, I've come to realise that, [[lolwut|I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to]], watch this!|The driver|right before aiming his car at a PG&E worker}}
Unfortunately for the driver, Kai didn't find rape or attempted vehicular homicide very funny so he [[pwnt|proceeded to beat the living shit out of him]] with a hatchet he happened to be carrying in his backpack.
 
== Origins ==
[[Black Jesus|Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age]], which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown.
Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by [[tourettes]], sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an ­``s``.
 
== Rape ==
[[File:KaiFacebook - posted after murder victim was found dead.jpg|Posted by Kai on his [[Failbook]] timeline a day after Joseph Galfy, Jr was found dead|thumb|right]]
{{squote|1=what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers house... walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their fuckin load in you? what would you do?|2=[https://www.facebook.com/yodhehwawheh/posts/173196462844554 Kai the Hitchhiker]|3=[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/16/caleb-mcgillvary-kai-hitchhiker-murder_n_3287160.html explaining a possible motive]}}
 
Despite his previous heroism, Kai has been criminally charged with murder in another case after [[allegedly]] killing a man named "Joseph Galfy, Jr" who had supposedly [http://mashable.com/2013/05/16/kai-the-hitchhiker-arrested/ raped Kai]. Needless to say it's [[true|bullshit]]. If found guilty, he should have no problem escaping jail, due to his [[autism|high lock-picking skill]]. EDiots theorize Kai was selling blowjobs for crack money, and Kai killed the man after a night of drug fueled, moderately priced passion. Kai reportedly tried to commit suicide in his jail cell, which was an inconvenient blunder, not remembering that his anti-Christ powers  make him invincible. Kai doesn't enjoy the [[irony]] of fate. Not one bit.
 
==Videos==
<center><youtube>yEkwxSvPrvM</youtube></center>
 
<center><youtube>8-bLMWtgAGs</youtube></center>
 
== External Links==
*[http://www.policymic.com/articles/42667/kai-the-hitchhiker-viral-star-arrested-on-murder-charge Arrested on murder charge]
 
==See also==
*[[California|Dogtown]]
*[[Murder]]
*[[Skateboarding]]
 
{{trolls}}
{{youtubeseries}}
 
[[Category:People]]

Latest revision as of 20:51, 10 August 2013

Kai likes it rough.

Kai the true Messiah

Initial fame

derp-face

Kai, also known as "Kai the Hatchet-wielding Hitchhiker", was out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the kind fellow who was driving him around started telling him about how he raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip. Then, to further entertain his jolly passenger, he stated:

   
“ 		 
You know what, I've come to realise that, I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to, watch this!
  		„
  		 

—The driver, right before aiming his car at a PG&E worker

Unfortunately for the driver, Kai didn't find rape or attempted vehicular homicide very funny so he proceeded to beat the living shit out of him with a hatchet he happened to be carrying in his backpack.

Origins

Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age, which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown. Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by tourettes, sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an ­``s``.

Rape

Posted by Kai on his Failbook timeline a day after Joseph Galfy, Jr was found dead
 
“ 		 
what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers house... walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their fuckin load in you? what would you do?
  		„
 

—Kai the Hitchhiker, explaining a possible motive

Despite his previous heroism, Kai has been criminally charged with murder in another case after allegedly killing a man named "Joseph Galfy, Jr" who had supposedly raped Kai. Needless to say it's bullshit. If found guilty, he should have no problem escaping jail, due to his high lock-picking skill. EDiots theorize Kai was selling blowjobs for crack money, and Kai killed the man after a night of drug fueled, moderately priced passion. Kai reportedly tried to commit suicide in his jail cell, which was an inconvenient blunder, not remembering that his anti-Christ powers make him invincible. Kai doesn't enjoy the irony of fate. Not one bit.

Videos

See also

Kai the Hitchhiker is part of a series on

Trolls

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Kai the Hitchhiker is part of a series on YouTube.

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