Salvatore Rivieri

	“	I AM NOT A DUDE!	„
	—Officer Rivieri

Salvatore Rivieri is was a police officer stationed in Baltimore, Maryland. Like a lot of veteran cops if there's one thing they hate worse than disrespect for the law, it's disrespect towards themselves. Of course when your duties require you to drive a faggy golf cart that Xzibit wouldn't touch for all the jenkem in Africa, and also require that you dress up like a bumblebee in cutoffs while working the beat, it begs the question if your dignity was ever intact in the first place.

Salvatore, peddlin' around

The man that could clog The Tubes

Some time ago, a group of 14-year old skaters were doing whatever gay shit skaters do in the Harbor District of Baltimore when Rivieri arrived on scene to put a stop to it. This in itself is commendable, as skaters are to the world's youth what cancer is to /b/; but when one of the kids called Rivieri "dude", he completely lost his shit, taking the back-talker to the ground and confiscating his board. Nevermind that the combined weight of all of the skaters on scene was 114 pounds and as such couldn't pose a threat to anyone at all--Officer Rivieri was going to make an example of these kids. Rivieri didn't arrest anyone, but gave the "dude" kid a stern talking to, implying that being referred to as anything other than "Officer Rivieri" by him will result in being banned from IRL forever.

One of the other kids involved had a video camera and filmed a majority of the exchange. Rivieri caught on to this eventually, and yelled at the kid behind the camera "You got that camera on? If I find myself on..." at the very end of the video before it cut off. More than likely, he threatened the kids with some kind of dumb tough-guy cop shit if the whole exchange up to that point got put up on YouTube for everyone to see.

Does Salvatore have to choke a bitch?

This was, of course, the lulziest thing that could be done, so it was uploaded to the tubes immediately.

“	I'M NOT MAN, I'M NOT DUDE! I AM OFFICER RIVIERI! NOW, THE SOONER YOU LEARN THAT, THE LONGER YOU'RE GONNA LIVE IN THIS WORLD!	„
—Salvatore Rivieri, bonding with some of Baltimore's youth

Normally, this whole situation would be good to wrench a few lulz before getting stale and forgotten, but once the above video made it on the news another Baltimore citizen who frequented the Harbor district had his own run-in with Rivieri caught on tape a year prior, and made it available to the media.

Apparently, if skateboarding is annoying to Officer Rivieri and being called "dude" is infuriating, driving an RC car around is comparable to shitting directly into his mouth, then attacking his sainted grandmother.

“	He (Salvatore Rivieri) said, "You guys better run, I will Tazer you!" ...Ya, and he had It Point Blank in my face.	„
— Some BMX athletes who made the mistake of calling him Dude.

Currently

“	He is still a beat cop working the streets in the Greektown area of Baltimore. He is almost always on a mountain bike or a dirtbike riding around fucking with people for no reason at all. I see and talk to this douchebag almost everyday except when I'm avoiding him (which is always). If I could ever get some of the shit he says on camera. Oh teh lulz. On a side note, when we were kids, my buddy would run by and knock off his patrol hat and get him to try and chase him. Fat Fuck could never catch him. Also, he has no problems confiscating your drugs for his own personal use. These are all things that I've seen with my own eyes, no internet second hand bullshit from a youtube video.	„
—Party shaker

Disregard the above, he got fired after only three years.

See also

• John Pike