View source for Alexis Valoran Reich


[[Image:John_mark_karr_mugshot.jpg|thumb|John Mark Karr's wax figure at Madame Tussauds; worried about not passing as a woman because of his sideburns? What about his fucking neck? Get a sense of proportion, boy.]]

'''Alexis Valoran Reich''' (formerly '''John Mark Karr''') is a [[sickfuck]] gift that just keeps giving. It was born in [[hillbilly|Conyers, Georgia]] and made a [[lie|false confession]] regarding the unsolved murder of [[lolicon|six-year-old JonBenét Ramsey]], an infant pushed into being a [[Whore|"beauty queen"]] by her parents, [http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_4191210 who have also been suspects.] Karr said he was present when Ramsey died and called her death an "accident". Some kind of murky social connection between him and the family was also implied: [http://radio.javaranch.com/michael/2006/08/16/1155788658636.html this guy noticed.] In reality it was just a clever ruse to get a free ride home after backing off from [[Shemale|some major surgical mutilation]] in Thailand.

==Creepy Background==
Karr's father, Wexford Karr, married Patricia Elaine Ad[[cock]] on August 21, 1958, when he was 37 and she was 18. Wexford filed for divorce eleven years later saying the marriage was "irretrievably broken". How could he be expected to tolerate someone as old as Patricia? [[stalker|Wexford]], then 52, married his neighbor 29-year-old Susan Simpson. This marriage ended in [[fail|divorce]] six months later, when Susan reached the age of 30.

A family friend, and [[gay|lover]], [[faggot|Jonathan Bryant]], said that Karr's [[mother]] believed John Karr was [[emo|possessed by demons]]. His mother allegedly built a pyre of kindling around him and attempted to burn him alive.

Karr moved to [[redneck|Alabama]] to take advanced [[white trash]] lessons from his grandparents. John was at the [[nerd|top of his high school class]]

==Family Tradition==
When he was 19 years old, Karr married a 13-year-old girl. Karr told her to lie about her age. Karr and his wife lived together as a couple in Hamilton after their wedding, and Karr "[[list of sex moves|was abusing her every way there was]]." The marriage was annulled.

Karr married Lara when he was 24 and she was [[16 year old girl|16]] and [[pregnant]]. She was carrying twin daughters who were delivered via a home birth. The girls, named Angel and Innocence, [[murder|died]] later that day. The couple divorced in 2001 following Karr's arrest for five misdemeanor counts of possession of [[lolicon|child pornography]]. A [[banned|restraining order]] against Karr was granted.

==Deviant==

[[Image:Swirly_karrs.jpg|right|thumb|Karr (right) does the '''same pose''' in front of the leopard-skin print for his post-op catsuit; (center) swirls himself to attract suspicion; (left) all the Boulder DA could recover.]]

On April 13, 2001, Karr was arrested for possession of [[anime|computerized child pornography]]. Karr failed to appear and a "No Bail" warrant was issued. Since then Karr had been on the run, living in [[Asia]], [[Europe]] and Central America, until his arrest in [[Thailand]].

He used the [[email]] address december261996@yahoo.com as part of his obsession with the JonBenet murder. Some notable behavioral instances include him kicking and throwing chairs around a classroom and a fascination for younger female students. It is also known that he was frequently swearing and making [[fapping|inappropriate gestures]] towards students.

==Moar Deviant==
John Mark Karr taught at a few schools in Thailand (their only complaint being that he was too strict) but he only had two real reasons to be there. 

#He wanted to pose as the killer of JonBenét Ramsey for some weird reason [[noone]] understands.
#He wanted to become [[Shemale| moar woman than a woman (oh rilly?)]]. John Mark [http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_4212771 was actually waiting for a cheap sex-change operation] and [http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_4223177 eating gal-hormones like popcorn] in happy anticipation of the [[cutting]].
<br><br>

{{Quote|He was concerned most about his sideburns.|John Mark's "doctor" in Bangkok|Denver Post|color=magenta|size=300%}}
<br><br>
{{Quote|He told me he was in the process of medical treatment for cutting off his testicles.|John Mark's "doctor" in Bangkok|Denver Post|color=magenta|size=300%}}
<br><br>
{{Quote|You have very bad manners, what did you do with my pills?|A hostel cleaner's recollection of John Mark's snappy retort after she had a [[lollercaust]] at his oestrogen stash|Denver Post|color=magenta|size=300%}}

==Legal Wanking==
On August 28, 2006, the Boulder County District Attorney's Office announced "the case of the People vs. John Mark Karr has failed. On August 28, George McCrary, a longtime friend of the Karr family insisted that John Karr is innocent. "He's a pedophile, not a murderer," said McCarty, who also called John Karr a [[mensa|"genius"]] whose "confession" was a deliberate tactic to avoid jail in Thailand, and be taken to the United States where he knew he would get off.

