BlazBlue: Difference between revisions

use some fucking effort.  We are here to write funny articles, not gay lists.

If you don't get it, don't edit.

{{Spoiler|HAKUMEN IS JIN AND NU IS NOEL!!! HAZAMA IS A BIG BAD GUY!}}

 

* [[slut|TSUBAKI]] AND [[pimp|HAKUMEN]] SLEPT TOGETHER

* TERUMI KICKS RACHEL IN THE FACE FOR THE [[LULZ]]

 

David Sirlin hates it because throwing is [[worthless]] at Wong-tier gameplay, but that doesn't mean much since David is a faggot and you'll never be as [[Azn|good]] as Justin Wong.

 

 

 

- Continuum Shit: Available in three flavors, which are mostly indistinguishable from one another except to the fanboys

The primary source of GAR and girl fap in the game, this manly, mysterious protagonist is on some important quest to do something no one really knows anything about. In order to play this character successfully one must constantly spam the D button until their opponent dies; unless of course one is playing against Jin, in which case they are boned. He manages to beat the living shit out of Terumi, but decides not to kill him, opting instead to head on down to the Cauldron to give Mu-12's fine ass a squeeze. He fails, and instead breaks her face and his arm. Every girl in the games wants to [[fuck|befriend]] Ragna, but only one will win the "Ragna-Bowl". 

(Moar liek Jizz Kissurassi amirite?) The secondary source of fangirl insanity and a total fag btw, this high up NOL officer is totally [[{{{link|insane}}}|{{{alt|cool}}}]] [[{{{link|sarcasm}}}|{{{alt|and is not a jerk to everybody.}}}]] He is also arguably the best character in the game to play because all of the protip-giving [[{{{link|fags}}}|{{{alt|MLGs}}}]] play as him in tournaments. He rides the [[{{{link|penis}}}|{{{alt|ICENING!!!1!.}}}]] He wants to fuck his brother anally. He explodes with rage just by hearing Noel breathe, as she reminds him of his sister, who was the root of his pussy allergy. He is secretly Hakumen from the past...or future...maybe both. 

The thankfully female version of Bridget from Guilty Gear, she loves whining about getting raped by superior-tier characters and being the [[{{{link|slut}}}|{{{alt|"handiest"}}}]] girl around. To play this character a person must be skilled enough to press the D button and then mash the living cum out of A, B and C in order to string attacks properly. Other than that, no one really cares about her except [[{{{link|pedophiles}}}|{{{alt|her good friends.}}}]] Constantly tries to get Ragna to fuck her, even though Ragna doesn't give a shit about her. She is a clone of Saya. She is known for falling into orgasmic ecstasy whenever Litchi lets her touch her panda thing. Hazama trolls her into becoming his god-killing wife in CS, but she gets the shit beat out of her by Hakumen, Jin and Ragna. She is redesigned in every other game. 

The vampire loli twilight-loving fap magnet that every Japanese game requires. She and her sex slave animal friends run about the land yiffing and [[{{{link|yiffing}}}|{{{alt|drinking tea}}}]] while attempting to be an important character in the main [[{{{link|crap}}}|{{{alt|plotline}}}]]. To win with this character simply pull down your pants and enjoy watching her get raped by her opponent. After you lose tell the person over xbox live that you just came during the fight, and listen to the lulz, use a female voice for maximum win. She gets weaker in every game that comes out. 

No one really cares about this guy except that he needed to have his body repaired by Kokonoe after some [[{{{link|muslims}}}|{{{alt|NOL soldiers}}}]] bombed Ikaruga. He also appears to understand THE POWER OF MAGNETISM. The most popular character online since he can rape almost everyone with his GIGANTIC TAGER. Except Hazama. Use Tager to cause all other players to rage quit. 

[[Image:Arakune.jpg|thumb|120px|TEIM FOAR RAEP]]  

A completely insane [[{{{link|pussy}}}|{{{alt|badass killing machine}}}]] was once a horny scientist but is now an incorpeal mass of quasi-dimensional ether mass, which basically means he is pretty screwed. He is also the ''luckiest man alive'' having the super-fox girlfriend Litchi allow him to do [[{{{link|anal}}}|{{{alt|whatever he wants}}}]] to her. Arakune (and nearly every other character in this stupid game) has massive mental instability problems, and cannot correctly finish a sentence if his life depended on it. To play this character well one must master a complex series of counters, combos and specials in order to even hit the enemy once. This being said it is clear he sucks.

The ninja master of Ronin-Gai, this Naruto wannabe tries his best to seduce Litchi, but she is already Arakune's hoe and he does not share his pussy. This forces Bang to constantly log on to 4chan and fap to sasukexnaruto yaoi. To be good with this character one must select another character, don't worry, Bang knows he is terrible and does not really care. However, his install move allows him to go super saiyan and rape the shit out of any other character while the fag who sings the Dragon Ball Z openning sings in moonspeak. [[{{{link|Fail}}}|{{{alt|The downside is you can't block until the round is over}}}]].

His Astral Finish consists in piercing the enemy with his gigantic nail, and stand naked, looking at the screen while giving nary a fuck when he is done. Surprisingly he is the only male character who is NOT gay. 

'''Litchi Faye Ling'''

Apparently the great and respected [[matsu-sensei|Matsu-Sensei]] from Deviantart seem to have an interest to this character due to the awesome-sized titties she possess. (Bullet's are bigger)

The furfag character that everyone from deviant art would like to play as. Known for carrying random objects around to use as weapons (bowling balls, hammers, Kaka kittens, etc), this mentally slow [[{{{link|furry}}}|{{{alt|half cat half human}}}]] enjoys playing with Litchi's luscious melons, tuna and butchering the English language. For those wanting to communicate with her, they would have to take into account her terrible use of words. This is made much easier though if one speaks in lolcats.

As one can see there are very distinct differences in speech. To play Taokaka effectively one must spam D in the direction of the enemy. Her English voice actor changes every game. 

'''Nu-13''' [[Image:Nu-datass.png|140px|thumb|must tap them pixel asses]]

'''Hazama/Yuki Terumi'''

The Real Real Bad Guy of the series, who was one of the six heroes but then quit and decided to become the biggest troll in the whole planet, and succeeded. Among the things he has accomplished, he has:

-Killed Nine and her sister Celica (both considered the most powerful witches in history) just so he could make "Nine" lives jokes at Jubei's expense.

'''Valkenhayn R. Hellsing'''

The second DLC character. He is Rachel's butler, who is a werewolf for no reason in particular other than keeping the tradition of werewolves being the vampires' [[{{{link|Slave}}}|{{{alt|loyal servants}}}]]. He goes batshit insane when someone makes fun of Rachel. He turns into a Darkstalkers character.

'''Lambda-11'''

'''Celica A. Mercury'''

Celica A. Mercury is the younger sister of Nine, and aunt of Kokonoe. She is the one who finds Bloodedge(an amnesic Ragna without the Grimoire) and is the one who built the church where Ragna, Jin and Saya lived in. Terumi killed her and burned the church right after cutting Ragna's arm off.

Image:IceCarugotthere.jpg|Save the planet, drive blue.