View source for Randroid

''See also: [[Ayn Rand]], a dried-up meth-addicted lying sea hag whore.''

[[Image:Ayn_rand.JPG|thumb|The prophet lying through her teeth during her testimony before the House [[Why_do_you_hate_America%3F|Un American Activities]] Committee]]
[[Image:juche.JPG|thumb|Monument to Objectivism]]

A '''Randroid''' is a follower of Objectivism, a [[quasidan|phallocentric]] [[religion]] designed to turn basement dwellers into self-righteous zealots devoted to the worship of a [[Ayn Rand|dead soviet hag]]. It is the most [[ Divide_by_zero|rational belief system]] in human history. 
[[file:ayn rand vs george orwell(eric blair).jpg|thumb|[[Faggot]] or [[whore]]. Choose wisely!]]
Randroids have major hard-ons for big business even though most of them, including Rand herself, have no experience in the business world beyond the cash register at the local Quizno's. According to Objectivism, [[capitalism]] is innately fair and anyone who doesn't earn enough money to make a living simply isn't [[Nice Guy|working hard enough]]. 

Randroids see the world in black and white. Everything can be nicely summed up with bumper stickers and quotes, and a polemic ridden with fallacies and flaws by a guy named Spooner can tell you exactly how the world works. You're either a hard working citizen or a parasitic leech.  

Ayn Rand, as a Jew does, specifically rejected [[Jesus|Jesus H. Christ]] as her Lord and Savior, and (barring an unlikely last-minute change of heart) is currently burning alive in the fiery pits of [[Hell]] as you read this. Somebody didn't pay attention in [[Auschwitz|Sunday school]]!

== ''Atlas Shrugged; Or, My Struggle'' ==

On the night of January 16th 1947, after a day of drug-fueled testimony before the House's Un-American Activities Committee, and a night of transcontinental railroad travel, a twacked-out Ayn Rand fainted in the arms of her twin brother Slappey Rosenbaum, an illegal alien then known as Andy "Randy Andy" Rand. She awoke the next morning in the bathroom of her tidy Hollywood Hills apartment, with her bloomers around her ankles and the platen of a Remington Royal Quiet De Luxe manual typewriter shoved up her ass. Terrifyingly, the bathroom door had been bricked up during her unconsciousness, rendering escape impossible. The bathroom had been stocked with survival supplies, including a small drinking cup, a folder containing a complete run of clipped-out ''Little Orphan Annie'' comic strips, a supply of soap and toilet tissue, a copy of Garet Garrett's 1922 novel ''The Driver'', and forty reams of 20# bond typing paper, plus assorted typewriter ribbons, feminine hygiene supplies, and some Ovaltine. A note, handwritten in feces, had been left on the wall of the shower stall: "Create Your Art -- BITCH! LUV FRANK". Despite her frantic cries for help, neither her husband, actor Frank O'Connor, nor her brother esponded. (Rand would later discover that her twin brother had paid ten years of rent and utilty bills in advance and fled with O'Connor. Rosenbaum then successfully impersonated his sister, taking her place in the eyes of the world -- and in the arms of her husband -- for the subsequent ten years.)

In 1957, after a decade of imprisonment, Rand managed to escape her prison by dissolving the mortar holding the brick wall together with her bile. Making her way to New York, she surprised her brother in his West 34th Street apartment and murdered him with a menorah. (Rand was never charged since no record of Slappey Rosenbaum as a separate person was ever found. She admitted in a posthumous note that she had dismembered her brother with a gold, dollar-sign-shaped brooch, chewed his body into pieces, and disposed of the remains via the toilet.) Assuming her life again, Rand submitted her manuscript for a novel entitled "The Strike" to Random House; this novel, retitled ''Atlas Shrugged'', was published by them in October. The rest is literary history.

The book has recently become popular with [[Republicans]], such as [[Michelle Malkin]] and most of [[Fox News]], who are [[butthurt]] over the victory of the black person [[Muslim]] [[socialist]] [[Barack Obama]]. Most of these Republicans, like most self-proclaimed Objectivists, [[Typical|have never read the book and only know about it through its Wikipedia page]].

Ayn Rand never wrote another work of fiction, or drank Ovaltine, again.

