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[[File:Nokia_ngage.jpg|thumb|200px|The taco in question]]
<!--[[File:George Bush Ngage.png|thumb| I accidentally the whole N-Gage]]-->
The '''Nokia N-gage''' was a tasty Taco treat that was developed by Nokia meant to be an Gameboy Advance with an cell phone, but somehow morphed into the crappiest hand held games console ever made. It was big, cumbersome and gay (also known as N-GAYge). [[Nintendo]] fanboys laughed at it because it did not have 50 editions of [[Pokemon]]. Sony fanfags laughed at it because it didn't have a 1000 Gigaflop processor and a [[PSP|crappy proprietary disc format]]. [[you|Everyone]] else laughed it because it merged the worst of both worlds, combining a shit games console with a shit mobile phone. It got positively spanked and outsold by Nintendo's Gameboy Advance, Sony's PSP, Connect 4 and [[masturbation]]. It is truly a [[Finland|Finnish]] FAIL.



== Hardware ==


The N-Gage possessed amazing hardware features, like the ability to send [[SMS]], had an FM Radio built in and even an [[MP3]] player! The MP3's were stored on the MMC card, and being the poorer cousin to the SD card, this meant you could store your favourite 2 songs on there. That equates to roughly 5 seconds of [[FLAC]], but the N-Gage was too crappy to support such a retarded format. Hey, the N-Gage could even make phone calls, not that the typical N-GAYger had a life outside of their parents basement anyway.



== Games ==
[[Image:Bigoledick.jpg|You're better off playing with this.|thumb]]

The line up of N-Gage games consists of either lazy ports of crap games or pure Vapor-ware. A typical port, such as [[lie|gems]] like Pandemonium! and Puzzle Bobble VS, required the developer to [[rape]] the viewable playing area of the game to suit the N-Gage's skinny vertical screen, and then cut the game down so it can fit on an MMC card. Since nobody bought an N-Gage, no one knows for sure if the games actually sucked. 

==Sidetalk==
Moderately amusing joke spawned by N-Gage

{{center|<gallery>
File:Ngage_sidetalk_1.jpg
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<!--<gallery>
Image: Ngage Superman 64.png|Fly through the hoops to win Jewgold!
Image: Ngage DNF.png|It's totally coming out in 2013. Honest.
Image: Ngage ET.png|Pick up phone and hold sideways. Phone home.
</gallery>-->

== Where it failed ==

The N-Gage failed because it sucked as both a phone and a games console. The [[Fucktard|boffins]] in the lab that designed the unit so that the ear piece and microphone were located [[stupid|ON THE SIDE]]. This meant the people who actually made phone calls on this piece of crap had to contend with looking like a [[dickhead]] while talking on the phone, or at the very best, appear to have some freaky glowing fetal growth coming out of their ear. 

It failed as a game console for a number of reasons, mainly because the games sucked and a lot of others promised [[Duke_Nukem_Forever|simply never turned up]]. The display had the width of an [[anorexic]] freak, and therefore the viewing area was either extremely restricted and shrunk down to nothing so you can see past the characters shoulders. Changing the games was a laborious affair. Normally, the [[loser|player]] simply hatches open a tray/ cover/ compartment and quickly swap the media goodness contained whithin. On the N-Gage, the user had to switch the whole damn thing off, remove the back cover, remove the battery, avoid the snapping alligators and jump the rolling logs to get the game card. After doing the whole ordeal again in reverse, the user was greeted with the N-Gage demanding what the time and date is since the battery was removed. This entire string of fails coupled with the ridiculous asking price guaranteed the N-Gage would crash and burn like the Hindenberg.

== The fall out ==

Nokia quickly spun lies about how it sold 400,000 units in the first two weeks, and scrambled to rush the somewhat less crappier QD to market within months. Retailers offloaded their stock for a loss, and buried whatever N-Gage's were left in the New Mexico desert along with [[E.T.]] for the [[Atari|2600]]. Developers who quickly came to witness the spectacular FAIL that the N-Gage is, quickly shelved their plans for any games for the platform and fled the sinking ship like dirty rats. 

Today, people can expect to the see the N-Gage in the wild being used as a paperweight, door wedge or a [[dildo]].

==See also==
*[[PSP]]
*[[Nintendo DS]]

==External Links==
*[http://www.sidetalkin.com Side talk]

{{gaming}}
[[Category: Gaming]]