View source for Lap band


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[[Image:Gastric-banding.jpg|thumb|Suffocating a bow-legged cat in a cow stomach with a zip-tie.]]

{{squote|[[Lies|They don't acknowledge that in the huge majority of cases, diets won't work, and in failing to do so, they are condemning thousands of obese and morbidly obese people to miserable failure  -  and destroying their health. 

The patients I see have often tried everything. They have lost weight only to put it back on again. The problem's not a lack of willpower, it's physical. 

For them, obesity surgery is the only option  -  whether it's a gastric bypass (closing off part of the stomach and bypassing part of the small intestine) or a gastric band put around the upper part of the stomach to make it smaller.]]|[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1060050/Viewpoint-Diets-dont-work-Surgery-answer-obesity.html Carel Le Roux]}}

[[File:BeforeLapBand.jpg|thumb|Before she got a lap band. Notice her/his/it's [[Fatass|weight]]]].

[[File:AfterLapBand.png|thumb|After she got a lap band. Just proves that '''there is no hope'''(But who really cares for these fat cows anyway?)]]

A '''lap band''' is a surgically implanted device used by [[fat]] people to restrict the amount of food they eat when they are unable to do so using willpower.  It can be adjusted by pumping in or releasing saline solution through a tube left under the skin. A lap band differs from gastric bypass in that lap bands do not cut away the stomach and are adjustable. Adjustable ones were needed [[lulz|because sometimes obese patients would eat so much the bands would burst]].

==How it Works. Or Doesn't.==
A gastric band works by drastically reducing the size of the patient's stomach. In doing so the patient can only consume a few ounces of food per meal. The procedure usually enables people to lose a large amount of weight quickly, and then gain it all back later, once they find that you can still eat shit from [[McDonalds]], just not as fast.

Surgery costs about $20,000 without insurance, which is beyond the means of most [[basement-dweller|basement dwellers]].  [[Some argue]] over 87% of the [[LJ Drama]] in [[BBW]]-oriented circles are people trying to bilk their parents' insurance into paying for the surgery.

==The Cruel Irony==
<big>'''Gastric bands work because they force the fatties to stop eating.'''</big>