Following Karr's release he was rearrested after prosecutors in California indicated that he was to face charges of possessing [[not4chan|child pornography]].

On October 5, 2006, all of the child pornography charges against Karr were dropped after [[retard|investigators]] lost the computer seized from Karr in April 2001.

Karr can currently be found [[trolling]] elementary schools in a limousine provided by [[NBC]].

He also has a [http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_6322201 girlfriend who either got him beaten up by his dad or beat him up,] yet again demonstrating the limitless [[Pervert|perversity]] only a good [[woman]] can provide.

'''John Mark Karr Compares [[pedo|himself]] to [[Michael Jackson]].'''

<youtube>8GBS11gn5_c</youtube>

'''Was there a [[Party Van|CIA]] Connection?'''

<youtube>rRkpsbGQg4s</youtube>

==The Return of John Mark Karr==
[[File:Urgent_Wanted_(4).jpg|thumb|250px|John Mark Karr: [http://www.robinsax.com/ he's baaaaack].]]
On May 25th 2010, John Mark Karr [http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/05/24/john-mark-karr-emerges-form-jonbenet-cult/ returned to the national news media] seemingly activated by two days of [[DUN DUN]] on [[4chon]]. CNN reported that the [[Party Van]] was looking for him in connection with cyber [[stalking]] some [[JB]] chick that he'd previously recruited to be part of his [[JonBenet Ramsey]] [[cult]], It appears that after taking a few years away from the meeja spotlight, he'd had a [[sex change]] and changed his name to [[Alexis Valoran Reich]] to better enable him to get near [[loli]] and was recruiting JonBenet Ramsey lookalikes he is calling "[[Perfection Girl|the Immaculates]]" — blond girls as young as 4 years old with small feet. According to sources, his cult already has 30 [[n00bs|members]].

Apparently in the years since he fell off Nancy Grace's radar after 24/7 [[old media]] trolling and all around [[attention whoring]] surrounding his admission of guilt in [[JB]] Ramsey's murder case, JMK had gotten rather good at cybering and had embraced [[the power of online communication]] to further his agenda of [[sick fuck]]ery. Going under multiple handles such as '''Dark Prince''', '''Caelitus''' (or ''[[gay|heavenly]]'') and '''Daxis das Verdammte''' (or '''Daxis the Damned''') he used the likes of [[Failbook]] to prey on impressionable young girls -like his current accuser 19-year-old Samantha Spiegel- too old to give him a boner but not too old to [[personal army]] to [[kidnap|recruit]] delicious [[loli]].

<center><youtube>s_iF-FGN1Bs</youtube></center>

{{quote|If you deceive me I will kill you. I know where you live. If you cost me my little girls I will hunt you down and kill you.|John Mark Karr|@Samantha Spiegel}}

There is currently a $500 reward for information leading to the capture of John Mark Valoran Reich. Call '''310-470-9955''' for [[great justice]], [[for the lulz]] and/or to report noted cross-dresser [[m00t]]. Alternately, you can email [mailto:robin@robinsax.com Robin Sax] at [http://www.justiceinterrupted.com/ Justice Interrupted].

Police think that he/she is currently in the [[Seattle]] area and may be hiding with friends, family, followers or [[Sheneequa]]. He/she may also be looking for [[school|jorbs]] that will enable him/her to be around [[loli]]. Apart from his new female garms, he is said to be wearing [[foreskin|turtle necks]] in an attempt to disguise his X Box hueg Adam's Apple.

==External Links==
*[http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/05/24/john-mark-karr-emerges-form-jonbenet-cult/ He's baaaack!]
*[http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_4212771 The doctor's tale]
*[http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_4223177 The cleaning lady's tale]
*[http://radio.javaranch.com/michael/2006/08/16/1155788658636.html Blog comments on the Karr-Ramsey connection and other stuff]
*[http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet The Denver Post archive]&mdash;these guys are to John Mark Karr as the Orlando Sentinel is to [[Lisa Nowak]].
*[http://www.denverpost.com/jonbenet/ci_6322201 A moar recent arrest (family fight)]
*[http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/08/17/national/main1905030.shtml An overview. The usual mainstream media story dogpile.]

{{Pedoseries}}

[[Category:People|Karr, John]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:2006]]
[[Category:2010]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]