View source for Vypre7

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{{Tranny}}
{{virgin}}<br>
{{ib|[[File:ArizonaNeckbeardGordon.jpg|270px]]}}
{{Ibhead|Gordon Darby}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|<small>Oct 3, 1997</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|<small>[[Americunt]]</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|<small>[[White devils|The Master Race]]</small>}} 
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|<small><s>[[Male]]</s> [[Furry]] [[Shemale]]</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Sexuality'''|<small>"[[Pansexual]]"</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|<small>[[NEET]]</small>}}
{{ibrow|'''An Hero?'''|No, not yet at least.}}
{{Ibend}}
'''vypre7''', also known as '''bigjigglyham''', '''UnknownMark.exe''', and formerly known as '''MrCrazyBolt5150''' (Powerword: Gordon Darby), is the most miserable [[neckbeard]] to ever come out of the middle of nowhere [[Arizona]]. His tale of [[Manchild|neuroticy]] is one of [[China|plagiarism]], [[LoveShy|sexual deviancy]], [[Dying Alone|depression]], [[Reddit]] nonsense, a [[Brittany Venti|failed streaming career]], and a major [[want]] for [[90 Day Jane|self-removal]] despite several [[You fail it|failed attempts]], earning himself the definitive title of "Arizona [[Doomer]]". With this very page, it is expected that things are gonna get much, much [[Oh noes|worse]] for him, while we fine folk at [[ED]] can only observe from the sidelines, [[ROFL|pointin' n' laughin']] at his [[lulzy]] [[Tard rage|cryin' n' ragin']].

Gordon, if you happen to stumble across this article, we would like you to know that [[everything]] you do is absolutely pointless, and as soon as you process every bit of information on this article without reluctance, you should, by now, develop the [[Balls|testicular grapefruits]] to [[DO IT FAGGOT|remove yourself]] from this plane of existence successfully. 

==Gordon wants to be like the cool kids!==
[[File:BabyGordon.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Gordon at [[Baby|Level 1]], with his dead faggot father.]]
[[Over 100 years ago|Once upon a time]], baby Gordon discovers the [[Lie|magical world]] of teh [[internets]]. Days later, he might've stumbled onto baby's first [[RedTube|porn site]], baby's first [[Stripper|desktop stripper]], baby's first [[Evony|erotic]] [[MMORPG|MMO]][[MMORPG Freak Out|RPG]], baby's first [[Sonic CulT|toxic online forum]], and baby's first [[The Pirate Bay|illegal downloading site]], [[Childhood Ruined|purging him of his childhood innocence]] and marking the first step towards the life of a crusty [[basement-dwelling]] goblin; minus the basement, of course, since he lives in a trailer park.

Gordon, now wanting to be like [[Cool Guy|the big boys]], started creating his first [[social media]] accounts around [[2009]]. Life just went downhill from there for the Arizona Doomer, and in [[2014]], his faggot father went 'n [[Dead|croaked]], throwing Gordon into his crybaby [[emo]] phase and making him lose the will to live over the fact that he'll never have his tickly [[ass]] and hairy balls rubbed by daddy's wrinkled hands ever again.

Gordon met Blade (Powerword Unknown), his childhood friend, for the first time during [[Middle East|middle school]]. Based on Blade's [[IIRC]], Gordon wasn't nearly as neurotic back then as he is now, but he still did flip his shit from time to time when even the ''slightest'' things didn't go how he wanted, and each time he did, the entire class had to walk laps around the school campus like a fucking [[hivemind]] until he settled down. One particularly lulzy incident was when Blade tried to get him to stop [[Bawww|bawwwing]] and, out of nowhere, Gordon shouted "[[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|IT'S CROTCH KICKING TIME!!!]]" and began furiously flailing his legs like a pants-shitting [[Toddlercon|toddler]] in an attempt to kick Blade's [[Ballsack|peenal area]], which Blade managed to evade because of fucking course! Every single freakout after that wasn't as lulzy, and sadly, no known incidents have been recorded and posted on the internets.

==Youtuber history==
[[File:GayLion346.jpg|thumb|right|150px|[[Babby]]'s first Jewtube channel.]]
[[File:boltanddarkbolt.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Comparison between Bolt and "Dark Bolt"; They look as [[No|different]] as [[Vietnamese]] people.]]
He started [[Youtube]] around 2009 under the name Greenlion346, where he posted [[Tobuscus|shitty gaming videos]] with his crappy [[Wal-Mart]] computer mic and a pirated copy of [[Fraps]]. Much like [[Gender dysphoria|sexually confused]] [[16-year-old girls]] with autism up the ass, he had gone through two different [[Name my band|name changes]] later in his time on youtube, the first being Boltage14, before changing to his more well-known moniker MrCrazyBolt5150. During his time with the CrazyBolt name, he began shitting out [[unfunny]], [[butthurt]]-induced [[Microsoft Sam]] videos, which, despite their lack of humorous quality, somehow managed to gain him some ([[Truth|undeserved]]) [[popularity]], such as a following amongst neurotic [[Underage|kids]] in the [[Closing Logos Wiki|Logo Editing]] circlejerk who constantly [[Brutal honesty|made fun of him]], initiating step two of shaping Gordon into who he is today.

Gordon named his channel after Daxter5150, an obscure Youtube group that, back in the day, specialized in content that was obviously [[Lie|way better]] than his, which he liked and frequently tried to [[Plagiarism|plagiarize]] because he had severe [[Coincidence Detector|ecolalia]]. He was friends with two of the channel's members, [[Spic|Jose]] and [[Jap|Shel]] (the latter was not part of the group at the time), who were members of a [[circlejerk]] called "[[Cool kids club|The Ohana]]", which Gordon eventually [[Newfag|weaseled himself into]] about a year before Daddy Darby's death.