The novel itself is virtually unreadable; only a small percentage of readers actually finish the book, and then only by skipping the chapter containing hero [[torture|John Galt's Speech]]. It [[TL;DR|is simply so long]] that [[Serious Business|being told to read it should be taken as a death threat]], [[FACT|as you are more likely to starve than to finish it]], much like [[bible|the holy babble]].

'''SPOILER''' In the end, the Good Guys (who first destroy the world's economy, which sounds like something the [[freemason|Illuminati]]) go free John Galt from the President of the United States, who is torturing John Galt until he fixes the economy in the most boring rescue mission ever (since the prison guards the prison flee in terror or die upon sight of Dagny). After the rescue mission, the Good Guys "win" by ''hiding in a valley in Colorado'', protected by a ''[[bullshit|magic force field]] that makes people under it invisible from the air''. [[Lulz|For obvious reasons,]] objectivists never, ever mention this part of the story.

== Fundamentals ==
[[Image:Aynrandcartoon.jpg|thumb|left|Zzzzzzzz]]
* Randroids don't believe in God but resent being tagged [[Atheists]]. 
:::: This is probably because they are staunch worshipers of [[Cthulhu|Moloch]], and that is as much as they have in common with the [[Jews]]. 
*Politically they coincide with 100% of the [[libertarian]] platform but Galt save us if you dare group them together. 
* Immanuel Kant is regarded as a monster, [[Hitler]] and [[Communism|Stalin]] being mere passive victims of his altruist morality. It should be noted that few if any Randroids have actually read any of Kant's works, or even a decent introductory text as doing so would be considered sin. Still rational. 
*Randoids (Objectivists) are usually bullshit market anarchists, and worship completely unfettered and unregulated capitalism like Calvinists on steroids.
:: Any arguments with a Randroid based on currently existing examples of capitalism, like corporate corruption and sweatshop/slave labour exploitation for example, are quickly dismissed as “not true examples of capitalism, because they involve state authority”. This is why they sound like Communists and can be used for trolling purposes. 
* Convenient hypocrisy is a staple of Objectivism so they defend anything that doesn't match their cock-eyed definition with cries of "not true Capitalism due to authority involvement". 
:: i.e. [[Bill Gates]] represents true Capitalism, while [[George Soros]]{{jew}} doesn't. Nazi Germany was a bad [[Racist|racially-based]] [[Socialist|welfare/warfare]] State, but Israel is a good [[Racist|racially-based]] [[Socialist|welfare/warfare]] state. You may see a Jew here. 
*Charity is bad.
*All rich people are geniuses who achieved everything they had through hard work and owe nothing to the rich parents who bought them Ivy League educations.

==Power Structure==

Acolytes are brainwashed in grad school or early college and then begin a painful process of [[DO_NOT_WANT|rejection]], [[butthurt|acceptance]] and finally self-[[raep|classification]] into either of the two formal Objectivist sects: 

*The [[nazis|hardliners]]: or "hawks" are centered around the Holy See in Irving, Ca where Ayn Rand left her estate to the State of Israel as yet another perpetual embassy between the two countries. They believe in Militarism, Randian Infallibility, Brandian Fallibility, and the immaculate conception of the Atlas Shrugged. Demanding governments to nuke Tehran is at the top of their priorities. 

*The [[fags|moderates]]: or "faggots" are [http://www.solopassion.com spread] throughout the tubes and present a more [[gay|amicable]], and in that way deceiving, face of Objectivism. They believe in Brandian Infallibility, Randian Fallibility, and the possibility of Atlas Shrugged being a ripoff of [http://mises.org/books/driver.pdf Garet Garrett's 1922 novel The Driver] . Keeping government out of man-boy buttsecks is at the top of their priorities.

Then they change their names to something vaguely [[Nazi|Nordic]] like Branden to cover up their ubiquitous [[Jewish]] origins and [[Israel|Zionist agenda]]. 

== Followers ==
[[File:Typical randroid.jpg|thumb|right|[[13 year old boy|Typical randroid]].]]

Lacking a life, many Randroids are therefore quite active in [[YouTube|JewTube.]] 

