View source for Church of the SubGenius

[[Image:Bob.jpg|thumb|"Bob": Not a long-haired hippy like that [[Jesus]] guy.]]
'''[https://www.subgenius.com/ The Church of the SubGenius]''' is a [[Uncyclopedia|murderously unfunny]] [[old meme|cult]] at the center of a plot in which [[neckbeard|fat polyamorous geeks]] may gangrape the innocent in a world-shattering [[orgy]] known as [https://www.subgenius.com/newdevivals.html X-Day].

They will fuck you if you cannot take a joke. Fnord.

==Tenets of SubGenius Propaganda==
{{quote|Have [[secks|Intercourse]] with a [[Lie|Beautiful Live Girl]]|Ivan Stang|Pamphlet #1}}[[Image:bobs.gif|thumb|left|Welcome to X-Day. <i>Finally</i>.]]
The messianic figure of the [[Church of the SubGenius]] is one '''[["Bob"|J.R. "Bob" Dobbs]]''' (not to be confused with the fake [[canada|canadian]] [[assclown]] who calls himself [[fail|Bob Dobbs]] to [[419|scam]] money from the very [[stupid]]). J.R. "Bob" Dobbs was once a humble door-to-door salesman. [[poor|Always broke]], he was encouraged by his close friend, [[L. Ron Hubbard]], to start a [[religion]]. As [[scientology|L. Ron]] always said, "Dobbs, they may be pink but their money is green." Founded by [["Bob"]] in [[at least 100 years ago|1953]], the [[cult|Church]] grew like a [[weed]] and today holds [[over 9000|tens of millions]] of whining, talentless [[faggot|art-fags]] under its sway. The [[Church]] has even been known to disseminate fake anti-SubGenius [[propaganda]] to arouse public interest.

Every year on July 5, in a smelly [[hippie]] commune in Southern Ohio, SubGenii gather together to hold ritualistic [[orgy|orgies]] and mass-consumption of [[Weed|"Frop"]] in hopes that aliens, the Xists will invade Earth.  X-day, as it is called, signals the Death of the Pinks and the beginning of the SubGenius migration to Planet-X aboard the Pleasure Saucers (referred to as "The Rupture").  Only Ordained Ministers, with Minister Cards in hand, can board.  X-day was supposed to be on July 5, 1998. Alas there was no invasion.  The Holy Scribe of the Church was immediately [http://www.vermilion-sands.com/subgenius/stangfeathers.html tarred and feathered] and thrown into a cesspool.
Subsequently, the heirarchites of the Church revealed several theories as to why X-day didn't occur, including the reading of the date (which was scrawled by "Bob" on a cocktail napkin) was upside down (the "8991" theory) and another involving the secret switching of Earth and Mars during the 1950s. The remaining theories are so literally [[fucktard|fucktarded]] that they cannot be mentioned. 
 
SubGenii live in constant fear of being smote by a malevolent [[God]] from outer space known as JHVH 1, or [[Yahweh]]. In order to rescue their souls from Jehovah 1's Stark [[Fist]] of Removal, members of the Church must mail <s>$30</s> $45 to a P.O. Box in <s>[[Ohio]]</s> [[Texas]] to become Ordained Ministers of the Church of the SubGenius. Salvation is reportedly guaranteed or triple their money back.

All SubGenii are required to listen to Devo and to wear silly hats. 

Fundamental to the operation and well-being of a SubGenius body is an intangible substance known as "Slack". Slack exists on a continuum with Pink at the opposite end.

{{clear}}

==What is Slack?==
It's better than working a wagie job towards the latest piece of [[Plastic Crap|shit]] in [[You|your]] toy collection, and you don't have to do anything. All you need to do is sit in front of your computer (at this point in time).


{{frame|<youtube>QROEzCEd_Kg</youtube>|margin=auto}}


==Recruitment Video==
<br>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>o0x9ymMQUg8</youtube>
<center>'''Ninety minute recruitment video.'''</center>
<center>'''Actually a very funny parody of Scientology.'''}}</center>
<br>
==The Cancer that is killing the Church of the SubGenius==
[[Image:ConnieDobbs.png|thumb|right|This is "Bob"'s side bitch, Connie Dobbs]]
Sometimes, like Orwell's "Memory Hole", the memes mean exactly what you first thought they meant. One such meme is the SubGenius "pinks" vs "yeti", the yeti chromosome being the source and fount of all that is good, progressive, strong, worthwhile, and creative in the world; and the pinks everything that is time-wasting, energy sucking bullshit. 

Yes, my friends - it's the XXers and their pedestalizers that have wrecked the church. They pound on the door of the clubhouse, whining about being excluded, and when the fools let 'em in they fuck the place up permanently. "Bob" is about a number of things - the con, the Xists, the pinks, the stark fist. Connie is all about sex, and nothing much else. 

When your art movement has turned into nothing but dumbstruck awe in the presence of bewbies and gash, it's time to [[GTFO]]!
{{clear}}
==Where to find a SubGenius==

A large number of SubGenii are known to hang out at the official [[IRC]] channel ''#subgenius,'' where they dream of the chance that they can strip naked and masturbate on webcam with a real live girl (or damned near anything else!) watching.

There is reportedly a constant barrage of BullDada on '''[[usenet|alt.slack]]''' and {{wikilink|Alt.binaries.slack|alt.binaries.slack}}, but no one has yet returned sane after witnessing it.

If you do not value your ears, you might try [https://www.subgenius.com/ts/hos.html The Hour of Slack] radio program. 

To find them IRL, try their parents' basement.

== Gallery ==
<br>
{{center|<gallery>
File:BW1234 HeartIgnition Bob.jpg
File:Legume Logo.jpg
File:Hellobob-.jpg
File:Kawaii bob IMBJR.jpg|OMG SO KAWAII
File:Balto-07poster-legume2.jpg
Image:Tubgirlfinalform.jpg|[[Tubgirl]]'s final form
File:Bob dollarz.gif
File:Bd excremedit11sm2.gif
File:BobSkull front.jpg
File:Bobfiend.jpg
File:Alfred e dobbs-Suvi Peltola.jpg
File:Vote “Bob” for EVERYTHING.jpeg
</gallery>}}
<br>

==In summary==

This is the original form of lulz before it was actually funny. The end.


== See also ==

*[[Discordianism]]
*[[Fnord]]

==External Links==
*[https://www.subgenius.com/ The Church of the SubGenius - Official Website]
*'''{{KYM|memes/bob-and-the-subgenius|KnowYourMeme's entry on The Church of The SubGenius}}'''
*'''{{wikilink|Church_of_the_SubGenius|English Wikipedia's entry on The Church of The SubGenius}}'''
<br>
{{cults}}
{{oldweb}}
{{memes}}
<br>
{{timeline|Featured Article for October 15 and 16, [[2023]]|[[War]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Mass Shooting]]}}
[[Category:Cliques]][[Category:Web 1.0]][[Category:Memes]]