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|<youtube>ZMkiPOHJd94</youtube>
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[[File:GordonCommunityDrama.jpg|thumb|right|175px|Gordon after trying to stick his hand is some SNCA drama.]]
When Gordon was not making shitty MS Sam, [[rants]], or gaming videos, he made crappy [[GoAnimate]] grounded vids out of users who [[Crybaby|hurt his]] [[feelings]] [[OTI]]. A majority of these users were dumbass kids from the [[Closing Logos Wiki|Logo Editing]] fandom, despite Gordon not having been a [[Logo Kids|Logotard]] himself. One kid by the name of [[BrainPOP|Seth Stewart]] managed to [[Triggered|piss him off]] so hard (just by [[Death threats|threatening to kill him in his sleep and cut his penis off]] in a [[Skype]] voice message) that Gordon dedicated several episodes of his shitty Microsoft Sam series to attacking Seth. Gordon, being Gordon, naturally had it out for Seth, making it increasingly difficult to let go of his [[Grudgewank|hateboner]] for him and come up with [[Original Content|new villains]] for a fucking change. The characters he used for antags around this time included [[Hank Hill]], Satan from [[Sega|PuyoPuyo]], Bebe's Kids (because of course Gordon would hate baby shows), some [[Miiverse|ex-miiwhore]] named Ari, and an "evil" version of himself called [[Liquid Chris|Dark Bolt]]. Blade even offered his own OCs, [[Minami-Kousaka|Julius]] and [[Haihaikittyppg|Barin]], as antags to keep Gordoneckbeard from using a [[A-Log|childhood bully]] (ORLY?), but as usual, Gordonigger thought his idea was [[gay]] and quickly went back to having Seth be the antagonist because letting go of a grudge is apparently an alien concept to him. [[Some argue|Legend says]] that Gordon is still butthurt, but Seth, on the other hand, has probably forgotten all about him by now.

After his [[Suicidal Failure|failed attempt at committing nonexist]] in [[2019]], he [[Deleted fucking everything]]. His [[Deleting Your YouTube Videos|shitty series was no longer plaguing]] the Jewtubes, his social media accounts were [[Baleeted|sent to]] [[oblivion]], and best of all, his discord was [[Hax|breached]] and cleared by an anonymous benefactor. Almost a year later, he [[Flounce|shows up again]] under a third rebranding "[[Peanuts|snoopythe3rd]]" (more like [[Not funny|PoopyTheTurd]] LOL), which was [[G2G|quickly abandoned]] after the rest of the Ohana (then renamed to the [[SpongeBob|Peenie Weenie]] club) broke off, at which point he [[Go fuck yourself|ditched]] Youtube completely in favor of a streaming service called [[SNCA|Kick]] (also known as [[Poverty|Po' Man's]] [[Twitch]]) and began using his present dual monikers "UnknownMark.exe" and "vypre7" as well as changing his powerword to "[[IKEA|Mark Gustavsson]]", deadnaming his old powerword like an abused [[Tranny|Troonager]] in a strict [[Islam|Muslim]] household.


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|<youtube>LBhiNreUc8Y</youtube>
;bigjigglybutthole's promo for his (now-abandoned) JewTube.
|<youtube>53tm2wWQTaU</youtube>
;[[Tiktok|Tiktokthiccthot]] shit.
|<youtube>O73mLMJx81s</youtube>
;[[Instagram|Instajews]] shit.}}
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==The Ohana==
[[File:GordonBSOD.jpg|thumb|right|250px|PROOF: Gordon is a computer genius!]]
The Ohana originally started as a collective on [[DeviantART]] sometime after [[2012|the supposed end of the world]]. As you'd expect, it was a group of autists and Tartlets who were glued together by one mutual interest: FUCKING [[Nintendo|NINTENDO]]! Two of its members, Jose and Shel, who were both [[dumb]] enough to be [[Hurr|friends with]] this neckbeard, decided to [[Mistake|include him]] in the Ohana orgyparty. During his time there, he acted like he was the [[King of the Weeaboos|king of the fucking world]], frequently [[R9gay|berating and shunning away]] the male members and making [[Asking For It|creepy advances]] towards the females because we all know Gordon is into [[GOTIS]] bitches and only joined the Ohana to get himself some hairy, smelly, [[Belle Delphine|gamer girl pussy]], aside from [[Quickscoping|OWNING NEWBZ]] and [[Rage|angrily berating]] his fellow Ohana congregates in [[TF2]] and [[Super Smash Bros]]. There was also an incident where he called his friends a bunch of [[niggers]] in a fit of tard rage after trying to install [[Linux]] on his [[Windows]]-based [[Battlestation]] <s>like a complete dumbass</s> because HEZ A [[I have an IQ of 140|CUMPYEWTOR GEENEEUZ]] LOLZORZ!

[[File:GordonTantrumComic.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Tartlet's depiction of how Gordon throws a temper tantrum.]]
He eventually got involved in a [[Orgy|Polyamorous relationship]] with Shel and a few other members of this collective, who he also recruited as part of a writing team for Seasons 7-8 of his shitty Error series ("team" is an overstatement, as their ideas were never used because Boltybitch wanted things [[Burger King|his way]]). He frequently [[Domestic violence|abused]] the fuck out of this relationship, the reasons being that there were [[Not gay|other dudes]] involved (ew), and because he wanted to [[Bukkake|hog the females]] all to himself so he could fulfill his [[Wishful thinking|fantasies]] of becoming [[Unrealistic Expectations|an IRL]] [[Harem Comedy|harem]] [[Animu|ANIMAY]] [[otaku|protag]]. His long string of [[bullshit]] eventually caused this relationship to crumble down like the [[9/11|WTC]] <s>[[JEWS DID WTC|thanks to the]] [[jews]]</s>, marking the final step towards him attaining doomer status.


