View source for Gabe Newell

[[File:Evolution Of Gaben.jpg|center|1000px]]
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{{Ibhead|Gabe Logan Newell}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''<br />|<small>During the roarin' Sixties.</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''<br />|<small>Crushing dreams, devouring hope, ruler of all that is evil.</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Title(s)'''<br /><br />|<small>Devourer of Worlds, Devourer of Souls, The Hunger That Does Not Cease, Destroyer of Dreams, The Wicked, Consumer of Hope, That Which Cannot Be Satisfied, The Insatiable Dark Lord, The Deceiver</small>}}
{{Ibend}}

[[File:Gabedon'tbelieve.jpg|thumb|right|Don't believe his lies.]]
[[image:Gabegettingsnacks.png|thumb|right|Gabe getting his lunch break.]]
[[image:Gabe_at_work.jpg|thumb|right|How Gabe spends his time at work.]]
[[Image:Gabeburger.jpg|thumb|right|Gabe on snack break.]]
[[Image:Gabe Newell Watching.png|thumb|right|Did you pre-order episode 3 yet?.]]
[[File:Stuffed raccoon.gif|thumb|right|[[Rape|Favorite pastime.]]]]

'''Gabe Newell''', also known as '''Gaben''' is an evil [[Brony|plushophile]] and a porcine abomination that rules over anything under the [[Valve|Valve]] shadow. He's infamous for crushing dreams and destroying hope, known for his never ending hunger and lack of morals, ruling over an evil empire solely based upon greed and deceit. 


==History==
Gabe was thrown out of [[University]] for eating his roommates. From there he went to work at [[Micro$oft]], scoring millions of dollars and then ditching the company years later to create [[vidya|vidya gæms]].

Gabe soon thought up ''[[Half-Life]]'', where the protagonist was opposite to him in every way (thin, good looking, quiet, etc). ''Half-Life'' took over 2 years to make due to both Gabe revising his ''Valve Time'' technique and being unable to render maps that weren't snack rooms or McDonald's.
[[File:Happy gaben.png|left|150px]]
After almost making himself bankrupt, Gabe released ''Half-Life'' and got rich again. He used the money to develop [[Steam]], attracting [[13 year old boys]] all over the globe. He also found groups of suckers who created games such as ''[[Counter-Strike]]'', [[Shit|Ricochet]] and ''Day of Defeat'', employing them and making money off of their work. CAPITALISM, HO!

Gabe then made [[Half-Life 2]], 6 years after its prequel. He and his company now stick to updating the same old games to use newer engines rather than working on making new games, which explains why the Half-Life 2 episodes took so fucking long to arrive and why one of them doesn't exist yet (Spoiler: it never will because the project was cancelled).

To this day ''Valve Time'' is proven to be successful since Gabe has been using it on Episode Three since it was supposed to come out in [[2005]]. Valve's fanboys continue to defend the title, proving that ''Valve Time'' helps to keep fans attached to the games. Gabe has also distracted his fans with releases such as ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'', ''[[Left 4 Dead]]'', ''Left 4 Dead 2'', ''[[Portal]]'' and a bunch of other titles.

Today, Gabe still runs Valve and continues to delay <s>Episode Three</s> Half Life 3. Calling Gabe fat via the Steam Community extends the delay by [[at least 100 years|a month]].

== The Gabeard ==
During an interview with [[Penny Arcade]], it was revealed that Gaben had grown a beard that made him look closer and closer to a walrus. Steam fanboys immediately jumped out and tried to call it a sign of [[No|Episode Three]], simultaneously cumming themselves in blood pressure-raising panic. Meanwhile, the rest of the world just views him as finally becoming lazy enough to eat instead of shaving.
[[Image:gabebeard.jpg|center|Gabe Newell going for a [[George Lucas]] look.]]

