View source for Kristen Roupenian

[[File:Roupenian.jpg|thumb|Kristen Roupenian]]'''Kristen Roupenian''' is a buck-toothed [[Social Justice|SJW]] writer and deviant who had a dumb story about [[Rape culture|regret rape]] called [https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/12/11/cat-person “Cat Person”] published in the New Yorker magazine, to squeals of delight from danger-haired [[Feminism|feminist]] shrikes the world over.

“Cat Person” struck a chord because it expressed collective horror among feminist aggrocunts about a universal experience: the time they had [[Secks|sex]] with a [[Basement-dweller|lonely overweight dude]] unworthy of their hot college bods. BTW sucker, the book rights sold for [https://www.elle.com/culture/books/a14456216/cat-person-book-deal-kristen-roupenian/ $1.2 million]. Yes loser, she has a doctorate from Harvard. And [[you]] don't.

There is nothing original, innovative, or interesting about Roupenian's story, it just hit the right [[feminism|feminist]] political notes and everyone went gaga for it. She's the "face of [[#MeToo]]" despite being 15 years too old to be called a "millennial". [[File:roupugly.jpg|thumb| upright=0.4| The butt-ugly “face <br />of #metoo” …looks more <br />like the face of Down<br/>Syndrome ]]

Roupenian is also an [[Girl on the Internet Syndrome|online attention whore]] who posts about her dumb personal dramas on [[MetaFilter]] under the username "[http://www.metafilter.com/user/174679 Pretentious Illiterate]."  For example, that time in grad school where Kristen and a female friend burned a brand-new roommate with some classic Mean Girl shit:

{{squote|It was clear her parents were paying her rent and ... other things that made continuing to live in the house less than ideal. Hailey and I talked and decided we didn't want to renew the lease after all.|[http://ask.metafilter.com/309001/I-need-advice-on-a-difficult-rental-situation-what-are-my-rights Mean Girl Kristen Roupenian explaining why it was okay<br /> to abandon a new roommate who had just moved in]}} 

Roupenian also likes to talk about her adventures in casual sex and dispensed advice to someone asking how to craft an [[Online Dating|OK Cupid]] profile to get laid:

{{squote|I'm emailing you a link to a profile that accomplishes this beautifully. (I'm a woman, and it worked on me.) ...  I've met up with people for NSA sex a handful of times in my life, and every time I asked for way more personal information (Facebook, Instagram, direct contact info as opposed to dating site contact, heck - first & last name) than I did for random dates. I meet for sex only with people who are very physically attractive...|[http://ask.metafilter.com/292616/What-do-you-write-in-an-OKC-profile-meant-for-casual-sex Kristen Roupenian tells us how she gets her groove on with random dudes on Craigslist]}}

Which occasioned some amusing commentary online: 

<blockquote>The part which is especially off-putting in that response is where she talks about only meeting guys for casual sex who were "very physically attractive". This is from a woman who, at best, is average looking herself. Reminds me all too much of the meme of the fat zit-faced guy saying, "Wouldn't bang her, elbows too pointy."</blockquote>

And before you go ''"meh she's nobody"''. Consider this: a [https://www.elle.com/culture/a25627386/kristen-roupenian-cat-person-january-2019/ 2018 Elle story] said that Roupenian's otherwise obscure short stories were being optioned left and right for TV, cinema, etc:
{{squote|In a little over a week, the New York Times reported that she had received a seven-figure, two-book deal from Scout Press, an imprint of Simon & Schuster (a novel is next). HBO bought the story collection to develop into a drama series, hiring Carly Wray and Lila Byock, former writers for The Leftovers, to write and executive produce. A24, the film and TV studio behind some of the most critically acclaimed movies of the last few years (Lady Bird, Hereditary), acquired Roupenian’s screenplay for Bodies Bodies Bodies, a slasher film in the early stages of development. We’re all going to have to get comfortable with Roupenian’s predilection for the creepy uncanny—her work is about to be everywhere. }}

