View source for Frottage

[[Image:Bush BJ.jpg|thumb|right|No caption needed.]]
[[Image:Princecharlesgroping.jpg|thumb|right|Some with authority would abuse it for a good grope.]]
[[Image:Plushiefat.jpg|thumb|right|DO NOT WANT!!]]

'''Frottage''' (aka '''dry humping''') is the next big thing your local [[Republican]] congressmen will be [[butthurt]] about, for it threatens the sanctity of marriage and provides a loophole through which people can technically get one another off and still be considered [[abstinence|abstinent]].

==Origins==

'''Frottage''' devolved from the word ''frotteurism'', which is actually considered a serious [[retard|sexual disorder]] and is a diagnosis still used today by psychologists. ''Frotteurism'' is an addictive desire to rub oneself through one's clothes against other people and things to reach [[I came|climax]], and it's always a non-consenting act.

===[[Lulz|Serious]] Suggestion===

It is greatly encouraged to try to pass off as [[cripple|disabled]] by telling everyone who will listen that one is ill with '''frotteurism''' and cannot control their desires to be a '''frotteur'''. Perhaps you can get a nifty little handicap plaquard to hang off your rearview mirror, so you can get front row parking anywhere you go. Also, it's a free pass from jail time and the [[party van]], because you get to use the "But I'm sick and crazy!" excuse anytime you bump your uglies against anyone and anything within hand's reach. I mean, let's be honest, being a valuable member of society is so [[last Thursday]]. 

==But Is It Secks?==

'''Frottage''' shouldn't be considered a sex act. There is no longer a cut-and-dry definition of what frottage is. Some consider it to be self-pleasuring yourself through your clothes in a [[party van|non-consensual]] way by rubbing or grinding against an unsuspecting person or [[woman|thing]]. Others feel it encompasses any consensual rubbing, grinding and touching between people, and it can be frottage whether it only pleasures [[you|one of those people]] or pleasures [[unrealistic expectations|both of them]]. Sometimes, bump and grind dancing in clubs is also thought of as being frottage. Therefore, technically, standing too close to someone on the subway and bumping your ass against their thigh once or twice is frottage. Similarly, you may have had sex with tons of random people if frottage is considered a sex act. Why? Simply because you can never be certain whether you've aroused someone just by accidentally bumping into them or having any casual body contact with them (unless you are a [[neckbeard]] [[basement dweller]], then you can definitely be certain you have never aroused someone, accidentally or otherwise). The only thing in common with all these definitions is that everyone was wearing clothes, and that if the balls touched, it was totally [[gay]].

Also, frottage is unsexy because its name evokes thoughts of cottage cheese, which brings to mind thoughts of smegma, [[your mom]]'s thighs and nursing home food (though a picture of all three of those combined would probably arouse 95% of [[B|/b/tards]]).

==The Rumors==

The local middle school was polled and the rumor mills began to churn. The following are definitions of what '''frottage''' might possibly be, what it is used for, and why it exists.

*[[French]] for something [[you]] probably got busted for in 3rd grade. 
*English for [[Fap|fapping]] through your clothes, on someone or something else.  
*The only reason to ride public transit.
*How [[Mormon]] kids get their rocks off. 
*[[George W. Bush]]'s way of staying calm (and close to the podium) during public speeches.
*What your [[Asperger's|asspie]] [[Furries|furfag]] brother does with all those "Meeko" dolls you found in his room.
*How lesbians get off if they <s>forgot all about their fingers and tongues</s> have no limbs. 
*The only way to end a fight. 
*The best way to start a fight. 
*Why high schools have "[[gay|Wrestling]]" clubs.
*Why high schools have [[gay|football teams]].
*Why high schools have "[[Pedophile|Guidance Counselors]]".
*Why Janitors work in elementary school.
*Why you wont let your [[mom]] do your laundry.
*You can't get pragnent with [[babby]] from it.

==Where To Do It==
*In a packed train.
*In the lunch line.
*In your sister's bed with her stuffed animals.
*In your Christfag girlfriend's bedroom, if her parents aren't home.
*In black person.
*In a bottle full of bub.
*In a 50 Cent lyric:
{{quote|Im into havin sex, I ain't into makin' love
So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed|black person}}

==How To Do It==

# Be fully dressed
# Have someone or something in close proximity
# [[????]]
# [[PROFIT]]!

{{sex}}

[[Category:Sex]] [[Category:Faggotry]] [[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]