== Gabe is a Brony ==

<center><youtube>YPjFavgKO5I</youtube></center>

<center>'''God help us all, he's finally sent [[v/|/v/]] into a full-on Kristallnacht.'''</center>


==gabe reddit AMA==

[[Last Thursday]] gaben did a [http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1zkfmv/wearea_videogame_developer_aua/ reddit AMA] {{archive|ncNAc}}, and like anything on reddit all the serious questions got downvoted to oblivion and the first 500 most upvoted comments were pun trains and things along the lines of "where's half life 3" and "will you sign my trilby/fedora?"

==Gabe on camera==
<center>{{frame|
{{fv|gaybengaybengayben||font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>yyJ48-BYb7s</youtube>
<center>'''The original. Skip to 0:55'''</center>
|<youtube>PzjiW1-HINM</youtube>
<center>'''The better version'''</center>
|<youtube>_Fl4s9T79n0</youtube>
<center>'''To celibrate Gabe's [[Oldfag|50th birthday]], [[v/|/v/'s]] greatest [[autism]] [[White Knights|warriors]] visit him.'''</center>
|<youtube>F4P0Dnlx_Mg</youtube>
<center>'''Meanwhile at Valve'''</center>
|<youtube>cQ0LG8Ks4iA</youtube>
|<youtube>8tsHkpesBdY</youtube>
|<youtube>pZaY1jV96jI</youtube>
<center>'''Gabe Newell as a farmer.'''</center>
|<youtube>jyXqyTbP-J4</youtube>
<center>'''Gabe Newell as a [[fat|phat]] rapper.'''</center>
|<youtube>d6b5KanDYtY</youtube>
<center>'''Gabe Newell takes on [[My Little Pony]].'''</center>
}}}}</center>

==Gabe's interviews==
[[tl;dr]]

In short, all of Gabe Newell's interviews can be summed by this: "We're currently [[Not|working]] on [[Portal|blah]] [[Half Life|blah]] [[Team Fortress 2|blah]] [[Left 4 Dead|blah]], and a [[Goatse|big surprise]] will be revealed [[Nevar|really really soon]]!"
 (Nothing ever gets announced)

==Gabe's official theme song==
{{cs2|Pokemon|Gotta eat it all|<br/>
I want to be the very fat<br/>
Like no one ever was<br/>
To develop them is my real test<br/>
To delay them is my cause<br/>
I will travel across the couch<br/>
Searchin' far and wide<br/>
Each piece of food to digest<br/>
The power that's inside!<br/>

Gaben!<br/>
It's you and me.<br/>
I know it's my destiny!<br/>
Gaben!<br/>
Ooh you're my best friend<br/>
In a game we must delay!<br/>
Gaben!<br/>
A heart so true<br/>
My stomach will pull me through<br/>
[[Vore|You eat me and I'll eat you]]<br/>
G-A-B-E-N!<br/>
(Gotta delay 'em) Gotta delay 'em Gotta delay 'em all!<br/>


Every game along the way<br/>
With hunger I will face<br/>
I will eat everyday<br/>
To claim my rightful place!<br/>
Come with me, the time is right!<br/>
There's no better team<br/>
Arm and arm, we'll piss the fans!<br/>
Episode 3 always been a dream!<br/>


Gaben!<br/>
It's you and me.<br/>
I know it's my destiny!<br/>
Gaben!<br/>
Ooh you're my best friend<br/>
In a game we must delay!<br/>
Gaben!<br/>
A heart so true<br/>
My stomach will pull me through<br/>
You eat me and I'll eat you<br/>
G-A-B-E-N!<br/>
(Gotta delay 'em) Gotta delay 'em! (Gaben!)<br/>


Gaben!<br/>
It's you and me.<br/>
I know it's my destiny!<br/>
Gaben!<br/>
Ooh you're my best friend<br/>
In a game we must delay!<br/>
Gaben!<br/>
A heart so true<br/>
My stomach will pull me through<br/>
You eat me and I'll eat you<br/>
G-A-B-E-N!<br/>
(Gotta delay 'em) Gotta delay 'em Gotta delay 'em all!<br/>
G-A-B-E-N!<br/>


tl;dr another [[Pokemon]] ripoff.|0}}

==Emails sent to Gabe==
Gabe sometimes responds to emails sent to his [mailto:gaben@valvesoftware.com corporate address] no matter how lulzy they may be.


