View source for Epic Win

[[File:Epic win.jpg|700px|center]]


'''Epic Win''' by definition, is [[win]] containing [[awsome|epic]] qualities. A win of such magnitude that it makes your jaw drop for [[At least 100|at least 100]] minutes before a sudden outburst of '''[[ALL CAPS| JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH THAT WAS FUCKING AWSEOME]]''' and consequently falling to the floor [[epilepsy|twitching and babbling incoherently]].

Unfortunately this [[cancer]]-ridden term has been adopted by every [[newfag]] in existence to stumble across teh internets, [[raep|raping]] it into obscurity by applying it to any [[unfunny]] meme or [[image macro]] that trundles across their young and uninformed eyes. Also any actual win that brings about the aforementioned symptoms rarely happens, and when it does, the first [[retard]] to sputter out a term like "Epic win" in its presence will immediately ruin the moment. 

==Instances of Epic Win==
[[File:Epic Dog Win.png|thumb|right|This dog has gotten itself some "Epic Win". Maybe you should [[buy a dog|buy one]].]]
[[File:Futurama Universe.png|thumb|right|[[futurama|Grab a six-pack and watch the universe explode.]]]]
[[File:STAR PONY WIN.png|thumb|right|[[Star Wars|Fair]] [[Ponies|enough]]]]
* '''Quitting your job and becoming a [[Gary Oak|Pokémon master]].'''
* '''Riding Christina Hendricks' [[tits|boobs]] on a magical journey across the universe.'''
* '''Repeatedly driving a giant golden monster truck over the regenerating head of [[Bill O'Reilly]] to a continuous loop of the song "Ace Of Spades".'''
* '''Drinking so much [[alcohol]] that you trip over and fall off the edge of the universe causing a rip in the space time continuum; traveling through the very fabric of the cosmos warps your features into that of Brad Pitt, and you land in an alternate reality populated solely by naked horny [[wimmin|women]].''' 
* '''Being romantically involved with Wonder Woman. While having a sordid affair with Super-Girl on the side.'''
* '''Blowing up the moon with your [[penis]]''' or some shit. 
* '''[[Holocaust|Extermination of all the Jews, Niggers, Muslims, Fags, Furries, Bronies and other such Undesirables from the face of the Earth]]'''

As you have undoubtedly noticed, none of of this [[crap]] has, or ever will, occur [[IRL]], especially not [[you|your]] real life. Because things like "epic win" don't really exist, it's just a pathetic phrase used by [[loser|losers]] all across the world, any chance of it's meaning truly becoming an actuality is significantly low. Look at your pitiful, boring, frail [[no life|excuse of an existence]], because that is all you have. You will never experience "Epic Win" and neither will anybody else, because all you have is that uncomfortable office chair you're sitting in and the unnatural florescent glow of the computer screen floating in the reflection of your tired eyes. Your life will never ever ever contain Epic Win, but maybe, just maybe, if you look at the following tragic "examples" below you can [[unrealistic expectations|harbor some faint possibility that it may]]. Go on. Delude yourself.

=='''EPIC WINZ!!1!!1'''==
{{cg|Gallery of "Epic Win"|sp|center|<gallery>
File:Gladiator1.gif
File:Neo versus Sub-Zero.gif
File:Lolarcopguy.gif
File:Batman Lightsaber shark.jpg
</gallery>|<gallery>
File:Monster truck backflip.gif
Image:Dear Diary Jackpot!.jpg
File:Epic Zebra win.jpg
File:Star Wars Rock Band.jpg
File:Motorbike Explosion.jpg
File:Seinfeld StarWars.jpg
File:JetPlane WaterSkis.png
File:Black Jesus.png|[[Black Jesus|Some say that nigorz contain epic win.]] 
File:Motherfucking Dinosaur Lazers.jpg|Apparently [[dinosaurs]] are involved somehow.
File:Dinosaurs lasers.png
File:Epic win velociraptor.jpg
File:T-rex F14.jpg
File:Blood Of the Lamb Motherfucker.jpg|[[Jesus]] also.
File:Jesusgun bottle.jpg
File:Muscle Jesus.png
File:Jesus Rides Dinosaur.jpg|Combining the two doesn't hurt either...
File:Jesus on dinosaur.jpg
File:Jesus on dinosaur 2.jpg
File:Jesus loves dinosaurs.jpg
File:RaptorJesus2.jpg|Inevitable [[Raptor Jesus]] is inevitable.
File:Raptorjesus.jpg
</gallery>
}}