<big>{{quote|I'm done. I'm leaving this godforsaken existence. Fuck all of you.|Gordon's last post on his DeviantShit}}</big>


[[File:Gordon2016.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Accurate depiction of Boltybaby being miserable as usual.]]
Back in [[At least 100 years ago|the yesterday time of 2019]], Shel ([[accidentally]]) sent a [[Hate Speech|long-ass message]] to Gordon [[Truth|calling him a Grade-A faggot]], making him so [[depressed]] that he decided to attempt [[an hero]] for the first time. Literally every single faggot in the Ohana became [[PostSecret|alerted to his wanting to die]], and soon his efforts were thwarted. He spent the next three days trapped inside a [[Creepypasta/The Holders|padded cell]] in a [[Bondage|straitjacket]] (with his disgusting [[ass]] exposed so the [[Pedobear|orderlies]] can easily "[[Anal rape|treat]]" him) in a [[insane|happy home]], deprived of internet and [[Chickenshit|chicken nuggets]]. He was eventually let go after being told by the staff to [[Grow up|grow the fuck up]], which he obviously [[Lolwut?|didn't take note of]] because [[Yes|advice is gay]].

The Ohana eventually turned into a [[Civil War|Republicans-versus-Democrats-type situation]]. Jose, Shel, G, and Blade had the [[common sense]] to [[G2G|ditch the Ohana]] and distance themselves, while Anna, Kodi, "Best" Rob, Milo, and Damon [[BRB Joining ISIS|stayed together]] because they're the kinds of autists who [[Asking for it|easily forgive]].

==Peenie Weenie Club==
The successor to the Ohana, and what was initially intended to be some [[Keemstar|crappy podcast]]. Founded by Gordon and his ass-kisser Blazi, they included some members of the broken Ohana, while Kodi, "Best" Rob, and Damon chose to stay on the sidelines, obviously knowing better than to make contact with Gordon but at the same time not wanting to [[Showing Animals Respect and Kindness|hurt the delicate feelings]] of the gullible friends who [[WTF|took pity]] on him.

This predictably didn't last long, and soon, the Weenies broke up permanently. The deets are as of yet unknown, but it can be assumed that Gordon threw [[Lol|yet another]] [[Sperg|temper tantrum]] at Milo and Anna, causing them to retreat back into their other friends' circle like a bunch of [[cock]]roaches. Milo and Damon still (for some bullshit reason) kept in touch with Blazi, while Gordong was pretty much left [[Dying Alone|friendless]] and began [[Stalking|cyberstalking]] under a new name "vypre7". The others quickly caught on to his antics, leading to Damon having a panic attack and calling his neckbeard ass out while the rest of the party cockblocked his ass.


[[File:DamonMentalBreakdownAtGordon.png|center|400px]]


A couple of months later, the side-orgy gets into a [[Joe Biden|political scuffle]] involving Anna and Damon because it turns out Damon is a [[Democrat|progressive]] [[SJW]] snowflake as opposed to Anna being a [[Republican|pure]], [[Hole|holy]], [[Christian]] [[fangirl]] of that super-amazing Badass mothafucka' [[The Donald]], breaking that circlejerk apart much the same way and leading to Milo and Damon crawling back to Jose and Shel with their [[Fellatio|heads]] tucked [[Sorry Day|between their own buttcheeks]].


[[File:DamonOffendedAtRepublican.png|center|400px]]


==Deadbeat [[Anthony Merino|Rent-A-Cop]] Job==
[[File:GordonDarbyMallCop.jpg|thumb|right|150px|CUMING SOON: Gordon Darby [[Mallcore|Mall Cop]]!]]
After the passing of his elderly pedophile father, Gordon was left in a dilemma. All he wanted to do in life was sit on his fat ass playing [[Doom 4|Doom 2016]] all while being a general asshole, but he had to concede the horrifying truth that he needed to get a fucking job (unlike your unemployed ass), and so he applied for a position as a deadbeat Rent-A-[[Cop]] at a [[Costco|Wholesale Store]], a [[Federal Reserve|Bank]], and a [[Microsoft]] [[Security Faggots|Data Center]], where he would do nothing but [[Masturbation|wank off]] to [[surveillance]] tapes of the [[Sick fuck|women's bathroom stalls]] whenever he wasn't [[Loiter Squad|standing at the front entrance]] looking like a [[piece of shit]]. During this time, he got into IRL political and religious sissy fights with a co-worker, harassed a [[Chris-chan/People#Barbara_Chandler_.28Mother.29|senile old lady]] at the store, and even developed an addiction to <s>[[cocaine]]</s> [[Caffeine|G-Fuel]], causing him to have an [[anxiety]] attack and being rushed to the hospital where he ended up filing for [[Boo boo|medical leave]] <s>so he'd have more time for [[vidya]] and getting [[fat]] off of [[MrBeast]] Burger</s>. Lucky for Boltybitch, his [[Boss Nigger|boss wasn't a tough bastard]] and approved it. However, he eventually got [[fired]] after six months of absence, all because he, with the [[Retard|cranial capacity]] of his [[Hitler|left testicle]], changed his [[Cellphone|phone number]] and completely forgot to notify his [[Final Boss of the Internet|boss]].