<center>
<gallery perrow="3">
Image:Gabeemail.jpg
Image:Niggerballs.jpg|Gabe is subtlety trolled 
Image:Gabeemail4.png|Gabe on being a smartass
Image:Gabeemail2.jpg|Gabe in response to what he will do after E3
Image:Gabeemail5.jpg|Gabe on his supreme knowledge of food
Image:Lolgabe.png|Gabe in response to a randomly generated email sent by [[v/|/v/]]
</gallery>
</center>

==/v/'s visit to Gabe==
Around August 2010, [[v/|/v/]], in their wholehearted love for Gabe, sent Gabe an email with an image containing hundreds of signatures from /v/ users. Gabe responded the next day inviting /v/ to the offices of Valve. Whether /v/ will go or not is unknown since their charter buses are likely to break down under the [[fat|weight]] of so many /v/irgins.

/v/ plans to visit Gabe sometime later in 2010 (<s>considering they don't forget to go</s>; lol oops). Their strict set of rules mean there will be no [[underageb&]], [[furries]] or [[women|girlfriends]]. This makes shit easier (no responsibly of retarded kids, no furry pride crap and no repetitive whining about how everyone in the bus stinks of [[manchild]] sweat).

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<gallery>
Image:EmailGabe5.jpg
Image:Tour2.png
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</center>

==Gaben General==
{{cg|Gaben at his best|gaben1|center|<gallery>
File:Gabe by Calvin Klein.png|Gabe, a man of allure.
Image:Gabetroll.gif
Image:Gabe a loompa.png|Gabe while [[trolling]]
File:Gabe Newell Boob Mouse Pad.jpg|Now in the Valve Store!
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:Gabe Newell fat genie.jpg|He will grant you three episodes.
File:Gtfo2.jpg|[[GTFO]]
File:Gabe with asian dude.jpg|Gabe's mad cause he didn't order Chinese.
Image:Gabe dancing.gif|What Gabe does at work
File:Gabe Newell troll u.jpg|Gabe [[Troll|troll]] you.
File:Gabe Newell pot stash.jpg|Gabe and his pot stash.
Image:Gabenwasted.JPG|The man himself. A visionary.
File:Gabe Newell self-portrait.jpg|A self-portrait titled "The many chins of Gabe".
Image:meanwhileatvalve2.jpg|MEANWHILE AT VALVE
File:Gamecrush.png|Find Gabe on Game Crush
Image:Gabedealwithit.png|[[DEAL WITH IT]]
Image:DevianTART.png|Get the [http://mrmephobia.deviantart.com/art/Gaben-Theme-Pack-362607191?q=gallery%3Amrmephobia&qo=1 theme pack]
File:Gabe Newell TF2 shit.jpg|...
File:Gabe Newell and Peter Griffin.jpg
File:Gabe Newell troll HL2 first meeting.jpg
File:Gabe newell pirate.jpg
File:Gabe newell.jpg
File:Gabe newell powerpoint.JPG
File:Gaben-fat-jew.jpg|Sounds about right.
File:Gaben-kawaii.jpg|He just wants your dollaru~
File:Gaben Emprah.jpg
File:Gaben Emprah bust.jpg
File:Gaben-beard-selfie.jpg|Gaben with beard in [[reddit|ama]] selfie
File:Write Gabe An Email.jpg
File:StopTheTrolls.jpg
</gallery>}}{{clear}}

==Gabe MTF==
{{cg|Gabe is a busy... man|gabemtf|center|<gallery>
Image:Gabe MTF (17).jpg
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Image:Gabe MTF (1).jpg
Image:Gabe MTF (18).jpg
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Image:Gabe MTF (24).jpg
</gallery>}}{{clear}}


==See Also==
*[[Fat]]
*[[Reggie Fils-Aime]]
*[[Bobby Kotick]]
*[[Steam]]
*[[Half-Life]]
*[[Team Fortress 2]]

{{gaming}}
{{memes}}
{{Valve}}
[[Category:Valve]]