What a flake (and a lesbian, or swings both ways, or whatev):
{{squote|“To be 11 is to live the horror novel,” she says. “Everyone knows that female adolescence is horror, all about discovering what power is. And to be a gross 11—I was a very gross 11-year-old—is to be the tenderest spot in the whole world.” Roupenian mentions a recent dream in which she saw the cover of her book with a content warning on it. And in a way, she says, an anxious kid is her ideal reader. She pictures a young girl picking up the book after being forbidden to do so and having “her hair catch fire,” which is how Roupenian felt when she read Pet Sematary......In the Ann Arbor apartment Roupenian shares with her girlfriend, Callie Collins, a 30-year-old writer and postgrad fellow in the University of Michigan MFA program (Roupenian holds an MFA in fiction from the university’s Helen Zell Writers’ Program), and their kitten, Angus, is a large print featuring Jackson’s words: “I delight in what I fear.”}}

What is remarkable is the way this [[bitch]] has become [[ugly|uglier]], [[fat|fatter]], and more [[depression|unhappy]] as she’s become more successful. There is a look of sadness on her face. Her eyes, already too close together, look even more [[retarded]] as she gets more bloated. It’s probably a combination of lifelong self-loathing combined with the revelation that she is a fraud (see below). 

[[File:Roupenianfat.jpg|thumb|As she has enjoyed the fruits of well-earned acclaim as a writer, Kristen Roupenian has embraced “healthy at any size” ]]

In typical "virality" media frenzy shit, the Times Of London ran a straight-faced [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/who-is-cat-person-meet-kristen-roupenian-the-woman-behind-the-short-story-that-turned-into-a-global-phenomenon-xsddb3gpl report] that Roupenian was now a lez. And NOW you can be sure that the "MainStreamMediaThing" is a corrupt shit show.

==Reviewers savaged her collection, <em>You Know You Want This</em>==

Screeching lesbians and lantern-jawed urban supersluts may have loved Roupenian’s book, but reviewers hated it. The New York Times called it “dull and needy.” (Ouch.) The Guardian said “The problem with Roupenian’s stories is that there is nothing beneath their brutality, and the result is often banal and uniform.” (Double ouch.) Vanity Fair’s reviewer wrote, “Basically anyone who’s ever used a dating app could write Cat Person, just maybe not as well.” Reviewer Claudio D’Andrea [https://curiosityneverkilledthewriter.com/what-the-cat-people-dragged-in-e48b30911010 was blunt], saying “Roupenian writes like shit.” D’Andrea offers up this example of Roupenian’s wordsmithing: 

<blockquote>“By the time he was 35, the only way Ted could get hard and remain so for the duration of sexual intercourse was to pretend that his dick was a knife, and the woman he was fucking was stabbing herself with it.”</blockquote>

It’s stunning, isn’t it, that this overeducated bitch got paid over a million bucks for this bilge.

==Surprise! Roupenian revealed to be a thief and fraud and a boo-hag==

So after all the big bucks and movie deals and social media attention, guess what? Roupenian was revealed to be a thief who pilfered the experiences of a young writer named Alexis Nowicki and turned them into her viral story “Cat Person.” In July 2021 Nowicki published an [https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/07/cat-person-kristen-roupenian-viral-story-about-me.html article in Slate magazine] detailing exactly how uncanny it was that this popular story seemed to perfectly describe her relationship with a guy named Charles, right down to the town where she lived, the movie theater where he worked, and the details of their relationship. She learned that Charles had dated Roupenian, who apparently disapproved of Charles previously dating the younger Nowicki. So Roupenian, in her vampiric and sleazy way, snooped around Nowicki’s social media, stole her experience, and turned it into the viral as fuck New Yorker story without even talking to Nowicki about it, and basked in all the money and attention. The crazy part was that the character based on Charles was depicted by Roupenian as a fat, hairy, lonely, disgusting, misogynistic creep, but according to Nowicki, Charles was actually a really nice, sweet, and caring guy. Voyeuristic and creepy Roupenian, though, depicted Charles through her own fucked-up, man-hating, abusive mind as a lecherous [[basement dweller]]. Charles was apparently so dismayed by this depiction that he killed himself. So to sum up, this fucking [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boo_hag boo-hag] crept into this guy’s life, sucked him dry sexually, and stole his soul in the form of his story that she warped with her own deviant imagination, and now he’s dead. Note to Roupenian: Congratulations, bitch, you now have a body count. 