SnoopyPoopy [[Ragequit|never sought]] another job<s> since...</s> until about a year later when he applied for the same position again. Let's see how long he'll be able to keep that job until he inevitably fucks up again... >;)


[[File:GordonDarbyRentACop2024.png|center|450px]]


==GoFundMe Scam==


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|<youtube>iqO1sYF7zyA</youtube>
;Gordon being bad at [[FPS|Splitgate]]...
|<youtube>WH2pceM1rr4</youtube>
;While trying to be a [[Fugly|cute]] [[femboy]] [[Virtual YouTubers|VTuber]].}}
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[[File:GordonShit1.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Even his sibling hates him!]]


As mentioned before, Gordon fucking hated it in Arizona, despite being surrounded by a [[Special Snowflake Syndrome|cushy life]] where he got [[Vidya|everything]] [[McDonald's|he]] [[Pr0nz|ever]] [[Internet|wanted]] and with a [[family]] that [[Child Abuse|still gave a shit]] about their hopeless son. He would frequently use his hatred for Arizona to [[Gimme Pizza|extort money]] from other people, which he would claim the money is for his "escape", but would instead [[Chris-Chan|burn it on computer parts, gaming equipment, and other frivolous crap]]. As soon as he lost all of his friends, he and his Gay Lover Blazi started a [[Miss Scarlett|GoFundMe]] to get him out of Arizona, crossing their fingers that some <s>sucker</s> rando would stumble across their [[Slaton Sisters|GoFundMe]] page and donate an exorbitant amount to help Darbytard <s>buy [[moar]] toyz</s> escape from [[Your mom|his bitch mother]] and the rest of his [[cuckservative]] family.
=== Remnants of the GoFundMyBadHabits scam ===
<br><center><gallery>
File:BlaziGoFundMe1.jpeg|thumb|Take one
File:BlaziGoFundMe2.jpeg|thumb|Take two
File:BlaziGoFundMe3.jpeg|thumb|Take three
File:BlaziGoFundMe4.jpeg|thumb|OMG WHEN DOES IT END!
File:BlaziGoFundMe5.jpeg|thumb|Gordon's mom's reaction
</gallery></center><br>
{{clear}}

Gordon's mother [[Oh noes|caught on]] with the [[Jenny McDermott|GoFundMe scam]] and eventually, that shit was [[Abandonware|abandoned]] after her asshole son's most recent [[Kill Yourself|self-deletion]] attempt (see "V& Again" below). The only real donation they've ever received was five dollars from a troll or a gullible retard. Everything else was [[Nothing of value was lost|nothing ventured, nothing gained]].

The page is still up if anybody wants to donate a penny under the name "[[LULZ|Gordon Darby's Dead Faggot Father]]". ;)

==Gordon's Gay Lover(s)==
Despite being a [[virgin]] [[Virgin with rage|with rage]], Gordonigger managed to woo quite a few people within his circlejerk ([[Truth|unlike you]], [[fuckface]]!), namely...

[[File:BlaziBucktooth.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Blazi's ugly fuckin' IRL mug.]]
==== Blazi ====
{{Dying|[[Diabetes|Fat]]}}


'''Blazikenpwnsyou''' (Powerword: Alexander Denny) is Gordon's [[Teeth|buck-toothed]] [[White knight|ass-kisser]] from Bloomington, [[Illinois]]. He looks like a [[Hollywood]] boulevard [[Donald Trump]] impersonator if he headbutted a [[cow]] and got [[Down syndrome]] from it, no doubt dooming him to a life of no bitches. This is especially noticeable with his [[imaginary girlfriend]] Billie, an OC who's been specifically designed to cater to Blazitard's fucked-up fetishes. First and foremost, LaziBlazi designed her so that every piece of attire she wears shows her [[Pantsu|panties]]. No pants, no skirt, just full fuckin' [[Underwear|commando]]. He also has fetishes for enlarged [[Tits and ass|TNA]], [[vaginas]], and [[Scat|feminine discharge]] on his face. He once asked for a [[Pregnant Loli|prego]] commission of Billie [[Pregnophile|giving birth]] and sliding the [[Babyfuck|newborn fetus along his dick]] using her Miigina. But this section ain't about her; this is about the LADA-ridden [[fat]] fuck who's, to date, been the only person to ever [[Gay|truly love]] the Arizona Doomer. Despite this, his love for Gordon has not stopped him from tugging his nasty, foreskin-laden [[Penis|weenus]] to Billie every now and then. He also likes taking pictures of his pecker and photoshopping transparent images of [[Pokemon]] riding on the tippy-top of it since Blazikenfuckspikachu is never gonna stick his wiener into the [[pooper]] of any actual living, breathing creature (and neither will [[you]] ROFLMAO). He posts his Gmod fetish shit on his [https://www.pillowfort.social/Blazikenpwnsyou Pillowfort.]

Like Gorilla gordon before him, he also has his own Error series, which is even more unfunny and chock full of autistic "storytelling" that you forget it even has a story to begin with. And since Blazi is Gordong's dick-kisser, he's obviously going to antagonize the people on his shitlist, especially Jose and Shel, whom he seems to have the biggest hateboners for.