[[File:Raptorjesuscamp.gif|center|frame|[[loli|Children]] experience epic win in the glorious [[Orgasm|orgasmic]] beams of [[Raptor Jesus]]]]


<center>{{frame|<big>'''Animated example of "Epic Win"'''</big><br>
<youtube>egcXvqiho4w</youtube>|border=pink|background=pink}}</center>

<center>{{frame|<big>'''Compilation of "Epic Win"'''</big><br>
<youtube>7sgNJHcqED8</youtube>|border=red|background=red}}</center>

===Example of an "Epic Win" story=== 
<small>see also: [[Copypasta]]</small>

''Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.''

''Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.''

''Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”''

''And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.'' 

''I have never felt any more [[orgasm|satisfaction]] than the moment I heard that sob.''

==Epic Ween==
{{achtung|EPIC WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!}}
[[File:Epic ween trollan.jpg|thumb|right|An artist's impression.]]
Because of the aforementioned co-option of the phrase 'epic win' by [[faggots]] and the [[old meme|resultant overuse thereof]], the phrase ''''epic ween'''' was coined. In sharp contrast to epic win, epic ween is an overwhelmingly negative term used mainly in [[trolling]] circles to deride the efforts of [[newfag]] failtrolls. It is most often used nowadays in conjuction with the trolling of [[Chris-chan]] and similar [[lolcows]], but not always.

Not to be confused with actual epic win (which it is most definitely not), epic ween is best described thusly:

Imagine, if you will a [[13 year old boy|14-year-old]] with [[Asperger's syndrome]] who has just discovered 4chan's /[[b]]/ [[last Thursday|last week]] and now, hiding his [[acne]]-riddled face behind his [[Guy Fawkes]] mask [[memefag|spewing memes at all in earshot like projectile vomit]], is laboring under the [[delusion]] that he's part of some super seekrit [[Fight Club]]-esque underground [[trolling]] movement that does bad things and is [[hardcore]] (in short, what the entirety of [[newfags|modern day /b/]] apparently thinks).

Now imagine the sort of [[fail|trolling]] that chortling, shithead kid would do, both [[OTI|on the Internet]] and [[IRL]]. ''That'' is epic ween.

The antics of epic weeners are generally looked upon with scorn by real trolls for being unfunny, tryhard and [[retarded]]. More often than not, epic weeners will attempt to create intricately crafted '[[trollsona|trollsonas]]', aliases that they will go under while their trolling is ongoing. All this serves to do, however, is highlight their [[faggotry]] even more as these trollsonas will inevitably have some kind of tryhard [[gay|hardcore]] sounding name or be based on a character from some lame film, television show or video game that the epic weener thinks is cool.

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n21EqZI3nPg What 'epic ween' sounds like...]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZyS7SDVyMQ Epic ween in action.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nVEaC71VBg Yet more epic weenery.]

==See Also==
*[[Epic Fail]]
*[[Epin]]
*[[Cancer]]
*[[13 year old boys]]
*[[lulz]]- A much nobler cause
* [[List of ways to win at the internet]]
* [[Fail to Win]]
* [[A winner is you]]
* [[You Win the Prize]]
* [[Winrar]]

==External Links==

*[http://www.epicwin.net/ Some cancerous unfunny website by the name of Epic Win]

*[http://www.youtube.com/user/EpicWinNet?ob=5 Their abhorrent youtube channel] 

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{{Timeline|Featured article December 2 & December 3, [[2011]]|[[Bill9929]] and [[Kevin Provance]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Jim Profit]]}}
[[Category:Memes]]