View source for Easter

[[Image:JesusLOL2.png|thumb|300px|Just another shitty day in Paradise.]]

'''Easter''', also known as Spring Halloween or Christmas For Fat People, is the day when we celebrate the [[zombie|resurrection]] of [[Jesus]].  In lieu of a macabre theme, Easter is an upbeat celebration of the crucifixion of His Royal Highness Jesus H. Christ, King o' the Jews. It also celebrates the [[irony]] of a carpenter being nailed to a piece of wood. Although the crucifixion precipitated his eternal death, he was revered by early Christians for having been nailed by like two hawt [[Soulja_boy|soulja boy]] [[Guido|guidos]] at once.

To the non-Christian fanatic, Easter, like Christmas, is just merely another day off from work or school for an excuse to get drunk all day and eat as much candy as possible. It can be a nightmare for television-lovers though, as nothing worthwhile is being shown on TV as every other channel has freaky old men in robes who babble about the Great Jebus and read boring hymns from books. Not to mention the stupid parades and the countless Lifetime and Hallmark channels that show hours of shitty Easter movies. Turn off your TV and watch [[porn|p0rn]] instead.   

==Why Easter?==
If you're reading this asking yourself should '''Easter''' have its own article, the answer is clearly <big>"'''YES'''!"</big>.
Easter, the Sunday of the Resurrection of ''Teh Jesus Christ God'', Pascha, or Resurrection of '''[[Raptor Jesus]]''', is the most irrelevant religious feast of the year, observed by some jerk-off Christian [[masturbation|freaks]] each year. It celebrates the resurrection of Ted Jesus Christ God and/or [[Raptor Jesus]], which their followers believe occurred on the third day after the '''[[Time Cube]]''' crucifixion some time before [[Yahweh]]. Easter also refers to the season of the church year, previously called "the [[Viagra|commercialization]] of the bunny", lasting for fifty days, from Easter Sunday through Pentecost; and, in the Roman [[Catholic]] Church, to the eight-day feast beginning on Easter Day called the Octave of Easter. 

[[Image:Luke23a.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Easter is the 2nd most happiest day of the year, but not for Jews.]]

==Revisionist Reinterpretation==
This bullshit holiday has come under attack from historical [[User:Zenophile808|revisionists]] who demand instead that the purpose of this day is to celebrate the inability of the ancient Romans to properly execute some dude called [[Christ]]. Which is a lie created by some Jew that didn't believe in Tedianism.

==Why Eggs?==

[[Image:250px-Satans_Testicles.jpg|thumb|right|This is why]]

A long time ago, when Jesus was on the Earth, Satan took the form of a rabbit.  Jesus loved to eat eggs - it was his favorite meal.  Protein, vitamins - yum! One day, Satan stole Jesus's eggs and hid them all over town.  Jesus was very, very sad.  So his disciples looked all over for the eggs, until they found them.  And Jesus was so happy.  But then, the next year, Satan took the form of a rabbit and hid them again!  But this time, his disciples were ready.  They had colored all of the eggs so they were easy to find.  And that's why now, we color our eggs, and the Easter Bunny - who is really Satan in disguise - hides them.  Then, when we find them, we eat the chocolate bunnies to symbolize that we can defeat Satan and eat him.

It has also been said that the eggs represent the testicles of Christ, which were the first of his body parts to be looted from Jesus' tomb. The Book of Mark recounts that Jesus had enough testicles to feed all those who came (moar like cummed, amirite?) In spite of their leathery shell, textual evidence suggests that the ballz had a sweet and creamy center, akin to a Cadbury cream egg.

Of course, if you ask a [[Catholic]] why eggs are so important, he/she will probably refer to the [[some argue|well-known]] [[fact]] that Jesus is a [[Raptor Jesus|chicken]].

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== Gallery ==

{{collapsegallery|Easter|LOLDEAD|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Raptor.jpg|Thank you [[Raptor Jesus]] for saving us .
Image:Tedgod.jpg|Teh Jesus Christ God waits for Peter Cotton Tail.
Image:Flagellants.png|Self-flagellation has been Easter fun for centuries.
Image:Gasan flagellant 09.jpg|This is how we do it.
Image:Fuckeaster.jpg|[[God]], how come I don't see you except at [[Christmas]] and Easter.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Fuckeaster1.jpg|Fuckin' Easter!
Image:Fuckineaster.jpg|Easter reality
Image:Easter Bunny Threat Down.JPG
Image:Churchsignjesuskilled.jpg|[[JEWS_DID_WTC|They KILLED Jesus!]]
Image:Easterlongcat.jpg|And on the third day, Longcat will arise from the dead -- AGAIN!
Image:Crucifixion boac.jpg|Magic time-travel camera view
Image:Nailed.jpg|Close-up shot
Image:Naildown.jpg|It's more fun than it looks.
Image:Crucifun.jpg|Everybody gets a turn.
Image:Jesus dead no.jpg
Image:EvilEasterBunny.jpg|He loves teh childrens.
Image:JesusLOL.jpg
Image:JesusLOL1.gif|[[:Image:JesusLOL1.gif|Jesus LOL]]
Image:JesusLOL3.jpg
Image:JesusLOL4.jpg
Image:JesusSaves.gif|[[Media:JesusSaves.gif|Jesus Saves]]!
Image:Jesuslolpiggy.jpg
Image:Jews did JC.jpg|Pretty cool for a painting from the 1400s.
Image:Easter_batman_jesus.jpg
File:Peepshow.jpg|A Little Peep Show!
</gallery>}}

==Related Articles==
[[File:Bunny-jesus.jpg|thumb|Easter Bunny lives to give.]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Rapture]]
*[[Raptor Jesus]]
*[[Rape]]
*[[Christian]]
*[[Torture]]
*[[Attention Whore]]
*[[Bunnies]]
*[[Jews did WTC]] and Jesus
*[[Philippines]]

==External links==
*[http://www.yellow5.com/pokey/archive/index330.html Pokey and the Easter Monkey]

{{christianity}}

[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
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[[Category:Movies]]