[[File:BlaziBillie.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Billie, Blazi's badly designed OC, traced into his own childish "[[Shit|style]]".]]
Even after all the shit Gordon put him through, Blazi still stuck with him through [[Foreskin|thick 'n thin]] and remains his friend to this day. Gordon would often manipulate him by talking about how terrible his mother is, obviously twisting stories in his favor kinda like [[China]] denying the existence of [[Taiwan]]. These stories were quick to make Blazi infuriated, causing him to make long-ass rants calling Gordon's bitch mother out for her supposed bad treatment of his [[Princess Molestia|distressed damsel]] of a "boyfriend".

Just like with the [[Laura Kate Dale|GoFundMe scam]], Gordonigger's mother caught on and LOL'd her ass off, causing Blazi to feel [[Scared kitty|intimidated]] enough to [[BLANKING IN PROGRESS|baaaaalete]] the rants. Thankfully, we fine folk at ED were able to capture snippets of the jibber-jabber he [[Shit|shat]] out of his crusty, unwiped, diabetic [[ass]].
<br><center><gallery>
File:Blazi1.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi2.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi3.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi4.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi5.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi6.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi7.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi8.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi9.jpg|thumb|
File:Blazi10.jpg|thumb|
</gallery></center><br>
{{clear}}

==== Jack Daniels ====
'''[[Alcohol|Jack Daniels]]''' (Powerword: Jack Daniels) is Gordon's only true bestest best best best best best friend in [[Za warudo|the whole wide world]]. Gordon turned to Jack after his Lardass ex-girlfriend [[Break up|dumped him]], and ol' Jacky-boy did his best to pull Darbytardy through some [[First World Problems|tough times]]. Unfortunately, he couldn't pull him through Shel's [[Fuck you|hurtful words]] driving him to [[How to become an hero|suicide]], nor could he pull him through the remaining members of the Ohana [[GTFO|ostracising him]].


<center>{{frame|<youtube>uwtjL9UI4uQ</youtube>}}</center>


==== Fireball, White Claw, and other drinks ====
Friend of Jack, but [[meh|nothing more]] than an acquaintance to Gordon. He likes to wash down his Jack with a lil' bit of Fireball and/or White Claw. He even considered giving this other drink called Everclear a try but [[never]] actually did (just like how you never actually got a girlfriend despite consideration, LOL). Darbybitch was also known to drink [[SNCA|Smirnoff]] whenever he wasn't [[Blowjob|swiggin']] on Jack.

[[File:GordonsSexyGirlfriend.jpg|thumb|right|225px|Gordincel's GF in the flesh.]]
==== [[IBM]] Keyboard ====
The very object that took Gordon's virginity. Blazibitch bought this shit for him back in 2019 for Valentine's Day (three months before his [[Suicide|audition for that year's Golden iPod Awards]]), to help him alleviate himself of his [[Herpes|blueballitis]]. This isn't bullshit; he started by pressing his dick on the numpad, then started slowly sliding it across the rest of the keys, bringing him to orgasm faster than all the imaginary sex he used to have with his [[Boyfriend-free girl|fugly ex-girlfriend]] on Skype. He would do this constantly, as the sounds of the keys being pressed stimulated his peepee. Definitely a good investment!

==== G-Fuel-Chan ====
Milo drinks things like [[Monster cock|Monster]] or Red Bull, and since Gordon believes that [[Spending too long on the internet|doing things that are the opposite]] of [[Troll|someone you hate]] is the best way to get revenge, started going out with this [[Crack Epidemic|powdered]] chick named G-Fuel-Chan. G-Fuel-Chan went in Gordon's mouth, and [[Goatse|up his butt]], not only because of his hatred for the aforementioned energy drinks per association, but because he also believed it would [[Romans|enlargen his penus]]. Later [[Never Drinking Again|dumped G-Fuel-Chan]] after being admitted to the hospital for an [[Seizure|anxiety attack]], which in turn got him fired from his job as a deadbeat [[Moderator|rent-a-cop]].

