View source for Job

[[File:Jobs not penis.jpg|400px|right]]
As well as being another word for [[boring]], a '''Job''' is something that [[Niggers|unemployed people]] and [[student]]s don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a [[robot]] could do better, a [[human]] is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are [[Mexican]], as paying a Mexican is [[PROTIP|purely optional]]. All job managers are [[fat]], bald, miserable, [[white]] men because minorities [[poverty|don't]] or "[[disability|can't]]" [[welfare|work]], and the highest level to which a woman can aspire in a company is to that of [[whore|Secretary]].

== How to Get a Job ==
<video type="youtube" id="RMzJ9nXSR50" width="200" height="180" position="right" desc="A typical resume on YouTube"/>
Ask [[Mom]]my or [[Dad]]dy to get you connections. If that doesn't help, open up those "[[Old media|want-ads]]" your pop talks about (or alternatively, [[Craigslist|a new browser window]]) and start circling interesting [[ads]]. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your [[attention]] for 8 hours every day!

== How to Avoid having to get a Job ==
The fact that you're reading this means that you don't want to get a job. Very well lazy-ass, here's your choices:
* Fake to have [[Asperger's Syndrome]]: Don't know what Asperger's is? Don't worry, nobody does; it's not a real disease.
* Join the [[Army]]. You'll be worked like a mule for a couple of months but all U.S. soldiers do after training is sit on their two-story houses in a suburb leeching tax-payers' money.
* If you're a woman, get pregnant. You'll be amazed how much welfare money you can get you for your little brats.

== Regions In Which Jobs Do Not Exist as a Concept==
* [[Africa]]
* [[France]]
* [[Mexico]]
* [[Italy]]
* [[New Orleans]]
* [[Wales]]
* [[Portland]]

== Some Advantages of Having a Job ==
* You get some [[money]] - After [[the man|the Government]] takes its cut for [[tax]]es.
* You might meet [[prostitute|people]] you can have [[sex]] with - Take special care to avoid coworkers and professional contacts, as this may lead to a sexual harassment [[lolsuit]].
* Free [[coffee]], if you work as a [[pilot]], at a hotel or a [[Starbucks]].
* See that pen over there? [[Theft|Take it]].
* No [[seriously]], take it. There's a [[over 9000|shitload of them]] in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary.
* Here, have a company [[car]] too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW!
* Get promoted to [[Darth Cheney|Senior VP]] of [[Fails|Sales]] and make more money than [[God]]
* Some people will cruelly call you 'a [[loser]]' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a [[luser]] with a job', with all the [[Semen|humiliation]]-guzzling [[Skillz|sqiLlz]] that implies.


And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so [[Bubba|boss]] has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company [[Dental Plan|insurance plan]] might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and [[George Washington|false-teeth]] supplies!

== Some Disadvantages of Having a Job ==
* Less time to [[fap|play]] on the [[internets]], unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself
* Too much [[IRL]] [[drama]], from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough
* More opportunity for your head to [[Cum|explode]]; workplace tension is among the worst
* Most [[Walmart|jobs]] don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and [[Illegal|during breaks mandated by law]]
* [[Drug]] testing is mandatory; [[pot]]heads/[[Niggers]] need not apply
* Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for looking at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] while [[fapping|working]]
* Security escorting you out of the building by your collar
* Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired
* [[Unemployed|Going back to finding a new job]]

[[I did it for the lulz|There are many different kind of jobs. It's important to pick the right one that suits your personality.]]

==Some Different Jobs You Might Choose==
* [[Airplane|Airline Pilot]]
* [[ED Sysop]]
* [[Habbo Hotel]] Moderator
* [[Hal Turner|Website Administrator]]
* [[IKEA|Furniture Placement Specialist]]
* [[McDonald's|Nutritional Sciences Expert]]
* [[Billoon45|Sanitation Technician]]
* [[Artist]]
* [[Fag|Performing Artist]]
* [[Geek Squad]]
* [[DeviantART|Wannabe Artist]]
* [[Gravelthroat|Politician]]
* [[prostitute|Customer Services]]
* [[Pimp|Protection of Merchandise]]
* [[Drugs|Therapeudic Supply]]
* [[Mafia|Insurance Collecter]]
* [[Hobo|Visionary]]
* [[Bestiality|Veterinarian]]
* [[Pedophilia|Preschool Teacher]]
* [[Goatse|Yoga Instructor]]
* [[Subway|Sammich Artist]]
* [[Expert|Professional Expert]]
* [[PETA|Eco-Terrorist]]
* [[Virgin|Video game developer]] 
* [[Charles Manson|Serial Killer]]
* [[Drug Dealer]]
* [[Pimp]]
* [[Nigger|Rap]]per
* [[Rapist]]
* [[Pedophile]]
* [[Gangster]]
* [[Anarchist]]
* [[Porn]]ographer
* [[Porn star]]
* [[Hacker]]
* [[Fuhrer]]
* [[Jew]] - Jew is mostly considered to be a job, because you make infinite amount of money as you steal people's wallets.

If [[you]] [[Sell Out|apply yourself correctly]] you could rise through the ranks of [[McDonald's|the corporate ladder]] to become a [[jew|productive member of society.]]

== [[Cool|Not Jobs]] ==
* [[Steal]]ing
* [[Masturbation]]
* [[Crime]]
* Being a [[nigger]] (''See: [[Stealing]]'')
* Being in the [[Army]]

== Retirement ==
[[Suicide|Ending one's work life]] is known as '''retirement'''. In the [[United States of America]], this usually entails a [[McDonald's|lard]]-induced [[heart attack]] for [[men]] and [[pregnancy]] for [[women]]. [[Feminazis]] have attempted to redefine household chores as work ("housework"), but since the advent of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|post-modern irony]] they have since returned to the [[kitchen]] and put the tea on.

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery perrow="5">
File:The best flowchart ever.jpg
File:I've stopped even pretending to do anything around here.jpg
File:Don't forget you're here forever.PNG
Image:Man_at_work.jpg|A typical [[man]] at work
Image:Woman_at_work.jpg|A typical [[woman]] at work
Image:Ashmaid.png|[[Pokémon|Ash Ketchup]] can get a job and [[lie|so can you]].
Image:Alcoholwork.jpg|Working in [[advertising]] or for an e-company
Image:Rowan.jpg|The Archbishop of Canterbury calls for women to be forbidden to have jobs outside the kitchen as part of a multicultural society
Image:Overworked.jpg|Not shown: same overworked [[code]]-monkey walking into the office the next morning with an [[Gun|uzi]] and killing seven others before offing himself
</gallery></center>

== See Also ==
* [[AnoniWork]]
* [[Profit]]
* [[Money]]
* [[Economy]]
* [[Welfare]]
* [[Poverty]]
* [[Boring]]
* [[Customers suck]]

{{Life}}

[[Category:Locations]]