=== [[cropperb]] ===

Brandon Cropper is a [[Mormon]] from central Connecticut, and as a good [[Mormon]], he migrated to [[Utah]] where he went broke after opening an [[atheist]] pedophilia consortium known as the "Cropper Lyceum" where he wants to teach 6 year-olds [[homosexuality|the Greek ways]]. After having the entrepreneurial idea of opening an unlicensed atheist kindergarten in the middle of Brigham Young country he focussed his highly valuable time on You Tube, begging for monetary donations like the whiny [[socialist]] {{youtube|KZGA7f2KgT4|leech}} he is or explaining how {{youtube|E-Jp90q7Cw4|niggas are poor because they blow it all on chrome}} (while he blows it all on [[TL;DR|books]])

=== Zsoakes ===

A Muslim-American [[nerd|computer security wannabe]] Mac owner and outspoken rape victim, Zsoakes is delusional enough to believe he is funny. He is also a militaristic asshole who is "emotionally touched" by army propaganda and he totally [[Why_do_you_hate_America%3F|Loves  Uhmerica]]. When he's not [[masturbation|stroking]] his [[penis|ego]], you can find him making diplomatic, sensitive {{youtube|V1irnDGjOkk|videos}} for YouTube.

=== seienchan ===

[http://seienchan.livejournal.com seienchan] [[HAHAHA_DISREGARD_THAT%2C_I_SUCK_COCKS|DISREGARD THAT]], MOVED TO [http://rihatsu62.livejournal.com here] and [http://rihatsu-valleyforge.blogspot.com/ her personal soapbox]:

A 17-year-old Britfag weeaboo-turned-Randroid under the delusion that she's some [[serious business]] in [[1980|America]]. Spends most of her time talking about how black person Obama is, the evils of [[socialism]], and endeavoring to incorporate every aspect of Rand's shitty writing into her life. Deletes any comment she deems not in the spirit of her Fuhrerin, despite having said that she wants criticism and seems to be developing a persecution complex.

=== Jay Naylor ===

[[Jay Naylor]] is a [[furry]] artist with a [[webcomic]] in which his avatar blows shit up and [[Pretty cool guy|doesn't afraid of anything]]. This comic and others of his feature topics such as [[twincest]], [[CAD|walls of text]] and [[LOL WUT|penises looking like sandworms]].

== [[Asking_for_it|Trolling]] ==
Trolling Randroids is as easy as breathing as they will engage in it actively since refuting Wog arguments with deeply embedded dogma, and then being congratulated by its comrades, is the Randroid's raison d'etre and only source of self-esteem. If Libertarians are the gay of politics, then Objectivists are the bottoms. Since Objectivism is [[ALL CAPS|ZOMG TEH ONYL TURLY OBJEKCTIVE WRODLVIEW ZOMG]], any dissent is viewed as ignorance and, the more strongly worded, the more humorous a response it will provoke. Some of the [[lulz]]iest methods for trolling include:


=== General Trolls ===
* Imply that Ayn Rand's philosophy was anything less than logically consistent.
:: ''Since all of them worship her as a deity, this will be viewed by them as the highest form of blasphemy and typically results in comical overreactions and [[ad hominem]]s in retaliation.''

* Force them to note that Rand was a philosopher, by definition someone who produces nothing. Try and get them to name one thing Rand "invented, produced or built". Watch out for the sparks.

* Ask them why Ayn Rand was so obsessed with masculinity, never had children and treated her husband as a lap dog. Be sure to imply self-hatred.

* If reason and rationality are the highest virtues of Objectivism, then why do randroids faithfully and unquestioningly follow Ayn Rand's ideas? Doesn't this contradict reason?

* Furthermore, believing in something you don't rationally understand is mysticism - which not only runs counter to reason, but was vehemently opposed by Ayn Rand. If you can't articulate your belief in Objectivism, you are contradicting reason and the ideology itself.

* Point out that objectivism boils down to the feminine worship of the alpha male archetype. A woman's instinctive awe towards men who can actually accomplish stuff.

=== For [[nazi|Republicans]] ===
* Point out that you make more money than they do.
:: ''Since all of them are [[fat]] [[basement dwellers]] who subsist on income from their parents (LOL IRONY), this is inevitable as long as you hold a job or have more than one dollar in your checking account.''