==Gordon's Shitlist==
[[File:GordonNeverGotThis.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Gordon and Anna after another satisfying session of internet sex.]]
*'''AnnaTheGameGirl/Nebulanna''' - Gordon's [[Fugly|fat n' ugly]] ex-girlfriend, entitled [[Karen]], regular at [[Fast Food|Culvers]], talentless Tartlet, and avid supporter of that great man [[Donald Drumpf|The Donald]]. Her role in the Ohana was... pitiful. Frequently did free art commissions, [[Role-playing|Tickle RPs]], and tons of [[Cyber Rape|other questionable shit]] with Gordong except [[Tits or GTFO|sending]] him [[n00dz]] (BCUZ SHEEZ KRISHTAN). And whenever he would throw an [[E-Tantrum]] at his circlejerk, she would always try to convince the other members to [[We Apologize|help her throw him a]] [[Pity Sex|pity party]] like an obsessed, overdramatic housewife with [[Stockholm Syndrome]], and would have a [[Hissy Fit|panic attack]] whenever they said no to her. Finally had the guts to dump Gordon's hairy ass in 2019, leading to his [[Alcoholism]] and even being a key factor in his first [[Pseudocide|An Hero attempt]]. Despite this, the only thing she wouldn't do for him was [[Tits or GTFO|send]] [[n00dz]].
[[File:GordonShittyAriEdit.jpg|thumb|right|250px|One of Gordon's edits to Ari's little kid comments.]]
*'''Ari''' - Some piece of GOTIS [[Jailbait]] that constantly got into [[Internet sissy fight|internet sissy fights]] with Gordon, because we all know that all manchildren are prone to getting into [[Shitting Dick Nipples|Keyboard Wars]] with actual children OTI, provided of course they haven't developed [[Onision|predatory]] tendencies with them, which Arizona Neckbeard thankfully [[Lie|didn't]] with this bitch (or maybe he did, IDK).
*'''Bladehero22/MysticBlade''' - Someone Gordon used to go to school with and another former member of the Ohana, as stated previously. Much like Jose and Shel, he cut Vypervert's ass off after seeing how much of a greaseball he's been molded into. Before all that, he constantly let himself get jumped on and used as a meat shield by his "[[Lie|childhood friend]]" because he knew how delusional Gordon was and took pity on him (much like everybody else did and how Blazi still does).
*'''Damon/Dee''' - Another talentless tartlet, 1337 [[HAXED|HAX0R]] who broke into Boltybaby's abandoned discord, and [[Offended|internet vigilante against]] the [[INTERNET HATE MACHINE|hate machine]] who clearly didn't get the memo that [[Truth|picking on children and autistic people OTI is actually pretty cool]]. Just as prone to panic attacks as Anna, and much like the other males in the Ohana, was constantly [[Foot Fetish|stepped on]] by Supreme Emperor Gordon. Was recently outed for pedophilia along with his [[Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome|troony]] lover Milo and has a habit of forgiving Blazi for fucking shit up.
*'''Daxter5150''' - As stated before, Gordontard used to be a fan of this shitty Youtube group and used to congregate with two of its members in the Ohana circlejerk. When the shit hit the fan back in 2019, he made them his [[hatefag|sworn enemies]] like a butthurt little kid who got told on by a [[Concerned Parent]] and tried numerous times to upstage them, plagiarize them, and even defame them only for each attempt to fall flat and him to be [[Threatening suicide|driven to An Hero]] immediately afterward.
**'''[[Florida|Jose]]''' - The only original member of the channel, the person who used to be [[Fangirl|idolized]] to all [[hell]] by Gordon, and the one who deprived him of his 2019 [[Golden iPod]] award. Was often (but not always) spared from any harsh treatment from Darbaby during his time in the Ohana, but eventually got a big fat "fuck you" from him as a thanks for saving his life. He's also really fucking fugly, as pretty much all [[Cuba|Cubanos]] are.
**'''[[New Zealand|Shel]]''' - Gordon's relationship with Anna did not stop him from [[Misogyny|making advances]] on other GOTIS bitches. And despite Shel being just as fugly as her Spic boyfriend, she was nevertheless still among the unfortunate ladies to get picketed for [[Sex by association|peepee stimulation]] by Gordon and had to constantly put up with him [[Angery|freaking out]] at her, with the worst incident being during a TF2 session, probably because she was better at the game than him. Also constantly owned his ass at Smash and PuyoTet, with the latter being used on a crusty Windows 7 dinosaur computer. Sent him a [[Nobody likes you|mean message]] in 2019, causing the Ohana to shrink down (like [[Micropenis|ur penis]] LOLOLOLOLOL) and making him want to [[Kill Yourself|kill himself]].
**'''The other members''' - Meanwhile, he harbored a deep hatred for Shawn and Flynn, the other two members of the channel, simply because they were [[The Best|better]] friends to Jose and Shel than he ever was. Shawn is a [[Trailer Park Boys|half-Canukistani]] nerd from [[New York]], while Flynn is a [[Injun|Feather nigger]] and [[Sega]] fanboy from [[California]] (ironically the same state where Gordon was born). All things considered, those two, and pretty much every other former member of the channel, did the right fucking thing and [[Ain't nobody got time for that|stayed out]] of the Ohana.
[[File:GordonGayKissTheSims.jpg|thumb|right|175px|The Sims screenshot that started his [[Homophobia|gayphobia]], despite him being an [[Streisand Effect|SJW snowflake]].]]
*'''GWizard777 ([[Good Korea|Good Rob]])''' - Of all the male members of the Ohana, this guy was the one Gordon pushed around the most. Like Blade, Darbytard constantly made him his butt-monkey and even made several unfunny, depreciating jokes about him in his videos, all because of a screenshot depicting them kissing each other in [[The Sims]]. At first, G thought it was nothing more than juvenile teasing and dismissed it, but became more and more [[Sus|weary]] of his bullshit as time kept growing (unlike your penis LOLOLOLOL). Was the first to [[G2G|leave]] the Ohana before Gordong's first attempt to [[Shotgun mouthwash|commit die]] in 2019 and managed to convince everyone else except Blazi to GTFO out of there. Unfortunately, he couldn't convince Anna, Damon, Kodi, Milo, and the other Rob to stay away from Gordonigger as soon as he [[Flounce|returned]].
*'''LandmarkSpring/DealingOctoling ([[Best Korea|Best Rob]])''' - Now, this guy's [[Yes|DEFINITELY]] a Grade-A faggot, seeing how he's a [[Canada|Canuckistani]] with a taste for children and RP personas. Was the [[Boyfriend|foybriend]] of Kodi before she decided not to give him her [[tits|hairy nipples]] & [[Pussy|coochie]] and dumped his ass, pretty much reducing him to the status of an [[MGTOW|incel nobody]] who needs to [[Suicidechan|do the world a favor]], and we don't mean in [[You fail it|the ways]] that Gordontard tried...
*'''Maudiewanna50/Seth''' - Some annoying kid on the internet from back in 2013-15 whose antics inspired a plethora of GoAnimate grounded vids getting made out of him. Threatened to kill Gordon in his sleep and snip off his peener in a Skype voice message, but since he was a dumb little kid, he didn't actually go through with it. This still did, however, make Gordon angry enough to dedicate several episodes of his shitty Error series to antagonizing Seth and even shat out crappy Grounded vids out of him. About a year later, Daxter5150 made their own Grounded series out of Seth, and it was [[Lie|way better]] than Gordong's.
*'''Milo''' - Another (YOU GUESSED IT) former member of the Ohana and [[Youtube Poop|ex-Youtube Pooper]]. Became [[FTM]] sometime after leaving the group, obviously upsetting Gordon. Angry from being deprived of GOTIS pussy once again, Gordon begins harassing Milo OTI using the same, rehashed "I'm going to [[Anal rape|rape]] you" threats taken from 2010's-era raging [[Xbox Live]] [[Tryhard|tryhards]], and even demanding <s>she</s> he [[Never|go back]] to being female. When Milo cut him off for the last time (after Gordonigger announced plans to move to [[Alabama]] to live with <s>her</s> him and Damon but they said LOLNO), Gordon made yet another failed attempt to [[Kurt Cobain|exhaust his own lifelines]] (see "V& Again" below). Also is quick to easily forgive Blazi every time he fucks up.
*'''Pixelboid/Kodi''' - Revulsive GOTIS Tartlet with hairy nipples, a nasty coochie, a [[Shotacon]] complex, and Gordon's fat ex-girlfriend's ex-bestie from the [[United Kingdom|land of buck-teeth and Fish n' Chips]]. Was yet another object of Gordontard's "[[Raep|affections]]" before she predictably stopped being friends with him upon his breakup with Anna. Friendship ended with Anna after the both of them got outed for "[[stealing]]" OCs that they probably drew and/or helped design.
*'''[[UTTP]]''' - Yes, Gordonfag was yet another victim of the [[Tommy Parky|UTubeFailPolice]] hurting his delicate feelings. Had a hate boner for one of its members, Stephen Larson in particular, not just for his association with the UTTP, but because he was a [[Philippines|Pinoy]], certifying Gordon as a [[KKK|grand wizard]] in addition to a [[God Hates Fags|fag killer]].
*'''[[Your Mom|His Own Mother]]''' - In case it wasn't already made clear, Yes. Darbytard hates the supposedly vile witch that projectile [[Birth Control|shat him]] into this world. Not because she was [[CP|physically or emotionally abusive]] or any of that, but because she made him and the rest of the family move to the Arizona desert to care for his [[Old|aging]], right-wing, Christian [[Lemonparty|Grandfather]], to help them get more in touch with our lord n' savior Jesus Christ, and to offer their support for that badass pussygrabber who's saving America: [[Bad Vlad|The Donald]]! Gordincel, having been tainted by [[ZOG|SJW brainwashing]], does not like any of this, and since he's too [[lazy]] and entitled to do anything, he can only resort to [[Cry|bitching and whining]] about how much he hates his wrinkly hunk of [[MILF|leftovers]] of a mother.