[[File:Roupeniansucks.jpg|thumb|Twitter users were unanimous about how much Roupenian sucks.]]

When confronted about it over email, Roupenian gave Nowicki a non-apology and tried to guilt Nowicki into not exposing her theft by referring to “angry male readers” and “potential violence”:

<blockquote> When “Cat Person” came out, I was the target of an immense amount of anger on the part of [[Men|male]] readers who felt that the character of Robert had been treated unfairly. I have always felt that my insistence that the story was entirely fiction, and that I was not accusing any real-life individual of behaving badly, was all that stood between me and an outpouring of not only rage but potentially [[Violence|violence]].
</blockquote>

Shorter Roupenian: <em>If you expose my misdeed, you will cause [[Violence|violence]] to be committed against me by “angry [[Men|men]].”</em> In other words, when caught red-handed being a shitty person, Roupenian slapped down the [[Victim complex|victim card]] masterfully like the hysterical [[Bitch|bitch]] she is.

Fortunateky, Nowicki was having none of this shit and called Roupenian out publicly for her thievery.  Roupenian retreated into silence and shut down her stupid Twitter when Nowicki’s story took off and it was revealed that the real-life model for Robert made himself [[an hero]] because of Roupenian’s story. What a twisted cunt Roupenian is! [[File:legendofkristenroupenian.jpg| upright=0.4|thumb|How Kristen Roupenian <br /> stole Charles’ skin.]]

It’s [[Stunning and Brave|stunning and brave]] that Roupenian would  whine about fat-fetched, entirely speculative threats from hypothetical angry males while she herself caused someone’s death with her irresponsible hack writing. The irony is priceless. Who does she think she’s kidding? Literally nobody thinks this dumb woman with her stinky cooze and terrible writing is worth threatening! While she apparently caused someone’s death! 

[[File:Suckstobecharles.png|thumb|Too bad that Charles died. But at least Kristen Roupenian got a sweet writing career out of “Cat Person.”]]

But let’s be honest. It’s not surprising that this dumb twat had to steal someone else’s story, since Roupenian seems to have done nothing with her life other than dutifully enroll in school for degree after degree all the way up to a worthless Ph.D. in literature only to decide “but I’m not done with school yet!!!!!” and enroll in a M.F.A. program in writing. She’s got no experience in the real world. But she’s also so fucking clueless and privileged that she doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the consequences of her stupid actions. Too bad, so sad Charles!

==Roupenian’s Glow-up==

After Roupenian got her book deal, she started hanging out with Hollywood degenerates and she decided she needed a style upgrade. [[File:RoupenianClownCostume.jpeg| upright=0.4|thumb|Kristen Roupenian’s goofy <br />new “Hollywood” look.]] She got an edgy haircut and put on thick eyeliner and a hip blazer and sophomoric t-shirt. She hopes nobody will mistake her for a cat lady children’s librarian anymore.

She is not fooling anyone. She is the same hygienically challenged, overweight social climber she always was. It is pathetic how she felt the need to “go goth” once she got a little money in her pocket. One thing is certain, her career is stagnating.

==Media==

[[File:Catperson.jpg|thumb|This is a leaked still shot from the film version of Kristen Roupenian’s “Cat Person” story.]]

A film adaptation of "Cat Person" is in the works. And an HBO series, and a horror film from one of her unpublished scripts, and on and on.

==External links==

*[http://www.metafilter.com/user/174679 Roupenian's Metafilter profile]
*[http://infodumpster.org/posts/comments?poster_name=pretentious+illiterate&tag=&site=askme&category=&start_date=&end_date= A handy list of Kristen Roupenian's Ask.Metafilter questions]
*[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/12/11/cat-person The New Yorker went full SJW when it published her stupid story]
*[https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/12/a-viral-short-story-for-the-metoo-moment/548009/ The Atlantic points out that her story was one of the dumbest expressions of the #metoo movement]
*[https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/12/12/16762062/cat-person-explained-new-yorker-kristen-roupenian-short-story The spergy dweebs at Vox try to explain Kristen Roupenian]
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[[Category:Faggotry]]