=== For [[Communism|Liberals]] ===
* Accuse them of supporting passive murder and/or sociopathy for arguing that these people should not expect the support of society.

* Point out that no capitalist system in history has ever employed its full population, and that modern American cities' homeless problem demonstrates that private charity alone is not enough to counteract the inability of the unemployed to work.

* Point out that if they follow Howard Roark's example, they will soon be joining the homeless population that they once looked down on.

* Tell them that Immanuel Kant and Karl Marx had more enduring posthumous careers and that this is because of their superior intellects and philosophies, not because of some [[insane|batshit]] conspiracy by college professors.


=== For [[Irony|Anarcho-Collectivists]] ===
* Point out that property ownership in modern society is based on the threat of force, as no consensual society of free-thinking rationalists would arrange such a richly imbalanced set of property distribution. Thus, Ayn Rand and, therefore, Objectivists in general hate freedom for everyone except the rich. This one will really piss them off.

* Point out that it is impossible to be a completely autonomous individual in a capitalist society.

* Even if you are one of the minority who do own property, you must still enter into collective agreement and trade with other people. If you do not own property then [[you]] will be compelled to spend your life getting [[raped]] in the world of employment. 

* Then tell them that that only way to be %100 autonomous and reliant on one's self would be as a primitive man who hunts his own food and lives in a forest.  
:: ''Expect to be called a [[Marx]]ist and a totalitarian for making these point.''


=== For [[Capitalism|Libertarians]] ===
* Go up to one of these [[chris-chan|basement dwellers]] and call them a [[Jimbo Wales|libertarian]].
:: ''This will render said-objectivist so [[butthurt|angry]] that he will go on an [[rage|hour-long rant]] about how he's nothing like black person That, or he'll try to shoot you (note: most [[scientology|objectivists]] are too cowardly and broke due to bullshit cult schemes to own a gun). It is not recommended that you do this if you are alone with the <s>libertarian</s> objectivist.''

* Remind them that their only knowledge of economics comes from a one semester class in high school.


=== For [[downs|Deep Thinkers about life]] ===
* Point out that our perception of the world is purely phenomenal. Use Russell and Kant to illustrate this point. For those more interesting in trolling mention Berkeley.

* Remind them that Descartes demonstrated that the existence of an objective universe exterior to the mind is not objectively demonstrable, since the sensory perceptions upon which we rely as "evidence" of its existence are inherently ''subjective'' and unreliable [[retard|QED]].

=== Conclusion/Expectations ===
It's the closest experience you'll have to arguing with a American/Capitalist during the late 60s: Don't expect even the slightest pretense of acknowledgment of your points, much less a pretense of rational debate; instead, you'll be called a [[Barack Obama|communist]], a [[Barack Obama|socialist]], a [[shit nobody cares about|Chomsky]]ite, or worse. Here's an [http://dis.4chan.org/read/newpol/1195059362/84- example].

== ''BioShock'' ==
Recently, Rand's [[bullshit|philosophy]] was deconstructed in the [[Shit|brilliant]] satire of the game ''[[BioShock]]''. 

The basic plot goes like this: A bunch of randroids get rounded up and placed at the bottom on the ocean. They swiftly collapse the [[retard|ingenious society]] which they built by somehow obtaining an addiction to stem cells. They roam the city seeking [[buttsecks]] and you have to go and beat them to death, so on and so forth. Rand herself is represented in the from of the mayor of the city, Andrew Ryan. 

Incidentally, Ryan is a more accurate portrayal of Rand than Rand herself, as Ryan has a [[penis]]. Ryan also is beaten to death with a golf club, a fate which Rand was [[asking for it|begging for]] her entire life.

<center>{{Bigpic|Objectivist_rage.jpg|700|500|A typical randroid}}</center>

== External Links ==

* [http://forum.objectivismonline.net where all hemorrhoids hang out]
* [http://www.peikoff.com current deity]
* [http://www.yaronbrook.com/ current pope]
* [http://www.aynrand.org The Vatican]
* [http://www.nathanielbranden.com Lucifer]
* [http://world.std.com/~mhuben/critobj.html To help you troll more efficiently]


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