==[[V&]] Again==
[[File:GordonAnHero1.jpg|center|300px]]
[[File:GordonAnHero2.jpg|center|300px]]
[[File:GordonAnHero3.jpg|center|300px]]


Around the end of September 2023, Gordonsperg realized his GoFundMe scam, his [[Cocktease|sexual advances]] towards Milo, and pretty much his entire [[life]] now that we think about it, wasn't going anywhere at this point, and he made another failed attempt at [[Kys|self-delete]]. His butt-boy Blazi was the first to find out what his shemale princess was gonna do to himself and [[Reportfag|DIALED FUCKING EVERYBODY]] within Gordon's vicinity to come to his rescue. Fortunately for those involved, the fat fuck was, as usual, in [[ROFLMAO|no immediate danger]], and he was soon strapped into the [[Waaaambulance]] and hauled off to the nuthouse, <s>where he's gonna spend the next 90 days to a year [[Prison rape|taking it up the ass]] from the [[Bubba|creepy orderlies]]. Reap what you sow, faggot!</s> DISREGARD THAT, THEY JUST KEPT HIM FOR THREE DAYS LIKE LAST TIME. Feel free to whine about him not being [[Almost raped|held longer]] in the discussion tab.
[[File:GordonShit2.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Gordongs's online butt-boy's Facebook post about saving his life (worded as if he was Roleplaying).]]
Around the same time, LazyBlazi exchanged [[Discord]] messages with [[Gullible|Damon]], claiming that he's "[[Lie|breaking up]]" with Darbyemo for a year, meaning that he didn't completely break up with his fat ass for the last and final time as he should've and <s>is gonna get back together with him on precisely September 22nd [[2024 Eclipse|2024]], provided Gordon the Tasmanian Devil doesn't [[Never going to happen|'successfully' off himself]] by then</s> LOL he predictably got back in touch with him shortly after because he suffers from severe Stockholm Syndrome and enjoys the taste of Arizona Cactus Cock.
<br><center><gallery>
File:BlaziSavesGordon1.jpg|thumb|
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File:BlaziSavesGordon9.jpg|thumb|
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File:BlaziSavesGordon11.jpg|thumb|
File:BlaziSavesGordon12.jpg|thumb|
File:BlaziSavesGordon13.jpg|thumb|
</gallery></center><br>
Shel, still bitter about how she was constantly stepped on by Supreme Emperor Gordonipple, found out about Blazi reconnecting with him after browsing through shitty art on [[Google]], then remembered how Blazi flunked an Art class in school and decided to use his crappy [[Gmod]] "artwork" as references, leading her to Blazi's page on a late-2000's-esque [[Bolt|Myspace clone]] called SpaceHey, which was obscure enough to keep LaziBlazi and Darbytard under the radar. Or so they thought...


[[File:BlaziMyspaceClone.png|center|600px]]


It wouldn't be long until Milo and Damon discovered this and called Blazi's diabetic ass out over it, even though they should've done the right thing and told him to go eat his imaginary girlfriend's [[Pamperchu|diapers]]. Why they chose not to break away from his fat ass is anybody's [[Welp|guess]].

==Fur-Trooning Out==
[[File:GordonTrooningOut.png|center|500px]]


On August 27th 2024, Gordon, having been drained entirely of all his sanity, has officially [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|rejected his humanity]] and masculinity. Lord only knows whether or not he's gonna buy a fursuit and bring that shit to work with him...

==Doomer's Gallery==
<br>{{cg|'''Doomer's Gallery'''|fcgallery|center|<gallery perrow="4">
File:ArizonaDoomer.png
File:BlaziMyspaceCloneInspectTool.png|A more ideal edit of LaziBlazi's <s>Myspace</s> SpaceHey.
File:AlexanderDennyPichu.png
File:BoltHeartRippedOut.png|Being DARK AND EDGY.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
File:vypreeatingass.jpg|As if anyone or anything would be willing to eat his hairy, smelly ass.
File:BoltBackInTheDay.jpg|Bolt, back in the good ol' days.
File:BoltEvenYounger.jpg|An even younger Bolt, after having been [[Raep|violated]] by Maudiewannashitty.
File:GordonsHouse.jpg|HIS DOX
File:GordonMoney.jpg
File:BoltFedoraFag.jpg|I came to PWN N00BZ and Fuck Bitches, and I'm gonna fail at both!
File:JailbaitConfession1.jpg|Part 1 of some trooner talking about how Gordon molested <s>him</s> <s>her</s> them.
File:JailbaitConfession2.jpg|Part 2
</gallery>
|}}<br>
== See also ==
*[[Bipolar Disorder]] - Being a closet emo, Darbytard suffers from this.
*[[BPD]] - Another one of Gordong's behavioral traits.
*[[Camhead]] - Did the same shit but realized the error of his ways and left the internet to embrace real life (unlike you, faggot!)
*[[Depression]] - Crutch to get what he wants.
*[[Diogo Mendes]] - Gordonipple if he was a Portuguese Logofag.
*[[Dying Alone]] - It has been prophecized that Gordon will be all alone in his last moments of life as he lays motionless crying himself to permanent sleep.
*[[EDP445]] - Gordonigger if he was a- well... nigger! XD
*[[Glitchlov]] - Gordon look-a-like who thankfully didn't make this page.
*[[Golden iPod]] - The greaseball's long-sought prize of his dreams, and what he's likely to achieve soon (and you too, hopefully).
*[[Homeless]] - Gordon's future, provided he hasn't killed himself or got sent to a sperghouse by then.
*[[Incel]] - What he's been reduced to.
*[[Joey The Autist]] - Dramatic re-enactment of what Boltybitch puts his mother through on a daily basis.
*[[Keegan Salisbury]] - Long lost brother?
*[[Le wrong generation]]
*[[MediaFan2008]] - [[England|Jolly ol' Gordon if 'is doiet conshishtid o' Fish 'n Chips & Tea Toime.]]
*[[Pansexual]] - Claims to be one, but is actually [[Straight|Rapesexual]].
*[[RAGE]] - Something Gorilla Gordon is prone to if he doesn't get his way.
*[[Rape]] - What he never got to do, but probably roleplayed with Anna.
*[[Vyond]] - Used this to make grounded vids out of people who hurt his feelings.

== External Links ==
*{{instagram|markinsta32.dll|Instagram}}
*{{reddituser|vypre7|Reddit}}
*{{tiktok|vypre_7|Tiktok}}
*{{twitter|vypre7|Twitter/X}}
*[https://spacehey.com/profile?id=2131544 '''Knockoff-Myspace''']
*[https://www.pillowfort.social/bigjigglyham '''Pillowfort''']
*[https://bsky.app/profile/bigjigglyham.bsky.social '''Bluesky''']
*{{wayback|https://www.youtube.com/user/mrcrazybolt5150|20161115233432|title=Baleeted Youtube Channel}}
*{{yt|c|UCk-Q-Px51q7gXt4eEpmZeDg|First abandoned YouTube}}
*{{yt|@|unknownmarkexe|Second abandoned YouTube}}
*{{twitter|MrCrazyBolt5150|First abandoned Twitter}}
*{{twitter|snoopythe3rd|Second abandoned Twitter}}
*{{dauser|mrcrazybolt5150|DA (Inactive)}}
*{{tumblr|mrcrazybolt5150|Tumblr (Inactive)}}
*{{instagram|mrcrazybolt5150|Old Instagrahamcrackers (Inactive)}}
*{{askfm|MrCrazyBolt5150|Ask.fm (Inactive)}}
*<s>{{steamid|ISA_MARK_80486DX4|Steam}}</s> (gone)
*{{steamgroup|shadowzoneentertainment|Abandoned Steam Group for his shitty error series}}
*[https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1srpo9g Twitlonger post from his fat ex. Basically a final "fuck you" to him.]
*[https://twitter.com/starpastiche/status/1487651306361786372 Twitter rant from another troon that Gordon wanted to get with.]
*<s>[https://www.tumblr.com/bolts-w1th0ut-nuts Whole ass Tumblr dedicated to putting Darbybaby on welfare for the rest of his life.]</s> (gone)


{{GoAnimate}}
{{Ytseries}}
{{Nintendo}}
{{Dyingalone}}
{{Emoseries}}
{{Manchild}}


[[Category:People]]